It was then, watching him jog away, that I realized he’d already changed back into his pants. I drew my knees up to my chest and held my hands out in front of me, wondering how long I’d been out and what time it was.
My eyes fell back to my blood-coated hands, and I scolded myself for abandoning all of my human instincts so quickly and giving into such monstrous tendencies. I closed my eyes as Jace’s words popped into my head—what you did was natural, all you were doing was exactly what you’re supposed to. You were simply following your animal instincts. I replayed it repeatedly in my mind as I tried to convince myself that what I had done to that poor rabbit was all right.
With my eyes still closed I began to focus on the fast footsteps that were rapidly approaching me—Jace’s footsteps.
“Here, I got a bottle of water. Hold your hands out.”
“Bottled water? Where did you get that?” I asked, doing as I was told.
With a slight twist of his lips, Jace smirked. “From your fridge.”
Panic jolted through me as I rubbed my hands together, rinsing off all of the blood. “From my fridge? Weren’t my parents awake?”
“No, it’s only about 4:00 a.m. It only looks bright out because of your keen eyesight,” he answered, slowly continuing to pour water from the bottle over my hands.
I glanced up, looking at the sky. “I can still see the moon. Why are we not still wolves?”
“Because technically, it’s now morning. We only change on the night of a full moon, not the morning,” he answered. “Now turn this way so I can get it off your face.”
I turned my face toward him and cringed on the inside at what I knew I must look like to him right now. A gross mess. Once Jace’s wet fingertips touched the crust that had dried around my lips, my heart began to race again as the potent smell of it filled my nose. Saliva pooled in my mouth and bile began to rise up the back of my throat. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes tightly as they began to water.
“This is really bothering you, isn’t it?” Jace asked, a trace of humor lining his every word.
“Yes, it is,” I answered quickly, the words flying from my mouth sounding harsh and irritable. “I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect werewolf like you.”
“Nobody’s perfect… and especially not werewolves,” Jace whispered, the strokes of his fingers against my skin becoming tender. “But you’re pretty damn close.”
I opened my eyes to glare at him. “Ha, sure. If you want a good laugh at every full moon, then I’m your girl.”
“Why do you say that?” Jace asked, putting the cap back on the bottle and walking over toward my pile of clothes. He carefully picked them up and placed them in my lap before taking away his T-shirt and using it to wipe my face.
“Seriously? I changed into some patchy, grotesque beast and then passed out after I mutilated some poor, harmless rabbit. I’d say I pretty much sucked.”
Jace laughed that deep, rich, contagious laugh of his that I loved while he wiped off his hands. “You’ll get the hang of it. This was only your first night, and I’ve already told you that by the next full moon you’ll be fully changed. Besides, I thought your instincts with the rabbit were freaking amazing!”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, until I barfed all over.”
“It’s okay; don’t worry about it.” Jace chuckled.
The embarrassment I had been feeling from the entire situation died out and burst into tiny little flames of anger. “Why are you laughing at me? This isn’t funny, Jace. I’m supposed to be some kind of freaking Queen Werewolf beside you or something, and I can’t even change fully or eat an animal without feeling like I’m going to vomit all over the place and pass out! How the hell am I going to do any of this?”
Tears pricked my eyes and in that instant the horror of my situation hit me, hard, and I began to feel like the weight of the world was now resting on my shoulders. I bit my bottom lip and raised my eyes to the sky while blinking rapidly, fighting to hold in my tears because I didn’t want Jace to see me cry.
He dropped down to his knees and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my faced against his warm chest and the floodgates opened. All the tears I had fought so hard to keep in came streaming down my cheeks like twin rivers.
We remained that way, locked in an embrace underneath the fading darkness, until my tears ran dry.
“I’m so sorry, Tessa,” Jace whispered into my hair after a few moments of silence had passed. The amount of heavy guilt I heard etched into each of his words was enough to break my heart all over again.
“Don’t be,” I mumbled into his warm skin, barely loud enough for me to even hear myself, but I knew he’d heard me.
Jace pulled himself away from me so that he could stare into my eyes. “But I am, I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. And I’m promising you right now that I will do everything in my power from here until the end of our forever to make it up to you. I love you, Tessa.”
Jace’s last four words sent the only remaining tear left in my eye sliding down my cheek. Cupping my face between his hands, with his thumb he gently wiped it away and smiled at me.
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
The second the words came from my lips, Jace’s were pressed against mine. Wrapping my arms around his neck, the shirt of mine I had been holding against my bare chest fell free, allowing our skin to touch in places it never had before. Shivers of excitement flowed through my body as our kisses became more heated.
“No—wait,” Jace whispered against my lips as he pulled himself back.
Keeping his face a few inches away from mine, he stared at me with eyes hooded by lust and desire. I stared back, unblinking, wishing for just a moment that he would not think and allow himself to get just as lost in me as I did in him.
“We can’t do this right now. Your parents are going to be up soon, and they might notice you sneaking back in.”
Rejection shattered through my body as reason rung clearly in my mind. Jace was right, we couldn’t risk doing what I desperately wanted to do right now. I let out a deep breath and picked through the crumpled clothes in my lap, searching for my underwear.
