He shifted in his seat, looking a bit uncomfortable.
I looked at him and licked my lips. Holy moly! The man was hotter than Florida blacktop in August. He shifted in his seat, drawing my attention to the way his jeans hugged his hips and…other parts below his waist. My face burned at that thought and I quickly raised my head, my gaze meeting his.
He cleared his throat and sat forward in his seat. "We have to talk."
Chapter Nine
Why did he sound so uncomfortable? He was the guy for goodness sake. Guys should be used to the love 'em and leave 'em role. Besides, I went into this relationship with no illusions. I don't want a long-term commitment. I never did. Then why are you so afraid to hear him tell you goodbye?
It wasn't the goodbye that scared me. It was the idea that it would be permanent. What if I sucked in bed last night and he never wanted to see me again? I would really have had to suck if he preferred screwing a machine over me. I frowned at the large number of insecurities that rattled through my brain. What if he thought I was too fat or too thin or I'm too short or too tall? I glanced over at him. He sat waiting patiently, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Okay, so too tall was unlikely.
We need to talk. I frowned, disgusted with myself. Why should that one sentence bother me so much? What did I care if he never wanted to see me again? I pushed the feeling of dread to the back of my mind, steeled my spine and met his gaze. He can't hurt you unless you let him, Lily. Just don't let him. I faced him with the knowledge that he had the power to rip my heart out and stomp on it. I never wanted any man to have that sort of power over me ever again. I couldn't trust them. I'd been betrayed twice by the men in my life, I didn't plan to allow anyone to betray me again.
"You look like I told you that you were just convicted of a horrendous crime," he said. Sitting forward, he placed his elbows on his knees. "It's nothing too bad. I just…" He let his voice trail off and I couldn't help but wonder what it was that could make someone as intense and sure of himself as this man always seemed, so nervous.
"Oh, my God, it's Matty isn't it?" It felt like my heart jumped into my throat at the thought. My stomach turned when I thought of Cassie. Where was I when she needed me the most? I was here, feeling sorry for myself and getting my jollies with Darius. I jumped up and ran, dragging the sheet with me, heading toward the adjoining bathroom. "I have to get to Cassie. She's bound to be devastated." I fumbled around, picking up my clothes on my way to the other room.
He stood and grabbed me on my way to shower and dress. "Matt is fine. We rescued him last night. It's who we found with him that I need to talk to you about."
"Who did you find with him?" I asked after swallowing around the lump in my throat. I had a feeling I knew. I hugged my clothes to my chest. My insides quivered with both excitement and dread. I wanted to know--I needed to know. I was afraid the answer wouldn't be what I hoped. Yet, I was terrified that it would be exactly that.
"Matt said he talked to a man held there. He was a prisoner, yet not. He was human, yet not. The man seemed very interested in you." He stood and began to pace. "I cannot allow this man to live if he has set his sights on you, Lily. Still…" He let his voice trail off. "I have a feeling that all is not as it seems." He grasped my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. "How old would your father be now?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "My mother is twenty two years older than me. I think he was a few years older than that. So he'd be fifty, maybe?"
He shook his head. "It cannot be him then. This man is in his late thirties or early forties, by my estimation. I'm not sure he's old enough to be your father, unless…" He furrowed his brow, deep in thought. "No. It's not likely they would have changed him."
I knew where he was going with this. Someone or something on the other side had immense power. Evidently, it wasn't enough power for the greedy bastard though. I let my mind wander down the same path as Darius's for a moment. Could they have changed him? Yes. Would they have changed him? That's another matter entirely. What could they want from him that they would gift him with immortality?
"He was in his late thirties when he disappeared, I think. I wonder…" I bit my lip. "Does time pass the same as it does here when you step through a portal?"
Darius shrugged.
It was a casual lift of his shoulders, but it drew my undivided attention anyway. How could it not when I could see his muscles ripple beneath his shirt--muscles that had held me so firmly the night before. Would I never tire of looking at him?
