by Rollo, Gord
“Of course I want to see him, Lucius, but what’s in it for you? Name it and I’ll pay. After all, you’re holding all the cards here, right?”
Lucius started to laugh. “Ha! Aren’t you the anxious one? And here you promised me you’d drop all this interest in Peeler.”
“Fuck you, Lucius! Cut the shit. You knew I’d want to see him. What do you want?”
“Nothing really. Not for myself anyway. I want you to help me give something to Peeler though. A present I can’t take in there with me.”
“What?”
Lucius held out his hands, palm up, theatrically showed Randy that both were empty. With a practiced flair, he rubbed his hands together and made a fist with his left hand then blew on it before slowly let his fingers fall open. Randy saw the small metal object that had seemingly materialized out of thin air, and gasped.
In the magician’s hand was a shiny new razor blade.
***
Randy Baxter was having trouble breathing. Completely his own fault, too. He kept staring at the locked door of Director Ross’ office anxiously holding his breath waiting for it to open, and forgetting to breathe. It was his nerves, of course, which had been on edge ever since planning this crazy scheme with Lucius nearly two weeks ago, but they were totally shot now that the night of the meeting with Peeler was finally here. It was Friday, July 29, and closing in on 7:00 p.m. according to the watch on Randy’s sweaty wrist. Within minutes, he’d either be caught breaking in here (and promptly fired) or he’d finally be face to face with Theodore Dorsey, Ashbury Creek’s infamous Peeler.
The wait was driving him crazy. As per Lucius’ strict instructions, he’d made his move just after lunchtime today. He’d informed his boss he wasn’t feeling well and was taking the afternoon off. Chef Mitchell had nearly had a stroke at that news, but reluctantly let him go after the lunch crowd thinned. On his way out, he’d made a point to deliver the basement security meals last. When the guards were distracted, chowing down on the extra-extravagant lunch Randy had prepared for them, he’d quickly slipped down the hall away from the security gates and used the two-paperclip method Lucius had taught him to pick the lock into the Asylum Director’s basement office. Once inside, his heart still trip hammering inside his chest, he’d quickly relocked the sturdy steel door from inside and tried his best to relax.
Easier said than done.
Lucius had informed him Director Ross rarely used the small office and that he’d be left in peace all afternoon, but that didn’t stop Randy from having the worst panic attack of his life waiting for his eyes to adjust to the gloom inside the semi-dark room. While he waited, he used the tip of one of the paperclips to scratch the word LOSER into the flesh of his left forearm. He would have used the razor blade in his pocket but he didn’t want it covered in blood when Peeler arrived. As it was, the letters on his arm barely bled but were still legible and managed to make him feel slightly better.
The room he was in wasn’t much of an office. Certainly not what he’d pictured in his mind in the days leading up to this. Of course, this wasn’t Director Ross’ main office. That one was on the ground floor and Randy had only seen it once, on the day he’d been hired. Ross’ real office was a huge sprawling space complete with a massive oak desk, two walls of leather bound medical books, and an oriental rug that probably cost more than Randy would make in wages this year. It was as lavish as this one was stark. Here in the basement, the walls and floor were bare. There was a simple wooden desk, three chairs, and a few metal filing cabinets stacked on the wall opposite the door. This was a place for working, not for show. The Director of the asylum probably only came down here when dealing with a patient in the basement and even then, he probably met them in their own quarters. Most of the men who lived down here were far too dangerous to bring here.
In the corner of the room was a small closet. It wasn’t good for holding much more than a few coats and maybe a broom, but today it was where Randy intended to hide out when Ross and the security guards came to unlock the door. He’d hidden inside there already for a while, until boredom had beaten his fear of being discovered and he’d ended up sitting on a comfortable padded chair at the desk. Every now and then throughout the long afternoon, someone would approach the door outside in the hallway, causing Randy’s heart to race and send him quietly scurrying into the closet again, but no one ever came inside. He was stressing himself out over nothing, but what else was new?
