by Laura Martin
Francesca was looking down at her hands so was taken by surprise when Ben kissed her. His lips were warm and inviting and for a moment she wished she could just abandon herself to him and forget everything that made her life hard.
‘Does this feel like pretence to you?’ he asked, pulling away only slightly so his breath tickled her face as he spoke.
Instinctively she shook her head. It felt real and meaningful and wonderful.
‘I like you, Frannie. And I’m attracted to you. Very much so—’ Ben broke off with a short laugh ‘—probably too much. And I’m telling the truth when I say I don’t want to hurt you.’ He paused again, ensuring she was looking at him, ‘I’m not going to make you homeless. That was never my intention. I just wanted to put pressure on your father, to make him see there are consequences for his actions.’
‘You won’t go through with it?’ she asked, feeling an instantaneous lightening in her heart.
‘No, I won’t go through with it. He deserves every punishment in hell,’ Ben said, taking her hand, ‘but you don’t. In the end it would be you who would be hurt and I don’t want that.’
Feeling the relief seeping through her body, she allowed herself to sag against him, his body warm and welcoming in the darkness.
‘I thought...’ she said, trailing off. He didn’t need to know the details of all her insecurities.
‘You thought I’d used you to get close to your father and that our time together was part of my revenge,’ he summed up succinctly.
Even in the darkened park Francesca could see him shake his head ruefully. ‘I have a bit of a reputation back home,’ he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I’m known to be ruthless, a man who takes risks, a man not to be crossed in the course of my business. I’m very glad my business rivals cannot see me here.’
‘Allowing my father to get away with his actions for my sake would go against the persona you’ve built for yourself?’ Francesca asked.
‘Oh, yes.’
‘But you decided to anyway.’
‘I couldn’t help myself,’ he said quietly, kissing her again, this time on her temple where her hairline ended.
‘So what happened between us...’ Francesca said, needing one final confirmation.
‘Everything I did and everything I said was true,’ he said sincerely.
Francesca felt her heart swell and knew she needed to be careful. She was beginning to care about Ben just a little too much. He’d made it perfectly clear he wasn’t the sort of man to get tied down by emotions. Their dalliance together had been just that: a temporary, fleeting dalliance. The only person she would hurt if she allowed these feelings for Ben to continue would be herself.
Glancing at him in the darkness, she had a momentary flash of what her life might be like if she threw away everyone’s expectations of her and ran off with this man. She could picture a life of freedom, a life of equality where she was treated as a human rather than a possession to be traded by the men around her. No doubt it would also be a life of passion.
Sighing, she pushed away the thought. Of course it could never happen—she had responsibilities, a duty to see her sister well provided for and her parents not sent to debtors’ prison. And Ben had never offered anything more than a few intimate weeks. They were not of the same world; it could never work.
‘Why the big sigh?’ he asked as she leaned back against him, feeling his warmth engulfing her.
‘No reason,’ she said, trying to inject a brightness into her voice, but failing miserably.
‘I have to go away in a couple of days,’ Ben said quietly.
Francesca felt a tearing in her chest and wondered how those few little words could cause her so much pain. She barely knew the man sitting beside her, his departure shouldn’t cause her so much upset.
‘Back to Australia?’ she asked morosely.
Ben laughed, ‘Good Lord, no. I’m going to Essex, to see my family.’
She heard the mix of emotions in his voice, the excitement shadowed with something that sounded a little like apprehension.
‘Your father is back from his trip?’ she asked.
While they’d been lying in bed together a few days earlier Ben had told her of the bad timing of his arrival. A few days before his ship docked his father had been called to one of the estates he managed up north. Only now was he coming home, meaning their long-awaited reunion had been painfully delayed.
‘He should return on Thursday,’ Ben said, ‘and he wrote he was most eager not to delay my visit any further.’
‘Of course he’s keen to see you,’ Francesca said, picking up on the uncertainty in Ben’s voice. The man next to her was strong emotionally. He’d been through so much at such a young age and come out with the ability still to care about his family and those around him. When he spoke of his father and brothers there was an uncharacteristic hesitation in his voice and Francesca knew it was not because he didn’t want to see them again. Quite the opposite.
‘I shall be gone for a few days,’ Ben said. ‘I’m not sure how many exactly. I suppose it will depend on how well the visit goes.’
‘Your father will probably never want to let you leave.’
He shrugged and for a moment she was reminded of the young boy she’d once known. The image of him locked in a cell, awaiting trial for a crime he didn’t commit, came to mind. He’d looked unsure and vulnerable then, too. It wasn’t a side to him she’d seen much since his return.
‘I need to visit Elmington Manor,’ Francesca said impulsively. ‘I could accompany you on the journey if you would like.’
Elmington Manor was their moderately sized property in Essex, the same estate she and Ben had grown up running around and Ben’s father had once managed. She did need to visit in the next few weeks, to take her old clothes out of storage ready for when her mourning period finished, but had planned on putting that task off for as long as possible. Now, it was a good excuse to travel to Essex with Ben. She thought he needed some moral support, a friend to reassure him that his family wasn’t going to reject him after eighteen years. Not that he would ever ask for it.