"I don't know. My world is very similar to yours. I can't say about others. The possibilities of alternate dimensions are infinite. I would imagine that the way time passes or does not would also be so."
"Then there is a possibility that the man he saw could be my daddy, then." I took a deep breath, swallowed my fear of the unknown and jumped in with both feet. "I want to go see him."
"Absolutely not." He shook his head, adamant.
I narrowed my eyes and thinned my lips. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me, Lily. You are not going to step one foot on the other side. Protecting you from the monsters who would attempt to take you for their own would be a nightmare. I forbid it."
"You--you what?" I walked up to him and poked him in the chest. "Who in Hades do you think you are? You certainly aren't my father." Thank god for that! What we did last night would have been eleven kinds of illegal. "I barely even know you." My face burned at that comment because I did know him…at least in the biblical sense. "You have no right to make any demands or decisions about me or my well being."
"I am your mate, woman. I have every right." He stood straight, his shoulders back, his stance defensive.
The words echoed through the room and I blinked with surprise. It was the first time he'd ever raised his voice to me. There was no doubt in my mind that his enemies found his demeanor frightening, maybe even alarming enough to give him his way. But I wasn't falling for it. If I thought for one split second that he would harm me, I may have given him his way. But I knew he would die before he hurt me. How I knew it, was another thing altogether though.
"I have a name, Darius--and it's Lily. You know, this mate crap of yours is really starting to grate on my nerves." I turned and paced away from him. "I am my own woman. I do not belong to you. I don't need to belong to a man to be myself. I've done just fine alone these last few years all by my little ol' self and I'll continue to do so in the future. Don't make the mistake of thinking I am not fulfilled without the presence of a man, you jerk. It's arrogant and it doesn't become you."
He stepped up to me, grabbed me by the upper arms and shook me a bit. I think it was more to get my attention than hurt me, because he abruptly pulled me into his arms and squeezed me 'till I couldn't breathe.
"I do not think you cannot live without me, Lily. I never once thought you could not function without me in your life. After meeting you, loving you and tasting you, it is I who cannot live without you." He kissed the top of my head.
I meant to pull away, but found myself moving closer, snuggling deeper into his embrace, instead. I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that my body would continue to confound me whenever he was around. "You don't understand, Darius." I placed my palms flat on his chest, pissed that I'd been reduced to begging. "I have to go--I need to go. I need to know if that man is my father, no matter how far fetched it may seem."
Sighing, he backed up and held me by the shoulders to look deep into my eyes. "I fear for you, courimeo. I do not wish you to put yourself in danger. My training, my heart--my very being--urges me to protect you, to keep you safe at all times. Can you not understand that?"
I lost myself in his green gaze and, for a moment, I wondered if I should listen to him. Yet the little girl in me that loved and missed my father couldn't, in good conscience, leave him to the mercy of the incubi. Part of me was still angry at him for leaving me. I wanted to rail at my father, to scream out the injustice of him leaving me with my mother--a woman
who had no compunction about handing her eleven-year-old daughter over to cruel strangers.
I shivered and Darius drew me close. "Do not think of such things, courimeo. It is in the past. Leave it there to die. It has no place in your life now. Allow me to help you make new, beautiful memories."
I snuggled into the warmth of his embrace and let him hold me. Pressing my face against his chest, I inhaled deeply, loving his scent. "Why do you all wear the same cologne?" I asked with a frown. I'd noticed it before. I just never really thought to ask him about it. Other, more urgent, matters kept distracting me.
"All Cartuoteys wear this scent. It helps the guides to identify us from the rogues."
I stared up at him, dumbfounded for a moment. "Uh, okay. Did none of you ever think that someone could just go out and buy the stuff?"
"It is not for sale. One of our kind designs and distributes it. Maximillian is a man with extensive knowledge of chemistry and scent making. He has directed a select few of our kind in the production."
