I nodded absently. I wasn’t quite ready to think about a funeral, about burying my brother.
They nodded sympathetically – a look I was growing used to – and left, and moments later a very concerned looking Nic came in.
“Micah…”
I had begun hyperventilating, the shock finally hitting me in great waves of fresh grief and he looked me over, concerned.
I swallowed, trying hard to take back control of my breathing and said the one thing that was on my mind.
“Where’s…Jewls?”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
I was hiding. That’s the truth of it. I was riddled with guilt and shame that this had happened because of me. They could dress it up as much as they liked, everyone knew it was my fault.
From the police station I had pretty much insisted that Eli drop me off back at the flat. He and Mari had both point blank refused, insisting that it wasn’t safe for me there and my place was out the house, but I didn’t feel that, not anymore.
And so I had put my foot down, I was going back to the flat and that was that. I actually had a full on argument with Eli, before he realised he had no choice but to concede, or keep me prisoner and he dropped me at the flat muttering about how stubborn I was and how Nic was gonna flip. I ignored him, and Mari’s protests and went into my flat shutting my door and running straight upstairs and into my bedroom, flopping onto my cold, empty bed.
For that first night all I did was cry, I let it all out and cried myself to sleep thinking of Micah in that hospital bed, wondering if he knew, if they had told him yet.
I shut my curtains and lived in the shaded darkness of that empty, lifeless and soulless flat, wallowing in grief and self-pity, ignoring my phone and the world as a whole.
Mari texted me on a regular basis, I read them but I didn’t reply. I knew she was hurting, and I felt bad for essentially deserting her, leaving her to deal with all this as the only girl in a house full of grieving boys, but I couldn’t understand why she would want me there anyway.
The texts started out quite short, and casual but by the second day they had progressed as she apparently found the courage to say more, and her desperation to somehow re-include me because more apparent.
Jewls I wish u wud reconsider n cum 2 the house. It’s wot Micah wud want. Call me if u change ur mind, Eli will cum straight round.
We understand if u need a little time 2 process. We’re worried about u. Ur family.
Jewls, no1 blames u, u no that right? Jewls just let us know ur ok. It’s not safe for u to be there on ur own.
The most recent one…
Jewls Micah knows. Police told him. He wanted 2 no where u were. His chest is much better doc said. May be out of hosp in 2 weeks. Post mortem on Marco 2moro. Hope u ok. Luv u xxx
I let out a deep sigh in the empty flat and with it a couple of tears. I was being a coward, I knew that. My boyfriend – if he was still my boyfriend – was lying in a hospital bed, his family were crumbling with grief and I was hiding out here, worrying Mari when she had enough on her plate. I was just about to text her back, let her know I was still alive and Andrew hadn’t kidnapped me, when there was a knock on my door and my heart leapt into my mouth momentarily. I froze, as though afraid they would hear me breathing and waited. A minute or two passed and then another knock.
Cautiously I crept over to the window, peeking outside through the blinds. Nic chose that exact moment to look up and we made eye contact. I groaned and opened the window. He smiled feebly.
“Jewls…there you are. We’ve been worried about you.”
I nodded. “I know, I’m sorry I was just texting Mari.”
“Can I come up?”
“Oh, I was actually just going to bed…”
“Is uh…is he here?”
I frowned, deeply hurt and finding it impossible to hide. “That’s what you think of me? That I would let the man who murdered Marco into my flat and my life?”
Nic winced and shrugged apologetically. “Not by choice. We’re worried you’re not safe here alone.”
“He won’t come here.” I said, before I could stop myself.
“If he wants you back, of course he would. Why wouldn’t he?”
I shrugged. “He’s waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” Nic asked, clearly confused.
“For you all to realise that this is my fault. For me to lose Micah completely and all of you too. For me to have nothing.”
Nic scoffed. “That’s not going to happen.”
I raised my eyebrows. “No? Are you here because Micah wants to see me?”
