Edmund frowned. “What’s going on with you, Ellie?”
She shook her head. How could she tell him that she wasn’t in love with him? That she had never been in love with him. She had never known love. And until she had met Jared, she had doubted it ever existed. Edmund had been a compromise to what she had thought was a fallacy. And until now, she never had thought she would ever regret making that compromise.
“I’m… I’m just not feeling too well,” she stammered. She forced a smile. “Don’t get too late. It gets dark in the forest too quickly.”
He smiled, seemingly satisfied with her response. He gathered her again in his arms. “I won’t,” he whispered and gave her a kiss on her cheek.
He released her and turned to leave but Ellie caught him by his arm. “Edmund… take care of Jared. He doesn’t know the forest like you do.”
He looked up at her, arching his eyebrow questioningly.
“She’s right,” Evelyn threw her head between them. “He’s the only reason we’re here on this trip. And I’m not going to let you lose him before I even get a chance with him.”
Edmund relaxed, letting out a chuckle. “You have my word,” he said as he walked out the door.
Evelyn peered at her. “You should have shown some concern for your man as well, Ellie.” She threw her bowl into the sink. “Sometimes I think you don’t really want to get married. That you’re only doing this to please Edmund and Dad.”
Ellie clenched her fist. She hated it when Evelyn was right. She strolled over to the window to watch the men walk into the thickness of the forest, her eyes keenly resting on the man to the left. He had stormed into her life, throwing it out of order and into a chaotic mess. Could she afford to risk her engagement and her future for a man she barely knew? Could she trust her heart to keep her safe from getting hurt? Love is a fallacy, right? Because it didn’t make any reasonable sense why she should leave Edmund- the man she had known for the last ten years of her life, for a man she barely knew ten days. There was no rationality. She prided herself on being a woman of common sense. So why suddenly did she feel that she didn’t have much of that since meeting Jared Ryder?
CHAPTER 15
“Stay as quiet as you can, Jared,” advised Liam. “This is what we call deer scouting. What we’re doing now is looking for signs of any deer in the area.”
Jared did his best to avoid the grin tugging on his lips. “And are there any?”
“It doesn’t seem like it,” Liam replied. “We can’t seem to find any scat. Their droppings tell us if there have been deer feeding here.”
Jared picked his head up and spotted the tiny ball of hair on a thorny bramble bush. His eyes immediately traced the trees close to them. Just as he had expected, there were the rub lines he had been looking for.
“Perhaps you’re looking in the wrong direction,” he suggested. He wanted to go back to the house and the sooner they could finish the hunt the better. And knowing Edmund and his egotistical nature, he would never return without it.
The vision of Edmund kissing Ellie wouldn’t stop playing on his mind. His blood had run cold . It took him all his self-control to pull the man away from her. But as of now, Edmund had more right to her than he did and it sickened him to his core.
He had been aware of how Ellie was watching him from the porch swing and it tore him to make himself appear feeble with the bow. And now, he was on a hunt that he knew all about, pretending to look as ignorant as possible.
“You’re not getting the deer,” Tara had warned him. He clenched the bow in his hand, perking his head up at the tree in the distance.
“Let’s go this way,” Liam suggested, leading them in the opposite direction of the rub lines.
“I think I saw something,” Jared burst in quickly. He needed them to get that deer. He could tell the lines were fresh and if they were in luck, they would be heading back to the house sooner than they expected. “I think I saw antlers,” he lied, hoping they’d buy into it.
“Are you sure?” Edmund asked.
“Yeah… large antlers. In that direction,” he pointed. “I’m sure it was a buck.”
The men grinned and eagerly headed towards it.
“You’d better be right, Ryder,” Liam teased. “Otherwise, it’s your ass we’ll be grilling tonight.”
Fortunately, unlike their poor deer spotting skills, Edmund and Liam were good shooters. They sat by the river bank as they field dressed their hunt.
“We’ll carry it out in turns,” said Edmund as he stood up. He then stripped two branches into poles. “Want to help me truss it up?” he asked Jared.
He placed the poles on either side of the deer and then instructed Jared to wrap the rope all the way down; binding the hunt to the poles as if it was resting on a ladder.
Jared sat back, looking at it impressively. “How long have you been doing this?”
“We started out young- about ten years of age,” shrugged Liam. “But we don’t do it as much though. It’s a skill we are required to learn but not necessarily perfect, I suppose.”
“That’s because it’s a hobby. Not a necessity,” Edmund remarked while Liam helped him heave the makeshift sled up. “Welcome to high social living.”
Jared picked up his equipment and followed them quietly out of the woods. His mind flashed to the starving children at Central. His eyes grew cold as he watched the two men haul the sled through the woods. The ban on hunting game in the woods had impacted on the lives of many people in the lower stratum of the economy. The commoners could never afford to pay the expensive annual fees as listed by corporations to hunt in their privatized woods. Their petty earnings at whatever work provided by the corporations did nothing to alleviate their everyday struggles.