“Umm… do you think you could turn around or something?” I asked awkwardly.
Jace blinked as though I’d snapped him out of a trance, and the corner of his lips twisted up into a coy smile. “Sure, no problem.”
Once he’d turned around I stood up for the first time since I’d fainted. My legs felt like wet noodles and my entire body was shaky. I tried to move past the awkwardness of how I felt and got dressed in a hurry.
“You can turn around now,” I muttered, once I was fully clothed.
“You sure?” Jace grinned lazily as he turned to face me.
Embarrassment stomped through me at his teasing tone, and I stalked past him toward my house. The entire night had been overwhelming and I was exhausted, making me in no mood for any more teasing. Jace sprinted to catch up to me, and we walked in silence through the woods.
Once we had made it back to my window, Jace helped me hoist myself up and I gracefully slid inside without making a sound.
“Good night,” Jace whispered. “You were amazing tonight.”
“Thank you,” I said, before leaning out the window to kiss him good night.
After he helped me replace the screen, I watched Jace jog away, his bare back with its large tattoo glittered in the early morning light and his blood streaked T-shirt dangled from his right hand. As I closed my window, my lips twisted into a slight smile.
I’d just survived my first full moon.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The annoying buzzing of my alarm clock woke me what felt like only minutes after I’d finally fallen asleep. I lay in bed, my mind flipping through everything that had happened last night. It all seemed so surreal, but I knew it wasn’t. Everything had actually happened.
The smell of burnt coffee tickled my nose, and the sounds of someone walking around in the kitchen reminded me that my pare
nts were home. I dreaded the awkwardness that would no doubt be present between us this morning. Part of me wanted to stay in bed and sleep the day away, but another part worried that my mom might choose to do the same and there was no way I could spend the entire day with her right now.
I forced myself out of bed and into the shower, using my supersonic sense of hearing to avoid either of my parents in the hallway. By the time I got out, dad had already left and mom had holed herself back up in her bedroom. I made myself a piece of peanut butter toast, noticing that for the first time in a while I wasn’t starving and suffering from horrible hunger pains, before grabbing my stuff and heading to school.
* * *
“So, do you have any plans on Christmas break?” Rachel asked as we made our way toward first period.
I took in a deep breath and shook my head. With everything that had been going on, I hadn’t even thought about Christmas break. “Nope, you?”
“Yeah, Gina’s parents actually own a little cabin by the lake. We’re all planning on going for a couple of days. Do you and Jace want to come? It’ll be fun!”
Before I would have jumped on the invitation, but now I was hesitant. I began worrying about what days they would all be going and counting the days until the next full moon in order to make sure it wasn’t near that time. Great, now not only did I have to count and track my periods, but I also had to track when I’d be changing into a werewolf each month, too.
“Depends on when you guys plan on going and if I can even get off at the diner,” I answered.
“I’ll ask Gina, but I’m thinking probably the weekend after Christmas,” Rachel said as we stepped into class.
“Okay, I’ll see if I can get off work and find out if Jace even wants to go.” Plus I’ll check my calendar and see when the next full moon is, I added silently.
* * *
English passed slowly. For the majority of class I found myself propping my head up with my hand and pretending to read Romeo and Juliet along with the class. All I could think about was last night and how it had felt to change. My mind continued to drift, growing more lost in my thoughts until I heard Rachel stifle a laugh beside me. I noticed she and Gina were texting back and forth, something we used to do together.
An incredible sense of loneliness began to spread through me. I suddenly felt like I was on the verge of losing my best friend while she gained a new one. Allowing my eyes to float past her and out the window, I wondered how Rachel would react if I told her everything. What I had become, what Jace was, and that my dad wasn’t my biological father. I wondered what it would take for her to believe me and if I even wanted to pull her into my world.
When the bell finally rang I gathered up my things and walked side by side with Rachel and Gina out into the hall. As we merged with the flow of traffic an odd thought crept into my mind, one that resonated so deeply within me it brought me to the verge of tears—I’m completely surrounded by people and yet I’ve never felt more alone in all of my life.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so different from every person at school, in my family, in this town. I didn’t fit in anymore—I didn’t belong. I steered myself away from Rachel and Gina, darting into the nearest bathroom. They were so wrapped up in their conversation I doubted they’d even notice I was missing.
A group of four freshmen girls stood in front of the long mirrors, primping in between classes. I slid into the first empty stall I could find and began fanning my face, trying to dry my tears before they fell.
* * *
After school I headed straight home, even though I knew I was supposed to work. The call of sleep seemed more important. When I pulled into the driveway my mom’s van was the first thing I saw. I’d completely forgotten that she’d stayed home today.
The sound of a mixer filled my ears when I stepped inside. As I walked past the kitchen I caught a glimpse of my mom baking. The sight stalled my feet for a moment—mom never baked.
“Hey, honey, how was school?” she asked with a wide smile.
“Fine. What are you making?” It smelled very strongly of bananas, causing me to crinkle my nose.
Her smile grew. “Banana bread, your favorite.”
