by Cutter, Leah
What else could she fold though? That was what she'd prepared. She needed the perfect creature, particularly after Master Djong had suggested she was a charity case. She studied the official. Maybe if she made a creature that resembled him, he would be impressed. She watched the quick darting way he moved his hands, how he always moved his head and shoulders together, how his wet eyes were alive, searching the corners of the courtyard for hidden treasure. Then he moistened his lips with just the tip of his tongue, suggesting. . .
A tail.
Xiao Yen knew what she wanted to fold: a scorpion—sly, tricky, noxious—an appropriate representation of the official. It was also a difficult creature to fold. The tail was complicated. She considered for another moment. If her scorpion grew larger than normal size, that would be okay. All the better to even the odds with the other full-sized creatures she was sure Fat Fang and Long Yen were folding. A scorpion could be mean, take all her anger and use it.
Finally Master Wei announced the start of the contest. Xiao Yen, Fat Fang and Long Yen rose and went to their spots in the courtyard. When they were in place, they bowed to each other then sat down together. Xiao Yen picked up the paper before her and prayed to Zhang Gua Lao, the immortal, patron saint of paper folding. She closed her eyes and breathed the hot courtyard air. The dust and the clay smell baked her bones, her resolution. It was the ideal scent for a scorpion. She opened her eyes, touched her amulet with both hands, just the fingertips, to bring luck. Then she started folding.
This was the first time Master Wei had let the students do battle outdoors, with large creatures. Normally they did mock battles or contests, with one seeking a prize while the other guarded, with small creatures like birds or dogs or snakes. This “battle” had been at the insistence of the official, who'd been unimpressed with the earlier presentations. He appreciated strategy, but he wanted to see blood. Fat Fang already had a position when he left the school. He'd see to the defenses of Bao Fang, protecting all his “children,” as he called the townspeople. Both Long Yen and Xiao Yen could use a prominent post when they left the school, so Master Wei had agreed to this demonstration.
Master Wei always judged the students on how gracefully they folded, as well as the success of their creation once it was animated. Xiao Yen suspected that Master Djong wouldn't know graceful folding from ungraceful, so she didn't worry about the fine points like keeping her elbows always pointed in one of the three directions of Heaven, or finishing each long fold by drawing out her hand. Instead, she concentrated on the tricky figure itself.
More than once Xiao Yen felt her shoulders folding themselves up around her ears and had to force herself to relax. Sweat trickled down her neck and her sides. Occasionally she heard the faint tinkling of the bells under the eves of the Hall of Reception. The wind stirred the surrounding trees as well, a quiet rustling, like pieces of paper being shuffled.
Xiao Yen finished pulling out the second set of four legs, pursing her lips in disappointment. They were longer than the first four. Her creature was lopsided. She should start over again, but she had no time.
Xiao Yen had just finished the front pinchers, trying to rectify the different sizes with extra folds, when she heard faint applause. She sneaked a quick glance. A large black bear growled at a towering stag. Xiao Yen smiled and looked back to her creation. Though her scorpion was small, and maybe a little lopsided, at least she hadn't folded the same thing as one of the other students. Xiao Yen blessed her luck, touching her amulet once more, then focused on her creation, blocking out everything else in the courtyard.
Xiao Yen rolled the tail up in one smooth motion. It didn't bend at the natural creases, so she spent time she didn't have pulling, pinching and prodding the tail into shape. By the time she finished it looked much better, but the boys had started their combat. The stag had claw marks down its sweating sides. It circled the bear, who had an antler prong—like the stub of a wooden knife—stuck in its chest.
Xiao Yen placed her scorpion in front of her, wiped the sweat from her brow then closed her eyes. She focused her anger and concentrated on impressing her creation with one thing: winning.
When she opened her eyes, her scorpion had already run into the center of the courtyard. It had grown to the size of a small dog, and fearless. It pinched the bear's hind legs then darted toward the deer as the bear reached out with a huge paw to swipe at the annoyance. Again and again it stung or pinched the two larger animals. They attacked each other in frustration, unable to reach the fast-moving scorpion. The stag kept going up on its hind legs and using its sharp front hooves to batter the bear, which slashed and clawed with deadly force at the stag. The scorpion scooted in, pinching higher and higher, until it severed a tendon in the back of the stag's leg.
