I played that moment over in my head, when Maggie's eyes slowly moved up my chest. Those thick lashes slowly rising up until her eyes finally met mine. Then that sweet look that flashed across them when she smiled.
"Is it? Shane? Hello?"
I was jolted out of my daydream with Brittany snapping her red nailed fingers in front of my face. "Sorry, babe. What did you say?"
"I asked how your steak is. I think I'm going to send mine back. It tastes like they ran down the street and bought it at the supermarket."
"Sure, do whatever you want."
"Jeeze, Shane, where are you? You've been on another planet ever since we landed."
"I don't know. Maybe it was the flight. I'm pretty beat."
"So, are you saying that this is it for tonight?"
"What do you mean? Did you want to do something else?"
"Well, I thought you were going to show me around. Take me out on the town. There is more to the town than this, isn't there?"
"Yeah … yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's a lot more since the last time I lived here. But maybe we can do that tomorrow. Explore a little … find a nice quiet coffee shop."
"Coffee shop? I was thinking something a little more … adult. Like a club?"
I looked at Brittany like she was speaking another language. Standing around in a club and trying to have a conversation over blaring music was just about the last thing I wanted in my life. I'd left LA to get away from all of that. I thought she understood. I thought she wanted the same thing.
"Why don't we talk about this later. After we get back to the house. I'm really beat."
"Okay." Brittany smiled, but it didn't seem very genuine. She had actually been pretty unhappy with just about everything since we landed. I was starting to get the feeling I shouldn't have agreed to have her move here with me. I didn't want to think that way so soon after arriving, especially since I was really wiped out from all the excitement, but she really seemed like a different person ever since we landed.
Back in LA, the very first time I mentioned the possibility of buying some property and moving back here, she was convinced that it would be the best thing for our relationship. We would both be able to settle down and relax, as she put it. I explained that it would all take a while—the real estate deal and building a house—but none of that seemed to concern her a bit.
Just before we left LA I was lucky enough to rent a gorgeous house that sat on the edge of a cliff and overlooked the land I was in the process of purchasing. From the images I saw online, it had full glass walls with a gorgeous view of the ocean as well as the thick forest and beaches on all three sides.
I told Brittany that we would probably be living there for a while. I still wasn't one-hundred-percent sure what I was going to do with the land. My dream was to build a house for myself and my family. I wanted to bring them back to the island where I grew up. I knew they loved it here and I wanted to provide my parents with a paradise where they could both retire and live out the rest of their lives.
I planned on hiring the right people for the job, though. I didn't want to disturb the land too much. I wanted every part of the process and everything that was done to the land to blend in with the surrounding area. I wanted it to stay as perfect as I remembered it—back in high school when I went there with Maggie.
It was such a strange coincidence, seeing her almost first thing when I got back to the island.
"I can't believe they haven't come back here to check if we need anything. I'm not even going to bother sending the steak back now. It's been almost fifteen minutes. Don't they know who you are?"
"What? What's that supposed to mean? I don't expect special treatment because of who I am. That's silly, Brittany."
"I don't think the waiter checking to see if we need anything, like another drink, is considered special treatment, but maybe it is on this special island."
"Come on, Brittany, just let it go. It's busy here, and I want to get back to the house and relax."
I motioned to the waiter for the check and he brought it right away.
"I hope everything was to your liking."
"Well, the steak wasn't exactly what I was expecting and we could have used more drinks, but—"
"Everything was fine, thank you."
I dropped my credit card on the tray and the waiter glanced at Brittany. "Is there anything else I can get for you, ma'am?"
"Not now. Thanks." I watched that smug, glued-on smile on Brittany's face fade as the waiter walked off. Her eyes met mine and she gave me a "what the fuck" look. "It's his job, Shane. He's supposed to take care of us. That's what he gets paid to do. Besides, I can't believe he called me ma'am."
"You don't have to be so nasty about it."
"You think that was nasty?"
"Never mind. Let's just go."
I signed the slip and put my card in my wallet, then stood and waited for Brittany to walk in front of me before leaving. I suddenly didn't want to look at her face anymore. If this was what she was like when she was tired or stressed out, all I could do was hope that being on this island would relax her like she said it would.
CHAPTER 3
MAGGIE
"What was that? You didn't even give him your number, Maggie."
I was walking ahead of Janine, who was having a hard time keeping up with me in her heels. I just wanted to get as far away from that restaurant as possible. I felt humiliated and sad and when I thought about my stupid fantasies I'd had of running into Shane again, and how different the reality was when it actually happened, I felt an overwhelming, full-bodied sense of embarrassment.
"He doesn't want my number, Janine. He just said that to be polite."
"How do you know that? He seemed happy to see you. He does seem like a nice guy. And holy shit is he hot in person. That giant screen doesn't do those eyes of his justice."
