Love Beyond Words

by Dani René

  “Leah, I need to tell you something. I mean, ask you something. I want you to listen and don’t interrupt me because I don’t know how I’m going to get all I want to say out if you do.” She nods and her brows crease in confusion as she watches me.

  “Okay, but—”

  I lean in and place a fingertip on her mouth, her soft lips are shimmery and she pouts. It’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. “Shh, baby.” She agrees with a small quirk of her lips. “Now, I’ve told you I love you and I mean it, Leah. I know that there isn’t another woman for me. You’re it. You’re my forever. There was something I told you months ago and I meant every word. I promised that one day I’d marry you and give you babies and you better believe that I’m going to keep my vow to you. Sunshine, you’ve made me, built me up, given me life. There isn’t anything in this world I could want more than to be your husband. My heart is yours, it always has been. Even when I didn’t know what an incredibly beautiful woman you were I loved you. Because you captured me not with your smile, or your eyes, or your perfect body.” She blushes and drops her gaze, but I reach out and lift her chin with my index finger. “You captured me with your words and you ensnared me with your heart and bound me to your soul. You gave me something more precious than sex, or anything physical, you gave me your mind. You gave me a connection that cannot be severed by worldly possessions or money. You’ve gifted me with you. The real you. Not the one everyone thought you were. And that my sweet Twig is why I now ask you this…” I drop to one knee and peer up at her, pulling out the ring I bought before returning to the ranch to try to find her. “I ask you to be my forever. Be my wife. My better half. My partner in our story. Be my happily ever after.”

  I blink the blurry image of Heath away and I feel the salty emotion stream down my face. There’s no way I can form words, so I nod. He slips the simple diamond band onto my finger and I glance at the shimmering gem. It’s perfect. Just like him. Like us.

  He scoops me up, cradling me in his arms. My heart is so full; it’s overflowing with love I never knew I possessed. It’s as if he’s filled it with all his, and it’s too much.

  So much, but I want it all.

  Every single drop.

  When he finally pulls away and stares at me, I can’t help smiling. “You’ve overwhelmed me in the best way. Your love is incredible. I’d be honored to be your wife.” Strong hands cup my face and he plants a soft kiss on my lips. It’s tender and it feels as if he’s trying to show me how much he loves me with one kiss. As our lips part I’m left breathless.

  “Do you realize how happy you’ve made me? I’m the luckiest man in the world. I’ll never let you down, ever Leah. Do you hear me?” I nod. Who thought that when I wrote a letter as a fifteen-year-old girl I’d be writing to my future husband. “We should eat.” He slips into the chair opposite me again. Picking up the fork, I take in the food and I realize I’m starving. We’ve had a long day and I’ve not had a proper meal. “We’re getting married,” Heath mumbles as he stabs a piece of chicken and lifts it to his mouth.

  I glance up and watch him chew. Even when he’s eating he’s sexy. I take in everything about him as he finishes his dinner. The wrinkles that crease at the corner of his eyes when he smiles. The dark eyes that show me everything I need to know with one look. His smile lights up his face and that beard that feels like heaven between my thighs.

  The heat of embarrassment creeps from my cheeks down my neck and I squeeze my thighs together at the memory of what he did to me on this very table not too long ago.

  “Eat your dinner and stop looking at me like that,” he grumbles, but I know he’s barely holding on to his restraint. Shrugging, I fork some roasted butternut squash into my mouth and savor the flavors that burst from the small mouthful.

  The rest of dinner is silent, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s relaxing, like we’ve been doing this for far longer than we have. I sit back and take a deep breath, there was so much food on the plate and of course, I had to finish it.

  “Thank you, Heath. That was amazing.” He pushes up from the chair and stacks the plates. Before he heads into the kitchen, he gives me a loving kiss. The man can be so tender at times and then there are those times that he’s like an animal. I love both sides to him.

