Dallas slammed his fist into the bedding. The stacks of files teetered and fell off the bed, papers spewing everywhere. Dallas stared at them helplessly. How was he to figure out which papers went into which folder? He started to sob then, his whole body shaking with his unhappiness. “I wish I could run away and never come back. I wish . . . I wish . . . I was someone else.” He said the prayer again, the same prayer he’d said thousands of times when he was little, “Please God, make me like everyone else. Please.”
Dallas sat quietly, the same prayer tumbling off his lips until the gate buzzer announced a guest. Locking his door behind him, Dallas walked out to the pool deck to open the gate. Fifteen minutes later the fixings for his Thanksgiving dinner were in the refrigerator. Thirty minutes later a large white van appeared at the gate. He opened the gate a second time but failed to see the small sports car directly behind the van.
Dallas gasped when he saw her climb from her car.
“Sandi!”
“Hi, sweetie.”
Chapter Six
Dallas frowned as he stared at the long white van and the small sports car behind it. He led the decorators into the house, looking over his shoulder, the frown still on his face. “This is the room. Rip everything out, the drapes, the carpeting, the furniture. The built-in cabinets stay. Just redo the woodwork. I want this room to be electric. I want you to hang my gold and platinum records on this wall. They’re all in boxes in the closet. On this wall I want my autographed pictures. I want to be shocked every time I walk into this room. Give me color, give me electricity. I want my eyeballs to stand at attention when I walk into this office. Can you give me what I want by tomorrow morning?”
“We can do it, Mr. Lord.”
“Then go to it.” Dallas smacked his hands in satisfaction. Money could buy anything.
On the walk down the hall and through the kitchen Dallas wondered what he would do with the room once it was finished. If he wasn’t capable of understanding the business end of the files and folders, why did he need an office? He stopped to look back down the hall. This must be what Adam meant when he said he didn’t think things through and plan ahead.
“Yoo-hoo, Dallas honey. Where are you? What are you redecorating? This kitchen could use a little work. It’s been a while, Dallas, and I’m in the mood for some Dallas Lord music. Let’s go into the studio and do what we do best—sing. Just like old times, okay? I’m really looking forward to the tour. How about you?” It was all said in a breathless rush.
Dallas’s head throbbed. Maybe Sandi was right and some music would soothe his soul. “I have to decide about Billy’s replacement before I think about the tour. There seems to be some problems with the tour schedule at the moment. What’s wrong with my kitchen? I’m redoing my office.” This, too, was said in the same breathless rush.
“Have those decorators make a pit stop here. It’s just blah, Dallas. I don’t know, maybe some colored dishes or a hanging plant. Kitchens like this belong in orphanages or places like that. You should have a carpet on the floor by the sink. So, what’s new?”
Dallas looked at the floor by the sink and made a mental note to order a carpet. “I might be getting married. The tour might get delayed. I’m decorating. What’s new with you?” He wondered if he cared or if he was asking to be polite. He had to get rid of her. Quick.
“I’m having trouble meeting my bills. I haven’t been with the band long enough to enjoy all the benefits your brother set up for the members. I was hoping you might ask Adam to give me an advance. Christmas is coming and everything kind of snowballed if you know what I mean. Who’s the lucky girl? I wish it was me. I fell real hard for you, Dallas.”
“Her name is Sara. Adam doesn’t like advances. He says it screws up his book work. How much do you need?”
Everyone in the band knew Dallas had no money sense. From time to time they would rib him good-naturedly. He could always be counted on for a loan and from all she’d heard, he never asked to be paid back. Most of the time he forgot who and how much he’d loaned. Sandi crossed her fingers when she said, “Twenty-five thousand.” When Dallas didn’t blink, she said, “On second thought, I want to get something really nice for my parents for Christmas. Make that fifty-thousand. Can you spare that, sweetie? Will Adam chew you out if you write me a check?”
Dallas stared at his backup singer. He had no idea what her salary was. Adam handled the payroll. But, she’d said the magic words as far as his brother was concerned. “My checkbook is in the studio. Are you sure it’s enough? What are you going to get your parents?”
