Jake went right up after her. “Rebecca—"
She slammed the door in his face.
Jake stood there for a stunned moment, then took a deep breath to gather himself. “Rebecca. Wait. I need to tell you something. Please. Open the door."
Nothing.
Damn it, he'd have been better off telling her in the stairwell. Now he'd have to do it through a door.
"Rebecca. I love you. I always have. Since we were kids."
Nothing.
"Rebecca?"
The door opened slowly, her eyes all wet and wounded looking. She seemed a little shaky, too. “What did you say?"
"I said I love you. Can I come in now?"
She stepped back, still looking pale and shaky, and more than a little wary. It killed him to know that he'd finally told her and she didn't believe him.
"It's true,” he said, then stepped inside and off to the side of the doorway. The place was a mess, mostly boxes and packing paper. “I've been thinking a lot these past two days, and I finally realized that when my mom killed herself, I thought it was my fault, because, hard as I tried, I couldn't make her happy.
"So I tried doubly hard to please Mickey, but the only thing he ever seemed to notice or approve of was my getting in trouble. Since my grandparents didn't seem to want anything to do with me, either, I guess I convinced myself I was defective as a person. Unlovable. By the time I was ten, all I could think of was leaving town, getting as far away from Warner and all the people in my life who didn't want me. I'd show them, I thought.” He smiled wanly. “The classic runaway fantasy.
"But then you moved in next door, and suddenly being stuck in Warner didn't seem so bad anymore. But you were full of hopes and dreams, dreams I knew I couldn't possibly make happen for you, even though you had no idea what it meant to me that you shared them with me. Then you started to fill out. Whoa. I thought I could handle it, but ... That's when I knew I had to leave Warner for good, to give you the chance to fulfill all those dreams with someone else."
"Jake..."
He held up a hand. “Hear me out, Becca, please. You deserve to know all of it. You want to know why no other guys in town ever came around you? Why I got to be the first to kiss you, that night before I left for the army? It wasn't because of Chloe, like you thought. It was because of me. You were mine, Becca, and every guy in town knew it—even though I never made a move on you. It was one of those things that was just understood. I might not have been sleeping with you, or even dating you, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let anyone else get next to you, either. I'm sorry, Becca, I was being just plain selfish."
She blinked up at him as if she were in shock. Jake supposed she was. He took a deep breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He'd never talked so much at once in his life, and the worst of it was he was nowhere near finished yet.
But Rebecca was still listening, so...
"For some stupid reason, I thought the army would cure me of wanting you, but it only made me miss you more. So the minute I got out, I came looking for you. I told myself I just wanted to make sure you were okay before I hit the road, but it was more than that. The whole time I was gone, the whole time we were writing to each other, there was a part of me that felt like you were my girl back home. Every time I got a letter, I couldn't wait to get back to my bunk and read it. Over and over and over again."
At this, Rebecca seemed to finally regain some of her spunk. “Come on, Jake. You expect me to believe you never dated after you left Warner?"
"Sure I went out with other women, but not nearly as much as you might think. Not like I did here. And I hardly ever slept with one. Because when I did, it always felt like I was cheating—on you. But when I came back and found out you were practically engaged, I knew I'd missed my chance. You'd moved on with your life and it was time for me to do the same."
He looked into her eyes, willing her to believe what he had to say next. He wished he could touch her, some how, some way, but that decision had to be hers. “But then we made love. It was the most incredible night of my life, Rebecca. I swear it. But in the morning I knew I had to leave. Everything you'd ever said you wanted was within your reach. I couldn't ruin that for you. I wouldn't."
Rebecca was shaking her head, one hand covering her mouth. “Oh, God, Jake.” Tears trickled down her cheeks.
He took a chance and stepped closer, reached out to touch one hot tear. It broke his heart to see her crying, but maybe when he was done, she'd be able to find it in her heart to forgive him. “I left you not because I didn't want you Becca, but because I wanted you too much. It was Christine who told me I was in love with you. She also told me if I ever wanted to be happy, to get my ass back home to you and fight Kane for you if I had to. Then she told me to spend the rest of my life letting you know how much I love you."
His own eyes misted as hers overflowed with tears. “That's what I was coming back to do when I was arrested for killing her,” he ended quietly. “I was coming home to you."
"Oh, Jake!” She was in his arms before he knew it, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He kissed her back for all he was worth, and inside it was just like the first time, and every other time he'd ever kissed her. It felt like home. Like where he was meant to be.
Finally he broke the kiss, and, still holding her, buried his face in her sweet, strawberry-scented hair before saying, “I could have died of shame when I got your first letter in prison. I'd hoped so hard you'd never find out what happened to me. But your letters kept coming, and I read them so many times I can still recite them from memory. Thinking of you, remembering your goodness, was the only thing that kept me sane."
He stroked her hair, determined to get it all out. “Since you never mentioned Kane in your letters while I was in the service, I wasn't surprised you didn't mention him later. I knew there was something going on and you weren't telling me, but I didn't think I had the right to ask. Your letters were too upbeat, too cheery, you know? All I could think of was you weren't sure if I was guilty, or you'd gotten back together with Kane and didn't know how to tell me. When the letters stopped coming, I decided it was Kane, and you'd married him."
"Never,” Rebecca whispered fiercely, making Jake smile. She still hadn't lifted her head from his chest, but that was fine by him. She felt so good in his arms that if she leaned back and looked up at him, Jake knew he would kiss her and not stop for a long, long time.
"Those were the darkest years of my life, but part of me was glad you were finally living the life you'd always wanted. I spent years torturing myself, thinking about what your life with him was like. When I came back here to sell the house, you were the last person I expected to see. But when I realized you were still speaking to me, after the way I'd treated you, I started wanting you all over again."