He had always hated the corporations but he also had never considered James’ fight for democracy as his own. However, as he watched Edmund and Liam chuckle while they dragged the carcass back to the house, he seethed. They were the very epitome of an unjust society; the selfish elite he despised.
“Come on, Jared!” Liam called out. “The women will have our hides if we returned without you.”
Jared managed a smile. “I’m trying!” he called as he sprinted up to them. “I don’t know how you guys do it, man. And by the way, spare me the next time you go hunting. I hate this fucking forest.”
The men laughed.
“You’re such a wuss,” Liam slapped him on his back. “Stay long enough with us and we’ll turn you into a man.”
“Thanks,” Jared smirked. “But I think I’ll leave the hunting and the woods to you two from now on.”
“Fraidy cat?”
“Whatever,” Jared muttered tiredly, breathing heavily as he trudged on.
Liam laughed, ruffling his hair fondly.
“I don’t care what shit you decide to do in the future,” Edmund panted. “You’re taking your fucking turn in carrying this carcass today.”
Jared grinned, his eyes wandering through the trees. He’d been here last night. He recognized the cluster of tall sugar maple trees they were passing through now.
He glanced to his right as Edmund breathlessly dragged the sled with the dead deer behind him. He could have easily sprinted with the hunt back to the house in no time. But seeing Edmund struggle with it pleased him slightly. For the sake of his friends back in Central, these men more than deserved to labor for the food they were going to consume.
*****
“You know, five years ago we would have got drunk and partied until midnight in a place like this,” Evelyn said as she strolled up to him.
Jared picked up another glass and began wiping it dry. “So what’s changed?”
She shrugged. “We matured. It’s only nine o’clock and the boys have hit the bed. Who would have known that Edmund and Liam would be such a bore as adults?”
He smiled. “What about you?”
“I suppose I’m gullible. I get influenced very easily,” she grinned.
He lo
wered his head as he shined the glass in his hand until it sparkled.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” she observed.
He looked up at her. “I was listening. You need someone to listen.”
She drew closer to him. “It’s rare to find a man who has an ear and patience for a woman.” She gently pulled the glass away from his hand and sat it on the table. “It’s even rarer to find one who is more than willing to clean up after a meal.” She ran her hand seductively up the front of his shirt. “Do you often clean up or are you trying to impress someone here? Because if you are, it’s certainly working on me.”
He clasped her hand before they could find their way through the unbuttoned gap in his shirt.
“Evelyn, I think you may have had one glass too many.”
“Three glasses doesn’t get anyone drunk. I need way more to hit the tipsy scale.” She stood on her toes, leaning into him. “Do you like me, Jared? Do you think I’m pretty?”
A rustle of footsteps interrupted them.
“Evelyn, I…,” started Ellie as she entered the kitchen. She froze on seeing her sister readying to cling onto Jared, her hands at his shoulders, her body eagerly inclined into his. Her eyes moved lower down their bodies and she couldn’t help notice that his hands were resting at her waist. “I’m sorry,” she muttered and turned around immediately, exiting as quickly as she had come in.
She sat before the mirror, towel drying her long damp hair. She had not known where she could have run away to after catching them together. She had been afraid someone would follow her to her bedroom and catch her bawling her eyes out for a man other than her fiancé. Instead, she had headed directly to the shower and stood under it, letting the water disguise the tears trickling down her face. Perhaps, if she managed to fool herself, she would be able to fool the rest as well.
Only when she felt she had steadied herself enough, did she venture out of it. She hadn’t realized though she had taken much longer than she had expected to settle her wounded spirit. When she had stepped out of the bathroom, the house was already bereft of any noise from its occupants. Retired, undoubtedly, to their respective rooms, she had thought.
She looked into the mirror, studying the dark circles under her eyes. And the longer she peered into it, the more her eyes welled with tears. Finally, she cupped her face, crying as softly as she could. She had been stupid. She had given her heart and soul to a man who might never give back in the same measure. He had left her several clues that he could never commit to her. Hadn’t he declined to spend the night with her last night? And tonight, he had gathered Evelyn in his arms with just as much tenderness as he had carried her to her bed.
Finally, she wiped away the tears from her eyes. When had she ever been besotted by the charms of a man? She sat upright, determined to not tear up again at the mere thought of him. “You don’t know him, Ellie,” she recited to herself. “He’d never give you the same commitment as Edmund. You’re doing the right thing. It is Edmund you should marry. Edmund is intelligent, well-educated. He has a job. He’s going to succeed Dad in office. He gets along with the family. He’s everything a woman needs. He’d keep me… happy.” She bit her lips. She had hesitated. She closed her eyes and tried again. “I should love Edmund. I love…,” she trailed off into her thoughts. Who was she fooling? She didn’t love Edmund at all. But did she love Jared enough to the point of defiance?
A series of knockings rapped on her door.
“Who is it?” she called out, too weary to open it.
“Ellie?”
