She nodded at him but said nothing.
“Yeah, I guess I have. It was a long time ago.”
He took a long sip off his coffee, hoping to signal his desire to change the subject. She didn’t bite.
“When?” she asked, massaging his fingertips with her own.
He knew she was trying to set him at ease, but it was having the opposite effect.
“When? In my twenties I guess. When I was married,” he revealed, regretting the words as soon as they were out.
After a confession that big she would need to know more.
“You were married?” she asked, failing to hide her surprise.
“I was. Divorced now. Been a long time,” he explained, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
She looked at him thoughtfully, as though carefully analyzing him. And he fucking hated it. It wouldn’t take her long to figure him out.
“Let’s get out of here,” he urged, tossing his napkin on the table. “You wanna go?”
He raised his hand, signaling their waiter to come over. He asked for the check and then excused himself to use the bathroom, all without making eye contact with Nora. As soon as he got inside he splashed water on his face and then leaned on the counter, looking at himself in the mirror. He hoped that a few minutes apart would shift the energy between them. Of course Nora had earned the right to know more, but now was not the time. He wanted to control the pace of that conversation, and reveal his shit in his own time, in his own way.
After a few minutes passed, he left the restroom, feeling more at ease. Just outside the door he found Lynda waiting for him. She caught him completely off guard.
“Hey,” he blurted, looking over her shoulder to see if Nora was in his eye line.
She wasn’t.
“Hey yourself. You okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” she observed, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
He looked up at her and smiled, reassuringly. She was just as sexy as he remembered, and if he recalled correctly, she had been a fire cracker in the bedroom, too. They had shared a couple of hot nights in bed together—fun, easy, and uncomplicated. Just the way he liked it.
“I’m good,” he said, slowly exhaling, “How about you? Have you been doing okay?”
“Same stuff as always. I just split with my boyfriend. Rooming with Amy Callahan. Do you remember her?” she questioned, her eyes deep with need, a suggestive smile playing on her lips.
He knew Amy well. She was a hot little bi-sexual he had hooked up with right after Corrine and he had split. He nodded and grinned at her flirtatiously.
“Yeah, I remember her. You two together?” he winked, making a suggestive gesture with his hands.
Lynda giggled and shook her head.
“No, but we could be for the right guy. You know Amy, she likes to share,” she purred, leaning in closer.
Leo smiled, imaging how fun a little ménage à trois would be with those two little foxes.
“Mmmm, is that right? What about you? Do you like to share, too?”
“I could be persuaded. I’d just have to make a call and let her know I’d be bringing you home tonight. She would love to see you, I’m sure.”
In truth, Leo considered it for a moment. What red blooded American male wouldn’t have? The thought of it was tempting, but the timing was all wrong. He was taking Nora home that night and in spite of the fact that she challenged him emotionally, he wanted to be with her. Maybe he needed to be pushed. God knows, he had been evading intimacy for a long time. There was a part of him that wanted someone to love him. Really love him, and Nora had been the closest he had come to in all that time.
He smiled at Lynda and shook his head, noting the disappointment in her eyes.
“While that sounds very tempting, I’m going to have to say no. But say hi to Amy for me, okay?” he offered apologetically, carefully stepping around her.
She reached out for his arm to pull him closer and whispered in his ear.
“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
“I won’t change my mind,” he replied confidently.
“Is that your girlfriend?” she asked, curiously. “Is it serious?”
“Serious enough,” he grinned, winking at her. “I better get back. Take care.”
He walked down the short hallway, spotting Nora across the room. She was looking down at her phone, the glow from the screen illuminating her pretty face. Her smile made it clear that whatever she was reading made her happy. She looked so cheerful and at peace, something he had been unable to draw out of her all day. He wondered what, or who, had made her smile like that and for a moment he felt uncharacteristically possessive.
As soon as he sat down she placed the phone back in her purse and met his eyes, her smile fading. He shook off his insecurity and offered her his best smile, holding her gaze until she shook her head and smiled back, like he was irresistible.
“I’ll just settle up and then we can go,” Leo said, looking around for the waiter, “I would have thought he’d have brought it by already.”
“I took care of it,” Nora said lightly, picking up her purse.
She looked at him kindly, her eyes searching his. He couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he protested gently, trying not to read anything into the gesture.
She had picked up the check a few times before, it didn’t mean anything.
“No worries. Let’s just go,” she stood up and straightened herself out, encouraging Leo to follow suit.
He led her out of the restaurant, grateful that Lynda was nowhere to be found.
As soon as they got back to the house, Leo snuggled up to Nora and gave her a romantic kiss. While they had talked pleasantly on the way home, he could tell she was distracted and it was throwing him off. He wasn’t familiar with this side of Nora. She was usually so present whenever they were together. He wanted to understand what was troubling her, but he was worried about what she might say. Instead, he fell back on what he was good at, in the hopes that she would come around.The art of seduction.
“Do you want to take a bottle of wine out to the hot tub? I put a Pinot Grigio in the fridge to chill earlier. It’s very private back there if you want to skip the bathing suits,” he growled suggestively.