At that, she squeezed him even tighter, but Jake could tell it was a happy hug. Still, he wasn't finished yet.
"But when I saw the life you'd created for yourself here, I knew it wouldn't work. There was no way I could make you happy when all I had to offer you was trouble. Finding out Katie was mine shocked the hell out of me, but it also thrilled me more than I could say.
"Then I started hating myself for abandoning you the way I did. I thought that to claim her would mean putting you through the hell of letting everyone know I was the sorry bastard who got you pregnant and left you to raise Katie alone. I'd rather have left Warner forever than put you or Katie through the shame of calling you mine."
This time, she did lean back, her cornflower blue eyes still wet but more militant than wounded-looking. “There would have been no shame in it Jake, or blame, for any of us."
He smiled and shook his head. His avenging angel was back and telling him what time it was. “I know I didn't act like it, when you asked me to marry you yesterday, but it was the most humbling moment of my life. After all I'd done to you, after all I'd put you through, you still loved me."
He reached up to brush her hair away from her face. �
��I'll never forget that, Becca, or how you looked when I turned you down. It killed me to see you hurting so bad, but I couldn't get past my own insecurities. I couldn't let you throw your life away on me. You deserve so much better."
He met her eyes, his own solemn. “You still deserve better, Becca, but the truth is I can't stay away from you. I never could. My feelings for you are the reason I keep leaving—keep running away—and the reason I keep coming back. For eighteen years I've been trying to outrun my feelings for you, and I've finally realized ... I can't. I don't want to."
"All these years,” Rebecca whispered, “You never said a word."
"I never dreamt of having a home and family, Rebecca, because I didn't know how to. Living with Eileen and Mickey, I never learned how to.” Jake couldn't resist any longer. He smiled and kissed Rebecca on the forehead. “But then you and Katie showed me how special being part of a family could be. How happy I could be simply working at something I love, then coming home to share dinner and watch a movie or chase lightning bugs across the yard. When I walked into my empty house two nights ago, I knew you were what I had been searching for all this time, and you were why I kept coming back. Not to Warner, but to you. Because you, and only you, can give me the home and family I want. The home and family I need."
She was crying again, hard. But somehow Jake knew that this time it was different. He smiled and offered to get her a tissue. As he handed it to her, he said, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Rebecca Reed. I want to be a real father to our daughter. I want to make up to you both for all the years I've been too bullheaded to see what was right in front of my face. All these years I've been too scared to reach for happiness, because I couldn't believe it was simply there for the taking."
"Oh, Jake.” Tears still coming, she reached out and stroked his hair. “I love you so much."
"For real? Enough to marry me?"
She bit her lower lip, a smile in her eyes he hadn't seen since the night they'd made love. “For real. Enough to marry you."
"Thank God.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her long and hard. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on as if she never wanted to let him go. Ending the kiss, he pulled back and smiled. “Two more things. Let me get them out now, because I may never talk this much again."
"Oh, you'll talk to me, Donovan. I'll see to that."
He grinned, glad to see her feistiness return. “Before I came here, I went to see Feeney. He's still willing to sell me the station. I'm ready to buy it now, if it's okay with you. I also want to tell Katie and the rest of the world she's mine as soon as you give the go ahead."
Rebecca nodded, tears welling again. “We'll tell her tomorrow. Will you stay the night?"
Startled, Jake looked around the living room, saw there was no couch, and felt his hopes soar. “Are you sure? What about Katie?"
Rebecca gave him a watery smile. “I doubt she'll mind when she hears the news. I should warn you, though. It's a single bed. There wasn't room for anything else."
Jake laughed. “Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to get you alone on a single bed?"
"I don't know. Fourteen or fifteen years?"
"At least. But tomorrow we'll move back to my place. Even if I have to haul every last piece of furniture down those steps myself. Sound good to you?"
She laughed, sending his heart soaring, then smiled. “Sounds perfect. Now let's see about that bed."
Jake smiled when he saw his silver heart on the nightstand. He picked it up and let it dangle from his fingers. “I was sure you'd thrown it away."
Rebecca sat down on the bed, smiling and shaking her head. “I thought about it. Thought about chucking it right into the bay. But I decided to save it for Katie."
Jake looked at her, patiently waiting for him to join her, and swallowed hard. “You're a good woman, Rebecca Reed."
She reached out her hand. “And you're a good man."
A word about the author...
Liana Laverentz got hooked on reading in the second grade, when the exchange gift she received was a Nancy Drew mystery. Her love of writing followed shortly thereafter, but she didn't start writing for publication until 1988.
Her first novel, Ashton's Secret, a murder mystery romance published by Meteor/Kismet, was released in 1993. She is a member of Romance Writers of America, the Washington Romance Writers, and a charter member of Pennwriters, Inc., where she has served as their critique coordinator, contest coordinator, conference coordinator, treasurer and president. In 1998, she won the Pennwriters Meritorious Service Award.
She then took some time off to rearrange her priorities and “just be a Mom.” She started writing for publication again in 2002. Her widely acclaimed contemporary romance Thin Ice was published by The Wild Rose Press in 2007. Her first novel, Ashton's Secret, will be re-released by The Wild Rose Press in 2008. After that, she has another romantic suspense planned.
Liana's hobbies include reading, writing, mixed martial arts, soup making, and road trips. She lives in Pennsylvania with her son and three cats.
You can reach her at www.lianalaverentz.com or www.polkadotbanner.com.
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Visit www.thewildrosepress.com for information on additional titles by this and other authors.
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