He scrunched his nose up. “Not exactly. Look…can I come in? Five minutes.”
I hesitated and nodded. “Five minutes.”
I went down to let him and he followed me back up the stairs and into the living room.
“Thank you, Jewls.”
“Sure. Why are you here?”
“I just came from the hospital; Micah has banned me for twelve hours, minimum. He won’t let me in. Wanted me to go home and sleep properly.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Um…how is he?”
“You know what? He’s getting better in some respects. His breathing is much better. His burns…well, they’ll heal to a point, no surgery needed, just the likelihood of some scarring. Emotionally…it’s early days. He uh…he knows it was Andrew. The police told him today.”
“Yeah I know, Mari texted me. How uh…how did he take it?”
“Knowing Marco was murdered…is devastating to him. Knowing he was murdered because Andrew thought it was him, you can imagine. He needs some time to get his head round stuff. It was quite a shock I think.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it was…” I muttered.
Nic looked around him, clearly choosing his words and sighed. “Jewls, come back to the house with me.”
“Nic…”
“The first thing Micah asked when he knew who’d done it…was where you were. He’s obviously worried about you. You belong with us. Three days ago you accepted my brother’s proposal.”
“A lot’s changed since then.”
“Nothing’s changed, Jewls…”
“Oh Nic, everything has changed! You know that as well as I do! How can it ever be the same now? You seriously think Micah would marry me now? Ever?”
“He loves you, Jewls.”
“He won’t let me in to see him! He wouldn’t anyway, but now he knows…” I sighed, wiping my eyes of the tears streaming from them, “it’s best I just…keep my distance, for now.”
He opened his mouth as though to consider protesting and sighed. “Jewls…he won’t let anyone in but me, it isn’t personal. You’re so wrong about all this. I don’t blame you, Micah doesn’t blame you…none of us do.”
“I do!” I sobbed. “God, I don’t know how you can even…even…look at me!”
“I love you like a sister, Jewls. You’re family. We are all going nowhere, none of us. When you’re ready…come home, this isn’t it. Let one of us know and we will come get you. Don’t cut yourself off completely. Promise me you will at least…think about it. Yeah?”
I wanted to dig my heels in and say no, tell him to leave and not look back. But the truth was, I was exhausted and just wanted to collapse into my bed for a restless sleep. With that in mind I decided to say whatever it took to get him off my back.
“Okay…and tell Mari I’ll stay in touch.”
Nic smiled half-heartedly and nodded. “Okay. Call me, right? Any time, day or night.”
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
I woke the next morning feeling like I had a hangover without the alcohol. I felt awful and literally had to drag myself out of bed. I was surprised to find the time was gone noon. Wow, to say I had slept so long I felt like I hadn’t slept at all.
I stood at the top of the stairs, looking at the front door. I could see a pile of mail and a newspaper on the mat, and there was
a part of me that was afraid to check it out. Call it intuition or a sixth sense but I knew there was something on that mat that I didn’t want to see.
Turns out I was right.
I carried it all up the stairs, turning my attentions first to the newspaper. What I saw made my heart sink. The headline, in bold black letter said
FIRE TRAGEDY AT POPULAR RESTAURANT
And in slightly smaller letters beneath it
POLICE HUNT SUSPECT
I sighed to myself and read the rest of the article.
Police appeal for information to find a missing man, Andrew Dempsey, wanted in connection with a horrific arson attack in which one brother was killed and his twin seriously injured.
Dempsey, 36, is believed to have started a fire which raged through Carousel, an acclaimed five star sea front restaurant owned and run by the Machvaya family. Dempsey’s ex-wife Jewls, now in a relationship with Micah Machvaya told police her estranged husband contacted her and confessed to starting the fire, deliberately trapping Marco Machvaya inside first. It is thought that his intended target was Micah, and he killed his identical twin Marco in error.