She saw him hesitate, wondered if he would be too proud to accept her help. Most men wouldn’t want to admit they were struggling emotionally with something like this.
‘You’re going anyway?’ he asked.
‘I need to sort out my clothes for when I come out of mourning,’ she said.
‘Then I would be very pleased to have your company.’
In the darkness she reached out and patted the wood of the bench until her hand found his, then, lacing her fingers through his, she closed her eyes and smiled. Ben deserved a good relationship with his family and she would do everything in her power to make sure that’s what he got.
Chapter Fifteen
The morning was crisp and clear as Ben waited on the outskirts of London at their agreed meeting point. He was on horseback, wrapped up in his thickest coat with his warmest gloves on his hands. Although he wouldn’t ever admit to anyone in Australia that he missed his homeland, the cold, snowy winters in England were something he’d found himself dreaming about in the heat of the Australian summer.
In the distance he could see a carriage approaching and smiled ruefully. He knew Francesca would like nothing more than to be up on horseback riding alongside him, but she was tied by the expectations of society. A young woman did not ride from London to Essex on horseback when there was a carriage at her disposal. It wasn’t the done thing, no matter how much she wanted to.
Shaking his head, he wondered what more he could do to help her break free of those restraints, to show her the world wouldn’t end if she didn’t conform to the expectations of a group of people she didn’t much like anyway.
‘Good morning,’ he greeted Francesca as her carriage came to a stop beside him. The coachman looked pale and miserab
le to be out in such icy weather and was blowing on his hands impatiently.
‘Good morning. Would you care to join me?’ she asked, motioning to the seat opposite her in the carriage.
‘I have a better idea,’ he said. ‘It’s a beautiful morning, why don’t you come and join me?’
‘I don’t have a mount.’
‘This beast is strong enough to carry both of us for a while,’ Ben said, enjoying the widening of Francesca’s eyes as she realised what he was suggesting.
‘You want me to come and ride with you?’ she asked.
Suppressing a grin, Ben nodded. He loved the look of disbelief and mild indignation she got on her face when he suggested something that wasn’t a societal norm.
‘You never used to be scared of horses...’ he taunted her.
‘I’m not scared of the horse,’ she said calmly, ‘it’s the man on its back I’m cautious of.’
‘I promise to behave.’
‘I don’t think you know how to behave,’ Francesca grumbled, but Ben saw her edging off her seat. He grinned, loving how easily he could read the woman in front of him. Deep down she wanted nothing more than to vault up behind him and feel the wind whipping at her face as they raced off ahead of the carriage. It was only years of conforming to what a well-brought-up young lady should do that was holding her back.
‘Put up your hood and if anyone passes lower your head,’ Ben said. ‘Then no one will recognise you.’ He could tell she was almost convinced. ‘I’ll let you sit in front,’ he said eventually, knowing she wouldn’t be able to resist that offer.
‘Really?’ Francesca asked, her eyes lighting up.
‘If that would make you happy.’
Within a fraction of a second she was out of the carriage and inspecting his horse.
‘How do you have a horse?’ she asked, stroking the beautiful grey animal’s nose with the affection of a girl who grew up in the countryside.
‘Lady Winston, Fitzgerald’s aunt whom we stayed with when I first arrived in London, she arranged for us to hire a mount each.’
‘How generous,’ Francesca murmured.
‘She is. Outspoken and forthright, but unbelievably generous. Do you need a leg up?’
Placing her booted foot into his hand, Francesca pulled herself up on to the back of the horse, settling herself on its back. She was wearing a plain grey dress with a full skirt and her cloak over the top, not the most practical items for riding a horse, but Ben could see she would just about manage to sit sideways in front of him.
‘Are you sure the horse will be able to manage both of us?’ she asked.
Quickly he pulled himself up on to the horse’s back, settling himself behind Francesca and looping an arm around her waist to support her.
‘I’ve never ridden like this before,’ she said, gripping the reins. From the tone of her voice he could tell she was smiling and wondered when making her smile had become quite so important to him.
He was barely listening to her words, distracted by the contour of her waist under his hand and the warmth of her body pressed against his.
‘We shall meet you at the King’s Head,’ Francesca called to her coachman, who grumbled something inaudible in return.
With a squeal of delight she threw her head back as he spurred the horse on, and Ben made sure he allowed it to pick a nice steady speed that it would be able to maintain with an extra rider on its back.
Ben relaxed back, glad of the distraction of having Francesca with him. When she was in his arms he thought about things less, worried less. Carefully, ensuring he did not surprise her too much, he leaned forwards and placed a kiss on her cheek, feeling the fur from the inside of her new cloak tickle his lips.
‘What was that for?’ she asked, glancing round, but not able to quite meet his eye and keep her balance.
‘For coming with me.’
