by Christy,Dena
One can’t hurt, just to take the edge off. You can control this, now that you know it’s a problem, you can control it. But you need it. Look at you. Your hands are shaking, you can’t stop thinking about it and wouldn’t it be better if you thought about her. She is what you need to focus on not it. Just one little drink, and then everything will be fine. You can focus on your task.
John reached for the bottle and uncapped it. The smell of alcohol hit him, and even if he wanted to resist it he no longer had the will to. Just one hit, that’s all he needed, and then he could go back to doing what he was doing.
He took the bottle in his hand and put it to his lips. His stomach cramped in anticipation and he took a long pull on the bottle, like a baby nursing at the breast. It burned its way down his throat and into his belly. He felt better as he lowered the bottle away from his mouth. He’d stopped shaking, and his mind felt sharper and more focused now that he had given it what he wanted. I can control this.
He set the bottle aside, so it rested near his elbow and got back onto the computer. He’d reach the point in Miranda’s life where she had gone to finishing school because young women from her class always went to finishing school.
The more he researched her life, the angrier he became. She’d had so many opportunities handed to her while he had to struggle for everything. And she’d thrown away all those opportunities on a subhuman.
He looked through the list of her classmates, going through the list and finding no connection until he came to the name Collette Beaulieu. He looked up Collette’s information, not expecting to find anything there either, until he looked up her current address.
It jumped out at him as if someone had shoved it in his face in big bold letters. Her address was exactly the same as the one where he tracked Miranda and the alien the morning after she helped the alien escape. This was the connection he needed. This was the way he could get to Miranda.
He dug a little deeper and saw that she was a registered chippy. No wonder Miranda had turned whore for the alien if that was the company she was keeping.
He sat back in his chair, reached for the bottle and took a healthy swig. Now all he needed to do was decide what he was going to do with that information. Perhaps this whore would be his way to lure Miranda and the alien out in the open.
He shoved away from his desk and stood. He reached for the bottle and carried it out of his office. His hand trembled momentarily at the thought of what he was about to do.
She pushed him to this, she forced him to take matters into his own hands because of her own willful stupidity. He had no choice but to do what was necessary to get her back.
In the kitchen, the laser pistol still lay on the counter where he’d left it. He picked it up. The weight of it felt heavy, as heavy as the implications of what he was contemplating. As he took another drink, he could see no other way.
Chapter Twenty
Miranda followed Evie to the door on the other side of the room, and she glanced back at Synn.
“I will wait here for you,” he said. “Go with your friend now. We’ll speak when you’re finished.”
Miranda nodded and turned to face forward and walked through the door with Evie. Her joy at seeing her friend again was overshadowed by what she knew she would do very soon. She would say goodbye to him.
This was the best thing for him since it would be harder for those after him to catch him if she wasn’t with him. It didn’t make it any easier She’d been through so much with him, been more intimate with him than she’d ever been with anyone else. None of it mattered if being with him put his life at risk.
“Are you okay?” Evie asked.
“As best can be expected for somebody who is being hunted and has no place to go.” Miranda followed Evie down a set of stairs. Down they went until they were deep beneath the building. It was almost like a bunker, the walls were made of metal, the floor of concrete and several doors lined the hallway on each side. “What is this place?”
“It is the center of my operation,” Evie said. “It’s original to the building, and I have no idea what its intended purpose was when the building was first constructed. I think perhaps some lingering fears of planet wide destruction came with the colonists from Old Earth. I don’t think it was ever used before I got here. The warehouse above was abandoned in favor of something new and more modern. It is the perfect place to hide.”
“And have you been hiding the whole time? Collette and I thought you were dead.” Miranda stopped Evie and turned her to face her. “Why didn’t you try to get word to us? I thought we were friends. How could you let us think that you were gone, lost to us forever?”
“I couldn’t take the risk of being caught. Everybody needed to think I was dead.” Evie moved her arm so that Miranda’s hand fell away. “I’m sorry you and Collette were hurt by the thought of my death, but that was a small price to pay to keep you out of danger.”
“How could our knowing you’re alive be a danger to us? What kind of trouble are you in Evie?”
“We can catch up on what’s been happening with me later. Right now I want to show you where your quarters will be should you stay here. I’m sure they’re far from what you’re used to, but it’s warm, dry and no one would ever know that you were here. Once you get settled, we can discuss what you want to do.”
Evie continued down the hall and Miranda followed. They came to a door in the middle of the corridor, was its heavy metal door painted gray like the rest of the surroundings, and Evie pulled a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door. This place must be old if they were using such an old-fashioned device to lock and unlock doors. The lock and key mechanism was a relic of life on Old Earth. This place was almost like visiting a museum on the early colonization of Nova Earth.
“I’ve modernized what I could here,” Evie said as she looked down at the key in her hand. “But locks on doors are far from the priority, and I’ve poured what money I’ve been able to get into updating the computer, and communication systems. Those things are more important, since it’s what Rebecca needs to be able to work her magic. She’s the woman you met when you first got here.”