Marco, 26, died of his injuries at the scene. His twin Micah was seriously injured trying to pull him from the flames. He is currently still in hospital receiving treatment
I couldn’t read anymore, I couldn’t see through my tears. So now it really was common knowledge. I wasn’t sure if I could ever step foot through the front door again.
A plain piece of card caught my eye and I pulled it free of the rest of the letters – most of them junk mail – and turned it over to read the other side. Unsurprisingly I was met once again with Andrew’s handwriting.
Just a matter of time. And time I have. I’m waiting. He can’t love you like I do. And now he never will. A xxx
I let the card slip from my hands and sighed again. The idea that he had put this through my letterbox as I slept probably should have chilled me to the bone but actually, I still didn’t feel any fear, even now. Just a deep sense of foreboding, of a bleak, bleak future.
Andrew was obviously still watching me, more closely than I had realised. He would have seen me holed up in here, seen Nic come to see me and seen him hug me on the front step when he left. He would probably also know that I hadn’t as yet seen Micah. What sign precisely he was waiting for I didn’t know but I now felt in my heart that my future was almost inevitable.
When Micah was discharged, when he’d had time to think we would probably have ‘the talk’ where he would tell me it was over. And when Micah turned his back, so would the others and I would be alone.
And then I would be leaving, I would have to leave. And with nowhere else to turn, I would be leaving with Andrew. If for no other reason than to ensure that Micah would be safe for the rest of his life. I was resigned to my fate.
Chapter Twenty-Three
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
I woke two days later to the familiar sight of Nic. Physically I was feeling better. It still hurt like hell to have my burns dressed, but either it was easing or I was learning to cope with it better. I still needed the oxygen, but I could breathe reasonably well without it. The doctors kept telling me how lucky I’d been that I was not much worse. I can’t say as I shared that opinion.
The grief had settled to a dull ache deep inside me. I was now struggling to feel anything, any kind of emotion at all. I was numb.
My room was filling up fast with cards filled with words of support from friends of the family, the staff from the park and the restaurant, neighbours – even some from other businesses, suppliers and customers. I appreciated the support but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to acknowledge it in person yet. There would be time for that at the funeral.
God, the funeral. The funeral of my twin brother. I swallowed a lump of grief at the thought. I closed my eyes tight shut and let out a sigh.
“Are you okay, brother?” Nic asked, concerned.
I managed to nod, opening my eyes and forcing a pained smile. “Uh huh…”
He pulled up a chair. “Listen…we have the results of the post mortem. You want to know what they said?”
I nodded eagerly. It had been praying on my mind and I needed to know. Even if the truth of it would cut like a knife, I needed to know what he’d been through. “Yeah…”
“Okay, so they found he had a head wound, from a blunt object. He was hit, and they believe he was most likely unconscious. Cause of death is smoke inhalation. You understand what that means?”
I thought I did, but I wanted him to say it. The idea that Marco had literally burned to death unable to get himself away from the flames made me feel sick to the stomach. I wanted to believe it hadn’t been like that. “Um…” I managed to say.
“He was knocked unconscious by the blow to the head. And although he was burned as you know…he never regained consciousness. The only pain he would have felt was from the blow. In short, bro…he didn’t suffer. He wasn’t…trapped in a panic, the burns didn’t kill him. I know it’s not really…a consolation. But it’s…it’s something.”
I nodded, feeling a weird sense of relief sweep over me. One thing kept going through my mind.
He didn’t suffer. He didn’t suffer.
“Okay…yeah…yeah it is. Do the others…?”
“Yeah, they all know.”
“How’s the girls? Um…Mari and uh…Jewls?”
“Mari is…holding it together. Throwing herself into the housework and looking after everyone. She uh…she misses you, Micah. Jewls…she’s still at her flat, she talks to Mari through texts but won’t answer the phone. She insists she’s okay but I know she’s feeling guilty. Sooner or later I think it would be good for you two to talk.”
