Love Beyond Words

by Dani René

  “You’re just so beautiful, Leah. I mean, I’m not used to this,” I admit, the blatant honesty burning me. I don’t want to tell her who I am because I’m scared that as soon as she knows, this will all be over and I can’t have her walk away.

  “Neither am I. If you don’t—”

  “No! I do. I mean, it’s just been so long.” I reach out and tentatively stroke her calves. The smooth flesh has my cock thickening painfully and I know as soon as I slip inside her I’m going to come like a teenage boy. She relaxes, lying back and I take that as my opportunity. Lifting her leg, I place a kiss on her ankle, and slowly make my way up her calf to the sensitive skin of her inner thigh.

  She sucks in a breath and her hips lift off the bed. I lift her other leg and do the same, until she’s writhing on my bed. “Sit up for me, Sunshine.” She does and I help her out of the bra. As soon as it slips from her shoulders, I have a full view of perfect, pert breasts and her taut, rosy nipples. I’ve never wanted to taste a woman’s breasts as much as I do now. Even with Callie. It never felt so…perfect.

  I crawl over Leah, and once I’m hovering over her body, my mouth latches onto one sweet peak and I suck it into my mouth, grazing it with my teeth. Her whimpers and moans spur me on and I know I’m doing something right. Her body arches toward me and her warm core presses against my cock.

  I’m straining in my briefs, but I try to ignore it. I lave and suckle on her other breast. The hardened bud that has my mouth watering. I tease it with my tongue, flicking it over the tip and she mewls like a little kitten. It’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. I kiss my way down her body and when I reach her panties, I tug them down her legs.

  The sight of her pussy is like finding an oasis after I’ve been walking through the desert too long. “Fuck. You’re everything.” I don’t know what I mean, but when I look at her, I know she understands.

  I splay her thighs and dive down between her legs. Flattening my tongue, I lap at her core. She’s smooth, bare and as I open her pussy my tongue darts into her honeyed entrance. She’s intoxicating. The scent of her is enough to turn me into an addict, this girl is my drug.

  I slowly slip a finger inside her and her hands grip my hair, tugging it and the bite of pain has me growling against her clit. Her hips are riding my face and as I glance up, I meet her lustful stare. “Heath, fuck.” Her words are feral and I slip a second finger into her drenched pussy and feel the pulsing of her heat around my digits.

  “You’re so tight, Leah.” I pump my fingers in and out slowly, just teasing her. “I want to taste your sweet juices dripping down my chin,” I growl at her and her body tightens. She’s so fucking close. I bite down on her clit, sucking it hard and her body detonates.

  She cries out my name and her face is flushed, desire and her release written over her beauty like lyrics of a song, and I want to hear the melody every day for the rest of my fucking life.

  I pull my fingers from her and lick them clean. Like heroin coursing through my veins, my addiction to this girl will probably kill me. But I’d die a happy man. Kneeling, I push my boxers down and reach for a foil packet in the jeans I left on the floor beside the bed. She watches me as I sheath myself, like a curious little kitten.

  Crawling over her, I feel her heat as I nudge her with my cock. “That was…” Her blush is adorable, and I lean in to kiss her.

  “You taste that sweet honey on my lips, Sunshine?” She nods, biting her lower lip. “That’s all you, and I fucking love it.” Her smile is like a light tearing through my darkness. The heat, warmth, and affection I see in her eyes disarm me. It cracks the shell of who I used to be.

  Without her, I’m just an ex-convict.

  With her, I can be a man.

  And with that reality sinking in, I slowly push into her.

  Her arms twine around my neck and she grips me with her thighs. I roll my hips, deepening our connection. Our bodies may be making love, but it’s our souls that are uniting. “Heath, you scare me,” she whispers. I stop, halting all movement, and then she giggles. “I mean…you just feel so right.” Her words soothe, and her lips find mine. We’re lost in each other. I feel her, every goddamn perfect inch of her. As I plunder her body, I can only hope I’m stealing her heart as well. Because she has mine. There’s no fucking doubt in my mind that I’m in love with this woman.

