He grinned down at us like an idiot and I raised my eyebrows. “What?”
He shrugged, still grinning. “Nothing, how are you two this morning?”
“Fine.” I said quickly and by my side Jewls nodded.
“Yeah, fine. Why?”
He shrugged again. “I was talking to Steve, he was telling me about your ride on the big wheel. What was that all about?”
I let out a sigh and shrugged too. “Nothing, none of your business. We need to check this ride over before opening; shall we get on with it?”
He held his hands up defensively, still smiling. “Okay…”
I nodded. “Cool. Jewls…?”
She was still standing on the grass, regarding us carefully, looking beyond uncomfortable. Damn him, the moron. “Uh…I’ll be right back, yeah? Five minutes.”
She didn’t wait for a reply and scurried off in the direction of the toilets. I turned to Alex and sighed again.
“Nice one, Alex…”
“What did I say?” he protested, clearly still finding the whole thing deeply amusing. “Steve said you were up there ten minutes and that you looked…cosy. So what’s the deal? Why are you being all cagey about it?”
“Just don’t want a fuss, Jewls doesn’t like fuss, and I don’t want everyone on her case, alright? Let’s just keep work as work.”
“But are you and she….?”
“Like I said, Alex. None of your business.”
“Hey, I think it’s great. I’m rooting for you both, you’re great together. Everyone can see the chemistry between you. You two are the talk of the park.”
I shot him a warning look. “Don’t tell Jewls that! We’re taking it slow, okay? She’s not like other girls, she’s…sensitive.”
“If you ask me, you’re worrying too much. She’s not made of glass. Either be a couple, or don’t be. But I don’t see why you’re trying to hide it. Hell, if she were mine, I’d be shouting it from the rooftop. I’d be damn proud.”
I stopped what I was doing then and turned to him. “I am proud.”
“Yeah? You dropped her hand like it had burned you. Did you discuss how you were gonna play it at work with her? Only if you ask me, she looked a little hurt by that. Probably why she shot off.”
“Jewls and me are fine.” I said, hoping it were true. Hoping I hadn’t put my foot in it, again.
He nodded, smiling. “Okay, good. Let’s sort this ride out then. Cigarette first?”
He offered me one, and I took it, smiling more genuinely. He was a prat, but he was my mate, and I knew he only wanted to see me happy.
I took my phone from my pocket and sent a quick text.
You okay babe? Xxx
In a moment or two I got one back.
Course I am. Mason stopped me on way back from toilet. Wants me in the arcade this week. Trudi called in sick, again. So I’ll see you later xx
I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. The arcade was the other side of the park, about as far from the waltzer as you could get. I wouldn’t be seeing much of her.
Awe. That sucks. Will miss you xx
At least you won’t have to deal with people talking about us. Working on waltzer together would just fuel gossip. Sure you can do without that x
Huh?
I don’t want anyone hassling you, babe x don’t care what they think, though xx
Did you tell Alex about last night? Does he know I said yes?
No xx
Okay xx just so I know what to say if he asks. Have a good day. Xx J xx
You too babe xx p.s. you’re fucking beautiful.
I waited a while for a response as I smoked my cigarette but I never got one. I frowned to myself, utterly perplexed. Alex smiled broadly.
“You’re texting her, aren’t you? She only went to the toilets, and you’re texting her!”
I rolled my eyes. “Just checking she’s okay. She’s working the arcades, Mason roped her in. Just me and you riding the waltzer today.”
Alex frowned. “That’s crap mate. Tell you what…how about I go work the arcades so Jewls can come work with you?”
I considered that for a moment. It was what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure about Jewls. Reluctantly I shook my head. “Nah, thanks mate. Think she’d rather be over there for now. Bit of distance, you know.”
Alex shook his head as though he had no idea what the hell me and Jewls were up to. Honestly, I wasn’t sure myself. Was I creating distance, or was she? And why was I doing it, letting it happen?
The answer to that was simple. I am an idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
I don’t know how I expected it to be the next time we worked together, the next time we spent any kind of time together after that wonderful evening at Carousel. I don’t know how I expected to feel. But what he did and how it made me feel…well I wasn’t altogether surprised by it, let’s just say that. I didn’t think myself worthy of him, and he managed to reinforce that belief with his actions without even realising he was doing it.
The day started out like a dream. The usual morning text from Micah, checking my bank and finding the first wages I had earned for myself in a long time in there, and heading out to walk to work to find Micah waiting on the pavement for me, looking as effortlessly delicious as ever in tight jeans and that tee-shirt, his shiny black hair poking out from beneath a navy baseball cap, bright smile that I just knew travelled to his twinkling eyes, concealed behind his aviator sunglasses.
He had kissed me as though he hadn’t seen me in years, almost knocking me off my feet, and then held me for a while. I let him hold me, sinking into his arms and getting that feeling of home again, a feeling I had come to love so much, crave even.
