by Alison Ryan
“Fabulous! So you can come out to the Carolina Ball!”
“I can?” Charlotte asked. “What is the Carolina Ball?”
“It’s this event we hold for charity. I’m on the committee for it. It’s actually tomorrow night, which I know is short notice. But I would love for you to be my guest. My husband is out of town. We can sit at a table and drink and gossip and have a good ol’ time. What do you say? It’s an open bar!”
Charlotte laughed. “Well, you did kind of say the magic words right there.”
By the next night, Charlotte was starting to regret agreeing to this whole ball thing. It helped her keep her mind off Declan and his revelation, but other than that it seemed like a lot of work to get gussied up. And Charlotte dreaded having to socialize.
Allyn had her housekeeper bring over three gowns for Charlotte to pick from.
“Since I’m springing this on you, the least I can do is dress you,” Allyn said as they’d left the café the previous day.
“Are you sure? I could run to the mall or something,” Charlotte said.
Allyn shook her head. “Nope. You’re wearing couture, honey. You’re going to be the belle of the ball!”
The thought of wearing a designer dress in a room full of people who would have at one time ignored her as she served them limp Caesar salads was more than a little tempting. Allyn was really giving her a chance to have her own coming out in a way. And she couldn’t help but accept.
But now that it was time to actually go, Charlotte was dreading it. She really just wanted to stay home and listen to the ocean while she sat on her porch and drank wine, staring at Declan’s house and reliving the past in her mind.
That was until the dresses arrived. All three were exquisite. One was a Badgley Mischka in blue, another was a Carolina Herrera in red, and then an especially stunning Valentino in blush pink. Charlotte’s head was spinning at the options. She had no idea which one to choose.
She texted Allyn: This is insane! These dresses are gorgeous. How am I supposed to choose between them??
Allyn replied: Such a terrible problem to have, I know! If I were you, I would go with the Carolina Herrera. The red with your coloring will knock everyone to the floor when you make your entrance.
Charlotte replied with a smile: Red it is.
If there is anything Charleston knows how to do, it’s throw a party. The Carolina Ball was one of biggest social events of the season, something Charlotte had remembered hearing about the year she’d lived here. She never in a million years would have ever thought she’d be attending it as a guest. Especially as one of Allyn Legare’s.
As she waited for Allyn to come pick her up (She’d insisted on it. “That way we can drink as much as we want!” she’d cackled over the phone) Charlotte took one last look at herself in the full length mirror in the bedroom.
Right at six o’clock, a sleek stretch limousine pulled up in her driveway. Charlotte couldn’t believe it.
“A limo?” she asked as she gingerly sat down on the soft leather seat next to an already tipsy Allyn. “You go all out.”
“Oh yes!” Allyn giggled. “And by the way, va-va-va-VOOM. Charlotte Sanders, you are a smoke show. The red really was the best choice.”
“A smoke show?” Charlotte laughed. “Jesus, you’re drunk already.”
“It’s the only way to get through these sorts of events,” Allyn smirked. “Now you need to catch up. Drink some damn champagne.”
It was the type of event where people’s entrances were actually announced. The ball was held inside the South Carolina Society Hall, a historic building that had seen its share of cotillions, balls, and weddings over the last hundred years.
As Allyn and Charlotte got to the entranceway, a stout old man bent over to ask who they were being escorted by.
“Each other!” Allyn said. “I know, it’s scandalous.”
The man looked at her with a gruff expression, one that reminded Charlotte of Henry DeGraff.
“Tradition says you need to be escorted in by a gentleman,” he scowled.
“Well, being that my daddy just paid to have this place renovated, I think I can skip on tradition, just this once. So, please. Announce us. Allyn Legare Huger and Dr. Charlotte Sanders.”
The man rolled his eyes, but two minutes later he announced their arrival, causing the entire room to stare at them in astonishment.
“I really do love shocking these pretentious assholes,” Allyn said, as she took Charlotte by the arm and led her toward the bar. “My husband would be so pissed if he saw me do that. Which makes it that much more fun.”
Charlotte laughed. “Good Lord, you have changed.”
