This not talking thing was supposed to benefit me, but it ended up just killing me inside. However, the pain is even worse when we do talk and I hear her voice start to crack as she gets all choked up. Plus, fighting with her just makes me want to rip all of my hair out. So maybe the not talking thing was a good thing, in some aspects, but I just didn't have enough self-control to stay away from her.
My fingers pressed a few buttons on my phone, and sure enough I was calling Annabel again, for the second time in one day, even though I have done a good job of completely ignoring her the last few. My streak was over. I was officially whipped. And quite frankly, I was actually okay with that.
"Stuart?" Annabel clarified, her voice sounding adorable when she was all flustered and confused.
"Hi," I greeted, feeling my lips tug upwards into a bright smile.
"Hi," She repeated awkwardly. A silence fell between us. "Why did you call me?"
I felt my jaw clench together as her comment was almost a slap to the face. This was all so confusing. I knew she wanted to be mad at me and hate me for what I did, but I could also tell she was still just in love with me as I was in love with her. "I told you I would call you after the show."
"Oh, right. Okay. So how was the show?" Annabel questioned, although I was unaware if she really cared about my answer of if she just wanted to change the subject before the awkwardness became even worse.
I sighed. "It was amazing. The crowd was so loud and they sang like every line back to us and it was just unbelievable. But I couldn't bring myself to go out tonight. I just- I don't know. I miss you too much. I want you here with me so badly."
Annabel groaned loudly. "Stuart, you can't keep doing this. You're the one who broke up with me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when you say things like this."
"I'm just trying to confide in you! You're my best friend, Ann. I just need someone to talk to," I whined, picking up a pillow and placing it onto my chest, admiring its soft quality.
"You told me you didn't want to talk," She pointed out, grumbling something under her breath. "Stuart, this is so frustrating. I have never been more confused in my life."
"Me either," I mumbled, switching the phone to my other ear. "Look, as of right now, it's kind of obvious I made the wrong decision. But it's only been a few days, I'm not sure what else the tour is going to throw at me. Maybe I will be able to have fun without you, maybe I won't. Maybe I really won't have time for a girlfriend. I don't know yet. So I'm just going to stick it out for a little bit and see, and then we'll go from there."
She was silent for awhile, despite the fact that I could faintly hear her breathing. "Okay. But I'm not going to wait forever. I honestly shouldn't even be waiting for you at all."
"I know, baby," I muttered, using that term of endearment simply because it was a habit. I've called her that even before we were together. It was going to take me a while to fully exile it from my vocabulary. "Can I still try to talk to you until then? I feel like I go insane when I don't hear your voice."
She giggled a little bit at my desperate endeavor. "Sure, Stu. But we're just going to chat as friends. It hurts me too much to pretend everything is the same as before."
"Right," I agreed, obliging to her commandments. "So we're just friends. Friends who are in love with each other."
Annabel laughed again, which made my grin reappear as the lovely sound filled my eardrums. "This is so complicated."
"Don't go all Avril Lavigne on me, McKenzie," I teased, mocking her from a conversation we had a long time ago, one that I wasn't sure if she'd even recall. "Alright, well do you have somewhere to be or do we still have some more time to talk?"
"Uh, I don't have anything planned today. I have to be on the set tomorrow to meet with the cast again, but today is my last day of being free before the movie starts," She explained to me, sounding a little stressed out.
"Well the guys are going out so I'm going to have a few hours free also. I mean, unless I fall asleep. But would you be interested in telling me everything that has been going on in your life for the next few hours?" I suggested, mainly because now that I had us speaking on good terms, I never wanted this conversation to end.
"Only if you tell me the same," Annabel bargained, making my smile spread from ear to ear. Maybe this would be a step in the right direction for us. Maybe if I discover that I can't get back together with her, at least we might still be able to salvage our friendship.
"And are all of you single?" The interviewer asked, shoving the microphone that resembled a penis towards our faces, waiting for a reply.
Some interviews were fun, but this one just seemed to drag on for ages. I wanted to get back to the comfort of the bus, and snuggle up with a blanket, instead of being squished between Bradley and Clayton, as my legs started to cramp up.
"Yeah," Clayton answered for us, like he always had a habit of doing.
The interviewer, clad in a business-woman outfit with her hair slicked back, narrowed her brooding eyes at me. "Stuart, I thought you were dating the superstar, Annabel McKenzie?"
Bradley snorted. "Superstar," He repeated with a huff, chuckling to himself. "That makes Stuart sound so much cooler than he actually is."
The four of us laughed simultaneously at the truth of the statement. I never pictured Annabel as an A-List celebrity. I always just viewed her as my lame next door neighbor that had only recently grown out of her awkward phase.
The woman's mouth flickered into a small smile, but she still didn't drop the subject and was awaiting an answer. "We-uh, yeah, um, it's complicated," I stuttered, laughing in an a nervous manner.
She raised her eyebrows. "Well that kiss at the VMA's was definitely something. I think you two would make a very cute couple."
