by Dani Wade
The guilt that had been growing over her decision to keep Carter from Jacob burrowed so deep inside she doubted she’d ever be rid of it. Yes, she’d been afraid. She’d been angry. She’d been pressured. But in the end, her choice to cave under James Blackstone’s demands had deeply hurt Jacob. Now she got to live with the proof of that.
Finally he came to a single picture and stopped, simply staring at it. He didn’t say anything, and the ache was made worse by his silence.
In an effort to escape, KC shifted her eyes, but found herself caught by Aiden Blackstone’s hard stare. She’d heard he was a tough nut to crack, but the echo of his brother’s pain she saw in Aiden’s eyes told her she’d hurt not just Jacob but his family, too. A hard knot of self-disgust formed in her stomach.
“Let me show you what the construction crew is up to,” Christina said, taking her arm to guide KC away.
Probably for the best. She might ruin her boundaries with Jacob by bursting into tears right there.
Not that being with Christina was much easier. She knew the minute her friend threw the first glance her way, then threw several more as they walked slowly away from the men toward the half-standing fort. The sound of electric nail drivers peppered the air. To the right, three men were securing a set of monkey bars into the ground.
“I really don’t understand, KC,” Christina finally said. “And I want to understand. I do.”
“James threatened my family. I didn’t know how to get out of that without hurting them.”
“That part I get,” Christina said “Trust me, I really do. My own experiences with James are numerous and traumatic.”
KC could only imagine, living in Blackstone Manor with James while caring for his daughter, Lily, meant Christina had no way to avoid him. Lily required full-time care after a car accident had eventually led to a long-term coma. Christina’s dedication to her patient and friend had put her at James’s mercy. Then he’d forced Aiden and Christina to marry. Last year had been just as traumatic for her as for KC.
“What I don’t understand,” Christina said, “is why you wouldn’t come to me as your friend, ask for help, let me offer some kind of emotional support for you and Carter. Didn’t you think I’d want to do that for you?”
KC stopped, afraid if she tried to walk and talk at the same time she might fall flat on her face. She wasn’t prepared for this conversation, and sparring with Jacob took a lot out of her. “I am sorry, Christina. But I couldn’t risk you putting two and two together.”
“Putting two and two together? Honey, I had no idea you’d even met Jacob. How you managed to actually get pregnant by him is a mystery of biblical proportions.”
KC had always appreciated that Christina got her point across in a ladylike but effective manner.
“Keeping our—” she swallowed hard “—affair a secret wasn’t my choice. Only...afterward.”
“Well, y’all did a damn fine job of it. I mean, I saw Jacob some when he was home all those times. I never had an inkling.”
KC finally gathered the courage to meet Christina’s questioning gaze head-on. “Which is not what I wanted. I never chose for our relationship to be this hidden thing. That was how Jacob wanted it, though I didn’t realize it until after that first week. Somehow I knew, deep down, that Jacob wouldn’t continue seeing me if we went public.” So she’d bit her tongue and grasped at whatever crumb he’d thrown her, even though every secret encounter hurt more than the last.
“Why wouldn’t Jacob want people to know about you?” Christina asked, shaking her head with the same confusion KC felt over it all.
“I suspect because he had no intention of our time together meaning any more than it did. When he came to visit, we would hang out and have, um, fun, but that’s as far as it went. No invitations to dinner at a restaurant in town, no family dinners, nothing. If he wanted to go out, he drove me to Sheffield. What other message was I supposed to get from that, Christina?”
Her friend glanced back at the men over KC’s shoulder. “I don’t know,” she murmured.
“It wasn’t the type of relationship you bring something as permanent as a baby into.” As much as KC wished it had been. “Not that I planned to keep Carter a secret permanently. I just hadn’t figured out how to tell Jacob yet.”
“But close friends are supposed to be there for each other. What about me? Avery? We could have helped you, KC.”
“Asking you to keep this secret wouldn’t have been fair to you. And James Blackstone would not have taken kindly to word getting back to Jacob. He made that very clear.”
“Well, you weren’t the first,” Christina said with a grimace. “Thank goodness his days of manipulating others are over. Why didn’t you come to Jacob as soon as you knew James was dead?”
Because I still wanted more than I could have. “It was kind of hard to figure out how to bring the subject up. Not that keeping it from him was ideal, either. But the important thing now is that Jacob and I learn how to work together for Carter.”
She hoped her friend could see the sincerity she felt as she met her gaze head on. “And that you forgive me. Being without you and Avery these past months has been very lonely.”
Christina hugged her, not holding back even though KC knew she still had to have reservations. After all, she was a Blackstone now. Who knew how this would all play out?
“I’ve missed you, too,” Christina said.
KC closed her eyes and returned the hug. Her family had been there for her every step of the way. The aunt she’d gone to stay with had been helpful and loving. Really, KC had had a great deal of support. But she’d missed her friends. It hadn’t been the same without them.
It hadn’t been what she wanted. Sometimes, when she was pregnant, she would dream that Jacob was with her. Rubbing her back. Picking out names. Dreaming of the future. But she’d been too afraid to reach out for what she’d wanted.