Allyn smiled. “That’s the best compliment I’ve received in a long time.”
The two women giggled like school girls as they asked the bartender for a drink.
“Let’s see,” Allyn thought out loud, tapping her manicured nails on the wooden bar. “Since we’re trying to be traditional, let’s have our first drink in honor of Charleston. Two shots of GrandMa, please.”
“Grandma?” Charlotte asked as the bartender began to pour. “What did I miss?”
“GrandMA,” Allyn enunciated. “Grand Marnier. It’s a Charleston thing. Leave the mint juleps and bourbon punch to the Yankee tourists.”
Well, Charlotte wasn’t one to be rude, and four shots of GrandMa later, she was feeling pretty damn good. There was a warmness floating inside her, and between Allyn’s contagious laugh and the music, Charlotte had almost completely forgotten the drama of the last 48 hours.
Almost. Until a familiar name was announced.
“And I’m proud to announce,” the stout man at the door suddenly bellowed. “Charleston’s very own has graced us with his presence. Declan Degraff! Mr. Degraff is… unaccompanied.” This last line was said with a hint of disdain.
Charlotte’s heart dropped into her empty stomach. The booze hit her all at once and she felt like vomiting. But then she remembered the dress she was wearing probably cost more than her car, so she refrained and attempted to gain some composure.
What the hell was he doing here?
“Allyn,” Charlotte said, grabbing her friend’s arm. “I need to get out of here.”
Allyn looked at her, puzzled. “Why? Are you okay? We can slow down on the shots, I’m sorry.”
Charlotte shook her head. “It’s not that. Declan is here.”
Allyn’s eyed widened. “He is? He didn’t RSVP. I never thought he’d come.”
“Well,” Charlotte said. “I just heard his name announced. I can’t see him. It’s too long a story, but… I have to go.”
Allyn shook her head. “No! Don’t let your douche ex make you leave this beautiful party! We’re having so much fun! We can ignore him!”
Charlotte smiled. “Oh, how I wish, Allyn. I saw him yesterday… Let’s just say, we’re in a really bad place. I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown just knowing he’s here. You don’t have to leave. Stay and enjoy this beautiful night. But I can’t- “
Before Charlotte could finish, she heard him say her name.
“Charlotte?”
He’d seen her as soon as he entered the ballroom. How could his eyes have not been drawn to the curvaceous woman in the red gown, laughing and looking more stunning than any woman that had ever graced these halls in all the countless parties and balls it had hosted in the many decades it had been in existence? Seeing her there was like a dream, something he was sure he must be hallucinating.
Until he saw her reaction when his name was announced. Then he’d known it was her, without a doubt. All the life drained from her expression almost immediately. It killed him.
He’d seen her start to scurry, to try to find a way out before he could find her. And if he was a better man, maybe he would have walked away.
But again, it was fate, colliding them together again. He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Winston texted him to come, to get Declan out of his funk from the loss of Ch
arlotte (again) and the impending loss of his father.
Declan had rushed over to her quickly as she babbled to the friend she’d come with, a woman Declan recognized but couldn’t quite place.
“Charlotte?” he said. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“Yes, well,” she couldn’t look at him. “Had I known you would be present I wouldn’t have come. I was invited by Allyn, and it sounded like a good time. But as usual, you show up. Every damn time, Declan. In the moment I’m beginning to forget…” Tears were falling down her face now. “I wish you’d just go away.”
Allyn (Legare! That’s who she was. He remembered now) looked Declan up and down. “I don’t know what you did to her, but you need to get out of here, Declan. She was perfectly content before you showed up. And I swear to God, if you hurt her…”
Charlotte shook her head. “It’s not like that, Allyn. It’s a long story. It’s just really painful to see him. Really, I should go. I’m the guest and he was invited.” Charlotte rose, gathering her long skirt up so she could walk out quickly.