Ben knew she’d seen the worry buried deep inside him, that she’d sensed his unease and nervousness at seeing his family again after so long and had offered to accompany him to distract him on the journey and offer what little support she could.
It was a kind gesture, one that showed their friendship had blossomed again despite all that had gone before. Friendship...and something more.
Ben had thought the day they’d spent in bed together might slake his desire for Francesca, but in reality it had only heightened it. Before when he’d felt an attraction towards a woman a night or two in their arms had been enough to fulfil that so he could move on. Now, despite having had Francesca in his bed, he still thought about her almost every waking moment. And sleep didn’t give him much respite either. The dreams...
‘Tell me about your family now,’ Francesca said, leaning back into him and warming his body with her own.
Ben took a moment to collect his thoughts. All he knew of his family had been from his father’s letters, but seeing as they lived half a world apart he had been kept remarkably well-informed.
‘Do you remember my brothers?’ Ben asked.
There was a moment of hesitation before Francesca replied, as if she were trying hard to recall people from a long time ago.
‘Thomas and William,’ she said eventually.
‘That’s right.’ Two boys who would have grown into men in the intervening years. Thomas had been eight when Ben was arrested and Ben had fond memories of playing with his younger brother, but William had only been four. No doubt his youngest brother wouldn’t remember him at all.
‘They both work with Father and they still all live in Elswyre. Thomas was married, but his wife died in childbirth a couple of years ago. He has just the one son. William is still young and unattached as far as I’m aware.’
‘And your father?’
This was one of the things Ben was most apprehensive about. Never in his letters had his father mentioned remarrying, but Ben wondered if that had been to spare his feelings when he was so far away. Their mother had died soon after William was born, wasting away for no apparent reason, going quickly from a healthy young woman to a shadow of her former self before passing away one night. His father had always blamed a weak chest, but in reality no one knew why Ben’s mother had died. Ever since then their father had become everything to them. Through his own grief the older man had helped his children find their way in the world without their mother as well as taking on all the jobs his wife would ordinarily have done. To Ben he was a true hero, a man he’d looked up to and wanted to emulate. Part of his discomfort at the idea of finally going home centred around wondering if that had been a fantasy built up by a child or if it was the truth.
‘I don’t think he’s ever remarried.’
‘How extraordinary,’ Francesca murmured.
It was extraordinary. He’d been a relatively young man with a good job and three children to look after. There wouldn’t be many in his position who wouldn’t find another wife to share the load.
‘Enough,’ Ben said, not wanting to think about how he might slot into a family he hadn’t seen for eighteen years. ‘Let’s canter.’
In front of him he felt Francesca adjust her grip on the reins and lean forward ever so slightly before urging the horse on. As they picked up speed he heard her let out a little cry of pleasure and he noticed she didn’t even tense as another carriage passed them on the road, the occupants looking out disapprovingly. If he could get Francesca to embrace her true nature, to realise she didn’t always need to conform to society’s expectations, before he left for Australia, then he would be happy.
Not happy, the little voice inside his head insisted. He tried to ignore it, focus instead on the woman in front of him and how her body felt pressed against his. He didn’t want to have to examine how she made him feel emotionally. It was enough to admit that he still desired her, without acknowledging that he would find it hard to leave her behind. She’d burrowed her w
ay under his skin and lodged herself treacherously close to his heart.
Silently he shook his head. He wasn’t meant for a long-term relationship, he was better suited to short flings, dalliances where no one could get hurt. To commit for life to just one woman, that required a level of mutual trust he just didn’t have.
It didn’t matter anyway. In a few weeks Francesca would probably insist on marrying the odious Lord Huntley in some misguided attempt to save her sister. Even knowing her motivation, it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, the thought that she would choose Huntley over him.
Chapter Sixteen
Although it was only a little after three o’clock in the afternoon when they entered the village of Elswyre the sky had already lost its brightness and the sun was dropping ever lower.
‘I’ll escort you home first,’ Ben said, knowing his voice was clipped and tense, but unable to help it. He felt nervous, more nervous than he had done for years, and he was torn between wanting to run to his father’s house to reunite with his family and wanting to stay away in case it wasn’t everything he’d hoped for.
They were sitting in the carriage, giving Ben’s horse a rest after he’d carried them both for over twenty miles.
‘There’s no need,’ Francesca said, patting him on the hand as if he were a small child, ‘I have the carriage and the maid will be waiting for me.’ She hesitated, as if unsure whether to continue. ‘I could come with you,’ she said eventually.
He frowned, the offer unexpected.
‘Only if you want me to. I don’t want to impose. I just thought it might be a little difficult, seeing your family again after so long and you might want someone by your side. I completely understand if you don’t. I’m probably the last person you want for moral support.’ Her words came out in a gush and for the first time in the last hour Ben found himself smiling.
‘That’s a very kind offer,’ he said. He was just about to reject it, to send her on her way to Elmington Manor to begin the arduous task of sorting out her clothes for when she came out of mourning, but he found himself hesitating.