She glanced back over her shoulder to see Jacob and Aiden still in an intense discussion. Jake’s brows were drawn together, his eyes hooded. So far away from where she wanted him. She’d never have him now, not even the way she’d had him before.
Still, she’d make up for her mistakes with Jacob. Somehow.
Four
On the ride back to the house, Jacob sat in silence, wondering what Christina had said to KC. Their hug before they parted suggested it had been something good, but Jacob had been too caught up in his own emotions to track their conversation. He left KC to her thoughts as he tried to sort through the tangle in his own brain.
When they reached KC’s house, there was a vehicle he didn’t recognize parked in the driveway. This time, a Ford F150. Jacob felt jealousy make another appearance. Though plenty of women drove trucks in the South, it was usually a man’s mode of transportation. What man would go into KC’s house when she wasn’t home?
They were barely inside before KC’s mom appeared in the doorway from the kitchen. She watched him with wide eyes that made him ashamed of his threats to take Carter away. This woman was obviously afraid of his role in her grandson’s life. Considering his grandfather’s demands, Jacob could see why.
“Carter’s asleep,” she said, her voice hushed as if they were still in the baby’s room.
“Thanks, Mom,” KC said with a smile. “Did he give you any trouble? He’s been a little fussy the past few days.”
“As if that baby could be any trouble at all,” her mother scoffed.
“That last time he got sick he screamed for hours,” a man said, appearing in the doorway behind KC’s mother. “Babies are cute, but trust me, they’re trouble.”
His mother glared. “Spoken like a true bachelor.”
“Babies can’t help it that their only form of communication is crying,” KC said with dry humor.
The man in jeans didn’t appear
offended. Jacob studied him. He’d forgotten KC had a brother. Zachary, he thought was his name. Though his complexion was darker, his hair long and midnight black, those unusual hazel eyes were the same as KC’s. After introductions, the men took each other’s measure silently. From her brief mentions of him, Jacob remembered her brother worked hard to assist his mother and grandmother, full shifts at the mill, nights at Lola’s and even extra gigs doing crop dusting for the cotton farmers around here. Hardworking and conscientious.
Ms. Gatlin eyed KC and Jacob both, as if wondering what they’d gotten up to while they were gone, then swung her gaze solely in Jacob’s direction. The thorough inspection made him uneasy, but Jacob wasn’t offering any explanations. Whatever KC wanted her mom to know, she’d tell her. Jacob just wished she would be on her way so he could finally meet his son.
Something he wasn’t doing under the prying eyes of a crowd.
“Mom, I’m going to have to miss lunch this afternoon,” KC said. “But we’ll be there next week.”
Her mother’s look turned into a glare, but Jacob stayed silent. This was between KC and her family.
“Why would you do this, KC?” the older woman finally asked, turning her glare on her daughter. “Why would you give him full access to Carter?”
“Mom—”
“He’s the enemy. Can’t you see that?”
Offended, Jacob squared his shoulders, his back tightening. He felt as if he needed to jump to his own defense, to KC’s defense, but the anguish in the older woman’s voice held him back. He met the turbulent gaze of KC’s brother as he placed an arm around his mother’s shoulders. Jacob guessed her intensity had to do with more than just Jacob and the Blackstones. But he wasn’t going to justify his right to see his son to anyone.
“Mother, he is Carter’s father.”
“Yes, and you ran far away rather than turn to him for help. What kind of father could he possibly be?”
Jacob wouldn’t know until he was given a chance—
“I made a mistake,” KC said. “It was wrong of me to keep Jacob from his son. I need to find a way to make that right. You knew he’d come into our lives when I moved back. Somehow.”
“I can’t believe you’re just going to let him waltz in here and take Carter from us,” she said, tears forming in her eyes, which were so like her children’s.
Jacob couldn’t stand it. “Ms. Gatlin, I’m not going to—”
“Why not? Old James sure did.”
Yes, and Jacob was getting very tired of the reminder. “I realize my grandfather was a selfish man, a bully who had to get his own way. In his mind, threatening her, driving her away, meant he could control who became a true Blackstone.” His conscience twinged as he realized he’d inherited some of that need for control himself. Still, Jacob stood a little taller. “But I’m not James Blackstone. The last thing I want is for Carter to disappear.”
It was clear from her face that he hadn’t made her feel better about him. “Then I guess it’s a good thing she didn’t take the money to abort him, isn’t it?”
Jacob choked, heat flushing up his neck to his face. “What?”
Her eyes widened as Ms. Gatlin realized she’d gone too far. She looked to KC, her mouth opening but no sound coming out.
With a resigned look, KC murmured, “I was offered a check. I could have had the money if I’d been willing to get rid of Carter for good. But I couldn’t.”
“And he just let you walk away?” Apparently there were a few things Canton had left out.
KC shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but her face told a different story. “As long as I abided by the rules and didn’t contact you, he let me go and my family didn’t have to suffer. He said, well, he said I was a rare find.”
“Why?”
“He called me an honest woman who knew her limitations. Coming from someone who’d just threatened the livelihood of three single women, it wasn’t really a compliment, though in his twisted way he probably meant it as one.”