Miranda nodded, and she assumed that Rebecca’s special skills didn’t include customer service, since the young woman’s rudeness had almost made her leave.
Evie opened the door and pushed it open. The room inside was not quite what Miranda was expecting. It was roomy, and the walls were painted a soft yellow. She’d been expecting a Spartan cell, in the same drab colors as the corridor.
“The women who stay here are not prisoners.” Evie smiled at her as she swept out an arm to encompass the room in front of them. “They come here to escape abuse, to flee a forced marriage, or because like you, they have no choice but to start a whole new life with a new identity. We try to make them as comfortable as we can while they stay here.”
Miranda walked into the room that would be her new home, at least for a while. While it wasn’t the luxurious bedroom she was used to, it appeared to be comfortable. There was a bed in the middle of the room, and while it wasn’t as big as the queen-size bed in her apartment, it was much bigger than the twin sized cot she had expected to be in this room before Evie had opened the door.
“Why did you start all this?” Miranda opened her purse, and reached inside it, pulling out all the chips she had inside. She tucked the money in her pocket and turned back toward Evie.
“Because a couple years ago someone went out on a limb to save me, and I wanted to pay that forward. And I figured if I was going to be living the rest of my life as a ghost, I might as well do something worthwhile.” Evie walked closer to Miranda and put her hand on her arm. “You’ll be safe here, Randa. We’ll arrange for some clothes for you, and I’ll show you where you can shower.”
“There’s something I have to do first.” Miranda sat down on the edge of the bed. She knew it was time to say goodbye to him. Her heart hurt at the thought of it.
“We have rules here Mir
anda,” Evie said as she walked over to stand in front of Miranda. “He can’t stay.”
Miranda looked up at her old friend, and while she could see that physically her friend had not changed, there was a bitterness in her eyes that had never been there before. She wanted to know what to put it there, but wouldn’t ask. If Evie wanted her to know what happened to her, she would tell her.
Miranda stood up and walked to the door, took a deep breath. This was for the best.
“I’ll stay here, but I need to say goodbye to him. I would prefer to do that in private,” Miranda said as she stared straight ahead.
“I’ll wait for you here Miranda,” Evie said.
Miranda walked back down the corridor, her limbs feeling heavy with every step she took toward never seeing him again. She forced herself to go step by step up the stairs and into the room where he stood waiting for her.
“Will you be comfortable here? Will they be able to keep you safe?” Synn said as she walked toward him.
Miranda didn’t say anything as she walked up to him, slid her arms around his waist, and rested her head against his chest. His heart beat steadily under her ear, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight at the thought of never hearing it again.
His arms came up around her and he held her to him. How long they stood there like that, clinging to each other, Miranda didn’t know, but they couldn’t stand here forever, no matter how much she wished it. She took a step back and looked up at him.
“I have lived a fuller life with you in the short time we’ve been together, then I have for my entire life before you came into it. I have regrets in my life, but saving you will never be one of them.” Miranda swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep the tears building up inside her from spilling out. She did not want the last time he saw her to be of her crying.
“I want you to do one thing for me.” He brought his hands up to cradle her face. “I want you to live a full and happy life. Will you promise me that you’ll do that? That you will live a life that makes you happy?”
Miranda couldn’t speak, so she nodded instead. She didn’t tell him that she was afraid that her happiness was walking out the door with him. He needed to be able to go on, to find his commander and make his way home, and he needed to believe that she would be fine when he did.
“I want you to have this.” Miranda pulled out the chips she’d taken from her purse. She reached up to grasp his wrist, and she pressed the money into his palm. She could see the objection on his face when he saw what it was. She shook her head. “I want you to do one thing for me. I want you to live a full and happy life. I want you to take that money and I want you to find your friend. I want you to make it home and I want you to live a life that makes you happy.”
A ghost of a smile played across his face for a brief second at her mirroring his words back to him. He nodded his head and tucked the money away in his pocket.
“I will never forget you.” He took a step toward her and pulled her into his arms.
She clung to him, tears in her throat and she tilted her head up to look at him. He leaned down and kissed her. Miranda’s lips clung to his as she kissed him back with everything churning inside her. Her longing to stay with him, the love for him growing inside her, and the crippling sadness slamming through her now that she knew it was time for him to go, was all in that kiss. A sob built inside her as he pulled away from her and took a step back.
“Goodbye Miranda.” He reached up to brush a lock of hair away from her face. He stroked his thumb under her eye catching the tear that escaped. His hand fell away, he turned and walked out of her life.
Once he was gone, the crushing pain she’d been holding in for his sake slammed through her. She shook as a sob ripped from her throat and she buried her face in her hands. Tears ran hot from her eyes, drenching her palms in the wetness of heartbreak. Slender arms came around her, and she stiffened for a moment.
“It’s me,” Evie said quietly.
Miranda sagged against her long-lost friend and wept quietly in her arms. She didn’t know how long she stood there sobbing, but after a while she straightened up. She pulled herself together and swiped the back of her hands against her eyes.