The last time she’d baked me banana bread was when I was eleven and she’d ran over Kip, a tabby cat I’d adopted at the animal shelter, by accident. I’d cried hysterically, but I’d also eaten the bread. One, because it was my favorite, and two, because it had been a peace offering between my mom and me.
I watched her pour in a bag of chopped walnuts and realized that this loaf of banana bread symbolized the same thing—a peace offering. Looking at her I began to notice how frayed she was around the edges and the way her shoulders seemed to be weighed down by guilt. My mother was hurting, but so was I. And unlike her, I wasn’t willing to bake something, paste on a fake smile, and pretend things were still the same when we both knew that they weren’t.
“What are you apologizing for?” I asked, wondering when I’d even decided to speak the words aloud.
Mom glanced up at me, her brown eyes glistening in the fluorescent kitchen light. “What are you talking about?” she asked with a slight chuckle.
I folded my arms across my chest. “The last time you made banana bread was when you ran over Kip. I knew you felt guilty and making my favorite bread was your away of apologizing.”
“You’re right; I did feel guilty about that.” She nodded and went back to stirring in the walnuts.
My heart pounded in my chest so hard that each thud made my body sway slightly. “And now?” I pressed further and then held my breath while waiting for her to say something regarding what I was now. Anything.
Seconds of silence ticked away until slowly she brought her eyes to mine. I swallowed hard, sure this would be the moment I’d finally get some answers out of her, but for a long while she just simply stared at me without blinking.
“God, Tessa, can I not just make a loaf of banana bread because I feel like it?” she finally said, while pouring the batter into a loaf pan.
Anger consumed me entirely. I couldn’t stand the sight of her. I couldn’t breathe the same air that she breathed.
“Just because you wish for something not to be true, doesn’t mean that it goes away. Trust me, I’ve tried,” I snapped, before stalking out the front door and slamming it closed as hard as I could behind me.
I was shaking as I climbed back into my car and started it up. Jace was in for another surprise visit from me because I couldn’t think of any other place to go. Rachel was where I was supposed to be, at work, and I had no other real friends who wouldn’t mind if I randomly showed up at their house.
* * *
When I pulled up behind Jace’s motorcycle I could finally feel myself begin to relax. I sat in the car for a few minutes, attempting to collect myself a little more before surprising Jace for a second day in a row.
Stepping out, I started up the steps toward the front door and lifted my hand to knock, before I could though, Jace swung the door open and stared at me with a smirk.
“I heard you pull up,” he said.
“Sorry, I’m dropping by unannounced again,” I muttered without meeting his eyes.
“It’s fine. I just thought you had to work tonight.”
“I did, but I didn’t feel like going. I had planned on going home and taking a nap instead, but that didn’t work out so well,” I said, fiddling with my car keys.
“You’re welcome to my bed…” The gleam in his eyes made my cheeks burn. I flashed him a smile and turned away.
“I’m exhausted, but I don’t think I could sleep right now even if I tried.”
“Who said anything about sleeping?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. I walked past him, ignoring his sexual innuendo as much as I could manage, with a grin. Music flowed from upstairs and I recognized the song playing immediately—Stranger Inside by Shinedown.
“You listen to rock music?” I asked, somehow surprised.
“Yeah, wh
at did you expect, Britney Spears?” He grinned. “I was just painting the bathroom upstairs. I like hearing music when I paint.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not really. So what color are we painting the bathroom?”
“We, huh? You gonna help me?”
“Sure, why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do.” I shrugged.
“Gray,” he answered, motioning for me to start up the stairs. I swore I could feel his eyes staring at my ass all the way up, but I didn’t care. In fact, I may have wiggled it just a tad bit more for that reason alone.
“I’ve never been up here before… which way is the bathroom?” I asked, pausing at the top of the stairs.
“All this time and I can’t believe that I’ve never taken you upstairs,” Jace said, his words seeming to hold a double meaning. He slipped my hand into his. “Over here.”
We went in the first door on the left. I was absolutely positive that I was standing in Jace’s bedroom because I could smell him on the sheets from where I stood—his woodsy soap scent mixed with a lingering remnant of his cologne clung to them heavily.
The room was large with hardwood floors and deep brown walls. A king-sized bed with a fluffy, white comforter rested against the left wall and a broad, solid wood dresser with various things spread out on top, like loose change and Chapstick, stood across from it. A single chair sat beside the only window, and there were two doors I noticed on either side of the dresser. One I was positive led to a closet and the other I presumed to be to the bathroom we were about to finish painting.
“Wow, this is nice!” I insisted, glancing around.
“Eh, it’s a room.” Jace shrugged. “Ready to paint something?” he asked, heading toward the door that was slightly ajar and to the left of the dresser.
The bathroom was about half the size of his bedroom. It used to have peach colored walls, but I could see where Jace had already begun to replace the dreadful color with a sophisticated gray. White tiles made up the floor. A double sink with a glossy black countertop stood against the far wall, a corner Jacuzzi tub, and a shower with frosted glass doors made up the rest of the room.
Changed (Marked Duology Book 2) Page 5