How in the heck was I supposed to know that? "Who is Maximillian?"
"He is the recognized leader of the Cartuotey. If you ever have need and you cannot reach me, you will contact him."
"I will contact him," I repeated, then shook my head and scowled. "Hey! Wait a minute. You didn't just use some sort of mind control crap on me again, did you?" I looked up at him through narrowed eyes. "Because you better not have, mister."
He grinned, baring his too white teeth.
I almost swooned under the sheer intensity of his smile. The man was a god--wonderfully handsome, well-endowed, knowledgeable sex god. My breast throbbed where he bit me the night before and I raised my hand to cover the spot. "What?" I asked, when his grin got even sexier than before. It was something I didn't think possible. But there it was. "What did I say?"
He leaned down, kissed the tip of my nose and reminded me, "I can read your mind, courimeo."
Crap. I forgot about that. What was it about this man that made me forget everything but the way his arms felt when he wrapped them around me?
Leaning down, he whispered in my ear. "I am your mate. Your heart knows this even if you do not." He gazed deep into my eyes, thumbed the tears from my cheeks and kissed me gently. "It means that much to you, my love?"
I nodded, unable to speak. A lump formed in my throat as I fought the urge to plead with him to take me there. I clamped my lips shut, refusing to beg him for something he had no right to deny. Instead, I rested my forehead against his breastbone and, for the first time in my life, decided to deal with the devil.
He fisted his hand in my hair, tilting my head back. "You wound me, Lily. I am no devil. I fight those who are evil. I do not associate with them."
"Stay out of my head, dammit!"
He leaned forward, his lips almost brushing mine. "I love the things I see in there." He grinned again. "You have some wonderful ideas."
My cheeks burned and I pushed him away. He went willingly. I knew if he really wanted to keep me in his arms, there would be no budging him. "I don't care what you think of my thoughts." I know my blush gave away the lie in my words. Still, I kept up the charade. "I don't give a good damn, if you like what you see. I only care that you read my thoughts. My thoughts are my own, dammit." I turned to stalk away from him. "I'll go without you if you won't take me."
"You have no idea where to go. How would you find him without me?" He sat back down, showing how unconcerned he was.
He was so sure I wouldn't go without him and it pissed me off. Big time. Not knowing where to go was not a minor point and he knew it. "I'll ask the others. They'll tell me. Do you really think they would keep that kind of information from me?" Besides, he didn't know of my other power. I just wasn't sure if it worked with people. So far, it had only worked with places.
He chuckled mirthlessly. "I have already ordered them to hold their tongues."
My eyes widened to the point of pain. Almost the same amount of pain that wracked my heart. "You--you what!"
"Did you think I would stand by and let them tell you where to find him? I cannot allow you to put yourself at risk in such a way." He stood again and moved toward me, the green of his eyes flat and lifeless. "None of them will speak to you of this. If they do, they shall face my wrath."
He was serious. I found it almost impossible to believe it, but the goon was serious. Making a face, I stomped over to him, ready to do battle. "Just who do you think you are?" I screamed, my arms flailing with my anger as I paced in front of him. "You can't just order people to keep information from me. I have a right to know, dammit!"
He raised that irritating eyebrow. I'd first thought it was perfect. But it wasn't. It was infuriating. "I have already ordered their silence."
He gave me a look of such smug, male superiority that I wanted to smack it right off his too handsome face. In fact, my fingers itched with the desire to do just that. My palms burned with the need to make his cheek sting. In my minds eye, I imagined a large red splotch blooming on his cheek where I wanted to hit him and I smiled. It was so tempting. Almost too tempting.
Still as a statue, he stood there, almost as if he dared me to do just that. "Revenge is sweet, Lily." He smiled a shark-like smile that made me shiver with dread. "Do it, you know you want to."