“I was thinking about a cruise. You know, one of those land-to-water things. For say three months. They live part of the year in Wisconsin, and you know how cold it is there in January and February. You can’t count on March either.”
With absolutely no idea of what a cruise cost, Dallas pretended to think. “I think I should give you an even hundred thousand. I’ll tell Adam the next time I talk to him. A hundred should cover everything. It will give your parents a very nice memory.”
“Oh, Dallas, this is so wonderful of you. I’m going to put your name on the card, too. My parents are going to be thrilled out of their minds.”
“That’s nice, Sandi. Do you want to hear the song I’m writing for Sara?”
“Oh, yes. Did you finish it, or are you still working on it?”
“I’m still working on it. It’s in my head. I think it’s the best thing I’ve done so far. On second thought I think I’ll wait until I finish it. I might jinx myself.”
“When do you think you’ll finish it?”
Dallas shrugged. “Next week. I’m trying to do one for Billy, too, but it isn’t going well. I need more time on it. Each time I start to work on it I get choked up.”
“What kind of wedding are you planning, Dallas? You said we were going to get married. You even asked me to set the date and now you’re marrying someone else.”
“A simple one. Secret. Sara’s a doctor. She saves lives. You said you didn’t want to marry me.” Why the hell was he even bothering to talk to this girl? Because Adam had always told him not to hurt people’s feelings and to be polite.
Sandi’s voice was sly when she said, “She must not be a very good doctor. If she was really good, she would have saved Billy’s life. Is she better than me, Dallas, because she’s a doctor? You must have been really serious when you asked me to marry you too. You broke my heart. You said ugly things to me. I would never hurt your feelings that way, Dallas. Never, ever.” Her tone was so vehement, Dallas reared backward.
Dallas bit down on his lower lip as he scribbled a check.
“Is Sara prettier than I am, Dallas?” The check disappeared like magic.
“Sara’s plain and normal. She doesn’t wear all that makeup you wear. You really have to be smart to be a doctor.”
“If she’s so smart, then why did Billy die? Just answer me that, Dallas Lord.”
“Because it was his time to die. Sara said the best doctors in the world couldn’t have saved him.”
Sandi snorted. “I’d say that, too, if my patient up and died on me. Sometimes you are not in touch with the real world, Dallas.”
Dallas stared at the young woman across from him. She was prettier than Sara in a glamorous way, and she was in good physical shape because she worked out daily. Sara was a little thick in the middle and admitted to being seven pounds overweight. Sandi he knew weighed in at 110. Her shellacked good looks were an asset to the band, and he knew it. She was good in bed, too.
Sandi sat down on the floor. “You know what, Dallas, I’m sorry I didn’t agree to marry you when you asked me. You spooked me when you said you wanted a whole houseful of kids. I’m only twenty-four. I don’t want to have children until I’m in my thirties. I’ll be a better mother then because I’ll have done all the things I want to do by then. I do things the way my mother did them. That’s how you learn.” Sandi wondered if God would strike her dead at some point for all her lies. �
��How old is Dr. Sara? I bet she’s almost forty. That’s too old to have children. My mother said women shouldn’t have children after thirty-five. Things go wrong. Sometimes kids are born deformed or retarded. I don’t know that for a pure fact, Dallas. I’m only going by what my mother said. Mothers don’t ever lie. That’s a given.”
Dallas’s face turned an ugly red. “Then we’ll adopt kids. Sara knows all about stuff like that.”
Sandi stretched her long body out on the floor, her palms supporting her as she proceeded to do body lifts. Her voice was hushed when she said, “It won’t be the same thing, Dallas. Adopted children won’t be your flesh and blood. They won’t have any features of you and your wife. Or your brother’s features. The Lord name won’t continue. Unless your brother fathers a child. This is really sad, Dallas. You should think about this a little more before you make such a big decision. Forty is really old. Women start to go through the change of life around that time. My mother told me that, too. They get those ugly red, hot flashes, and they sweat. Big-time. They have to take drugs. I know how you feel about drugs, Dallas. She could make a mistake in the operating room. Then the family files a lawsuit and they come after you. When Adam hired me he gave me this lecture. You know the one about clean living and any hint of scandal puts us on the street. That little speech is burned into my brain. Does Dr. Sara have a sense of humor, Dallas?”