The stag crumpled. The scorpion came in and stung the stag's nose, while the bear stomped down with all its weight, breaking the stag's neck.
Xiao Yen felt the pit of her stomach fall. The stag had been so beautiful, its coat like soft down. It had been a terrible thing to kill it wantonly, even if it was only a created thing, infused with essence, without a soul. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She bit her tongue and looked at Master Wei. He sat with an impassive face. His right hand tightened sporadically into a fist. Xiao Yen gulped. She didn't want to face the wrath of her master.
Just then he looked at her. He didn't smile at her, but there was a broadening of his mouth, the slightest loosening between his eyes that only the most perceptive of observers would notice. He wasn't angry with her. He bowed his head slightly then returned his attention to the battle.
Necessity drove them all, from the fighting beasts to the people who created this combat. The scorpion had severed tendons in two of the bear's legs, making it impossible for it to stay either upright or up on four paws. Then it aimed its front claws for the neck, stinging the bear's face, keeping its sharp teeth to the side. Soon, it was over, and the scorpion scrambled up onto the bear's chest, waving its stinger like a flag in a parade. Then it scrambled off. Xiao Yen's heart stopped for a moment, fearing that it would run up and sting Master Djong. Instead, it ran out the gate, seeking its way into the wild.
Xiao Yen and the other students picked up the delicate remains of the original paper creatures they'd folded and carried them to a waiting brazier set just outside the canopy. Long Yen went first, as his was the first creature to fall. Xiao Yen admired the beautiful lines of his stag's chest, its proud antlers. She wanted to tell Long Yen it had been a fine creature as he consigned it to the flames. As had been Fat Fang's bear, beautifully rendered, standing on its rear legs, its front paws ready to attack. Then she gave her little lopsided scorpion to the flames.
She didn't mark the center of her forehead with her creation's ashes. She felt no pride in this victory. Her creature had just been meaner than the other two, not more graceful or beautiful. She'd been angrier, and luckier. She sighed, then turned, walked back to the dais, and knelt in front of it. She bowed low, touching her forehead to the ground nine times. Master Wei spoke loud words of praise for her. Xiao Yen kept her attention on the official. He returned her gaze, rubbing his chin with one hand, not saying anything.
Xiao Yen thanked her master with the standard phrases then went off with the boys to eat the feast that had been prepared for the official. For once, Fat Fang didn't tease her and Long Yen didn't make her walk behind them. They walked shoulder to shoulder with her. They weren't angry with her for winning. Maybe they understood how hollow the victory was.
Xiao Yen wanted to be happy. She'd won. She'd get to go home the next day as a reward, but her heart stayed beneath the soles of her feet.
The next morning, just before Xiao Yen left for Bao Fang, a messenger arrived at the school. He carried a large bag of gold, twice as big as the bags Fat Fang and Long Yen had received. Xiao Yen refused to touch it, instead directing the messenger to take it to Wang Tie-Tie.
Let her family enjoy it. She couldn't.
* * *
“Little Bear! You're so strong!” Xiao Yen exclaimed as she reached the end of the courtyard with her nephew gripping her fingers. He still wobbled when he moved, but he also pulled himself up on tables. Soon he'd be walking without help. He ignored the shrieks of the other children chasing a ball in the far corner and concentrated on going forward. He pulled his mouth up and led with his chin, like a scholar deep in thought.
“He's so serious,” Xiao Yen commented to Gan Ou over her shoulder.
“He's going to be a fine man when he grows up,” Gan Ou replied. “Responsible and full of xiao, always ready to do his duty, eh?”
Ling-Ling and Han Wanju, two of Xiao Yen's cousins, politely agreed that he'd honor his parents as a good son should.
“Give him to his nurse,” Gan Ou said as Xiao Yen turned around with her nephew, who seemed determined to walk all the way back without pause. “Come here and have your tea with us.”
Reluctantly, Xiao Yen handed the boy to his nurse standing on the side of the courtyard. A part of her wanted to stay and play with the other children, rather than join her sister and her cousins. As always. Xiao Yen hid her smile at the thought.