Declan spoke. “Charlotte. Please. Let me at least get you home. I promise, I will leave you alone after that. I’ll never go to my house again, I’ll sell it this week if you want me to and I will stay as far from you as I possibly can. But let me get you home and let me at least explain something. I don’t deserve it. I know that. But I need it, Charlotte. And not that I have any right to ask any more of you, but I’m afraid if you don’t let me have at least one more conversation with you, it won’t be good for me. Because I can’t know I’ll never speak to you again without you giving me one last chance to explain everything. Charlotte, please.”
Charlotte looked up at him, at his kind face, at the same eyes that had found her helpless on a bridge over ten years ago. When he’d found her then, he hadn’t known what his mother had done. He was innocent of wrongdoing- he’d helped her only because he’d wanted to.
Despite her anger at him, she couldn’t say no to those eyes.
“Okay, Declan,” Charlotte agreed. “Just one more time.”
Declan had not expected her to say yes. He’d never been so grateful for something.
“Thank you,” he said, offering her his arm. “Do you want to get a bottle of water before we go? Something to eat?”
“Charlotte, are you sure you want to leave?” Allyn said, her eyes narrowed at Declan. “I still think you should stay and Declan should go.”
Charlotte shook her head, “I’m sorry, Allyn. I just want to be home. But I promise to call tomorrow. And have this dress cleaned.”
Allyn shook her head. “I’m not worried about the dress. But you must call me. Actually, text me as soon as you’re home so I know you’re okay.” She looked up at Declan. “I don’t care if you’re a DeGraff. If anything happens to her, I will kill you. Got it?”
Declan smiled. “Hey, I get it. You’re a Legare anyway. They’ve always held a little more weight around here than any DeGraff.”
Charlotte hugged Allyn, thanking her for everything. “I really do feel like a princess.”
“You’re better than any old stuffy princess,” Allyn said. “But seriously, you call me. If you need anything. I don’t care what time it is.”
Charlotte agreed. “I promise I will.”
And with that, Charlotte took Declan’s arm and they headed out the same door they came through. It seemed like the entire ballroom was staring at them as they left.
“Well, that was awkward,” Charlotte said as they finally exited out onto Meeting Street. It was summer but the air was cooler than normal, with a breeze.
“I’m really sorry,” Declan said. “If I’d known you were there…”
“You would have come anyway,” Charlotte finished. “Let’s be honest.”
Declan laughed. “Yep. Probably so.”
“Where are you parked?” Charlotte asked. “Or should we Uber?”
“I guess you forgot,” Declan smiled. “I only live like two blocks down. Or my dad only lives two blocks down. I was visiting him today.”
“Oh,” Charlotte said. “So I guess I’ll just get an Uber.”
“No,” Declan said. “I’m glad to drive you back to Sullivan’s.”
“Well, I don’t want you to have to do that and then come back here. It’s too much,” Charlotte said. “And I don’t know how much longer I can be near you.”
Declan stopped.
“You hate me that much?” he asked.
Charlotte looked up at him. “No. I could never hate you. But seeing you is painful, Declan. You represent a lot of hurt in my life. And a lot of beautiful at the same time. Fuck.” She wiped tears from her eyes. “I don’t know what to do when I’m around you. I want to run from you, but then I want you to chase me. I want to push you away while also wanting you desperately to hold me. How is that possible?”
He stepped toward her. “What can I do to make it right?”
Charlotte shook her head. “Bring my mother back to me. Make it so your mother never hit her. Or hell, at least make it so that your mother wasn’t the one that did it, Declan. At this point, I would even take that. But you can’t! You can’t undo what’s been done. And you can’t change the past or wish for a better one.”
Declan nodded. “I can’t. I wish you knew how much I would give to be able to, Charlotte. I would take all the pain on myself, if I could. I would invent a time machine and change everything that happened. Even if it meant I never would have met you, I would do it. Anything to make you happy, Charlotte. I would stop at nothing to make our reality different than this one.”
Oh, how she loved him right then. Even when she shouldn’t have.
“Declan,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I just can’t…”
“I know,” he said, somber. “I knew it as soon as I told you.”
They hadn’t spoken the first ten minutes of the drive back to Sullivan’s Island. Declan wasn’t sure why he decided to tell her about Henry.
“My father is dying,” he said. “It’s why I’m here.”