“Of course she does. She makes me laugh and I make her laugh.”
“That’s really nice. Laughter is important.” Sandi’s voice turned sly again when she said, “Does she love your music? Does she get off on it? Does she really open up people and touch their organs? All that blood. Marrying someone like that, to me, would be like marrying a mortician. Let’s make some popcorn and watch Dirty Dancing. Or we could go into your room and . . . you know. I’ve really missed you, Dallas. I haven’t been with anyone since we . . . since you said you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
Dallas looked down to find his hand in Sandi’s tight grasp. He wasn’t engaged to Sara. Then he thought about the files and folders on top of his bed. That thought led to other thoughts and what Adam would think about this situation. He wouldn’t approve. His brother had morals and ethics. “I’d rather go for a walk.”
On her feet, Sandi reached for Dallas’s hand. He allowed it to be taken and didn’t know why.
“Do you miss Billy, Sandi?”
“Sure. I didn’t know him all that well. He was always polite and all that. The guys all have families and didn’t want to mess with me and the other girls. We didn’t try to mess with them either. We respected their families. That’s one of the things we liked about being with you and the Canyon River Band. Your brother did a real bang-up job putting everything together and making sure it stayed that way. They call him the Great White in the industry. It doesn’t get any better than that. I wish I had a brother like yours. Is Billy’s family okay? I sent flowers, and one of the girls said Billy was a Catholic, so I sent some mass cards. It was okay to do that, wasn’t it?” She squeezed his hand tighter. Dallas squeezed back. “Boy, this is really like old times. Didn’t you miss me even a little bit?”
Dallas thought about the question. “Not really. I miss Billy. I should go to the cemetery, but all those reporters will be there. Do you go?”
“Every day,” Sandi lied. “I take flowers. I knew you wouldn’t be able to go, so I did it for you. I don’t take elaborate bunches of flowers because I can’t afford it. I just pick up some daisies or some colorful blossoms at the supermarket. Billy knows my heart’s in the right place and that I’m just your stand-in. You don’t mind, do you, Dallas?”
“Jeez, why would I mind?” He swung her hand as they walked along.
“Tell me about the song you’re writing for the doctor. Are you sure she deserves a song by Dallas Lord?”
“Sure I’m sure. It’s about friendship and loyalty. How people care for one another. I’m calling it ‘Sara’s Song.’ ”
“Hum a few bars, Dallas and I’ll give you my honest opinion.” He obliged. He grinned when Sandi clapped her hands. “I like it, Dallas. Try it now using my name and see how it sounds.” Dallas obliged. Sandi’s voice was playful when she said. “I think I like it with my name better. Do it again and get the beat. See what I mean. Oh, well, it’s your song so you can do whatever you want. I do think, though, you should play it for the guys and get their opinion. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Would you like to come to dinner at my parents’ house? They come here in the winter.”
“I can’t. Sara’s coming up and we’re going to make dinner.”
“That’s nice. I just worry about you being alone. Do you know what I’m going to do, Dallas. I just got this great idea. I’m going to call Nancy and invite her to my mother’s. I know she doesn’t have any family, and this is going to be rough for her. It’s a really good idea, don’t you think, Dallas?”
“It’s a great idea.”
“Sara isn’t part of our family the way Nancy is. You need to give some thought to what it will mean if the guys don’t accept her. After all, Billy died in her care.” Sandi looked at her watch. “It’s getting late. I think I’m going to leave now, Dallas. If Nancy is agreeable to coming here, should I charter a plane or what? It’s your decision, Dallas. Do you have to call Adam for something like this? I can make all the arrangements, you just have to pay for it. If I could afford it, you know I’d do it.”