Nora cocked her head, looking at him reluctantly, as though she was of two minds. He took that as a challenge, and kissed her again. She kissed him back, but as soon as they parted, she sighed deeply and shook her head.
“I’m not feeling all that well, Leo. Do you mind if we just go to bed?” she pleaded, placing her hands on his chest.
His sympathetic look was the polar opposite to what he actually felt. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more.
“What is it? A headache?” he asked flatly, not certain how to handle her rejection.
“Honestly? No. I think I just need some space tonight,” she answered truthfully, but not unkindly.
Nevertheless, her honesty threw him for a loop. What the hell changed in the past few hours? He replayed things in his head. Everything seemed great up until dinner, and then things just got awkward. What pushed the train off the rails? He wanted to ask her, but held his tongue.
“Okay. Let’s go to bed,” he finally replied, hiding his hurt feelings.
She looked at him with sad eyes, nodding at him gratefully. He thought about the look on her face only an hour before, when she didn’t know he was watching, when she was busy on her phone. His head and heart ached with the plethora of the many emotions banging around inside of him. What the hell did she need to make her look at him that way?
Half an hour later he was in bed, scrolling through his phone, when Nora finally joined him. She was freshly showered, a towel wrapped snuggly around her midsection, looking a little more relaxed. He put his phone down on the bedside table.
“Come here,” he urged, holding his hand out to her.
She walked to his side of the be
d and sat down beside him, taking his hand in hers. He caressed her fingers tentatively.
“Do you want to talk about what’s bugging you?” he asked, having decided, while she was in the shower, that he needed to put his own bullshit insecurity aside and work things out with her.
Nora was a reasonable woman, and not prone to bouts of whining or pouting. If she was unhappy, it was probably for a damn good reason.
She looked up at him curiously and shrugged.
“Do you?” she blurted unexpectedly, catching him off guard.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped, taking her response personally.
She sat up, as though recognizing her impatience.
“I’m sorry,” she said regretfully, “I didn’t mean that to come out the way it did.”
“Okay,” he nodded, sharing a weak smile with her. “Please, just tell me what I did wrong?”
“Oh, Leo, it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong,” she insisted. “I just feel sometimes like we take one step forward and two steps back. We have this great chemistry and I love being with you. We have so much fun together and God knows, you’re amazing in bed. I feel like you try really hard to make sure I’m always taken care of, but whenever I try to get close to you, I feel you pulling away.”
Leo nodded his head slowly, but said nothing. He didn’t know what to say.
“I can’t ask you to be something you’re not,” she continued, “but it’s just so confusing. I can see potential for us, something meaningful, and yet it’s like there is this wall between us. You let me see glimpses of it, but you won’t let me touch it. Do you know what I mean?”
He did know what she meant. She’d articulated it better than he could have. And she was right. She looked at him thoughtfully, silently trying to draw something out of him—emotion, words, anything. He gave her two short nods that told her he understood.
“I’ve just been thinking a lot about what you and I share, trying to define it, I guess. Part of me doesn’t want to let it go, but another part of me is terrified to hold on,” she admitted, tears welling up in her eyes.
Leo sometimes came across as a tough guy, he knew that, but seeing a woman cry was his Achilles heel. Nothing turned him to mush faster.
“Why?” he asked tenderly, suddenly worried he might really lose her.
Up until this point it had never dawned on him that she could be the one to end things with him.
“Because I’m afraid that I may be more invested in the end game than you are, Leo. I’m not saying that I need a proposal, not at all. I just want to know you, and I want you to know me, to see if there is actually potential for us. Ultimately, I want to be in a committed relationship with the love of my life, that’s important to me, but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure you do. I don’t know how you feel about a lot of important things because you seem so afraid to open up to me,” she pressed, her hands holding his tightly. “We are in each other’s beds, but not in each other’s lives. I mean, can you honestly see a world in which you and I work for the long haul?”
Leo inhaled deeply, suddenly craving oxygen. He had thought about a future with Nora, of course he had. She, more than anyone else he had ever been with, made him feel hopeful again, hopeful that maybe someone could love him. He knew she wanted more from him, and he tried. He would catch himself mentally rehearsing intimate conversations he wanted to have with her. About his desires, his needs, the story of his past. He wanted her to know him, all of it, but once they were together he would just clam up, and then distract her with sex. He couldn’t really explain why, either. He liked Nora a lot—maybe part of him was even starting to love her, but he didn’t know if he could truly trust her. Her, or any woman.
He looked up, still not sure what to say or how to explain how fucked up he felt. He didn’t want her to see him that way, as a guy with too much fucking baggage. He was afraid that if he exposed his weaknesses she would decide he was unlovable, and he didn’t need any additional proof of that.