Now that Lucius and Peeler were scheduled to arrive at any second, Randy headed back to the shadows of the closet again, not wanting to go through all this just to be caught at the last minute. Good thing too, as he was no sooner inside the door when he heard men’s voices approaching outside in the hall. This time, their footsteps didn’t fade away, but rather stopped on the other side of the locked office door. Holding his breath again, Randy heard a set of keys rattling around, heard the distinctive metallic sound of the lock disengaging, and before he could fully prepare himself for whatever was about to happen he was no longer alone in the Director’s office. The overhead lights clicked on and several people entered the room. Randy couldn’t see who, but he heard Lucius Barber say, “…That’s right, sir. Have him hold all my calls,” then laugh like it was the funniest thing he’d ever said. No one joked back and Randy wasn’t laughing either. He was so scared right now he was close to wetting his pants. If Lucius was wrong about Director Ross’ laissez-faire security measures for these meetings, he was in a whole heap of trouble. Forget losing his job, Randy would probably be arrested.
How the hell did I get myself into this anyway? Randy wondered, honestly having no idea. All this bullshit and potential trouble just for the chance to see a lunatic who’s even more fucked up in the head than me. What possible good can come of this?
Beyond the closet door, everything was quiet for a moment, but just as the tension was getting unbearable Randy heard a chair scrape against the tiled floor, Lucius chuckle yet again at apparently nothing, and then the office door slam shut and relocked from the outside. Did that mean Director Ross was gone already, or was he sitting at his desk just outside the closet door? Randy had no way of knowing so he stayed as quiet as possible and waited to see what happened next. Fortunately for his already shredded nerves, he didn’t have to wait long.
Lucius yanked the closet door open seconds later, but quickly held his finger to his lips to shut Randy up before he had a chance to speak. In a whisper, he leaned toward Randy and said, “Quiet. We’re alone but Gustoffson has his ass parked outside the door. He hates Peeler and he’ll wander off down the hall to talk to his buddies as soon as Ross is in the elevator. It’s what he always does. Just hang tight a sec, okay?”
“Sure. Is… is Peeler here?” Randy asked, knowing it was as stupid question, but needing to say something to break the silence. “Does he know I’m here?”
“Of course. I got a letter passed along to him. He’s looking forward to meeting you. You did remember to bring my present for him, right?”
“Yeah… got it right here in my pocket. Can I come out now?”
“Let me check. Just a sec…” Lucius closed the door in Randy’s face and made him wait in the dark for a full thirty seconds before coming back to give him the all clear. “Come on out, Randy. There’s someone here I’d like you to meet.”
Part of Randy wanted to refuse, to stay right where he was, but he hadn’t gone through all this just to stand in a tiny closet. Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, he stepped out into the office proper and got his first look at the man he’d come to see. Lucius took care of the introductions, although none was really needed.
“Randy Baxter… this here is Peeler. Peeler my friend… this is the young chef I’ve been telling you about.”
Randy was shocked at what he saw. Not surprised. Not alarmed. Not freaked out. Shocked! Peeler stood before him completely naked, more naked than any human should ever have the right, his skinless frame a mess of black weeping sores and countles
s open wounds. From the chin down, there was nothing left of him but crusty scar tissue and exposed muscle. Just as Lucius had said, not even his penis or scrotum had been spared from his day years ago in the chemical bath but not all of this damage was done inside that stainless steel tank. No, a lot of this was far more recent and obviously self-inflicted. Especially his arms and hands. They looked half eaten, stripped to the bone in many places. Even his gaunt face was hideously abused. Both lips were gone revealing a permanent grin of huge white teeth, and most of his nose had been sliced away, a gaping triangular hole between his eyes that flapped wider still every time Peeler took a breath. He had dark wavy hair and was taller than Randy expected, standing with his back straight, his eyes never wavering, proudly allowing his young visitor to gawk at him as long as he wanted. He was probably used to the stares of strangers by now.
Randy felt faint and for a second thought he might throw up. He choked the nausea down but still felt more than a little green.