I knew that already. I knew that there was stuff to be sorted out. I knew I needed to tell her I didn’t blame her and that I still loved her. But honestly, everything came second to the grief of losing Marco and I didn’t have the energy to handle anything else. I had already told Nic before that they needed to keep an eye on her, every now and then drive past or text her and check she was safe. For now, knowing that she was safe had to be enough. The rest, I would deal with in time.
Had I realised just how badly she was hurting, of course I would have done more. But in that moment, at that time, I simply couldn’t see past my own pain.
“Is Mari here now?” I asked and Nic nodded.
“Yeah, she’s just outside.”
I rolled my eyes trying another small smile. “Go get her, yeah?”
A smile spread across his face and he nodded again eagerly. “Yeah…yeah, sure.” He disappeared and I braced myself for Mari’s entrance, I knew it would be dramatic and she didn’t disappoint.
“Oh, Micah! Oh my God!” she did exactly what Nic had done, looked me all over as though wanting to touch me but not wanting to hurt me. She was even less discrete about it then Nic had been.
“Hey…” I croaked.
“Oh…oh I wanna touch you, but…”
I forced myself to sit up a little and nodded. “Left side…left side is fine.” She raised a hand and carefully placed it on my left cheek, tears rolling down her face. I closed my eyes feeling my own emotions welling up and let out a shaky sigh. “Mari…” I breathed.
She kissed my forehead and sighed. “How are you feeling?”
I nodded. “Um…doesn’t hurt so bad now. They gave me some pretty good painkillers. Reckon I can go home in a week or so…if I feel ready.”
“That’s good,” she said, “you need to be around your family.”
“Can’t even feed myself.” I held up my bandaged hands to prove my point.
She shook her head, unperturbed. “I’ll look after you. I want to, if you’ll let me. Please let me. It’s my job.”
Reluctantly I found myself nodding. She needed to feel useful and she needed to be doing something. I totally got that.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Jewls
&
nbsp; The days all burred into one. I don’t remember eating or drinking but I guess I must have. Mari continued to text me regularly and, not wanting to upset her I made a point of always replying, even if I didn’t quite know what to say.
I shared her relief at the knowledge that Marco at least hadn’t suffered before he died but I still couldn’t stop thinking about him being confronted by Andrew and wondering what the hell he had been talking about. If he hadn’t mentioned my name, Marco had probably been left wondering which girl he’d taken home had been married. That thought, unexpectedly out of nowhere made me smile a little. God, he had been such a player. But no one could ever have said he didn’t live the hell out of every one of his twenty five years.
A week passed, then ten days and Mari told me that Micah was out of hospital and home. She said if I wanted to pop in and see him, she was sure he would love to see me. I correctly took that as coming directly from her, and only her. The next day she texted me with the time and day of the funeral and begged me to swear that I would be there.
I was in two minds. The thought of facing everyone terrified me. But the other part of me…well, I had liked Marco, loved him like a brother and I wanted to be there to pay my respects and be a part of saying my goodbyes. I made the decision to go, maybe arrive a little late and sit near the back.
But no matter what, no matter how hard it was personally, Micah would feel it a thousand times worse.
No matter what, I had to be there.
~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~
Micah
I sat on the edge of my bed, feeling pretty useless – a feeling I was getting very used to – as Mari slipped my shoes on and tied the laces. She had already helped me into my suit trousers and my white shirt, easing it carefully over my still bandaged shoulder. None of it really hurt any more when it was dressed, only when it was exposed to the air or the raw uncovered skin was touched. Just the day before I had seen myself in a mirror after the nurse told me I had healed ‘significantly already.’ I had naturally dark skin, but my hands and my shoulder seemed white, several layers of skin stripped away that would never come back. The right side of my face, the only part that apparently no longer required a dressing was a lighter pink, less significantly damaged but it was still clear something had happened to it. It occurred to me I was going to be disfigured for life.
Gypsy Kiss: Book 1: Micah (The Gypsy Kiss Series) Page 36