She walked back to the stairs where the other women sat. Bright pink, green and yellow unembroidered silk pillows lay on the steps. Gan Ou sat in the middle, on the top step, her legs curved under her. Her face had slimmed since the end of her last pregnancy, making her nose and chin seem pointed. Her smile glittered with secrets. She wore a bright gold jacket with fine white bells embroidered around the cuffs and down the front placard.
Han Wanju sat on Gan Ou's right side, her scarlet jacket blazoned with large black peonies. She'd never lost her round, childlike cheeks, even though she was also a mother. Her eyes still coveted everything they saw greedily, like a pig.
Ling-Ling also sat on that side, down a step, leaning back on one hand. Her sharp teeth were always present in her conversation. She wore a purple jacket with circular patterns of yellow-orange peaches dotting her front and sides. Her hair was pulled back from her face and piled high on her head with an elaborate set of jeweled hairpins. She'd always been the one most concerned with appearances.
Xiao Yen glanced down at her own plain school jacket. It was well made, but dark blue, with tiny flowers in lighter blue sewn only around the cuffs. She always felt fancy at school in this jacket. The boys wore dull colors, and never took care of their clothes. Yet, compared with her sister and her cousins, she looked like a servant. Xiao Yen knew she shouldn't feel ashamed, but a small part of her did.
Xiao Yen sat down at her sister's left. Gan Ou handed her a well-balanced cup, coated in a cracked white glaze, full of slightly bitter gen mai cha, a green tea made with toasted rice. Xiao Yen wrapped her hands around it and drew the smoky scent of the tea deep into her chest, letting it relax her.
The women slyly bragged about their sons. The older boys ran with abandon across the courtyard, absorbed in their game. The girls were more circumspect, listening to stories or taking care of their own pretend children.
Ling-Ling called attention to her newest jade bracelet as she asked for more tea. Xiao Yen, of course, didn't have any bracelets. They got in the way of folding. Gan Ou wore a plain silver one. Xiao Yen looked at her sister. Though the silk of her jacket was fine, the seams weren't straight. Gaps showed between the stitches along the back of her left sleeve. Plus, the cup she held was chipped along the rim. Xiao Yen wondered if Gan Ou's husband ever let her use the beautiful writing set he'd given her as a wedding gift, or if he was too miserly.
Just then crying erupted on the far step. Gan Ou's youngest son batted at his nurse's hands and pulled out of her arms, reaching for his mother sitting so far away. Gan Ou smiled and called, “Bring him here.”
The nurse shuffled to where the women sat and handed over the boy. With a practiced movement Gan Ou undid two side buttons and pulled out her breast. The boy began suckling with a happy sigh. Ling-Ling and Han Wanju talked with each other. Xiao Yen drank her tea and watched her sister out of the corner of her eye. A contented smile, one that Xiao Yen had never seen before, played on Gan Ou's lips. Xiao Yen, in her mind's eye, could see the magic bond between mother and son. Xiao Yen had never seen her sister look so happy. Could being a mother have changed her?
The women sat quietly for a moment, each thinking her own thoughts after the nurse took the baby away.
“Xiao Yen, do you remember Chieh-yeh Be Be? My matchmaker?” Gan Ou asked, calling Xiao Yen from her fog.
“I think so,” Xiao Yen replied. “Wasn't she at Wang Tie-Tie's birthday party?”
“She was,” Gan Ou replied, taking another sip of tea, pausing.
Xiao Yen remembered Chieh-yeh Be Be's nose. It was flat, like a peasant's, and good for smelling gossip. She meddled in other people's affairs with her meaty hands, leaving sticky fingerprints behind. She'd been Fu Be Be's choice for a matchmaker, not Wang Tie-Tie's.
Gan Ou looked around the courtyard, making sure none of the servants was near. Ling-Ling and Han Wanju both leaned forward so they wouldn't miss a word.
“Fu Be Be and I talked with Chieh-yeh Be Be, and she's agreed to look for a husband for you,” Gan Ou announced, her smile triumphant, but possessive and sharp around the edges.
Xiao Yen opened her mouth. No words came out. A husband? So she might have her own son? Have a piece of happiness as big as Gan Ou's? She grinned at her sister, unable to say anything.