We had walked to work hand in hand, chatting and laughing, and it had been the perfect start to what I was sure was going to be a perfect day.
And then he saw Alex and he dropped my hand like it was on fire, suddenly withdrawing from me, making me feel like someone had just turned a light off.
He’s ashamed of you.
The thought settled like a dead weight in my heart and I felt tears welling behind my eyes. I knew I had to get out of there fast before I humiliated myself – well, before I humiliated myself more than Micah had just managed to.
Micah and Alex were talking but I couldn’t hear a word they said. Suddenly I just wanted to be somewhere – anywhere – else.
Micah had asked me something, but I didn’t know what.
“Uh…I’ll be right back, yeah? Five minutes.” I heard myself say, and I took off for the toilets, desperate to be alone before the inevitable tears came.
“Hi, Jewls.” I looked up to find I had almost run clean into Mason. His smile faded a little into a frown. “Oh, are you okay?”
I nodded erratically. “Yeah, fine. Something in my eye.”
“Okay,” he said, accepting my explanation. “Have you seen Alex? Trudi called in sick, yet again, so I’m one short in the arcade this week.” He said that with mild irritation. I had a feeling Trudi’s job was in the balance, the girl was forever phoning in sick.
“I’ll do it.” I said suddenly. The idea of some distance between me and Micah, the last thing I would have wanted just ten minutes before, was suddenly very appealing.
“Are you sure, Jewls? I know it’s a bit crap being indoors in this weather.”
I shrugged. “I don’t mind. Ginger hair, pale skin…not a fan of the sun.” I said, not really thinking about what I was saying.
He smiled. “Okay, well thank you. I appreciate it.”
“No trouble.” I said as he nodded and left me to it. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I took it out to look at it, unsurprised to find a text from Micah.
You okay babe? Xxx
I sent him a quick one back,
Course I am. Mason stopped me on way back from toilet. Wants me in the arcade this week. Trudi called in sick, again. So I’ll see you later xx
He sent back,
I felt a pang of sadness sweep over me, hesitated and sighed, sending back,
At least you won’t have to deal with people talking about us. Working on waltzer together would just fuel gossip. Sure you can do without that x
I wasn’t sure if I had done the right thing sending that, but it was done now. And I was curious as to how he would respond. But I wanted him to know I understand. It hurt like hell, but I did get it. Why would someone like Micah want people knowing he was slumming it with the likes of me?
I don’t want anyone hassling you, babe x don’t care what they think, though xx
“Sure you don’t…” I muttered to myself, sending a text back to see if I had it right, to check I hadn’t read too much into it all.
Did you tell Alex about last night? Does he know I said yes?
A short wait, and then I got,
No xx
As I thought then. I let out another sigh as it sunk in; the man who claimed I was the centre of his world demonstrated just how ashamed of me he was. He hadn’t even told his best friend about his supposed new girlfriend, the one he wasn’t ashamed of at all.
Okay xx just so I know what to say if he asks. Have a good day. Xx J xx
He sent back immediately,
You too babe xx p.s. you’re fucking beautiful.
I didn’t have the heart to reply to that. What would I say? I know? I didn’t know at all. And his words were sweet but his actions didn’t match them at all.
I turned on my heel and headed for the arcades.
Chapter Twelve
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
I didn’t see anything of her all day, and it drove me insane, missing her. I went looking for her on my lunch break but I couldn’t see her anywhere. I sent her a text and got nothing back. I had this uneasy feeling, like something was bothering her. But the fact is, like I say, I’m an idiot and so it never occurred to me that I had upset her, or if I had, how I had.
When our shift was done, I went to meet her, automatically assuming we would walk home together, only to be told she had just left. I ran out of the park and down the road, finding her hurrying along like she wanted to get home as fast as she could – like she was running away.
I caught up with her and grabbed her arm to stop her. She did stop, and turned to me, plastering a big – but I suspected false – smile on for me.
“Hi…” I said, “you’re in some kind of rush…”
“Yeah…” she said, looking a little uncomfortable. “I got paid, I need to go and get some shopping.”
“I’ll come with you.” I offered.
She scrunched her nose up, and then I just knew something was wrong. I could practically feel her literally and metaphorically stepping away from me, withdrawing into herself. It occurred to me that she might suddenly be having second thoughts, because of…what? Fear? Had she had too long to think it over and changed her mind about me. God if that was it, I had to change it back, and fast.
“Nah, it’s okay. I’m just gonna go get a few bits for the fridge, really boring. I’ll uh…text you when I’m back, then you can pop over if you like?”
I closed my eyes briefly, letting out a sigh. “I’m at the restaurant for a few hours, in an hour’s time. How about I text you when I’m done there, see if you’re still awake?”
She smiled brightly and nodded. “Okay…”
“Is everything okay?” I had to ask. She was giving off some seriously weird vibes.
“Yeah course,” she said right away. “It’s just been a long day is all. And I hate food shopping. But as you know, I’m in need of food in the flat.”