Nora frowned slightly and nodded, as though she understood that he wouldn’t, couldn’t validate her. She made a slight move to lift herself off the bed. Leo felt panic surging in his gut, and pulled her back down, leaning in to kiss her. She didn’t pull back, instead, received his kiss with just as much need as his own. He ran his hands up her back, kissing her with a fervency that said ‘read my mind, my story is there, I want you to know me.’ He hoped that if he willed it to happen, she would just understand.
He tugged on her towel, leaning her back into the mattress, but she quickly stiffened up, pulling out of his kiss.
“Leo,” she whispered, readjusting the towel around her, “not tonight. Please, let’s just sleep on this. I need time to process my feelings, and maybe you do too.”
Leo didn’t want to stop. Not at all. He wanted more than anything to feel close to her. He needed to fuck her, to push himself deeply inside of her, prove to her that he could make her happy. He needed to buy more time.
He shook his head grinning at her, hoping his charm would win her over, and kissed her again, this time more assertively, his cock quickly stiffening against his boxers. She pulled away again, smiling patiently at him.
“No, Leo,” she stated firmly, gently stroking the hair by his temple.
He inhaled deeply, knowing he needed to pull himself together and buried his head in her neck, allowing her to comfort him.
“Get back in bed, I’ll join you in a minute,” she coaxed, lifting herself off the mattress.
He shifted himself back into the pillows and pulled the sheet over himself.
She returned to the bathroom, leaving him alone for several minutes. He took that time to consider what she had shared with him. He knew he had to make a choice, and soon. He either needed to take a leap of faith with her, or let her go. She had drawn a line in the sand, he needed to decide if she was worth the risk.
Nora returned to bed, wearing a pair of panties and a tank top. It was the first time she slipped into bed beside him and hadn’t been completely nude. The message was not lost on him.
Chapter 18
Nora
Nora woke up before Leo did, but wasn’t quite ready to crawl out of bed. Her best guess told her it was probably only six a.m. She lay beside him quietly, just able to make out his features in the slivers of dim light that lit the room from behind the blinds. It was strange sleeping beside him and not being in her own bed. It was even stranger to be sharing his childhood bedroom with him when she hadn’t even seen his apartment yet.
She wasn’t sure why she chose last night to confess her concerns to Leo, except that perhaps she had such high hopes and quickly realized that the only thing different about the weekend was geography. As he sidestepped all her personal questions, she became acutely aware that while he had invited her away, he had no intentions of inviting her in.
She probably should have been more patient, but when he introduced her to the hostess—his previous lover, and the first person he had ever introduced her to—he referred to her as his friend. She wanted to be a grown up about it, but that stung a little. When she pushed him a bit harder to see if he would give her something, anything, he told her he had been married before. Married! While she hadn’t shared all the details about her relationship with Devon, Leo damn well knew that she had been married and divorced. His own divorce seemed like information that he probably could have confessed at the same time that she had opened up to him.
It just didn’t make sense. She spent her entire professional life analyzing people, uncovering their stories, and figuring them out, yet when it came to Leo, she was clueless. It was like she was lost in his kisses, and under some sort of kinky spell. He just had to wave his magic wand and she would tune out everything else. That big, stiff, delicious wand. She knew if she had allowed him to seduce her last night, everything she had shared with him would have been neatly tucked under the bed, just hollow words demoted to dust bunnies. She was smart enough to know ho
w those things worked. Leo was a master of deflection.
The simple truth was this. If you wanted things to be different, you had to behave differently. Wasn’t doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results the very definition of insanity? According to Albert Einstein it was, and he was a fucking genius.
She had made the right choice, she knew that. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, Leo needed time to think things through. She knew coming into the weekend that she needed answers, and she wouldn’t get them if his mouth was full of pussy the whole time. She was acutely aware that Leo used sex as a crutch, and as long as she was enabling him, he would never step out of his comfort zone. She would be in a state of uncertainty, on a proverbial teeter-totter, her hopes constantly being raised up, only to come crashing down. Fuck that. She adored Leo, but she needed more than just mind-blowing sex.
Leo rolled over and threw his arm around her, sleepily pulling her nearer to him, yet clearly still asleep. It was such an intimate act, as though Leo could only allow himself to be loved when his subconscious mind was in charge, a testament to how much head-trash he was nurturing. She knew bits and pieces about his family, very general stuff. He grew up in Jersey, in his grandparent’s house. His parents were decent people. His life seemed pretty good. Up until yesterday she had no idea that he had been a rebellious teenager, a fact that endeared him to her even more. He seemed so relaxed about sharing his past until she asked him what his turning point had been, then he shut down. There was obviously more to Leo’s story. She could probably use therapy techniques to draw it out of him, but she wasn’t his counselor, she was his lover, and it needed to come from him, honestly and organically, otherwise they would never truly get where they needed to be. Their relationship could never evolve.
If they couldn’t work through it, then she would have to face the fact that maybe they were not meant to be more than lovers. Square pegs didn’t belong in round holes, regardless of how much you tried to force it. She had seen women lose their minds trying to change the men in their lives. She wouldn’t let that happen to herself.
Fire & Ice: A Ménage Fantasy Page 15