  When he makes love to me and when he fucks me. Grabbing my wine, I take the last sip and can’t suppress the moan. It’s a rich red wine and I enjoy how at ease I feel. I miss Mags and Boone, I hope they’ll be back soon, but it’s also good to spend alone time with my fiancé.

  I look down at the ring and as it shines in the candlelight, I smile. It’s perfect. One solitary diamond on a band of platinum. I don’t know where he got it, or how, but I love it. He knows me better than I know myself.

  “Come on, Sunshine, I’m taking you for dessert.” Heath joins me in the living room carrying a bowl of chocolate and vanilla ice cream with two spoons.

  “Where are we going?” He holds out a hand and when I slip mine into his, he pulls me up and heads toward the terrace. Outside, he places the bowl on the patio table and proceeds to tug my dress up and over my head. “Heath, what are you doing?”

  He doesn’t respond, but continues to tug my panties off, and then my bra follows. I’m now naked on the back porch of the ranch. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful. I told you, I wanted dessert.” He lifts me and places me on the table, grabbing the bowl, he proceeds to feed me a spoonful of ice cream. As I savor the decadent dessert, he takes the second spoon and dribbles it on my nipples. “Oh my God, that’s cold.” His tongue darts out and laves at my pebbled bud, sucking it into his hot mouth.

  He does the same with the other and goose bumps rise on my skin as the hot and cold send tingles through me. “Open your legs, fiancée. I’m going to eat this pussy with my ice cream, and when I’m done, I’m taking you upstairs to make love to my future wife.” And he does. I lean back, spread my legs and he drips ice cream onto my clit, sending a wave of desire through me.

  My body is alert and alight with need and lust. I watch as his mouth devours me. His tongue laps at me and his fingers tease and taunt me. Slow and steady I feel myself climb, high and higher. The release that I want, that I need, is just there, waiting for me on the precipice and I reach for it as his fingers plunge into me.

  My body hovers, and when Heath lightly nibbles on my clit it sends me spiraling over the edge and I dive. I convulse and my thighs tremble. The soft scratch of his beard on my sensitive skin, the way he crooks his fingers inside me, rubbing that spot that sends me into oblivion as an orgasm ripples and shudders over me.

  But he doesn’t relent, he continues licking me like I’m his oasis in the desert. And I find another orgasm brewing below the surface, just waiting to be detonated. Before I reach it, he stops. Rising to his feet, he watches me. Those all seeing eyes, stare into my sated soul and he lifts me, bridal style and we make our way to the bedroom where he makes love to me. All night.

  I rouse from a dream of sunsets and horses with a handsome man who’s going to be my husband. I’m not sure where we were, but it was one of those dreams that you would normally roll over and try to bring back to mind, but I don’t want to do that because right now, my reality is far better than any dream.

  As I turn over, I find myself alone in bed. The scent of him envelops me and cocoons me in warmth. I reach out to grab the pillow, but find an envelope instead. The creamy cardboard envelope has my name scrawled on the front in Heath’s penmanship and I can’t help smiling. I love waking up to him, and waking up to notes from him is just as amazing.

  Pushing up, I sit back against the headboard and open it. As my eyes take in each word, I find myself sobbing. Every word, every sentence makes my heart stutter and these tears of elation are welcome. After a night of making love, of connecting on the basest level a man and woman can, he’s now given me not only actions, but words as well.

  Leah,

  Since I first received your letter as a twenty-four-year-old man I
would never have said that I’d be here one day about to walk down the aisle to become your husband. I’d probably have laughed at you, not because I didn’t want it, but because the thought of you wanting me just never felt within my reach.

  As the letters came and went I realized that with each one I sent, I had included a piece of my heart as well. And now, as I sit here writing this, I realize that this last letter will include the last piece of my heart. Once you open this, you’ll have it all. Every fragmented piece. And when you put them all together, I hope you look after them, because you hold my heart in your hands.

