by Barbara Goss
“That would work!” exclaimed Meg.
“Are you serious?” Laura and Cassie said in unison.
3
Alone in her room, Laura paced the floor. She wondered if she should do the right thing, the thing her conscience told her was the right thing to do—let Jesse take her to Texas, for surely there can’t be too many missions in Texas. They could check them all, or she could write to the convent to ask and explain what happened. Yet, she held back. Is it so wrong to want a taste of a regular life before I commit to a lifetime in the convent? I have never been a part of a family, I’ve never eaten a family dinner, and I’ve never had my own room or pretty dresses—is it so wrong, Lord?
During the afternoon, her room became warm even with the window open. She went downstairs and sat in one of the rocking chairs on the porch. There wasn’t much of a breeze there either, but it felt better than in her room. June in Kansas felt stifling. She’d heard Meg telling Cassie that Texas grew even hotter than Kansas.
“Hello, Laura.” Meg smiled down at her carrying two glasses of lemonade. The moisture on the glasses made the drink look especially appealing. She was puzzled as to how the drink could be cold enough to sweat. Her curiosity must have shown for Meg said, “It’s made with spring water; very cold. Have some.”
“Thank you, this is perfect.” Laura took a sip. “Hmm, this is just what I needed.”
“May I join you?” Meg asked.
Laura thought it strange Meg would ask for permission when it was her home. But she nodded.
“I hope you won’t be angry with me,” Meg said, hesitantly.
“Never!” Laura said with a smile.
“I ruined your habit while trying to wash it.”
Laura could do no more than gape at her.
“I’m so sorry, I washed it and hung it to dry, and that blasted Jezebel ran off with it. I chased her for nearly a half mile before I finally retrieved it. It is in shreds, I'm afraid.”
“Jezebel?” Laura asked, still unable to believe the occurrences turning up lately. Life at the convent was never this eventful.
“Our nanny goat.”
Laura wondered if this was a sign from God. She decided to accept it and move on.
“I am sure you did everything possible,” Laura said. “Of course, I’m not angry with you. I just don’t know how I can show up at the mission in these clothes.”
Meg patted her hand. “We’ll figure it out. I’m sure under the circumstances the other nuns would understand you were kidnapped, and your habit became ruined—but you needn’t say it was a goat.”
Laura smiled slightly. “I have to be honest with you, Meg. I truly believe God has put me here and in this situation, so I can see what life outside the convent is like.”
Meg looked confused. “You don’t recall what your life was like before you entered the convent?”
“No.” She explained, “For reasons I don’t know, I was placed in the Catholic orphanage as an infant. I don’t know at what age I arrived there, and the nuns never revealed a thing to me even when I asked. They said I was just left on the church steps, so the orphanage, which is run like a convent, became all I’ve ever known. As I grew up, it was simply assumed I’d become a nun.”
“I see! Dear me. I cannot imagine the life you’ve had.”
“No sympathy required, Meg. It wasn’t so bad. Most of the other orphans were saddened by the memory of parents they loved—I never had that pain. The sisters were very kind. My life while regimented, wasn’t extremely unhappy. You accept what the good Lord gives you.”
“And now, what are your feelings?” Meg asked.
“I feel guilty. I like wearing pretty dresses and living with a family. Only someone who never had that can truly appreciate family life.”
Teary-eyed, Meg went to her and hugged her. “We are blessed by your presence, and I feel fortunate that we can offer this to you. Feel free to stay as long as you’d like, and I’ll put you to work so you feel even more like family.”
“Oh, please do—I’d love to help. I need to keep myself busy and feel like part of the family.”
“I could use a hand making dinner. There are potatoes to peel and vegetables to chop.” Meg winked. “I’ll also get you more pretty dresses. I have a whole box of clothes in the attic that Cassie has outgrown. She’s built like a barn that one!” She laughed.
After supper cleanup, the women sat on the porch with coffee, watching Jesse walking the palomino. The horse’s skin would ripple whenever Jesse came near. The palomino neighed and shook his head from side to side as Jesse tried to walk him around the circle, but the horse wasn’t having any of it. The horse started to rear, and Jesse spryly jumped out of the way.
Laura found herself watching Jesse instead of the horse. She marveled at the size of his muscular arms and chest. While no judge of men, she thought he looked extra fine. She especially liked when he looked her right in the eyes and smiled enchantingly—it made her feel light-headed. However, everything about this ranch life made her feel elated. She felt so feminine in Cassie’s dresses. Today, she wore a yellow cotton dress with white lace pockets and collar. These clothes felt more comfortable than the habit, especially in the summer heat. She wondered if she’d had a taste of this life beforehand, would she still have become a nun?
Jesse left the horse and came to stand by the porch. “Isn’t she a beauty?”
Meg said, looking at Laura instead of the horse, “She surely is.”
Jesse caught the inference and laughed. “Well, Laura, what should we name him?”
Laura stood and leaned over the porch railing. “Well, let’s see. He is too sophisticated for cute names. We could name him after someone in literature or mythology. How about Adonis? He acts as if he is the lord of the barnyard.”