  Our bodies move in sync and nothing has ever felt more right, more perfect than this.

  “Oh, fuck. I don’t know how long I’m going to last. You feel too good,” I growl in her ear. She bucks her hips to meet mine. Her pussy squeezes around my cock as if she’s trying to kill me with pleasure.

  “I want you to come with me, Heath. Please.” Her words taunt me to hasten my movements, and I slam into her—harder, faster, and deeper. The tightening and pulsing of her body is enough to send me over the edge. My release shudders through me and her teeth bite into my shoulder as she comes. Hard. Her body convulses around my cock taking me into oblivion.

  I thought I knew pleasure.

  I thought I knew what love was.

  But this, right here, is pure and true.

  So why do I feel like such an asshole?

  Because she doesn’t know who I really am.

  A loud thud rouses me from a dream and when I roll over, I’m met with the sight of Leah’s angry glare. “Sunshine?” I reach for her but she steps back and my body goes cold. “What’s wrong?” Pushing up, I see the pages in her hand, pieces of my soul, which she holds precariously.

  Her hands are trembling. “You’re him,” she chokes out. “You fucking sat there last night, listening to me pour my heart out and you didn’t fucking tell me.” Her voice rises, and I know I deserve every heated word. I should have told her the truth.

  “Look, Twi—”

  “Don’t you dare call me that.” She drops the letters on the bed and pulls on her jeans.

  “Leah, please, you have to—”

  “I do not have to do anything. You fucked me. You were inside my body and you couldn’t even tell me who you really are?” She storms around the room looking for a sock. When she finds it, she doesn’t even sit down but instead hops around the bedroom pulling it on. “You spent years talking to me, telling me about honesty, telling me how you’d love to meet me. To hold my hand. What were you going to do after last night? Pack your shit and run because you got what you wanted? You got me! You fucking crawled inside my mind and my heart and you fucked with me, Con. You completely and utterly fucked with me.” I push off the bed and pull on my boxers.

  “If I told you, then what? Huh? Leah, Twig. Tell me? Would you have wanted me? A fucking ex-convict who was arrested for murder. You know what? I don’t think you would. Because you’re fucking perfect. Every part of you. Utter perfection.” My voice booms and I realize that Mags and Boone must be able to hear us. Shit.

  “Yes, I fucking would have wanted you, and you know why? Because when I told you I wanted you, when I told you I loved you, I fucking meant it!” she screams.

  Spinning on her heel, she storms from my room and I hear the loud bang of her bedroom door.

  “Fuck!” I growl, picking up the letters that got me through the worst years of my life.

  “Sounds like you’ve messed up there.” I turn to find Mags watching me from the doorway.

  “I’m sorry about that. I messed up more than you can imagine.” I sit on the bed and she joins me. There’s a silence that isn’t uncomfortable, and I know she’s trying to find the right words to say.

  “Love isn’t easy, Heath. It’s hard, so damn hard that sometimes you think it’s just going to break you, but the thing about it is, if you really want it, and I mean ache for it right at your core, then you need to fight for it. She’s a special girl, and you, you’re a good man. If it’s her you want, then you need to be able to drop to your knees and ask for the forgiveness she’s willing to give.”

  I work to calm my heaving breaths. “What if she’s not willing to give it to me?�
�� The thought breaks me. My heart feels as if it’s been ripped to shreds. I can’t not have her in my life. I fucking love her.

  “She will. When a woman is angry, she needs you to show her you love her. Words can only do so much, Heath. You need to show her love beyond words. You need to make her see your emotions. Show her your heart and she’ll take care of it. Only then will she give you hers.”

  I spent the night writing. The words bled from my fingertips and when I thought of him, my heart bled for the man in the room next to mine. I want him. I don’t want to walk away, but all I need is his trust. I’ve given him my all, everything I have. Now it’s time for him to give his to me.

  I thought he’d come to me, but he didn’t. So I showered and got ready for work. I have to focus on the good stuff. And work will keep me going. Last night was one of the best nights of my life, the way he knew my body, the way he touched and kissed me. Everything about him was perfect.