I did. I never wanted to hurt someone so much in my life as I wanted to punch him right then. I ached with the need to hit him and it scared me--that and the look in his eyes. He wanted me to hit him. I shook my arms, to loosen my cramping muscles and to dispel the incredible need to do violence. The man wanted me to hit him for some reason. I wasn't stupid enough to oblige him.
"They were my friends first, dammit." God, how childish did that sound? Still, I continued. "They won't choose your orders over my need to see my father." I was sure of that. I knew I could convince them to tell me. No one knew how badly I wanted my father back more than Cassie and her brothers.
He shrugged. It was a careless motion, one that showed how little he cared about what he threatened to do. "Then they will die."
I sucked in a surprised breath, my heart pounding erratically against my ribs. "You wouldn't!"
He leaned down, his lips close enough to kiss. I did my best to ignore him. I refused to give him more of me when he took so much without asking. "I would do anything to keep you safe, Lily." His breath fanned my cheek, making my toes curl and my stomach flip-flop. "Anything."
Gritting my teeth, I stared past him, my gaze glued to the far wall. "Then there is nothing left to say." I turned, still hugging my things to my chest and stomped from the room. I couldn't live with a man who would try to take away my rights, who could ignore my needs so callously. Tears ran down my face as I showered and dressed, knowing that he'd ruined everything. I'd almost changed my mind about him. He'd made me want him then he'd turned into an overbearing ass just like I knew he would. I just didn't expect it to happen so fast. I'd lived my life too independently for too long to let anyone force my compliance in any matter, let alone something so important to me.
Checking the mirror, I ignored the dark circles under my eyes. I didn't get much sleep last night. He made sure of that. My face turned red at the thought that he could be so gentle and caring one minute and so heartlessly disregard anything I had to say the next. He was in the room waiting for me when I emerged from the bathroom. I ignored him the best I could. I refused to acknowledge he was even in the room at first, until I realized I was being childish. "Will you take me home, please?"
"You are home, Lily. Your place is with me."
My stomach clenched at his words and I felt sick. I felt so sick that I could have fallen for such an overbearing ass and I was tired of fighting him. I turned and walked from the room, down the stairs and to the front door. Turning the knob, my eyes widened when the door wouldn't budge. "Unlock the door, Darius."
"I will not allow you to leave me."
I turned to glare at him and his expression brooked no argument. Thinning my lips, I
placed my hands on my hips. If he wanted to keep me here against my will, there was nothing I could do to stop it, I suppose. But he couldn't force me to like it. "If that's the way you're going to be, Darius, you won't even have me while I'm here."
I turned my back on him and stomped up the stairs. Stripping my clothes back off, I laid down on the bed, my arms and legs stretched out like the obvious captive I was. Let him have sex with me. My traitorous body would respond. I knew it would. So let him have it. It wouldn't be the first time I'd had sex with someone I didn't like. He could touch me all he wanted. He only had my body. My heart and mind were my own.
I laid on the bed waiting for him to come to me. Tears streaked over my temples and through my hair. I wanted to wipe all emotion from my face, but the sense of his betrayal was so great, that the pain couldn't be denied.
He looked at me for a long moment while I stared past him to the wall.
"Here I am. You wanted me here for this, didn't you?" I asked, my voice flat and lifeless. It was as flat and lifeless as I felt inside. I imagined a great chalkboard in my mind, erasing all my thoughts disconnecting myself from him. He didn't deserve any part of me, but my shell. That was what he wanted, all he cared about. That was all he would get. The moment I felt the matebond disappear, my tears dried on my face. Nothing remained of my feelings for Darius, though I wished it could have been different. Just once, I would have liked to get to know a man, to have some semblance of a real relationship. But, apparently my destiny lay elsewhere.
Darius stiffened and narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing?"
My heart slammed in my chest as a flash of pain spread across his face. He paled, visibly uncomfortable. "What have you done, Lily?" He leaned against the doorframe, his head bent. Reaching up, he rubbed the center of his chest and perspiration dotted his forehead. He was in pain.
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