“Adonis, it is!” He gave Laura a grin that made her feel light-headed.
She returned the smile.
Jesse turned back to his horse.
Laura had never felt love for anyone but God before. Now, she felt this same tugging on her heartstrings from this family, especially Jesse.
Jesse waited for Laura at the corral leading her horse around. He had heard that Cassie and Meg had dug up an old pair of Cassie’s pants and altered them to fit her, as well as blouse and a pair of Cassie’s boots, for her first riding lesson.
Jesse glanced up as she came out of the house, then looked back at the horse and then quickly snapped his head back for a second look. Laura looked… he couldn’t find any other word to fit except… alluring. The pants hugged her slim curves and the blouse, while loose, showed too much skin through the sheer material. How could he resist this gift sent to him wrapped in a nun’s habit? He simply nodded a greeting since he suddenly became speechless. Leave it to him to be smitten with, of all things, a nun!
“Can I pet Bandit’s nose first?” she asked.
“It’s always a good idea,” he said, finally getting his mouth to move.
Laura stroked the horse lightly and even talked to him. “Hello fella, I’m Laura, and I’m not going to hurt you. Please behave while I’m riding you. I’m just learning.”
“Are you ready to mount?” Jesse asked.
She looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes. “I guess I am. You won’t let me fall, will you?”
“No! Today I’ll just lead him around with you on him so you can both get used to each other.”
Jesse stalled helping her mount. He feared touching her. What if he touched wrong, or if she felt too good?
She looked up at him and smiled shyly. “I’m ready.”
“OK then…” he said, holding out his hands. “Step into my hands and with your left hand grab the saddle horn. Then slowly raise your right leg over his side and sit in the saddle.”
“You make it sound so easy,” she laughed.
She placed her foot in his hands, reached up and grabbed the saddle horn—and then froze. “I can’t,” she cried.
Jesse grabbed her right ank
le and helped her swing it across. Her ankle felt so tiny his fingers almost met each other around it. She sat in the saddle properly for just a few seconds and then started to fall toward him. He reached out quickly and grabbed her by the shoulder and hip and got her back on, and then slipped her left foot into the stirrup. He had to adjust the stirrups to fit her.
“How do you feel?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t ask him the same question. No other woman had ever had this effect on him, but then again, none of them were forbidden. He thought it must be the reason—forbidden fruit always tasted better.
“Scary. Just promise me you won’t let go.”
“I promise. Here are the reins, just hold them loosely. I’ll lead the horse by the bit.
“The bit? The bit of what?” she asked with eyes large as saucers.
“No, it’s a part of the bridle called a bit. It’s in the horse’s mouth, it will help you steer him later.” Jesse walked slowly around the circular corral. He was on the second lap around when he heard a tiny tinkling sound. He looked up at her and saw that she was laughing.
“I like it. It’s really fun. But don’t let go!”
Jesse smiled back. She looked more than adorable sitting up there laughing. “I won’t.” As he continued his laps, a thought plagued him. How would he get her off the horse without touching her again? He wouldn’t worry so much if she weren't a nun—or, so delectable.
The sun was slowly sinking below the horizon. He stopped; ten laps were a lot for a beginner. “OK,” he said, “time to end our lesson.” He stopped the horse, took the reins and tied them to one of the fence posts. “Getting down may be a bit tougher.”
“Oh,” she said, looking down, “I’m so high up.”
“Just follow my instructions: Take your right leg out of the stirrup, bring it up and lay it across the horn of the saddle if you can. You may have to shift toward me a bit. Now, you have both legs on the side where you dismount. Take your left foot out of the stirrup. Now grab a hold of my hands, and I’ll gently pull you down… there!” She lightly slid down, barely touching him, and he felt proud that he had accomplished the feat. Not too much physical contact, perfect, but he'd better let go of her hands.
“Thank you Jesse. I enjoyed riding.”
“Not a problem, you’re a good student. Run along in the house and I’ll take care of Bandit. Later, I’ll teach you how to rub him down and brush him.”
Jesse built a fire in the fireplace as the evening became a bit cool. They all sat around the fireplace and chatted. Laura learned all about Jesse’s brother Bert, who was named after his father. Albert Senior had died just two years before of a heart ailment. It seems Albert Junior recently married a local woman named Nancy and they moved to Texas.
“What about you, Cassie?” Laura asked. “Is there anyone special in your life?”
Cassie blushed. “I do have my eye on someone,” she looked meaningfully at Meg and Jesse, “but I’m not saying.”
“It better not be the town drunk who’s doing the gardening for Reverend McCarty.”
“Oh, Josiah!” she scolded. “It’s not him.” She turned to Laura. “I have a better question for you to ask Jesse, Laura. Ask if Jesse has his eye on anyone?”
Laura swung around to look at Jesse who happened to be sitting beside her on the sofa.
“Not Jesse,” Meg cut in. “He is completely unattached.”
“Oh,” Cassie said, “then what about Elizabeth Healy? She’s forever eyeing him, and he always winks back.”
“It’s called being friendly,” Meg said.
Jesse blushed. “Harmless friendliness.”