Gan Ou clapped her hands and said, “I knew you weren't Wang Tie-Tie's pawn! I've already checked with my husband. You don't have to go back to school. You can stay here until we get you married!”
Ling-Ling said, “Don't you worry. We'll hide you. No one will know where you are.” Ling-Ling put a thin, clutching hand out toward Xiao Yen.
Han Wanju, ever the follower, said, “We'll protect you.” Her small eyes looked over Xiao Yen as if she were eyeing a new delicacy.
Gan Ou said, “It'll be so good to have you here, with your family, where you belong.”
Xiao Yen pulled herself back from the three women. Of course, if she got married, she'd have to stop practicing magic. She'd have to leave her quiet room, the whispering trees, how good it felt to bring a creature to life.
“What do you mean, no, you won't?” Gan Ou asked, her voice holding the sharpness her smile always hid.
Xiao Yen wasn't aware that she'd spoken, but she must have. “I have to go back to school. I graduate later this spring. Then, we can talk about . . .” she let her voice trail off. Talk about her giving up her magic? Everything that she'd worked so hard to do? What about her promise to Wang Tie-Tie, to do a deed worthy of an immortal peach?
But to have a baby. . .
“I have to go,” Xiao Yen said, standing. Though the air in the courtyard was still, Xiao Yen felt a great wind blowing, tearing her apart. To continue with her magic? And always do what Wang Tie-Tie wanted her to do? Possibly to go to live with foreigners? Or to have a child? And maybe get a miserly husband like Ko Fu? Her luck couldn't protect her from something like that.
Xiao Yen leaned over and kissed her sister's cheek. Gan Ou wouldn't meet Xiao Yen's eye, her smile hiding her hurt. Xiao Yen bowed to Ling-Ling and Han Wanju, then left without another word. She knew they'd gossip after she left, gnaw over her words and suck at the marrow of her life. She hurried back to her own family compound to gather her things. There'd be no peace for her there either. Maybe the quiet at her school could help her decide where she wanted to go, who she wanted to be.
* * *
Fat Fang and Long Yen stood talking in the entrance to the student courtyard when Xiao Yen returned to school that afternoon. Long Yen was more animated than she'd ever seen him. Even his sleepy eyes were wide open.
“So my father placed a vote before the members, and they agreed. I'm to defend the big caravan, for the whole Weavers' Guild, the one with all the goods. And all four horses! From here to the capital,” Long Yen finished in a rush, using his hands to indicate going from o
ne place to the other.
“Congratulations,” Xiao Yen told Long Yen, awed. The horses were worth as much, if not more, than the cloth they carried. “I wish you the greatest success,” she added, bowing low.
Long Yen bowed back, still grinning.
Fat Fang added, “It isn't as important as defending a big city like Bao Fang, but it's a good start.”
Xiao Yen rolled her eyes at Long Yen. He winked then ducked his head to hide his laughter. Fat Fang had bragged about his position since he'd arrived at school.
“Just think of all the things you'll see!” Xiao Yen told Long Yen. “The fancy puppet shows, the imported paper shops. Even foreigners perform in the markets there, or so I've heard.”
“And if the caravan is successful, who knows? Maybe we'll go back every year. Maybe the Emperor will see our cloth and ask us to come back!” Long Yen said, building bigger dreams with his hands.
“Anything could happen,” Xiao Yen replied, sharing in and trying to add to his happiness.
“What position will you take after graduation?” Fat Fang asked, turning to Xiao Yen.
Xiao Yen felt the question like a cold rain beating on her head. She prevented herself from jerking back, but just barely. “My aunt has many contacts with many caravans,” she said, hugging the book Wang Tie-Tie had given her to her chest. It was a dictionary of the language of the foreigners, the ones that lived on the other end of the Great Merchant trail. It had been expensive, but Wang Tie-Tie said it was worth it. Xiao Yen needed to learn a foreigner's tongue for her work. If she spoke some of a foreigner's language, maybe they'd overlook that she was a girl, and hire her.
Fat Fang said, “I see.”
Long Yen turned to Fat Fang and said, “Why don't you go practice or something? You're going to need it, with such an important position.”
Instead of replying to the sarcasm in Long Yen's voice, Fat Fang bowed his head to them and said, “I think I will.” He turned and walked away, toward the student rooms.