by Roop, Cassy
Copyright © 2014 by Cassy Roop All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
This book is intended for mature audiences only.
ISBN-13: 978-1499322842
ISBN-10: 1499322844
Cover Art By: Marisa Shor
Cover Me Darling
https://www.facebook.com/covermedarling
Edited By: Anna Coy
This book is dedicated to a wonderful group of ladies. This book would not have been possible if it weren’t for their support, love and friendships. Amber, Annalisa, Savannah, Delisa, Ashley, Alissa, Casey, Ashley, Tara, Kay and Rachael: Each and every one of you hold a special place in my heart. I have my spork ready at all times for you! I love you my IndiePendents!
If you asked me what my life would look like when I was twenty five years old, I would have said happily married to my high school sweetheart, white picket fence, and the standard two point five children. I would have told you about my amazing house and being able to stay at home with my children to be their first influence in life. My husband would be wonderful, charming, caring and a God in the bedroom.
Instead, I will tell you the truth. My life is not the picturesque fantasy of the image I had in mind. My real life is lonely, desolate and secluded. It is cold, unemotional. My heart and my soul have fallen into a dark, calamitous despair; a despair so deep I fear I may never fight my way back out to the gleaming rays of untainted happiness again. I have betrayed everyone who has loved me. I have ruined a man who had given up everything for me; given up demons that held strongly to his heart, refusing to let him love.
The only thing true about my fantasy was that I did marry my high school sweetheart. As I look back, I can remember a time when I was fortunate to have happiness and love in my life. Meeting Jared my sophomore year of high school was one of the best moments of my life. I was instantly in love with the herculean athlete that he was. His sandy blonde hair and crystal blue eyes had any girl wanting to fall and worship at his feet. Jared was charming and charismatic with a witty sense of humor, and oh my God, was he ever sexy. I was greedy with a desire to be his girl. When he finally asked me out after several weeks of shameless flirting, I was ecstatic.
We dated for the remainder of our high school careers, and on the night of our graduation he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I did not hesitate to tell him yes. My parents were more than thrilled. Yes, we were young, but everyone married young in our small country town of Sylva, North Carolina. It was like the Mayberry of North Carolina, small, quaint, and full of southern hospitality. It was every girl’s fantasy to find a husband and start a family. I thought I had all of this when I found Jared. My life could not have been any happier.
Jared and I were married the summer after our high school graduation. He was accepted to Northwestern University in Chicago, and we moved there just one month later. Since tuition and living expenses were expensive, we decided that, for the time being, my college career would be put on hold while Jared sought to obtain his law degree. I started working odd jobs; sometimes two just for us to make ends meet. It was at one of my odd jobs as a waitress at Clarke's Diner that I met Kelly Harris. With her bouncy red curls and exuberant lively attitude we quickly became friends. With Jared away at school most days or with his study groups, it left me alone quite often. So when I was not at home or working, I was with Kelly.
The first few years of our marriage were genuinely happy. Although we did not get to spend much time together, the times that we did were that much more enjoyable. Deciding to put off a family, until Jared received his degree, seemed like a logical thing to do. Still, I could not help but feel the pangs of wanting to be a mother.
Jared finally received his law degree and passed the bar exam about eight months ago. He was lucky to get a job working at Kettleman and Lawson, a very prestigious law firm in Chicago. It was when everything was actually looking up for him, that everything with us began to deflate.
Being the new guy at the firm, Jared had to work a lot of hours to prove himself to the partners. He began having to work a lot of nights and weekends, and I was certain now that he was established with the firm, I would be able to start focusing on a career of my own. I was tired of working entry level jobs and waitressing. Not that there was anything wrong with those occupations, I just wanted to do something that I loved, and I loved to paint. I had always wanted to be an art teacher. I wanted to help people bring color into our world through their own unique creative expression. When I approached Jared with the idea of starting my career, it ended in a huge fight.
Everything brought on a fight. He accused me of being ungrateful, unsupportive and jealous of his newfound success. I accused him of being cold and distant. It had gotten so bad at one point we even resorted to ignoring each other. We could be in the same room, but we might as well have been miles apart. After seven years of marriage, it was what our relationship had resorted to.
Looking back, I remember how the course of events has changed my life so completely…
I was sitting at the island in our kitchen while I nursed my cup of coffee. The ringing of my cell phone sent vibrations through the countertop and the cup I held in my hands, bringing me out of my grief over my deteriorating marriage. The name across the screen flashed indicating my best friend was trying to reach me.
“Hey, Kell,” I said as I answered the call.
“Ashley, tell me you do not have to work tonight,” she said with excitement in her voice. My dear friend was always a bustling ray of bountiful sunshine. Just talking to her alone would always lift my spirits. She got me; understood me. Most importantly, she was the polar opposite of me. Where she was animated, outgoing, and perky, I was shy, quiet, and tranquil.
