“Doesn’t it,” Ethan said flatly.
He slowly shook his head, allowing his stress to pass through his lips by way of a long, drawn out sigh. Well, it’s out there now, he thought wryly. He had to address it with the media sooner or later. First he needed to talk to Mia.
“What are you going to do?” Kirk asked.
Ethan frowned, searching for an answer. He didn’t know. He thought of how the publicity would force him into the limelight and pressure him to make his decisions quickly and publicly, only to be swiftly judged in a social media frenzy. He would either be lynched or applauded, depending on how the media decided to spin it. No matter what, he knew it was probably already trending.
Then, with complete dismay, he thought of Reagan.
She was going to see all of this and she wouldn’t know what to make of it. He had to talk to her and explain. He wasn’t sure how to see her without drawing attention to himself, and to her. Staying under the radar was no longer a possibility, at least not right now.
Ethan, a man who was almost always together under pressure, felt himself falling apart.
Kirk saw his distress.
“What is it, Ethan?”
Ethan massaged his forehead with his fingertips and ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the words. Finally he spoke.
“I need to see Reagan. I need to explain all this to her.”
Kirk looked troubled and shifted in his chair.
“No. The last thing you need to do is to draw attention to your ...”
Kirk paused, trying to find the words.
“Your Domme. You think the media is bad now, throw a love triangle into the mix. Jesus, Ethan, think this through!”
Ethan made a fist and brought it down on his desk with a crash, surprising Kirk. He looked at Kirk, his eyes tired and full of worry.
“I don’t want to upset her, Kirk. Imagine reading something like this without any context? It would be so disturbing. I don’t know what to do,” he said quietly.
Kirk nodded.
“I’ll tell you what you need to do, Ethan. You need to worry about Mia and your baby. You need to make all of that right. Make it okay. Play time is over,” he said, as though offering fatherly advice.
Ethan frowned.
“It’s not like that, Kirk. I know you have the opinion that Reagan is a phase or a play thing, but she’s not. She’s special to me. She’s someone I could see in my life. Fuck, this is a mess,” he said, his frustration getting the better of him.
Kirk frowned but said nothing.
Both men looked at one another in silence, as if waiting for the answer to reveal itself.
Finally, Ethan spoke, his voice soft and calm.
“I’ll figure something out. You’re right. I need to talk to Mia first. I have to do what’s right for the baby.”
Kirk nodded in agreement.
“I’m sure it will all work out okay, Ethan. In fact, I promise you it will.”
Ethan nodded but he didn’t share Kirk’s confidence. He picked up the phone on his desk and dialed through to his assistant.
“Jill, reschedule everything for me today, please,” he said quietly.
He hung up and picked up his cell to text Mia.
Hi Mia. We need to talk. Can we meet today at my place? I can be home by noon. Please come.
Ethan looked at Kirk and gave him a weak smile. Seconds later his phone chirped. It was Mia replying.
Yes, would love to talk. I’ll be there at twelve. Should I bring lunch? <3
Ethan tried to hide his cringe. She seemed so causal, like she didn’t have a care in the world. He quickly texted back.
No, I have food in the house. I can make something. See you soon.
He looked up at Kirk and shook his head.
“Okay, she’s coming over and we’re going to talk.”
Kirk nodded.
“Good. Makes sense to address this quickly. Mia won’t want the paparazzi or the media all over this either.”
Ethan wasn’t sure that was true but kept his feelings to himself.
CHAPTER 35
REAGAN
Reagan was in a good mood. She’d just left the retirement home, having spent much of the afternoon with Bill. She read to him and then they listened to music. She was excited to share the progress she’d made since the last time they spoke. She was grateful to him for encouraging her to open her heart and told him so.
She hadn’t heard from Ethan since Friday, two days after their date. He called her that evening. They flirted and teased each other until her panties were soaked. He shared some kinky fantasies that he had, cautiously at first until she encouraged him to be uninhibited, then he really opened up.
She was completely turned on by his imagination. So turned on that she began stripping on camera for him as he spoke. While he told her his fantasies, she let him watch her slide her finger in and out of her pussy until she came for him.
By that time he was so hard that he turned his camera on himself, and she got to watch him stroke his firm cock until it erupted with semen. The sight sent shudders through her, and she longed for the day he would do that inside her.
They talked for hours afterwards, about everything and nothing, neither of them wanting to hang up. He asked if they could see each other the following week and she said yes. She couldn’t wait to see him again.
Reagan turned into the parking lot of the grocery store two blocks from her house. She had to make a quick stop for coffee. Waking up the next day without caffeine was out of the question.
Once inside, she found her way to the coffee aisle, grabbed a bag of fair trade beans, and then picked up a pint of cream from the cooler. When she got to the checkout there was a bit of a line. Shopping right after work was never a good idea if you were in a hurry.
