by P.J. Lowry
There really wasn’t any way to actually ‘complete’ this task. Lizzy knew what it meant and just thinking about it hurt her in every way possible. Hayden talked about it with her all the time and it was actually the instigator of some of their biggest fights. She sat there on the window, looking out at the street and traffic while holding a cup of coffee. Wyatt tried to jump up on her lap and share the moment with her but there was no room. He whimpered off to the green chair and huffed down in frustration. Gale was in the kitchen, back from her emergency in the city to attend the wedding of their friend Anna. She was only going to be back for a few days and then go back home, but it was nice to have her around again. Gale came into the room with a few plates. The eggs were scrambled with a side of crispy bacon just the way she knew Lizzy liked it. Lizzy came down from the window ledge and came over to the table where Gale had placed their breakfast. “Thank you.” She said as she sat down and started to eat.
“I’ve known you quite a while.” Gale said as she sat down to join her, “and I know when you’re withholding something from me. You know what this new task is and I want you to explain it for me right now.”
“You want to know what crew Hayden wanted to start.” Lizzy said as she took another sip of her coffee. “It was a family.” She said back to her.
“He wanted to start a family with you.” Gale repeated, “After all the fights, Hayden had finally picked a time to start his crew with you.”
"He wanted to do all these things first.” Lizzy said as she pulled out the list from her pocket. “When speaking to the counsellor, Hayden has been asked to make a list that would last a lifetime. So there’s not telling when he really intended to complete this task. I’m assuming he planned to do all these things over years, not months. So by the time this one came up, I would finally be ready to have a few rug rats of our own.”
“So how do you complete this task?” Gale asked. “Have his kid?” Lizzy looked up at Gale with a look that gave a lot away. Gale gave her one right back, “Please tell me this is not how you plan to complete this task. How is that even possible??”
“I was going to ask Shannon.” Lizzy replied. “She had a baby with him by artificial means. I thought there might be some frozen samples left I could use.”
“That is insane!” Gale said as she threw up her arms in frustration.
“I know it sounds weird, but he was my husband. If there is some leftover… stuff, why can’t I use it to make my crew.” Lizzy seemed okay with the idea at first but it didn’t sound right when she said it out loud. It made her feel uneasy.
“I know it’s crazy because that’s no way to start a family!” Gale roared back to her friend. “How freaked out do you think this kid would be when he/she finds out dear old Daddy was dead BEFORE they were born. Trust me baby, you do not want to have this conversation with a frustrated and out of control teenager.”
Lizzy couldn’t respond but instead nodded to indicate that she understood. “It doesn’t make me feel better.” She said suddenly. “The reason why Hayden never had his crew is because I fought him every step of the way. I didn’t want to rush into it, I wanted to take my time and not get into kids too quickly.”
“Why did you want to take your time?” Gale asked.
“It’s going to sound dumb.” Lizzy said as she put down her mug. “I honest felt we had all the time in the world. We were young and there was no point rushing it. I assumed we would be together and alive for a long time to come. I’d never been so wrong!”
Gale could tell Lizzy was upset about the subject at hand. Her assumption that they would live long into their golden years cost Lizzy a chance to start a family with the man she loved, something she likely would never forgive herself for. But even if science offered her a second chance, she knew it was never going to be the same and had to make sure Lizzy was fully aware of that before she made her decision. “Hun, I feel your pain. But what you’re suggesting is not the same as what it would have been like to have a baby with Hayden.”
“What do you mean? Women are having babies all the time without fathers.” Lizzy replied, somewhat shocked where Gale was going.
“Yeah, that might be true but you have no idea how messed up those kids are going to be when they find out that Dad wasn’t around ever, and that Mom did this all on her own for herself. That’s not something you want a kid to find out.” Gale took a seat on the green chair and hoped that any of it was getting through to her.
“What about Damon?” Lizzy said, “He was born without a father.”
“He still has two loving parents. He was still created through an act of love between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. His parental foundation is still stable and ready to carry the burden of raising him into his teens.” Gale took a deep breath. “I don’t know who my father is, and I likely never will. My mother refused to say and took that secret with her to her grave. You know what it’s like to live without a parent present so why would you want to do that to your own child?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” Lizzy said as she started to think about her own childhood and what it was like to be the only woman in her household. Sometimes when it came to things that women should only talk to other women about, she had to resort talking to teachers or care workers cause her Dad wasn’t a very reliable source of information. It wasn’t something she wanted to wish on any other child, and she slowly began to realize how selfish she was being in her attempt to get her own way.