“I don’t need Adam’s okay to do anything. Go ahead and call Nancy and take care of the arrangements if she wants to come. Then call me back and let me know the method of payment.”
“I can’t call you back, Dallas. Don’t you remember, you got angry with me and got a new number? All I wanted to do that day was try and comfort you in your grief. I was grieving, too, Dallas. I loved Billy, too. It’s okay, I forgive you. It’s easy for me to forgive you because I still love you.”
“Call me on the house phone. I plugged them all back in. Those cell phones are a pain in the neck. I have a lot of decisions to make, Sandi. Adam’s forcing me to take over more of the responsibilities of the band. I’ll think about everything you said.”
“Do you want me to send up my friend? He’s tops, Dallas. He’s been a fan for twenty years. He’s clean so Adam would approve of that. He just needs an advance for some new threads, a class styling job on his hair, and some new wheels. He’s got the same kind of wonderful personality Billy had. He’s got red hair and three zillion freckles. How about Monday afternoon? I’ll bring him up, and we can audition him. Trust me, Dallas, this is a good thing.”
“Okay, but call first.”
Sandi stood on her toes. She kissed him lightly on the tip of his nose. “Do you still love me, just a little.”
Dallas felt so uncomfortable he backed up. “We’ve been all through this, Sandi. I’m in love with Sara. Whatever was between us is over and done with.”
“Keep working on that song and try my name when you get stuck. Record it, Dallas, and then play it back. You’ll see what I’m talking about. Promise.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“See you, sweetie.”
Dallas stood in the driveway watching the small blue car until it was out of sight. Somehow Sandi had wiped away his horrendous headache. He would not think about the mess in his bedroom. He absolutely would not think about anything but the song he was writing.
Sara stepped from the elevator, her eyes searching for Nellie Pulaski. When she spotted her she smiled. “I have this strange feeling, Nellie, that I won’t be back. You know me and my intuition. Have you heard anything?”
“Plenty,” the older nurse blustered. “I know everything that goes on in this hospital. Most of the time I know it before the muckety-mucks know it. And if what I heard is true, I’m outta here.”
Sara’s heart took on an extra beat. “That sounds pretty ominous, Nellie. Do you care to share, or is it gossip that shouldn’t be repeated?”
“There was some kind
of meeting in Heinrick’s office around ten-thirty. I got it straight from Tessie, Heinrick’s secretary. The board voted against renewing your contract. She said they talked, using words like ‘downsizing,’ ‘cost efficiency,’ and ‘limited donations.’ Salary raises are out of the question. Just for the record, Tisdale and Granger got raises when their contracts were renewed. That goes for everyone, not just you. Tessie actually heard Harry say that. I have an appointment with Heinrick when I go off duty. I’m going to ask him point-blank if it’s true. If it is, I’m giving my notice.”
Sara felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach. “I guess they have to do what they have to do. I’m sure Mrs. Osborne played a part in this somewhere. I’m not sorry for what I did, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Please, Nellie, don’t quit because of me. This hospital needs you. I better go back and get the plants in my office.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Did they say anything specific about my work? ‘Downsizing’ and ‘cost efficiency’ are the only words Harry knows. They were supposed to counter and we’d negotiate. Are you sure Tessie got it straight? I’m a damn good doctor, Nellie.”
The old nurse’s face was grim. “Not just damn good. You are the best. Tessie said she’s sure and she repeated the conversation word for word. She said Heinrick looked elated. I meant it, Sara, I’m leaving. Steven McGuire offered me a job. It’s part-time. I think I’m going to take him up on his offer. I’m of retirement age anyway. Working with animals opposed to people has its perks. The animals don’t complain. All they do is love you for taking care of them and making them well. I don’t want you to panic now. Listen to me, Sara, you can get a job anywhere. And you’ll probably make more than what you asked for in your new contract. My advice would be to send out your résumés to every hospital in town. Take the month off just the way you planned. Start the new year right. By the fifteenth of January the offers will be rolling in.”
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