“Yeah…can I walk you home?”
“Sure…” she said.
I offered her my hand, and my heart sank as she hesitated before taking it in her own. One step forward, two back.
She didn’t say much on the walk back and at her door; I swear she was going to go in without so much as kissing me on the cheek. Oh hell no, I wasn’t having that. As she moved to walk away I pulled her hard, propelling her back into my arms and I kissed her hard, holding her tight against my body. As usual she sighed into my mouth. Okay, so I still affected her, that was good to know. She still wanted me.
I worked a few hours at Carousel but my mind was firmly on Jewls and going to see her after. But when I texted her when I got out, she didn’t reply. I rang her, nothing. I assumed she must be asleep but when Nic drove past her flat her living room light was on.
Yep, something was up.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
By the third day I was beginning to lose my mind trying to work out what was happening. Outside of work she was fine with me, if a little reserved, in work she avoided me like the plague. It made me think she really wasn’t ready for any kind of public relationship. If that was the case, it was okay with me but something didn’t sit right.
I stood beside the waltzer, smoking a cigarette deep in thought, when a voice cut into my thoughts.
“Wow, why so serious?”
I looked up and grinned. “Mari. What brings you here?”
My little sister stood grinning at me, and she shrugged. “I was sent by Nic to find out what’s got your boxers in a bunch. You’ve been off a couple of days now, a million miles away. What’s up?”
“Nothing…” I said automatically. Her raised eyebrow said she didn’t believe me one bit and I rolled my eyes in response. I thought for a minute and sighed. “You got half an hour spare, sis?”
“Course I have.” She said with a smile and I turned to Alex on the ride. “I’m going on my dinner, Alex. Back soon.”
Mari listened intently as I explained the previous few days to her – how I had been giving Jewls the space and the control to dictate how our relationship was going to go, and how she had drifted away from me and I didn’t understand why.
When I had done, I looked at her to find her half smiling at me. I frowned back.
“Something funny?”
She shook her head and let out a sigh. “Ah, Micah. I love you, you’re my favourite brother, you know that? You’re handsome and sweet and romantic and kind…and you have a heart of gold. Bro…I love you so much, but sometimes you’re a fucking idiot.”
“Huh…?” I muttered and she laughed.
“You can’t see what you’ve done?” I shrugged, puzzled. “Oh Micah, bless your heart. You tell her she’s everything to you. You give her a romantic night at the restaurant, have her finally say yes to being your girlfriend, and then…the next time you’re at work together, you act like nothing happened. You act like you’re ashamed of her.”
I scoffed and then the realisation hit me and I slumped, my head in my hands. “You really think it looks like that?”
She nodded eagerly. “Of course it does. She asked you if you had told Alex, realising you haven’t was probably the icing on the cake. She thinks you don’t want anyone to know.”
“I thought she would want to keep it quiet. She’s so…shy sometimes, so introverted. I was following your advice, damn it Mari!”
She narrowed her eyes and held her hands up. “Hey, I told you to let her dictate the pace, I told you to be aware she was vulnerable, I did not say deny you even have feelings for her in front of others. You need to make sure she’s under no doubt how you feel and you don’t care who knows it. And you need to do it soon, or you’ll undo all the work you’ve done so far.” She drank her coffee down in one and stood up. “Get back to work, and the next time you see her, tell her, show her. Regardless of who’s about. Unless you are ashamed.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course I’m not. She’s fucking beautiful!”
Mari grinned and nodded. “Yes she is. I don’t think she has a clue, you gotta show her. You understand?”
I nodded with more resolve and stood up too. “Yeah. You gonna stick around for a bit?”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
I was bloody miserable, there’s no getting away from that. I had never felt further from Micah and although I was doing it for self-preservation, I missed him, missed what we’d had going on there, missed how he had made me feel.
I was beginning to regret offering to work in the arcades, the weather was beautiful and I was missing out stuck inside watching people idly put ten pence pieces into the machines, over and over again, listening to the inane music and going steadily blind from all the flashing lights.
“Jewls!”
I turned to Mason and put on the best smile I could muster. “Yeah?”
“It’s home time, why are you still here?”
The truth was, I hadn’t even been paying attention to the time. I simply shrugged apologetically.
He frowned disapprovingly. “Go now. Oh, and you’re back on the waltzer tomorrow, good news, huh?”
Was it? I wasn’t sure. “Oh…good.”
He smiled knowingly. “Thought that would make you happy.” He gestured to the door. “Go. Get yourself home, feet up. Enjoy that thing called sunshine you’ve been missing out on.”
I nodded politely and stepped out into the beautiful afternoon sun.
I took a slow walk through the park, taking it all in. As work places went, this one was pretty cool. Lights, music and fun, everywhere.
As I rounded the corner for the waltzer I realised there was some commotion going on, and I figured Micah had to be at the centre of it. And I wasn’t wrong.
Gypsy Kiss: Book 1: Micah (The Gypsy Kiss Series) Page 17