“Are you all right?” Gale quickly asked.
“No.” Lizzy said as she started to tear up. “How am I going to complete this task? This was all about starting a family.”
“Don’t feel pressured to make a massive life changing decision. The last thing that should force you to make a decision this big is a small list!” Gale paused for a small moment to let that sink in. “There are a lot of kids out there who are lost. They are missing one or both parents and need guidance. They could use your help, and that’s how I got over my daddy issues.”
“What exactly are you talking about?” Lizzy asked.
“There are kids out there like yourself who either come from abused homes, or just homes where like you an important piece of the puzzle is missing.” Gale took a sip of her coffee. “It’s time you realized that you can wait to start your own crew, and reach out to the ones that are here and need your help.”
“I don’t understand.” Lizzy confessed. She was more confused than ever.
“It’s time to become a big sister.” Gale said as she dropped pamphlet onto the table. It was an information guide to joining Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America. “I saw one of these at the doctor’s office when I was getting something personal taken care of. I thought it might be an idea to take care of this task if you weren’t ready to have a kid for the cause.”
”I’m not sure about this.” Lizzy confessed.
“Lizzy, there are already lost kids out there who could use your help.” Gale said as she opened up one of the pamphlets. “Let life decide when it’s time for your crew to start and instead put your energy towards helping kids who just like you needed someone to step in and be a mentor for a little while.”
Lizzy picked up the flyer, and realized her friend was right. She was willing to make a dramatic change in her life, just to satisfy the list which was very selfish. There were plenty of people out there who needed help, and Gale was ready to help her get involved. She had already done all the work prior to having this talk with Lizzy. She was afraid her friend was going to try to start her own single family with this item and was ready to stop her from making a very rash decision. She made a few phone calls to a local office and the next week, Lizzy and Gale volunteered to become big sisters. They had to go through very rigorous background and criminal checks, but didn’t seem like such a bother to Lizzy as she knew why they were doing it, which was to protect the people who trust them with their children. Lizzy also didn’t realize that the checks and q
uestions also allowed her to be matched up with a kid in their local area that was going through a similar experience that she herself went through. She was a young woman who lost her mother early in life, in serious need of someone of her own gender to look up to in a house full testosterone. She took the challenge on like she did every other item on the list, with passion and her best food forward. At first, the young lady would barely acknowledge her existence, but after time and working together at the center, she slowly came around. Lizzy found the work with the young so refreshing, she volunteered more time and some of her immense settlement to the organization that really opened her eyes and saw even just her own city in a new light. She would never admit it but Gale had been right. Raising a child was not the answer, and was a rash decision to make for what was the smallest of reasons. She was still young and there was time for her to possibly fall in love again and maybe start a crew of her own and as much as she wanted to do that with Hayden, there were some lines that even she couldn’t cross. Technically, he had a child with another woman that needed his help and that would have to do for now. Lizzy was content to help those less fortunate than herself and be the guiding light she herself would have appreciated having in her own life. It was tough for her to grow up in that kind of house hold so to be that one beacon that could answer all the questions and even just to be there to let her know that what was going on was through was perfectly normal was more than enough to appease her and the list to her satisfaction. Gale and Lizzy had their own crew of troubled teens and good kids that needed their help. It was all she needed to move on, and she was ready. But that didn’t mean it would ever end. Lizzy never stopped being a big sister, and was one for years and decades to come. In the distant future, she would mentor her own children by letting the come along with her to hang out with and volunteer together. It was something that she used to instil a good worth ethic and moral compass when raising her own kids, so in the end she really did have her own crew, but it was much later than she had expected. The list was a distant memory when she thought about it that day, but in her own mind she had been pleased to have waited for the right moment, and most of all… the right man. She knew that if Gale had been around, she would have had one of those big grins that had “I gold you so” written all over it. She was right to step in. It was wrong of her to take fate into her own hands, not when she had so much ahead of her to look forward to. It was unfortunate she was not meant to have a crew with Hayden, but she never forgot the man that now only made her happy, but led her to finally decide to have a crew of her own. It was always their biggest fight, and in the end she realized Hayden was right, something she would never admit to anyone else but herself.