“Why don’t you go back to your room and rest. We’ll come up with a plan for you once you’re ready.”
Miranda nodded and turned away to go back to her room. She needed to move forward, to put him behind her, but she couldn’t comprehend how she was going to do that. She walked down the hall and back to the room she’d been assigned, closed the door and sank down on the bed. She lay on her side, pulled her legs in and hugged them to her stomach. She stared at the yellow walls.
“Goodbye Synn.” She closed her eyes and willed herself to forget him.
* * *
Synn stopped moving once he stood outside the door to the hotel room. He had no memory of getting here. From the moment he turned away from her until now the time had passed in a fog of pain. The ache inside him almost sent him to his knees.
He took a deep breath, expanding his chest with it and slowly pushing it out. Ryce would be waiting inside, and he needed to have his game face on if his friend was going to be fooled into thinking everything was fine.
He inserted the key card into the slot above the door handle. The light turned blue and he opened the door. This was for the best, she needed to move on into a better life and the only way she could do that safely was if he wasn’t in it. He was alive because of her, and he wouldn’t let her sacrifice anything more than she already had for him.
Ryce turned toward the door when he walked in. His friend had cleaned up and put on the clothes they’d stolen from the soldier. It was a relief since his odor had been pungent before and Synn wouldn’t have been able to stand being in the same room with him.
“So you did it, you let her go.” Ryce looked at him, disbelief mingled with disgust on his face.
Synn wasn’t in the mood to talk about her or what he’d done, and the sooner he made that clear to him the better. There was no room for second guessing his decision since it was done now and he wouldn’t go back for her. He couldn’t.
“I did what was best for her.” Synn reached into his pocket and put the chips she gave him on the desk sitting against the wall. Somehow he would repay her, and not just for the money but also for his life. Maybe he’d do what she’d asked, find Cynric and get them all home. The happy life he’d promised to live would elude him, since she wouldn’t be in it. “It’s not your concern.”
“That’s right, it’s not my concern. If you want to be dumb, then that’s your choice. If it was me—”
“It’s not you. It’s me,” Synn shouted. An angry heat rose inside him, and his heart pounded. His skin was turning grey, and his forehead itched where the bony protrusions rose to the surface. He took a deep breath, and willed for calm to sweep through his body. It wasn’t fair to take out what he was feeling inside out on Ryce. He slowly exhaled. “I had to think of what was best for her. She risked everything to save me, and I couldn’t repay that by putting her in more danger.”
“And your positive that leaving her was the best thing for her? I saw into her mind. She had feelings for you. You don’t think that you leaving her isn’t hurting her?”
“If she is with me, she will be hunted. They will use her to get to me, and I can’t put her at risk. Any pain she feels now at our parting is nothing compared to what they would put her through to get to me. I made the best decision that I could in this situation, and I don’t need you second guessing it. We need to focus on finding Cynric, and that’s what we will be doing. This is the last time we will talk about her. If you mention her name to me again, I will smash your face in. It’s done, there is no going back, and I want to do my best to move on. So we’ll find Cynric, get off this planet and go home.”
Ryce looked at him for a long time. Synn stared at him hard, longing for him to say more. There was pain at leaving her inside him, but there was anger there too. Leaving her lef
t a gaping wound inside him, and it was festering. He almost hoped his friend would take the bait since it would help him get the anger churning inside him out. Unfortunately Ryce wouldn’t oblige him since he shook his head and made a noise of disgust.
“Like you said, it’s your choice” Ryce said as he threw his hands up. “So what’s the plan? Are we supposed to find him in a city where the government is watching? We have no way of connecting to their network to expand our search and the only resources we have is a lot of cash and a cheap hotel room? How are we supposed to do it? How the hell are we supposed to find Cynric and get the fuck off this rock? What happens when we run out of money? It won’t last forever. So do you have any ideas since I’m tapped out. How are we supposed to pull this off?”
Synn got what Ryce was implying, and he scowled at him. His friend thought letting her go was stupid and not only because of his growing attachment to her, but because she was a valuable resource in a world where they were strangers. This was her planet, she knew how things worked. But they would have to find another way. She’d already done more for him that anyone could have ever expected of her. He wouldn’t ask any more of her.
“Using Miranda is not an option, so get it out of your head,” Synn growled as he took a step closer to Ryce.
“I know that. I’m only facing the reality of the position we are in now. How are we supposed to get him back, how are we supposed to get home if we have zero allies and zero resources? Fuck, we don’t even have a ship to get us home on.”
“We will have to come up with something. Let’s focus on Cynric first, and then we can figure out a way to get home.” Synn turned away. Ryce was right, it appeared that their odds weren’t good, but he had to believe that they would figure a way out of this, since they had no other choice. Otherwise he might as well turn himself in, and Miranda’s sacrifice would be for nothing.
His breath froze inside him as a sharp burning pain spread on the skin over his heart. It was like he was being branded, and he gritted his teeth as he suppressed a cry of pain. His legs turned to jelly, and he staggered over to the bed so he wouldn’t collapse on to the floor.