Charlotte gasped. “Oh my God. Declan. I’m so sorry. What’s wrong?”
“Cancer,” he said, looking straight ahead as they crossed the Ravenel Bridge. “Pancreatic. The worst kind to get, they always say. And they’re right. He’s disappearing before my eyes every time I see him.”
Charlotte reached out and placed her hand on his as it rested on top of the steering wheel.
“I’m so incredibly sorry,” she said. “How long?”
Declan shrugged. “He probably won’t make it through the summer. Or maybe even the month. I don’t know. It’s happening fast.”
“Is he in hospice?” she asked quietly.
“He’s at home, we have nurses there around the clock,” Declan nodded. “Just keeping him as comfortable as we can while being in familiar surroundings.”
Charlotte didn’t say anything. What was there to say?
“I’m not telling you this to gain any sort of sympathy,” Declan added. “I just thought you should know. I mean, it’s why I’m here, and, as usual, tragedy brings us together.” He sighed. “It’s like we’re cursed. We can’t be with one another unless it involves agony.”
Charlotte sighed. “It seems that way. I feel so terrible for you, Declan. How does he feel about it?”
“He’s pissed off,” Declan said. “I think he has a lot of regret in his life. And someone like him, they assume they’re above death itself. So I think it’s a huge surprise to him that he’s having to deal with this whole death thing. It’s for the plebs after all.” Declan grinned. “As if DeGraffs are immortal. His father died of the same thing when Dad was about my age. I’ll probably go the same way unless one of my fellow billionaires finances a cure.”
“Don’t say that,” Charlotte said. “Don’t talk about dying. I can’t even bear to think of you…” She choked back a sob. “I can’t stand to think of anything like that happening to you, Declan.”
He stared at
her for a brief moment as they pulled off the bridge and onto Coleman Boulevard.
“But Charlotte,” he said quietly. “I’m as good as dead to you anyway. You never want to see me again. Or be with me. Or even think of me. Not after what I told you.”
She looked at him, anger in her expression. “Stop it. You’re not being fair. Just because I can’t be with you doesn’t mean you’re dead to me. You’re more alive to me than anything else in my life has ever been. And even knowing it can never work out with us, you will continue to live in the very place you obliterated, Declan. There’s no one else that will ever get that piece of my heart. So even if I never see you again, don’t think it means I won’t think of you every night when I go to sleep. Or that I haven’t thought of you every night since you left me.” She was sobbing now. “If only I could forget about you! It would make all of this so much easier for me. But I can never forget you. You will haunt me until the day I die. The dream of what could have been, the taste of something so great that I can never be with anyone else, will stick with me forever.”
They were almost to the island now, but Declan couldn’t wait. He pulled his Range Rover over on the side of Coleman, right before the Ben Sawyer Bridge.
“What are you doing?” Charlotte asked. “Declan…”
“Charlotte,” he said, his voice stern. “That’s no way to live. And I know that because that’s exactly how I’ve been living the last ten years. Like there’s no point to anything because you’re not with me. And it’s clear you’ve been miserable too. And that’s completely my fault. But I will not allow you to continue to live that kind of life. You’re too perfect, too beautiful, to live that kind of existence. I’m right here, baby. And I’m telling you, we can get past this. My mother’s terrible mistakes are her own. She has hurt so many people and she will never have to pay for them. It’s a fact. I can’t bring you the justice you want and the justice you deserve. But punishing yourself and punishing me doesn’t change anything. It only sabotages your chance at happiness. And you say you can’t have any happiness without me. And I’m telling you that I’m yours for the taking. If you’ll have me. You own me, mind, body, soul… Every cell of my being belongs to you, and you alone. It always has and it always will. And if there is anything I can promise you, it’s that I will make it my greatest purpose in life to make it all up to you. The last ten years, the time before that, every ounce of pain in your life that was caused by my family and by me, I will work myself to the bone to make up for. But it can’t happen unless you let me back in, Charlotte. And I’m wide open. I will free fall to the depths of hell for you and burn. But I would rather live for you. I would rather live for each other.”