I was becoming even more embarrassed by the second as Janine went on about how I should have given him my number and how nice he was. Partly because she didn't know him like I did. But mostly because it was clear to me that the Shane Holloway I'd been in love with all these years was in my head. Shane was nice, but he didn't look at me and talk to me like I remembered. He didn't look at me the way he does every night when I lay in bed thinking about him. I was embarrassed because I realized that I'd wasted ten years of my life thinking I was in love with someone who doesn't even exist.
"I don't want to talk right now, Janine. I just …" I stopped talking because I felt like if I continued I'd start crying and that made me feel sillier than anything I'd done in the last fifteen minutes. "I gotta get back to work."
"Okay, well, what are you doing tonight? It's Friday night. Do you want to go out for dinner and maybe a drink after work? It might help you get your mind off of—"
"I don't need to get my mind off anything," I snapped. "Sorry, Janine. I didn't mean that the way it came out. I think I just want to be alone tonight. Maybe tomorrow."
"You don't have to apologize. You're way too hard on yourself sometimes, Mags. Why don't we head over to the farmer's market in the morning, around ten-ish?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll call you in the morning."
"Okay, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow."
AFTER I GOT off work that night, I drove down the long, unpaved road that led to what I always called my secret cove. It was my favorite place on the island—had been all my life—and especially since that night with Shane. It was right before he was set to leave. We'd hung out before, and enjoyed each other's company, but that was always with a few other friends around. But this particular night he asked me to come down to the cove alone—just me and him. I'd had a crush on him since we were in grade school, but even back then I always figured he was way out of my league.
There was something about him. He was good looking for sure—with his big brown eyes and amazing smile—but he also had a certain something that drew people to him. He was bright and charming and incredibly kind, even as a teenager
. It was easy to see why the agencies in Hollywood practically fought over him, offering all kinds of perks if he would go with them. As soon as anyone met Shane they immediately fell in love with him.
I couldn't help but wonder how much he'd changed—how much of an effect having his life on display for the public had on him. I wondered if that incredibly sweet guy with the sparkling eyes I knew even existed anymore.
That was ten years ago, when he brought me down here, and ten years is a long time. Probably way too long to remember a kiss you gave some random school girl. But that kiss … it was … perfect. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced, before or since then, and I never forgot a single moment of it. The way he looked into my eyes and held my face. It seemed like it went on forever—that feeling of excitement that built up like a geyser inside me—until his lips finally lowered, touching and dissolving into mine and making me feel like we were attached somehow. That we were part of each other. How could he forget that?
I'd played that moment over in my head so many times now, it seemed like the memory itself was alive in every fiber of my being. That it actually existed in the air that surrounded me and the stars that filled the sky. The way his lips felt when they first touched mine, so soft and warm, but then pressed into mine with a fierce passion that took my breath away. When I closed my eyes I could actually feel it. The way his hands gripped my body, hard and with just enough force to make me feel like he knew what he wanted. And what he wanted was me.
All these years I had believed that the memory of that kiss was not only a part of me, but also a part of this whole universe, including the shiny leaves on the tropical trees in the forest and the ripple of the waves that lapped up on the beach. Like my grandmother used to say to me, when you think about something enough, it takes on a life of its own. That's what the memory of that kiss felt like to me. When I closed my eyes, I could still feel everything—every single sound and taste and tickle of energy coursing through my body—like I was back there on that beach with Shane.
I could still feel it, why couldn't he? Why had he been so formal with me? What was the point of seeing him again when all it did was make me realize how delusional I'd been? That night was so long ago and it was stupid for me to imagine that he'd thought about that kiss as much as I had.
I followed the path through the tropical forest that I'd traveled thousands of times. This place, my secret cove, was where I came for any and every reason. Sad or happy, to celebrate or to cheer myself up, coming here was always my first impulse. Whereas some people went out for dinner or drinks to celebrate an achievement or to drown their sorrows, I came to my secret cove. This place held so much that was dear to me; my grandmother's ashes, my beloved kitty, and my most favorite memories. It comforted me when I was sad and lifted me up even more when I was happy.
I kicked my shoes off at the edge of the beach and walked out onto the sand. There was a slight breeze that evening and it felt incredible as it brushed across my skin. I hadn't planned on coming out here when I left the house this morning, so I was wearing a long sleeved red dress that I'd put on for work. Not really very appropriate for the beach, but after seeing Shane during lunch, I knew I needed to come down here and spend some time alone at my cove.
I went down to the edge of the water and let the waves wash over my feet. Sometimes when I walked along the shore like this, I imagined myself staying here forever, just camping out on the beach and waking each morning to the feel of the sun and sand and waves. It wasn't a very practical fantasy, but they usually weren't. That wasn't the point. Just being able to live in the world exactly the way I wanted it—even if it was only for a few minutes—that was the magic of daydreaming. And down here, with the breeze on my skin and the water tickling my feet, it was so much easier to make my life exactly the way I wanted it.