She stilled. Her skin prickled at the sound of his voice. What did he want? How could he come to her room after that audacious display of affection with her sister?
“Ellie?” he called her softly again.
She walked over to the door; afraid he would try opening it and catch her weeping for him. She leant into it, her forehead resting tiredly against it. “I’m worn out, Jared. Can we talk tomorrow?” she bit her lips, managing to stifle a sniffle.
“Please, Ellie?” he urged. “I need to talk to you.”
“About what?” she whispered.
“About what happened in the kitchen. With Evelyn,” he whispered back.
“It’s none of my business.”
“Say it to my face and I won’t bother you again.”
She clenched her fists. “I’m saying it now.”
“Not until I see you.”
“Jared, please…”
He didn’t answer and she almost panicked that he had left.
“She’s your sister and I didn’t know how to stop her without offending her,” he said slowly. “I didn’t want to hurt her.”
She pulled in a deep breath, choking back her sniffles.
“I know it must look bad but it isn’t what you think,” he continued.
“You should go, Jared, before someone hears you,” she mumbled.
“Let me see you and I will.”
She closed her eyes, shaking her head. She must have lost her mind because she was giving into every word he was uttering. He didn’t owe her an explanation and why was she bothering to listen to him.
She turned the door knob slowly. She lowered her head to avoid looking at him. Her eyes had swollen and reddened from all her sobbing. She could never allow him to know how much he had hurt her.
He moved slowly towards her and she stepped back immediately.
“Ellie?” he said softly.
She stepped back again, wishing he would leave. Instead he cupped her face with one hand. Unable to restrain her tears any more, she let them flow, wetting his palm. He pulled her closer to him to peer at her face and she allowed him to momentarily hold her against himself. But then a sudden surge of anger swept through her. She clenched her fists and beat wildly at his chest repeatedly.
“Ellie,” he said again, trying to grasp her hands but she pushed them away roughly and hit him again. In desperation, he clasped a fistful of hair and dragged her face to his, possessing her mouth.
Shocked, she twisted herself against him, trying to break free. But the more his tongue wielded its way into her mouth, waging a war against her own, the more she submitted to him. His lips gradually released the pressure off her, gently caressing her mouth with his tongue, tingling her all over. He laid a kiss on the end of her nose as he pulled back slowly.
She peered up into his face. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I know,” he whispered. He ran his hands through her long, damp hair. “But there are somethings that can’t be helped.”
“This is not right, Jared,” she trembled. “It’s all too messed up to be right.”
“What can be more right than how we feel for each other?”
“What about Edmund; my family? What about Evelyn?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. But what I do know is how I feel when I’m with you.”
“It’s not enough,” she teared, shaking her head.
“Ellie…,” he started to protest.
“Jared, please. We’re not thinking clearly. Perhaps, we’ve gone way ahead of ourselves. We’ve rushed through our emotions blindly. We need a break from each other and think things through.”
He let out a tired breath and then nodded. “Fine. If that’s what you want.” He cupped her face with one hand, as if unwilling to leave her.
She shivered from the heat burning at her core. Her legs felt weak and wobbly. He knew exactly how to melt her.
He turned and walked quietly out the door, leaving her with an unbearable ache to fall back into his arms again; where she belonged.
*****
He had to get away from the house; from Ellie. He had run far into the forest, his emotions sweeping over him wildly.
Ellie was right. He had messed up. In his blind attraction to her, he hadn’t thought things through clearly. His kiss had only possessed him more to have her.
He panted wearily as he neared the house, a stream of sweat dripping down the side
of his face. The morning sun bore into him, heating him and he reached for his water bottle as he continued to walk on toward the house.
Tara emerged from the corner of the house. “Hey,” she said, striding up to him.
“What are you doing up so early in the morning?” he asked, wiping the sweat off his face with the back of his shirt sleeves.
“Since when had we the luxury to sleep in so late?” she retorted with a grin.
“You can start now.”
“I don’t think I’d ever get the habit.”
He smiled. “I’m glad you came, Tara. This would have been hard without you. And besides, I’d always wanted to show you what the forest was all about.”
She wound her hand around his arm. “You still haven’t, come to think of it. You go for your long runs but have never once taken me with you.”
He laughed. “Do you think you’d be able to keep up?”
“That’s not the point,” she growled.
“Well then, what is?” he teased.
She grew serious. “Jared, what are you doing? Do you even know the hurt you’re causing Ellie?”
Jared frowned. “What are you talking about? Did she say something?”
“She didn’t need to. She’s a woman and so am I. I know what she’s going through.”
He fiddled with the mouth of his bottle. “I thought you were helping me.”
“I am,” she protested softly. “Jared, I wanted to give you a chance to live your fantasy and that’s why I came along. Because once we leave here, you’d be returning to real life. A life which will not be able to accommodate Ellie.”
“That’s not true. It’s possible to have both. I will prove I can have both.”
“And do you think it is fair on Ellie? Are you willing to risk her life and take her down the same treacherous road you will be travelling?”
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