"Thanks," I replied sincerely, glancing down at my large hands as my cheeks grew hot, altering to a shade of cherry red. "She's great. It's just, um, you know. I'm on tour, she's filming a sequel. Neither of us really have time for a relationship."
The man who was also involved in the interview, sitting in a red chair directly across from me, picked up the microphone to speak his own words. He has been quite reserved the whole time, usually just taking notes on our answers instead of interrogating us.
"You don't just let go of a girl like Annabel McKenzie, though," He stated, his eyes staring into my own, with a small smile on his about-thirty-years-old face. "I interviewed her once and she had to be the sweetest girl in the business to me. Very humble, but still has this bit of attitude that is almost charming. And she's a beautiful young lady with a lot of ambition. You don't come across that very often anymore."
I gulped. My heart was pounding against my chest. Every single thing he was saying was true. If he was able to depict her so well from only speaking to her in one interview, than the rest of the world must be able to view this also. They must think I'm a total idiot for leaving a girl like Annabel. And it was very clear now that I thought of myself as a total idiot for breaking up with her.
The rest of the boys sat there in silence, glancing at each other in an uncomfortable manner. "I completely agree," I mumbled, biting down on my lip as I tried to switch my attention from Annabel back to the band. "But how about that new album of ours, yeah?"
Chapter 47
Annabel
"You look absolutely exhausted," Jordan pointed out with a small laugh, perching onto one of those director's chairs next to me. His brown eyes were locked on me in concern, as if he was thoroughly worried about my well-being.
I shrugged, fidgeting in my own chair. We were both waiting for hair and make-up to start, so we had some time to kill before the stylists got over here. "I am," I whined, rubbing my eyes with the back of my palm. "Stuart called me really late last night because of the time difference. And then I couldn't fall back asleep."
"Ah," Jordan responded quizzically. "How is the long distance relationship going?"
I shrugged my shoulders, turning my body to face him more as I crossed one o
f my legs over the other. "Well we're still broken up. We're just trying to stay in touch, but it's hard. He has to end calls in the middle of a conversation a lot because of band stuff. And once we actually start filming I'm not going to be able to answer as many."
The two weeks of trying this friends thing has been nice, but it was true. It was a lot harder. I loved hearing his voice fill my eardrums again, but I craved seeing him in person and feeling his arms around me.
Jordan shot me an apologetic glance, stroking his chin with his fingers. "Are you guys still having good conversations though? Or is it just awkward chatter just to hear each other talk."
"A little bit of both," I admitted. The absence of reading body language made things more difficult, as well as the fact that it was harder to use sarcasm. "I don't know. Sometimes I feel like he's not listening to me, but he's busy and probably hanging out with the boys so I get it. I would never want to hold him back from his career or his friends."
"Yeah, but if he really loves you then he would be able to find a balance," Jordan told me, keeping that strong eye contact with me that was so intense I had to force myself to peel my gaze away and stare at my lap. "Ann, tell me what you're so worried about. I don't like seeing you act this way."
I sighed heavily, picking away at my fingernails. "I know he loves me, I do, I'm just scared that he won't want to get back together after all this. I feel like he's going to get one taste of freedom and won't want a relationship anymore. I mean this was the whole reason he broke up with me. And I just don't want to lose him again."
Jordan grasped my hand, linking our fingers together in a friendly manner, just purely out of comfort. He was a great listener, and I'm glad I was finally able to get all of this off my chest. "It's all going to work itself out. I mean, distance does make the heart grow fonder, but then again there is the whole 'out of sight, out of mind' concept. Either way, you just have to do what feels right."
I gulped. I had no idea which diverged path to choose. I could either still keep up with these phone calls to stay in touch and feel sad afterward that everything was changing, or I could stop talking to him and let us both focus on our careers as we planned and be sad that he was out of my life. Both of the choices came with heartache. So maybe I would just wait and let Stuart decide.
"Thank you," I mumbled, resting my head on his toned shoulder. His navy blue shirt reeked of cologne, and with every inhale I took my nostrils filled with the musky scent. "I'll let you know how this all goes."
"In the meantime," Jordan started in a peppy tone, as opposed to the serious one he was previously using. "Would you want to go do something this weekend to take your mind off things? I miss seeing my happy Anna. I think what you need is to have some fun!"
I smiled. Jordan and I always hang out a lot while we're filming, since he was my closest friend on set and we would always just always have a blast together. Maybe I really did need to go on one of our famous outings to boost my spirits again. "Okay. Let's do it."
"Alright!" Jordan cheered, lifting his palm up to give me a high-five. His enthusiasm always rubbed off on me, so my own lips curled into a grin as well. He was such a great co-star. I would hate to be filming this second movie if I was stuck with someone boring.
Jessica, my make-up artist, finally strolled into the dressing room, clutching onto a plastic box filled with make-up. "I'm so sorry I'm late!" She yelled, frantically running over towards me and pushing all of my hair behind my ears to have a clean slate to apply of the products.