I was finally starting to feel a little better, but when that image of me spazzing out in the restaurant and Shane's lukewarm greeting flashed in my head again, I came crashing down to earth. I realized that it was probably going to take more than one walk on the beach to help me get over Shane. I'd dreamt about him for so long now, that a part of me really believed that we were meant to be together. A belief that I would never tell another living soul.
I never even told another person about our kiss. Not even Janine. I didn't want anyone to think I was bragging. That the Shane Holloway kissed me. Our kiss was private and special and only meant for us.
But he didn't even remember it, that was obvious to me now. I was just a familiar face from his past, from before his exciting life of traveling and make movies and partying with other famous people, and having more money than I could ever dream of. Because now he had enough money to buy the most beautiful place in the world, and take it away from me.
CHAPTER 4
SHANE
A fter we left the restaurant Brittany seemed to cheer up a little. She even commented on the view of the ocean as we drove up the coast, something she hadn't mentioned once since we landed. But the minute we turned off the main road onto the gravel drive that led to the house, Brittany started up again. "Where are we going? We're not going to be living way out here, are we? This is practically the middle of the jungle, Shane."
"I think you'll really like it. You'll see, it's not really as remote as it seems."
"You're kidding, right? What if I need to run to the store for something or I want to grab a quick cup of coffee? I don't even have a car!"
"Brittany, we will get you a car."
"I find it hard to believe they sell anything but golf carts on this stupid island."
"We can go down and rent you one in the morning. And please don't call it a stupid island. It's where I grew up. I love it here." I had pretty much had it with her attitude. All I could think about was getting to the house, taking a shower, and spending the rest of the evening alone. I'd hoped she would be going to bed as soon as we got to the house, but when I looked at the digital display on the dash I realized it was barely four o'clock. After the day I'd had, it felt much later than that.
When I parked the car in front of the sprawling, modern house I was sure she would change her tune about where the house was located. It was spectacular. The view from the car alone was incredible, and I was sure it was going to be even more amazing from the back balcony of the house that overlooked the ocean.
I got the luggage out of the trunk and carried it to the front door, then slipped the key in next to a huge rectangle of glass that took up half the door. From there I could see the living room, furniture in dark shades of wood and leather, that sat on a thick white carpet.
I opened the door and let Brittany in, then carried the luggage inside. We toured the immediate rooms, a large entryway that led to the living room, and an enormous kitchen, which was only separated from the living room by a large island.
"This is awesome!" I exclaimed. "It's way bigger than it looked online."
Brittany flopped down on the huge, sectional couch. "Well, it doesn't look to me like it's been updated or even repainted in a few years. But if that doesn't bother you …"
I picked up the suitcases and carried them down the hall to the master bedroom. It was a corner room with two full walls that looked out onto the ocean and the jagged cliffs that lined the coast to the east of the house. I opened a sliding glass door and stepped out onto a massive patio that was bordered with a glass railing. In the far corner sat a huge hot tub that was surrounded by a marble tile platform.
I went back into the living room to find Brittany. "You have to come check this bedroom out, babe. The view is spectacular."
Brittany just sat there on the couch staring up at me. "What's so great about this place, Shane? We've been in way nicer hotels in Europe and the Caribbean. This place is just so … average."
"How can you say that? Have you even looked at the view?"
"I've seen plenty of views before. It's just a bunch of water and rocks and trees. Who cares?"
I stared at h
er in stunned silence for a moment. I didn't understand how she could possibly mean what she'd just said. "You can't be serious. This is one of the most beautiful islands on the planet. The water is brilliant blue!"
"The water was bluer on Tortola." She just sat there on the couch pouting.
"What the hell is the problem, Brittany? You've had a bad attitude about everything since we landed."
"I don't like it here, Shane! It's not anything like I imagined it was going to be. We're out in the middle of nowhere!"
"Well, when we go into town we'll be around people. There's restaurants and bars—"
"Like the one we went to today? That crappy little steakhouse? I was picturing us eating at outdoor tables at the Azure and lounging around on those padded recliners under big umbrellas while waiters brought us a never-ending stream of drinks. Not a restaurant full of nobodies and a waiter that we had to flag down to get a refill of overbrewed iced tea!"
"What the … the Azure is in Honolulu, Brittany. That's on a completely different island."
"That's exactly what I'm saying. I thought we would be living in Honolulu, with big buildings all around, not out here surrounded with forests filled with giant centipedes and mosquitoes. I'm not that kind of girl, Shane. I don't even own a pair of flat sandals."
"But I told you where we were going," I said as I slid down onto the couch next to her. "I told you all about this island, how different it is from any place I've ever been. I told you about the secluded beaches and the forest and how special they were to me. Didn't you listen to anything I said?"
"I don't know. I guess not."
I sat there in silence, completely stunned. Now I understood why Brittany had been such a bitch since we got here. From the very beginning she'd tuned out everything I'd told her about where we were going to the sound of her own voice in her own head. Every time I talked to her about my plans she would smile and nod, but in her head she was picturing herself at five star resorts in the largest city on the Hawaiian islands. She might as well have not have even left LA.
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