  This morning I woke up and stared at him while he slept. It was only when I was looking for my shoe under the bed that I found a stack of papers. My letters. Tied with a piece of twine. All held together like they were his most prized possession. Even then, when I knew he treasured the letters, I still felt betrayed. Yes, I’ve been hurt in the past with Ronan breaking me down at every turn.

  But this, this hurt so much more. It cut so much deeper. Heading downstairs I find Maggie setting up breakfast. “Good morning, Mags.” I offer a smile and she turns and stops. Her stare says clear as day that she heard the fight this morning. “I’m sorry about—”

  “No need to be sorry, child. Come sit.” I do, sliding into the chair. She places a bowl of cereal and mug of steaming coffee in front of me. “Now you listen to me. I’ve had a word with Heath, and I want to talk to you too. There’s something that can never be denied, and that’s love.” I snap my eyes to hers and she smiles. “I’m not stupid, Leah. That man loves you. I can see it when he looks at you and I can tell when he talks about you. Yes, he may have hurt you, but I want you to think long and hard about how you feel. Love comes around once in our lives. And I’m talking about that true shit, you know the one where you look at him and you have those butterflies flopping around in your belly.” She smiles affectionately, like I would want a mother to smile. My mother is so cold and rigid I think she’d probably tell me to grow up and move on if this had happened at home.

  “Maggie, he lied to me. I don’t know if I can trust him.” I sip the hot liquid and savor the warmth it provides. Since I walked out on Heath this morning, I’ve been cold, as if ice has settled in my veins and in my heart.

  “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love him.” Her words steer me back to find her kind eyes on me. My gaze flits between hers and the floor and I know I can’t tell her that I don’t love him because I do. Even though we’ve just met, I know him, I know his heart. “That’s your answer. A man like that will never tell you something to hurt you, but he needs reassurance that you’ll not walk away. When he gives his heart, you can be sure it will be forever.” I nod because words evade me. Tears burn my eyes but I don’t allow them to fall.

  I raise my chin and look at the woman giving me advice. I wouldn’t trust my own mother with affairs of the heart, but Maggie has seen it, felt it, and she lives it every day.

  “You’re right.” I push up and head outside to find Heath. He’s standing out in the field with a jet black mare. She’s got a tiny white diamond between her eyes, and the way his strong hands stroke her, I can tell his heart is full of love. He just needs to let it out. “She seems to like you.” I gesture with my chin.

  He turns to me and my breathing hitches. His jeans are torn but hug his muscular thighs, and they hang low on his hips, allowing me to see smooth tanned skin peeking out from where his top is lifting.

  “She does. She knows she can trust me,” he says, releasing the horse as she trudges away. As if she knows we need privacy.

  I drop my gaze, inhaling a deep breath. When I look at him again, I respond quietly, “And she knows she can trust you. It just hurt that you hid away your true self from her.” He nods, and the forlorn look on his face just about has me caving and leaping into his arms. But I refrain. I reach for the wooden beam and pull myself up, perching my ass on the top and swinging my legs over.

  “Quite the little acrobat,” Heath observes, sounding impressed.

  “So, should I call you Con, or do you prefer Heath?” I question sarcastically, cocking my head to the side. I notice he fists his hands at his sides and I realize his frustration with himself for not telling me. He turns fully and places a hand on either side of my hips. Sadness clouds his features and my heart kicks in my chest.

  “You can call me Heath. Con is a name they called me inside, and when you wouldn’t tell me your real name, I figured you could call me that, which was fitting really.” He shakes his head, and I can see the turmoil in his expression. “I can’t give you the reasons why I didn’t tell you who I was last night and I can’t give them to you right now either. I can’t give you the honesty you want, Leah, because I can’t see you leave.” His words are sincere and they send a trickle of hope through me. He doesn’t want me to leave. He still can’t see that I’m not going anywhere. But he can’t give me the one thing I want. Honesty.

  “Lift me off.” His big strong hands grip my hips, lifting me from the beam and as I slide down his body, every nerve in my body comes alive. I look up into his gaze, feeling his emotion for me pouring from him. “I can’t do this, Heath. If you can’t trust me, I can’t trust you. You’ve somehow cracked my shell and I don’t feel safe. And with you, I need that because I want you.” My voice is a whisper. With that, I turn and walk away.