She flipped through her cell phone as she waited for the line to move forward and noticed an email, a request from her website. It was from someone completely new looking for details. He had filled out the client information form but she didn’t want to read it through. She tossed her phone in her purse and pushed the cart forward as the line slowly progressed.
She would reply to the client later and let him know she was unavailable indefinitely.
She smiled to herself, thinking of Ethan. Her thoughts drifted back to their conversation on Friday. Ethan had confessed that he was happy for the first time in a long time and that she was the reason. He told her he was grateful that he took a chance and reached out to her when he did, and that he’d been pleasantly surprised by how things had unfolded. He also said he thought she was the most amazing woman he’d ever met and that while she was obviously beautiful, he found himself attracted to her for so many other reasons, one of which was her honesty. He said he liked that she had so many facets to her.
No one had ever made Reagan feel so special or safe. Although she needed a little more time to figure everything out, she was starting to fall in love.
She moved forward as another customer checked out. The man in front of her was next. He had more items than the maximum twelve allowed in the express lane. He gave Reagan a little shrug when he noticed her looking at his groceries. She grinned, shrugged back and then looked away so he wouldn’t think she was judging him.
Her eyes landed on the magazines in the rack beside her. Oprah was looking good in a white pant suit. Reagan’s smile softened when she read one of the headlines.
Share Your Story, Heal Your Soul.
How coincidental was that, Reagan thought curiously. The theme that month was, Time for a Makeover!
She chuckled quietly, picked up the magazine and added it to her items on the checkout belt. A new life would require a new look.
She looked at what else she might enjoy reading. She stopped short when she saw Ethan on the cover of several of the papers. Ethan and the actress Mia Miller.
She felt her stomach clench in knots as her smiled disappeared.
So many pictures.
They were kissing in what appeared to be some outdoor patio at a restaurant. In another he was holding her hand across the table. And the worst one, Mia resting her hands on her belly.
The headlines tore her in two.
Make way for Baby!
And another:
Hollywood’s “IT” Couple, Preggers!
She closed her eyes slowly and opened them again, somehow hoping the headlines would change.
They didn’t.
She inhaled slowly and deeply, trying to control her nausea. She wanted to get out of the store as fast as she could. She clumsily put Oprah back on the shelf before the salesclerk could ring it through, her hands shaking. She held back tears as she paid for her purchase, barely hearing the clerk ask if she wanted a bag.
“Miss, do you want a bag?” the clerk asked impatiently for the second time.
Reagan looked up and shook her head.
“Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day.”
Reagan was pretty sure that would be impossible.
When she got to her car, she tossed her purse and her purchases onto the seat beside her. She sat for a moment, trying to get her bearings.
She was numb.
Numb and confused.
What was going on?
Was Ethan in a relationship this whole time?
Why didn’t he tell her?
Why did he pretend to care so much about her?
He didn’t have to. He could have just kept things simple and professional and went on with his life. Why did things get so personal and intimate if he was with someone else?
Was his intention to make a fool of her?
Nothing added up or made sense.
She wished for a moment that the man on the cover of those papers was someone completely different from her Ethan, perhaps his doppelgänger from a parallel universe, or maybe she was dreaming. Perhaps she would wake up, filled with relief that this was not real.
She took a deep breath to hold back her tears, but it did no good. She placed her face in her hands and sobbed.
CHAPTER 36
REAGAN
By the time Reagan walked into her apartment, her tears had stopped. It wasn’t that she was no longer devastated, but she’d spent the better part of her adulthood processing disappointment and grief and she knew the ins and outs of it.
She was all too aware of the five stages of grief.
She’d already passed through denial and bargaining on her way to anger. She hoped to bypass depression and skip right on through to acceptance.
For whatever reason, Ethan had lied to her.
Maybe not outright, but definitely by omission. She was partially to blame, she knew that. She really liked him. She liked everything about him.
She should have asked the right questions. She didn’t.
She should have made sure he was unattached before agreeing to see him personally. She didn’t.
She was so caught up in the possibilities that it didn’t even dawn on her to ask if he was single. She was angry with herself, because deep down she had wondered, and she chose not to question him. She assumed he would have told her otherwise.
Although she didn’t pay attention to gossip, she was familiar with his reputation in Hollywood for being a ladies’ man, the perpetual bachelor. He dated different women all the time.
But still, she should have asked.
She put the cream in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine. She got a wine glass from the cupboard and poured herself half a glass. Then she shrugged and proceeded to fill her glass, drank several large mouthfuls, and topped it up again. She sat at the counter and slowly sipped the rest.
She couldn’t describe her feelings as angry. She was more disappointed. She really felt herself falling for Ethan, in a way that was both scary and a risk to her, but he’d convinced her it was safe to do so. He made it seem like he wanted her to fall for him, and that maybe he was falling for her too.
Could she have misinterpreted his intentions?
She was a smart woman, capable of reading situations and people well. Hell, it was her job!
She was baffled that she got it so wrong. She knew Ethan was a good actor, but what was his motivation? There was no reason for him to lie to her. No reason at all.