“What’s the matter, Randy?” Peeler said, his voice soft, not much more than a whisper. “Am I not quite what you expected?”
“No… I mean yes. It’s not that. I just wasn’t expecting you to be naked. You didn’t have to show me all this. I didn’t come here to–”
“Yes you did. Admit it. You wanted to see all of me so I figured we’d satisfy your curiosity right off the bat. Come… sit down. Lucius said you promised to bring me a gift.”
“Yeah, I did.” Randy watched Peeler sit down in the same chair he’d spent most of the afternoon in, trying hard not to notice the wet spots he left on the floor as he shuffled, his feet more bone and gristle than flesh. Randy dug the razor blade out of his pants pocket then sat down in the chair opposite Peeler. There was one last chair left for Lucius, but at the moment he was gathering his friend’s cotton jumpsuit from the floor (the matching outfit to the one he currently wore) and was purposely ignoring them so they could talk. Randy held the razor up for Peeler to inspect, motioning with it between Lucius and himself with a trembling hand. “It’s from both of us.”
Peeler stared at the shiny piece of steel the way a sex addict would look at a stripper walking onstage to disrobe, lust of a different kind ablaze in his eyes. His tongue slid out to lick his teeth, a habit he repeated often to keep his exposed gums wet, but for the moment he was finished speaking, too caught up in the beauty of the blade to try and speak. This is his Jones, Randy thought. His Heroin or Coke. His loving addiction staring him in the face only three feet away. Randy felt it too, felt the need to taste the sweet pain the razor’s edge could easily deliver, but he didn’t have it as bad as Peeler. Not even close. Randy liked it, but he could see that Peeler needed it. There was a difference there, a huge difference, and just like that Randy felt better about being here. This was exactly why he’d wanted to meet face to face with Peeler, even if he hadn’t known why until just now. There’s still hope for me. He suddenly realized he wasn’t a total loser like this disturbed man in front of him. Perhaps they weren’t kindred spirits after all. If I work hard and maybe go back to counseling I really might be able to finally straighten out my life and put a stop to this endless cycle of…
Lucius plucked the razor from Randy’s hand, halting his thoughts mid-sentence.
“I’ll take that, Randy,” Lucius said. “We don’t have all day. I’ll get us started while you guys have your little chat. Okay?”
“Sounds great,” Peeler said, licking his teeth again. “Thank you so much for this Randy. I really appreciate it. This is a huge day for me!”
Randy had no idea what either of them was talking about but started to clue in as soon as Lucius jammed his chair securely underneath the office door handle to try prevent it from being opened and then sat on the edge of the desk to start making his first cut. With no lips, Peeler always looked like he was smiling, but he grinned even wider as the blade bit into the skin of his forehead and Lucius began to carve out toward his ears. It must have hurt like hell, and Randy was sure he’d already be screaming, but Peeler was calm and in control, the tiniest hint of pain swimming in his teary eyes, but there was no doubt this was what he wanted and was clearly enjoying the savage thing Lucius was doing to him.
Lucius was enjoying himself too, happily slicing around Peeler’s ear and without the slightest hesitation, pushed the blade in deeper and removed the entire ear with one quick pull. Thick syrupy blood ran over Lucius’ fingers and down Peeler’s neck but not nearly as much as Randy would have thought. Unfortunately, there was much more still to come. Lucius’ razor headed south, cutting down and around Peeler’s chin, careful not to nick any of the exposed major veins and arteries. Through it all, Peeler just sat there licking his teeth, never once complaining or crying out from the agony he surely felt.
It was then that Randy truly realized what it meant to be insane, and the full weight of why these two men were locked away from the rest of society. Normal people couldn’t do this kind of thing. Would never even think this. Randy had always considered himself a bit crazy for cutting himself, but this was way beyond crazy. This was outright madness, and in a morbid way it made him feel a whole lot better about his own problems.
“Tell me why you cut yourself, Randy.” Peeler said, his voice lower, his jaw clenched, fighting to control the pain. “Lucius told me you like to cut yourself too. Tell me why?”