From: stu- baby girrlll
From: stu- im at a party right now
From: stu- they gave me lots of whiskey and vodka
To: stu- aw be careful
From: stu- annna im fine
From: stu- u should see bradley
From: stu- hes sooO drunk hahaahs
To: stu- yeah well so are you
From: stu- good point
From: stu- i miss u so much
From: stu- i love u more than anything
To: stu- i love you too stuart
From: stu- u shouldn’t love me im a dick to you
To: stu- no you're not
To: stu- you're one of the sweetest boys i know you just need to figure some things out
From: stu- ann omg this girl has the biggest tits
To: stu- nice
From: stu- she keeps trying to talk to me
From: stu- but her tits are like eating her face hahaheeh
To: stu- you can talk to her we're broken up
From: stu- no nono nO
From: stu- if i wanted to talk to her i wouldn’t be texting my girl right now
From: stu- you have nice boobs too
To: stu- lmao thanks stu
To: stu- stop texting me and go hang out with your friends though okay bub
From: stu- i want to go home tho im not having fun anymore because im txting you
To: stu- then call a cab and go home
From: stu- a cab wont take me to los angeles
From: stu- home is with you
From: stu- too bad we cant be together long distance is too hard for me cause i cant touch you or see you or talk to you whenever i want
To: stu- stuart you're drunk go lay down or something
From: stu- i cant big tits is talking to me again
From: stu- she seems nice i might have to buy her a drink
From: stu- still not as pretty as you but you’re not here
I sighed, pressing my hands to my temple and trying to relieve some of the stress I was feeling. I wasn't sure if I was worried about him being this drunk when he's all alone, or the fact that girls are already throwing themselves at him, or the fact that he still loves me so much that it's preventing him from having a good time.
From: stu- why aren’t u answering me
From: stu- omg ur so annoying don’t get jealous
From: stu- you told me to talk to her
From: stu- annna i may be drunk but i can still see you read all of these
From: stu- ok whatever the boys want me to play beer pong bye
From: stu- im gonna kick Benjamin's butt and party like i wanted to
From: stu- love u baby even tho you’re being annoying
I turned my phone off without even replying. He was too drunk to even process what was going on anyways. I was flattered that I was what his brain thought about even in his drunken state. However, this was just making our situation even more complicated and I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take without ending up with an even deeper wound slashed through my heart.
Chapter 48
Stuart
After a long ass week of touring, I couldn't be more grateful for it to be the weekend. To make it even better, today was one of our few days off scheduled for this tour, which meant I finally had time to relax and catch up on all of my sleep.
Although this week was insanely busy, I was so happy that the boys dragged me out to the bar with them. I actually had a lot of fun hanging out with the boys like we used to. It felt liberating to be able to let go of all of the pressure I've been dealing with and just be able to let loose for awhile, even if it did end up with some embarrassing drunk texts.
I dropped my bag onto the floor of my hotel room with a loud thud, locking the door behind me. It was a vast room, almost too big for one person to have all by themselves, and it smelled like the entire place had drowned in a bottle of coconut air freshener.
I leaped onto the bed immediately, like a child seeing a king size mattress for the first time. My aching body sunk right into the fluffy, yet firm, mattress and a content exhale instantly escaped my mouth. It could never compare to my bed at home that I kept on such a high pedestal for its magnificent level of comfort, but it was definitely a close second in the ranking.
My thumb pushed down onto the power button of the remote control, turning the television on. I kicked my shoes off, letting them fling onto the floor without a care as to where they landed, and propped my head agai
nst the crisp pillows to get situated. I flipped channels, trying to find something even remotely interesting, or else I would be falling asleep much quicker than I had originally intended.
Annabel's face appeared on the screen, nearly making me crap my sweatpants right then and there. Sometimes I completely forgot that I could watch her movies whenever I wanted to. I cranked up the volume and leaned back, letting my gaze fix on her.
Her character was sitting out by the pool, talking to some actor that I couldn't remember the name of. She had her blonde hair pulled back, revealing every part of her beautifully crafted face, with a smile plastered over her kissable lips. She was dressed in a bikini, making my mouth basically water, as her long legs glimmered in the sunlight and as her skin was exposed to me.
Watching her act in this film, with her lovely speaking voice and her pretty smile and her body on display in a swimsuit was basically free porn for me.
My hand involuntarily crept downwards, slipping underneath the waist band of my pants and my boxers. In my defense, it's been weeks since I've gotten any action and I was all alone. I gripped onto my length, imagining my palm to be Annabel's, and keeping my eyes locked onto her gorgeous face on the screen. A raspy moan escaped from my throat instantly. God, I missed her.
With my free hand I reached for my phone. I needed her. I needed to see her so bad. I needed to hear her voice in person, calling out my name. I needed to be with her so badly, and this long distance is really making it so much more difficult.
I opened up Snapchat, taking a quick selfie, staring right into the front facing camera. I had to take this whole thing slow, I couldn't just whip out a dick pic like it was nothing. So I just captioned it, "Miss you baby girl." That always would make her swoon.
I returned my attention back to the movie, letting go of myself for a bit as I awaited her response. I heard the dinging sound of my phone a minute or so later, and I unlocked my screen, letting a picture of her pop up. She replied with a simple, "Miss you too, Stuart."
Raunchy Roommate Page 27