“Come, Cassie,” Meg stood. “Let’s set tomorrow’s breakfast table, take the butter out, and put the milk in the spring house.”
“I’ll help!” Laura offered.
“No, you did enough today,” Meg said, pushing Cassie out of the room. “Cassie and I can make quick work of it before turning in for the night.”
Jesse knew what his mother was doing. Should he put a stop to it? He could simply tell her to. Yet…
After Meg had moved off the sofa, Jesse slid over so as not to be obviously too close to Laura.
“This is pleasant,” Laura sighed.
“Excuse me?” asked Jesse.
“This… this family life.” She hugged herself. “Sitting around a warm fire getting to know each other; I could really get used to this sort of life.”
“It’s not too late to consider it… is it?” Jesse asked.
Laura thought about her answer carefully— something the nuns had taught her from an early age: Think carefully before speaking. “No, it isn’t. I haven’t taken my final vows, but I’m confused and feel guilty.”
Jesse rested his elbows on his knees, “Why do you feel guilty?”
“Because I’m enjoying something that I feel I have no right to enjoy.” Unshed tears appeared in her eyes.
“That’s ridiculous.”
She fought back the tears. “Do you go to church, Jesse?”
“Yes, every week, the Methodist church in town.”
“Do you ever feel guilty when you do something you know God might not approve of?”
Jesse appeared to be contemplating her question. “Yes, I swear sometimes, but only when I’m really upset.”
“Do you feel guilty afterwards?” she asked.
“No,” he said, simply.
“What? You don’t want to be in God’s favor?”
“I’m always in God’s favor. As you must know, Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so I just ask for forgiveness. If you are truly sorry, you are immediately forgiven. God knows better than anyone how human we all are.”
“Yes, He did, and you are right, but when you dedicate your life… I think it’s a bit different from swearing.” She looked down at her hands. “Becoming a nun was my way of serving Him. It’s kind of like breaking a promise to God. I wanted to work in orphanages, especially, since I grew up in one. Or even work with the poor and homeless. But what did I get? A mission in the wild West.” She frowned.
Jesse reached over and patted her hand. “You don’t have to become a nun to serve God. There are so many other ways you can serve him.”
“I haven’t taken my final vows, but I did promise my life to Him.
“And we could find all sorts of other ways you can serve God: charities, church work...”
“If everyone felt like that, there would be no nuns or priests,” she said, thoughtfully.
After a few moments of obvious thought, Jesse said, “True. But that sort of life is not for everyone. It suits some but not all. You have nothing else to judge life by. I think this hiatus from the mission and sisters is a chance for you to experience secular life and then make the final decision— and do it without guilt. You aren’t telling God ‘no’ just ‘we’ll see.’”
Laura played with the lace on her pocket. She looked up at him and smiled, her blue eyes shiny with unshed tears. “I agree. I even think maybe God allowed this to happen to give me the chance to compare and decide. So far, I’m enjoying this life, and especially this family; I feel as if I fit in.”
“You do fit in,” Jesse said.
Jesse thought she might be close to breaking down in tears. He stood. “Come, I’ll walk you up to your room.” He grabbed a small candle from the end table.
When they reached her door, he set the candle on the wall sconce and took both her hands in his and said softly, “If you need to talk, please remember, I’m here for you.”
She seemed to study his eyes in the flickering light, perhaps to see if he was sincere. “Thank you.” She smiled and softly closed her door.
Jesse grinned, loving the way she smiled.
4
Laura loved to walk the fields of the ranch picking flowers and talking to the grazing cattle. Sometimes she removed her shoes and waded in the small creek running through the Collins’ property. She felt such freedom; freedom she’d never known before. As she walked she let th
e breeze blow her loose hair. It all felt so wonderful. Today, she sat beneath one of the few large trees on the property and opened her Bible. She sought answers to questions about her life.
1 Corinthians 7:6-9 spoke to her loudly: 6- But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
7- For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8- I say therefore, to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
9- But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
As she moved on to verse 10, she heard something that startled her. She jumped up and gazed all around. Off a few hundred feet to the right of the tree, she saw a cowboy hat showing behind a bush. “Jesse?” she called. No answer. She turned and ran toward the house. She swung her head around as she ran and saw a man dressed all in black with the same hat chasing her. When she came within calling distance of the ranch house, she turned and noticed the man had disappeared. She ran into the house and closed and locked the door.
She stood with her back against the door panting. Meg looked up from rolling dough. “What is it Laura?”
“The back door!” she panted. “We have to lock it. Someone is chasing me.”
Meg ran to the back door and locked it and then returned to the kitchen where Laura still panted with her back to the door. “I’m ringing the bell for Jesse.”
“No, we can’t open the door!” cried Laura.
Meg picked up her rolling pin, “I dare anyone to stop me from ringing the bell.”
It didn’t take Jesse long to reach the front door. He hammered on it wondering why it would be locked. They never locked their doors. Suddenly, he heard the key in the lock and Meg peeked out. She pulled Jesse by his arm into the kitchen and locked the door behind him.
“What in the world is going on?” he said, looking at each of them in turn.