Jacob could see how James would feel that way. He would have wished for her to take the permanent option, but as evil as James was, he would admire someone who held on to her integrity, even while he was crushing her will under his demands.
“So you’re not your grandfather,” Ms. Gatlin said, not willing to completely let go. “But I saw how you treated KC before. And you’re still a hotshot businessman, right? Always looking at the bottom line, aren’t you? How do we know you won’t take Carter and try to destroy us because we stood in your way?”
“You don’t. You simply have to trust me.”
“Men aren’t usually trustworthy.”
Jacob could see the shadow of pain in all three pairs of eyes. It was obvious the distrust ran far deeper than their treatment at the hands of James Blackstone. He glanced over at KC, seeing shades of despair on her beautiful features. Having lived in the same town as the Gatlins all his life, he should know this story. Sadly, he didn’t. And the fact that he had never asked drove home his own failings in his time with KC.
“Ms. Gatlin,” he said, the fear in the older woman’s eyes making it impossible for him to keep silent. “I assure you, KC and I are going to work this out in the best possible way for Carter. That is the goal here.”
KC’s mom looked skeptical, almost militant, but Jacob wasn’t fazed. He only had to prove himself to KC. The rest would work itself out later.
“Fine, KC,” her mother conceded, though she still sounded skeptical. “What about tomorrow?”
“Same schedule as usual,” KC said with a quick glance his way. “I’ll see you around noon.”
Schedules. Another thing they’d work out later.
With that assurance, KC’s mother and brother were on their way. Jacob remained rooted where he was while KC walked them outside. A deep breath in, then out, cleared away his tension from the meeting with KC’s family. The silence seeped into him until he thought he could almost hear the whispering breaths of his son as he slept. Fiction, he knew. A product of his strain to connect with the son he hadn’t known existed. Yet he couldn’t move. Couldn’t make himself walk down that hallway.
He could do this. He might not have prepared to have children yet, but it was like any kink in the manufacturing schedule. A good manager evaluated the situation, decided on the best approach and followed through. Right now, that situation entailed seeing his son up close for the first time.
KC stood talking to her mom out by her car. Turning away, Jacob took one step, then two, until he was in the short hall that connected the rooms in KC’s tiny house. Having been in the house before today, Jacob easily guessed which room was Carter’s. Sure enough, a little plaque adorned with pictures of painted tools, baseball bats and soccer balls was hung on the door.
Easing it open, Jacob peered through the dim light to the white crib at the far side. His heart pounded as he registered the white noise of a small fan, the green walls and the mobile of stuffed dinosaurs in bright colors over the crib.
Despite the adrenaline rushing through his veins, Jacob forced himself across the small space. His first peek over the crib railings revealed an incredibly small...person. Splayed on his back, Carter slept with arms sprawled and legs kicked out at crazy angles. Jacob smiled. KC slept the same way. They’d never done the traditional spooning thing for longer than it took for her to fall asleep. After that, she needed her space. He wondered if Carter was just as grumpy in the mornings.
Carter’s cheeks were round and chubby, his lips the same full bow shape as KC’s. Those dark golden curls covered his head, prompting Jacob to reach out and slip his finger inside one with careful precision. His son. His son.
Though he hadn’t heard her come in, he felt KC as she approached his side. He couldn’t turn to face her, afraid the unexpected emotions swirling through him in this moment would be p
lain to see on his face.
“You can pick him up if you want to hold him,” KC whispered. “He’s still in the stage where he sleeps through a lot.”
Jacob hadn’t even known there was such a stage. He knew absolutely nothing about babies. His brothers had never had kids. His colleagues who had children didn’t talk about them much; their existence was marked by no more than the requisite picture on their desks. Seeing Carter lie there, so innocent, so alive, showed him just how wrong that was.
But how did he do the fatherhood thing differently? He’d have to dig deep to remember his own father, those early years before their time together was stolen by James Blackstone.
His hand tightened on the railing of the crib, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Carter looked too small; surely he needed special handling. Jacob didn’t even know where to start.
As if she could read his body language, even in the gloom, KC reached over and scooped Carter up. Nothing more than a twitch of his mouth showed that he was aware. Not giving Jacob a choice, KC lifted Carter’s small body to rest against his chest.
“Let his head rest in the crook of your arm,” she said.
Jacob felt himself follow her instructions, easing the baby into position. He supported Carter’s head with his elbow and placed his arm along the back of the child’s spine. His hand cupped a diapered rump. As the warm weight settled against him, Jacob’s other arm came around to hug his son close.
As he stared down, conscious of Carter’s weight and fragility, something deep inside him sighed. He might be daunted by the task in front of him, but in that moment, he knew he wouldn’t stop until he’d done the best he possibly could for the child lying so trustingly in his arms. This was no longer just a wrestling match about who would have custody of Carter.
Raising his gaze to the woman who had brought about such a miracle, despite all the circumstances, Jacob couldn’t hold back the words. “Thank you.”
As her answering smile doubled the emotion he was holding inside, he knew a moment of panic. Because if this new feeling he had was any indication, he wasn’t going anywhere for a long, long time.