She knew she was grieving for what could have been. All those fantasies of being with him, loving him, knowing him intimately and wholeheartedly, now seemed so frivolous and foolish. The promise of building a relationship with someone who seemed like a perfect match had been snatched from her grasp. It was right there in front of her, and then yanked away right before she could close her hands on it.
For a fleeting second, she wondered if she was worthy of love. All the doubts she’d suffered in her previous relationship came rushing at her like a pack of wolves. She shook her head, refusing to allow those damaging waves of doubt to crash through her soul.
She deserved love. That much was clear to her now.
If nothing else, being with Ethan had encouraged her to open her heart again. She knew she wanted love and that she deserved to be loved properly. Those feelings of self-worth had nothing to do with him. He’d opened the door, but she was the one who’d walked through it. She’d done the work. She wouldn’t go backwards.
With or without Ethan, she wouldn’t let herself spiral into a cycle that would ruin the self-esteem she’d managed to build up over the past few years of her life.
She picked up her phone and scrolled through it, searching for the email she’d received earlier from the new client.
She read the message carefully. He was polite and restrained, a quintessential submissive male searching for someone to meet his needs without judgment. Someone to pay attention to all the details and make him a priority. This she understood. There was clarity in the work. Nothing but the truth. Simple and uncomplicated.
She composed her reply, inviting the new client to FaceTime.
Dear Kirk,
I see from your client information form that you are new to exploring your submissive side. Before I invite you to a session, we must first meet through FaceTime. I do this for several reasons.
First, you must prove you are genuine about pursuing your submissive fantasies and serious about exploring the unique ways in which you will be challenged.
Secondly, I will be establishing the boundaries, which will be respected at all times.
Finally, I need to make sure you’re someone I want to know. I will be free to speak with you tomorrow (Tuesday) evening at nine PM. Confirm that this time will work for you.
Lady Grace
For a moment, she considered not sending it, but the truth was, the idea of a session was comforting. She welcomed the distraction, and performing her work would allow her to regain her sense of control, at least until she could shake off her grief.
She took a sip of wine and carefully reread her email. She took a breath, deep and full of purpose, and sent it on its way.
She sat a few minutes and then got up, put her wine glass in the sink, and decided against dinner. She wanted to take a hot bath and try to settle her nerves. She couldn’t get Ethan off her mind, but she knew she would have to figure out a way to move on.
He was in love with someone else and they were starting a family.
She knew he would reach out to her soon and want to be with her, but she wouldn’t see him. That would be best for everyone.
“Sorry, Mia,” she whispered quietly, feeling deep empathy for a woman she had never met, but understanding the path she walked.
She was disheartened by Ethan. She honestly didn’t think he was the kind of man who would be disloyal.
She was walking into her bedroom when her phone chimed. It was probably her new client, she thought, lifting the phone to her eyes.
It was Ethan.
She inhaled deeply, her nerves twisting at her guts.
Reagan, I have something I have to share with you. It’s important. When can I come see you?
Reagan shook
her head slowly and turned off her phone.
CHAPTER 37
ETHAN
Ethan sat quietly on his patio sipping a scotch and staring at the stars. It had been a long day. He had texted Reagan earlier but she hadn’t responded. He hoped she was just busy, but his instincts told him otherwise. He had a horrible feeling that she either heard or read about the Mia situation and had made up her mind about him.
The way things looked, she had every right to be pissed off. Everything reported had been taken out of context or embellished, but Reagan wouldn’t know that. He’d never talked with her about Mia. In his view, it wasn’t an issue. He knew that it wouldn’t look that way to Reagan though.
He sighed. He and Mia had never discussed making their relationship official, he’d thought of each meeting with her as a date, not as a meeting with his girlfriend, but from Reagan’s perspective, he would look like a lying, cheating bastard. He knew that. He only hoped she would give him a chance to explain.
He was falling in love with her and the thought of losing her was devastating.
* * *
His visit with Mia earlier that afternoon had troubled him. She’d shown up at his house, almost an hour late, and walked in like nothing was wrong. In spite of asking her not to, she brought food for both of them anyway. She was giddy and full of energy. If Ethan didn’t know any better, he would have thought she was high.
She kept trying to cosy up to him, hold his hand, even kiss him. He did his best to keep an appropriate distance. The last thing he wanted was give her the wrong impression or lead her on.
They were having a child together, fine, but that didn’t magically make him her husband. Especially because he knew he didn’t love her.
While they ate lunch, she prattled on about work and her friends and things completely off topic, as if she was avoiding the whole purpose of her visit. Ethan knew he needed to keep his cool and handle the situation with great care. He didn’t want to do anything to upset her.
He finally did get a chance to ask her about the baby. He wanted to know when she found out. Had she been to the doctor for a checkup and did he give her a due date?
Fire & Ice: A Ménage Fantasy Page 89