  When I see you at the altar, when you recite your vows, and when you say I do, I want you to know I’ll cherish every moment, all the smiles, tears, and frustration. All the happiness and sorrow. Our good times as well as our bad times. They’ll be ours and there isn’t anything in this world I want more than to share it all with you. Every second that passes between us will be a moment well spent. A life well lived. A love worth holding onto.

  As I take your heart, know that it will be secure in my hands. I’ll never break it.

  I’ll take all your broken pieces and make them whole.

  I never believed in fate, or destiny, but you’ve been given to me and I can’t deny that you’re it for me.

  Today is the start of the rest of our lives. It took us years to get here. Too long to find this happiness and I’ll never let it go.

  I want to be your light in the dark. Your northern star when you’re lost. Give you comfort when you’re down. Be your warmth when you’re cold. Dry your tears when you cry. And when you feel as if life is too much to handle, I want to be the one holding you up. Because that’s where you belong.

  You’re ingrained, embedded, etched in every part of me. From my heart, to my soul, into the very marrow of my bones. You’re the blood that pumps through my veins. You make my heart beat; you keep me alive.

  I love you, Sunshine. Forever.

  Yours,

  Heath xo

  Slipping the letter back into the safety of its envelope, I get up and head into the bathroom. My face is flushed from happiness and all the tears. Opening the tap, I rinse with cold water and proceed to brush my teeth.

  Once I’m done, I make my way down the hallway to my bedroom. I can hear him downstairs making breakfast, but before I join him, I have to do something.

  Pulling out the stationery I used all these years to write to him, I sit down at the desk and write my final letter. This time it’s not a goodbye.

  This is not a Dear John letter. This is the last time I’ll write to him as my pen pal, this is my promise and vow to the man I’m about to marry. As I pen the words, I pour everything into them.

  Not that I never did before. But this is different.

  It’s no longer a girl writing to a stranger.

  It’s no longer a young woman writing to a man.

  This is a fiancée writing to her fiancé.

  A woman to man.

  A wife to husband.

  Once I’ve gotten the godforsaken tie right, a knock at my bedroom door has me turning around. “Come in.” Not expecting to see Mags, I offer her a smile. She and Boone arrived back at the ranch a few days after I proposed. She had a scare when they found a lump on her leg, but after surgery she’s been given the all clear. The woman has become nothing short of a mother to me.

  “Aren’t you looking handsome, son,” she coos as she fiddles with the tie that seems tighter than I thought. I hate this shit. But I promised Leah I’d get all dressed up. When I feel it loosen again, I glance down and see Maggie removing the offending item.

  “What are you doing?” I frown as she offers me a half shrug and starts laughing.

  “You looked like you were about to pass out with that thing on. Leah would much rather you look handsome than like you’re about to keel over.” Her amusement at my predicament doesn’t go unnoticed.

  “Was I that obvious?” She nods and regards me earnestly. She’s offered me advice so many times and I know that look on her face. One that tells me I’m in for a life lesson which I welcome with open arms.

  “Heath, son. There are so many days ahead of you and Leah. Times where you’ll need her and times where she’ll need you. Being married to someone is so much more than a piece of paper that tells you so. It’s about a commitment and devotion that you offer. That is where you need to remember that no matter the fights you will no doubt have, you’re both in this together. There are moments where you’ll look at her and not want to cast your eyes away because she’s that beautiful, and there are times she’ll be frustrating and you’ll want to perhaps run for the hills. But remember those are the moments that make life worth living, for each other. I know there’ll be plenty of times she’ll want to sock you over the head, but that’s what marriage is, taking the good and bad times and loving each other anyway.”

  “Mags, that woman is my everything. I know we still have so much to learn about each other but I look at each day as an exploration of her. To know her so deep in my gut that even before she cries I’ll be there, and before she laughs I’ll know because I’ll be the cause of it.”

  She nods with a smile on her face. “Good boy, I knew from the moment you walked into my kitchen you’re a good man. I’m so happy for you both.” And then she pulls me into a hug and I wrap my arms around her.