“No, actually I am off tonight. I was hoping to have dinner with Jared so that we could talk. Why?”
“Trinity and I were both given exclusive invitations from the PR firm to attend the opening of The Celtic Knot. We get to bring a guest, and I wanted you to come with me,” she said. I could feel her bouncing in her seat through the phone. No doubt she was vibrating like a nervous Chihuahua with excitement.
Kelly went to work at Pinnacle PR after graduating from college. She worked at the diner all the way up to that point. I was so proud of her success and her career, but at the same time I was jealous of the fact that she got to have one. The Celtic Knot was a highly exclusive private membership only club, opening in Chicago that was a client of Kelly’s at the PR firm. It had been ranted and raved about for several months. The only way to get into the club was through invitation only and members were said to be handpicked by the owner personally.
“I’m not sure, Kelly. Jared and I have a lot to talk about. I in fact want to work on getting our marriage back on track.”
“Are you guys still not getting along?” Kelly asked inquisitively. I let out a rush of air that seemed to constantly be trapped inside of me. Not getting along would actually involve having a conversation, even a heated one.
“It’s complicated, Kelly. He has been working a lot. Weekends, evenings. I feel like we have grown apart. When we do actually talk, all we do is fight,” I say wearily.
“Ashley, I love you more than anything. I have watched that man ignore you, trample all over you and allow you to give up your dreams so that he can pursue his. You deserve
better, sweets. You deserve the hot, sweaty monkey sex too.”
I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. Kelly was always up for hot, sweaty monkey sex. The girl had a kinky side that would make even the biggest non-prude blush.
“I have to try, Kell. I have to give it my all before I can decide if it was even worth the fight.”
“I understand Sweets, I surely do. If your plans change, give me a call. I will save the ticket for you. I love you.”
“Love you too, Kell.”
“I’m sorry Ashley, what the hell do you want me to say? I have a client case that is going to court tomorrow, and we have to fine tooth every detail,” Jared’s voice boomed through the phone. The sound of his voice exhibited annoyance and irritation. He never used to be like that with me. Was it the stress of the job? If only he would talk to me, I could try to make it better.
“I was hoping we could sit down and...talk,” I said meekly. I cannot believe that he was seriously going to blow me off, again, for work. It was like the firm had become his mistress, like I had lost my loving husband to his own career.
“I don’t have time for this, Ash. I have to go,” he said right before I heard the long, depressing dial tone of him hanging up on me. I sat the phone down and caught my head in my hands. I rubbed at my temples to try and alleviate some of the tension I was feeling. I decided that I was not going to let him get off that easy. If he wasn’t going to come to me, then I would just have to go to him. I picked my phone back up and dialed the number for Jared’s favorite Chinese restaurant. After placing my order, I hurried down the hall to our bedroom. I combed through the closet to reach a dress from the back. Jared always said he loved it when I wore this red wrap dress with the low plunging neckline.
After slipping on the dress, I quickly made my way toward the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and was aghast at the image portraying back at me. My green eyes looked lifeless and my long, blonde hair was stringy and limp. I tipped my head over and ran my fingers through my hair to try and give it some body. When that didn’t help, I pulled it back and pinned it up in a cute side bun just behind my left ear, leaving a few tendrils loose to frame my face. I curled my lashes and added a thick coat of mascara before finishing off my look with some red tinted lip gloss. I did not normally wear a lot of makeup, and lately I hadn’t put forth any effort to spice up my appearance. I hoped that Jared would appreciate my efforts.
After slipping on my black patent leather heels, I spritzed on my favorite perfume and grabbed my purse to head out the door. The whole drive over to Jared’s office I had a nervous feeling. I hoped that he saw my gesture as a peace offering and was happy to see me.
Once I got to Kettleman and Lawson, I felt my nerves start to heighten. What if he got angry at me for showing up unannounced? I nervously pressed the button for Jared’s floor as the elevators closed. I could still turn around and go home, but then things would still be unsettled between us. This deep, dark place I had been in the last few months had to stop. I had to make an effort to get us back on track again.
The elevator doors pinged signaling my arrival. I tentatively stepped out of the elevator with Chinese food in hand. My breathing quickened as I made my way down the hall to Jared’s office and noticed that all the other offices were dark, and I had not yet approached anyone else in the office. Strange.
I finally approached Jared’s office and saw that the door was shut, but light was peering at me through the bottom of the door. I thought that I heard muffled voices and some shuffling of papers. I timidly lifted my hand to softly knock on the door. When I did not get an answer, I placed my hand on the doorknob and pushed it opened.
“Jared I hope you are hungry…”
I never got to finish my sentence. My heart lodged in my throat and I stopped breathing. The Chinese food crashed to the floor sending the contents spilling out into the expensive hardwood floors of the office. My stomach rolled and I felt bile start to rise up into my throat. There in front of me was my husband, who was balls deep inside of his secretary who was sprawled out on his desk.