  Do I want him to stop me? Yes.

  Does he? No.

  My heart that used to beat for a letter every week, now stutters. As I take a deep breath, there’s no longer Twig and Con, they’re liars. Nothing but characters in a fabricated world of make-believe.

  False facts that I believed. The further I get from him the more it hurts. How is that possible? All I wanted was his honesty, for him to see me. As I blink, the tears fall and this time I don’t stop them. I allow them to stream down my face.

  Pushing open the door, I step inside and head up the stairs straight for my room. Shutting the door, I flop on the bed and stare at the faded white ceiling. Intricate patterns swirl and suddenly I’m spinning. My head feels like it’s caught in a disastrous swirl of pain. I need to rid myself of the memories of him, of how he touched me, kissed me, and made love to me.

  I push up and race to the bathroom. Kneeling at the porcelain bowl, I retch violently, heaving, but nothing comes out. The tears stream down my face as if a dam has burst and the pain wracks my body with sobs. “Fuck, Twig.” His voice comes from behind me, but I don’t turn around. I can’t look at him. I feel his hand in my hair, holding it back, and that’s when I puke up my guts until I have nothing left.

  This is too much. It’s too intimate. No one has ever seen me like this.

  “Go the fuck away,” I hiss.

  I’m empty. There’s nothing inside me. And I don’t mean in my stomach, I mean in my heart. I have no love. No feeling. No emotion.

  “Don’t push me away, please?” His plea rattles me. It echoes through the pain and has me turning to regard him.

  Emotion swirls between us, the air is thick with it.

  Wanting. Needing. Yearning.

  So many nights I dreamed of him finding me, and now that he’s here, I feel like I’ve been cheated because the man I fell in love with is nothing but a figment of my teenage mind.

  “What’s the point, Heath? You’re not him. You’re some made up person in my head. If you can’t trust me with the truth, then there’s no point in this.” I wave my hand between us as I spew the words. My voice is shrill and my body shudders from the feelings toiling through me.

  “Twig—”

  “Don’t fucking call me that! You have no right t
o call me that.” I don’t know why I’m angry, and I don’t know why I’m pushing him away, but I am. The man I love. That one thought renders me speechless and with that at the forefront of my mind, my tirade halts.

  I love him.

  “I do.” Two simple words ensnare me. They hold me, comfort me, but leave me wanting. Staring into those depths that hold so much of me. So many of my secrets are hidden in his mind. I realize how much I want him to tell me he loves me too. “Do you want me to write you a letter? Is that what you need? Because fucking hell, Leah, I’ll do it. Give me a fucking pen and paper right now and you’ll have my promise to you right here on this bathroom floor.”

  I stare at him, waiting for him to chuckle, but he doesn’t. He’s dead serious. “Heath.”

  “No, I’m serious, baby. I’ll write it down, sign it and it will be yours. I’m not leaving you. I want you, Twig. I want to love you. Let me love you.” He pulls me into his arms, and I’ve never felt safer or more cared for. I’ve never felt loved, but in his arms, I’m that and so much more.

  But the hurt from him not telling me the truth outright still stings. Do I put the anger behind me and let him in? I pull away to stare into coffee colored eyes and search for truth. I look for the honesty that he’s always given me in words. And what I find leaves me speechless. It steals my breath and has me reeling.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.” Just one tiny word and my world falls off kilter. This woman is mine, and I’ll be damned if she ever fucking walks away from me again. I cup her face in my hands and lean forward to kiss her, but her palm presses against my chest and I stop, wondering if she’s changed her mind.

  “I have puke breath.” Her lips purse into a pout, and I chuckle. She’s so fucking cute.

  “Did I ever tell you I don’t date girls with puke breath?” I quirk playfully, and she swats me but I deserve it. The agony and tension that seemed to linger between us is gone and I pull her up, wrapping my arms around her. The way her body fits against mine is perfection. All her soft womanly curves against my hard ridges.