  “Come on, stop coddling the boy.” Boone steps into the room and reaches out a hand to me, we shake and for the first time since I walked up that long dusty driveway I see a different man. “Good luck to you, Barnes. Don’t break her heart, you hear me?”

  “Come on you grump, let’s leave the boy to get ready.” Before they leave, Mags pulls an envelope from her apron and hands it to me. “She says this will be the last one. From here on in, there’ll be more words spoken than written.” She smiles that sincere loving smile and they leave me to read the final letter from my soon to be wife.

  Heath,

  Here we are, two people who found each other by chance, but had our lives woven together by fate. Your letter had me in tears, not from sadness, but because I realized that I’ve grown so much just by your guiding hand. You’ve taken a shy girl from a family she didn’t belong in, and given her a family of her own.

  As the letters I sent you contained my life, my dreams, and my secrets, they also contained little pieces of me. Even though I didn’t realize it when I licked that envelope and closed it. Sending it to a boy. Because that’s what you were to me, I believed you were much too young to have your whole life taken from you like that, but now as I pen these words to you I know that you didn’t have your entire life stolen, because here I am. I’ve never been anywhere else.

  I am yours.

  You’re magical because in each word you ever wrote to me you slowly embedded yourself in my soul. You lit a flame that burns inside me and I call it love. When I wished as a young girl for my fairytale ending I never knew it would be you. As days passed and I wondered what my happily ever after would look like, I never once imagined it would be a life I chose, but rather one demanded of me.

  However, life has a way of giving you what you need, not when you want it, but when the time is right. Now, I’m no longer broken, I’m no longer a stranger to myself. I’m Leah Barnes. Or soon to be. And I’ll walk proudly with my head held high as I keep that name from this day forth and onto all the days of my life.

  You’ve got my heart already, you’re inside my soul indefinitely, now let us walk side by side into our future.

  So today as I say goodbye to our past, I greet our future with open arms and an open heart.

  All my love,

  Leah xo

  This woman. There are no words for how much I love her. For how deep my feelings run. She’s always been my perfect girl. I slide the letter back in the envelope and tie it with the twine that holds the other letters together. One day I hope to pass these on to our kids and show them the story of their mom and dad. I want them to know how we started
and not just how we will end one day when we’re old and gray.

  Without a doubt I know that when I breathe my last breath, I’ll be beside Leah, holding her hand. A knock on my door drags me from my mind and I glance up to see Boone. “It’s time.” I nod and push off the bed. As we head downstairs and then out toward the river, my nerves awaken and I realize I’m not getting cold feet, I’m excited for the promise of forever.

  I’ve written my vows, but I know them by heart and I can’t wait to recite them to her. To tell her everything that’s in my heart. “You ready?” I turn to the minister and nod.

  The mirror in front of me reflects a woman. No longer a girl, but an adult who is about to embark on her forever. When Heath proposed I knew I’d say yes. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind or my heart. There isn’t a time I don’t remember my love for him. My life was forever altered by him. My hand instinctively goes to my stomach and I circle it gently.

  “There’s my girl.” I spin to find Mags. Tears spring to my eyes and I feel my heart fill with love. “You’re just gorgeous, darlin’.” She leans in to give me a cuddle. She’s been doing well since they got back from the hospital, which is a blessing. I’m not sure what I would have done if something had happened to her.

  Even Boone has been incredible, and less grumpy than he usually is. I’m not sure what actually happened, but I think without the stress of Maggie being ill he’s calmed down. He’s even been friendly to Heath.

  “Thank you for being here.” I smile, and my voice cracks on the words. She looks at me like a proud parent.

  “We wouldn’t be anywhere else, sweet Leah. You’re just perfect. Heath won’t know what hit him.” Maggie gushes and I can’t stop blushing. Just then her husband pops into the room and smiles.

  “It’s almost time little lady.” I nod.

  “Thank you, I’m ready, I think.” I glance down again and take a deep breath.