“Ashley,” Jared whispered in complete shock. I could not explain the emotions I felt in that exact moment as I saw my husband with his cock buried deep inside of another woman who was not his wife. I did not want to give him or her the satisfaction of seeing me in pain. Placing my hand on the door handle, I pulled the door closed as I turned around to walk out.
“Ashley!”
I heard Jared’s plea for me to stop through the door as I shut it closed behind me. The sound of rustling clothes and belt buckles followed me down the hallway as if chasing me, taunting me. I reached the elevators and pounded my finger into the down button like it would make the car arrive faster. After what seemed like forever, the car finally arrived and I stepped into it, still not able to believe what my eyes saw. It was like I was in some parallel universe or someone was playing one hell of a sick joke. I turned around to face the hall where my heart had been left behind. The last thing I saw, before the elevator doors closed, was Jared scrambling down the hall towards me.
Once I finally made it to the car, I let it all out. I screamed and banged my fists angrily into the steering wheel. How dare he do this to me? To us? What am I going to do? I placed the keys into the ignition, my shaking and now bruised hands cranked the car to life. The pain in my hands was nothing compared to the pain of my now bleeding heart. It felt like someone had ripped my chest opened and exposed me. I could feel every beat of my heart as it angrily circulated the blood through my veins. As I drove the car down the road, I had no destination in mind. I pulled over into a gas station and sat silently in the car. I could see the glow of my cell phone in the seat next to me. I had long ago switched off the sound not wanting to listen to Jared’s repeated attempts to get me to answer. What does he think he could say to make me feel any better about what happened?
I reached over and grabbed the phone and rolled down the driver’s side window. I was just about to chuck it out of the window when I suddenly stopped. It was the picture of my best friend and me staring back at me from the home screen. I slid my shaking thumb across the screen and typed in Kelly’s number.
“Ash? What’s up girl? Trinity and I are getting ready to head over to The Celtic Knot,” she said with excitement.
“Does your invitation still stand?” I asked her through a fit of sniffles. I knew she would be able to tell something was wrong the moment she heard my voice. We had always been in tune with each other.
“Something is wrong, Ash. What is it? Do I need to come over?”
“No, I will come to you. Are you and Trinity still at your apartment?”
“Yes, but Ash, I wish you would tell me what is wrong. I’m worried,” she said nervously.
“I will tell you when I get there. Give me about fifteen minutes.”
I put the car in drive and headed across town to Kelly’s apartment. I knew I couldn’t go home, because Jared would find me there. I had no desire to see him or talk to him. If he were going to go around fucking everything with legs, then he could do it without a wife at home. I couldn’t believe that, after seven years of marriage, this was what my life had become. I was broken, bruised. How would I ever recover from this? How can someone heal after having their heart shattered into a million pieces?
I didn’t even have time to make it out of the car before Kelly was running in her stilettos down the pathway to my car. I looked up through my mascara stained eyes from the driver’s seat. She was engulfing me into a tight, suffocating hug within minutes of taking in my appearance. Kelly grabbed my hand and led me back up toward her apartment. Shutting the door behind us, she led me over to the couch and I sank into it allowing the softness to consume my heavily burdened body.
“What the hell happened?” Kelly asked. Gone was carefree, bubbly Kelly and in her place was protective, worried, best friend Kelly.
“I went to Jared’s office to surprise him with dinner,” I said through hiccupped sobs, “b
ut the surprise was on me when I walked in and found him fucking his secretary.”
Kelly and Trinity’s simultaneous gasps did not surprise me. Hell, after what I witnessed tonight, I didn’t think anything could surprise me anymore.
“That rat bastard!” Kelly exclaimed, “I should go there right now and rip his balls off!” I snorted a very unladylike laugh. If only it were that easy. I watched as the anger turned to sympathy on Kelly’s face before she folded me into her arms. I heaved heavy, ugly tears and was sobbing so hard, I could barely catch my breath.
“What are you going to do, Ashley? Please do not tell me you are going back home to him,” Kelly begged.
“Hell no! He lost his privilege to call me his wife the moment he stuck his dick in someone else,” I muffled into her shoulder. I pulled away and tried to gain control of my breathing. I angrily wiped the tears from my eyes. As I looked down at my mascara and tear stained fingers, I was angry with myself. Angry because I was shedding tears over an asshole whom I had given my entire young adult life to, angry for allowing him to constantly walk all over me while he got to live his dream while I sacrificed mine, and angry for not noticing the signs that he was changing and withdrawing from me.
I looked up into the eyes of my best friend Kelly, who had been a constant need of support for me since I pretty much moved to Chicago. I decided right then and there that I could move on. I could live my own dream, and I would not allow anyone else to get in the way of that ever again.
“Does that invitation for the club still stand?”
“Ashley you can’t possibly be serious? You really want to go? Maybe we should all just stay here, eat some ice cream, and watch some awful reality TV to make us feel better about ourselves.”