Randy didn’t know what to say. He’d come here to ask Peeler that exact question but had already learned what he needed to know just by looking into the skinless man’s eyes. Now, as Lucius began carving the other side of his face, Peeler wanted an explanation from him. “I was never really sure, to be honest. My stepfather sexually abused me for years and I used to think it was because of that, but now I’m not so sure. I think it just comes down to control. I never had it… at home, or school, or anywhere, but with a knife in my hand I always seemed to feel closer to being in control. I don’t know? I was just a fucked up kid that was pretty lost. Cutting myself helped me find myself I guess. That make any sense?”
“Perfect sense,” Peeler said, his entire body shivering as his other ear dropped to the floor and Lucius finished connecting the lines he’d cut around his head. The magician began working his fingers into the cuts, separating the skin from the muscles and bone beneath. “Thanks for sharing that, Randy. I’m not as different from you as you might think. I was lost too. Lost for years. I was abused too, but it was my mother and it wasn’t sexual. She used to beat me several times a month and screamed and berated me constantly. For me, the emotional abuse was worse than the belt she hit me with. It made me want to run and hide, to disappear from the world. That was why I was always such a fan of magic. Every time I’d see a magician on stage or TV making himself or someone else disappear, I always wished it was me. I used to think magic wasn’t real, but the day I fell in the chemical tank changed all that. You probably don’t believe me… nobody does except Lucius, but there’s a way to escape the pain and humiliation this world puts on us. A way to get away from our fears and anxiety and never suffer ever again. No one believes me, but they will soon. Right, Lucius?”
“Right on, my friend,” Lucius said, winking at Randy and then slowly peeling off what had once been Theodore Dorsey’s handsome face and placing it skin side up on top of one of Director Ross’ filing cabinets. “There! We’re nearly done, Peeler. Won’t be long now.”
It didn’t take a genius level IQ for Randy to figure out what still needed to be cut off. Peeler’s face was a ruin of red meat and a thin layer of greasy white fat, but he still sported a recently styled thick head of dark brown hair. Lucius quickly went back to work. Most of the cutting had already been done when he’d removed the face, but he retraced the bloody lines and dug the tip of the razor in just a tiny bit deeper until Randy could hear it scratching steadily along the bones of Peeler’s skull.
There was no way to hide the pain anymore. Even madness had its limits. Lucius had to hold Peeler down to make the final cuts, and by the en
d, the skinless man was sobbing and looking around wildly, his eyes swimming in and out of focus as if he might pass out at any moment. And who could blame him. The pain must have been excruciating. It got worse too, when Lucius grabbed Peeler’s hair with both hands and started to tear off his last remaining skin. Scalping a man wasn’t as easy as it looks in the old western movies, and no matter how hard Lucius ripped and tore at Peeler’s hair, his scalp refused to come off. By this time Peeler was screaming, unable to silently manage the agony any longer. The guards would hear him soon and come investigate. They were running out of time.
“I’m gonna need your help, Randy,” Lucius said, calmly. “Get your ass over here.”
The last thing Randy wanted to do was touch Peeler’s hair, but he also wasn’t about to argue with a mental patient holding a razor blade. Besides, as grotesque as this was, the brutality and blood didn’t bother him all that much. He was used to violence and there was a small part of him that wanted to see this through to the end, to see if Peeler could find the escape he’s suffered so exquisitely for all these years.
“Okay… okay. What do I do?”
Outside, there were men running down the hall. No panic or shouting yet, but it wouldn’t take long.
“Pull dammit!” Peeler screamed at the top of his lungs. “Hard as you can. Pull now!”
Lucius and Randy did as they were told and with a sickening ripping noise, Peeler’s scalp let loose, tearing away in one long piece, exposing his head down to the bone and causing Randy to fly back into his chair still holding onto what looked like a blood-soaked wig or a chunk of dead sod. Randy tossed the messy scalp to the floor as Peeler screamed and suddenly went limp, finally passing out from the pain and slumping onto the Director’s desk.