by K. L. Donn
My only thought is showing Carver that I don’t care how dark he is, or how deep his depravities run. I want him. Totally and completely. I want the whole package that is him, and if that means stepping outside my comfort zone to let him explore my body with the weapon in his hand, I’m okay with it. I acknowledge with a profound sense of peace that he’ll never hurt me. Not intentionally. And I trust that Carver will always take care of me and my heart.
Carver
Meadow may not understand what she’s just done. She acts accepting of the man I am, and after this…the way her body arched into me as I drew Mercy down her thigh, the hesitant delight she displayed only fuels me for more.
Explaining who I am and what has made me the way I’ve become was far easier with her than anyone else. Nobody understands the mind of a psycho, and they don’t want to. She’s nothing but eager to provide me with the escape we both require.
Now, all I can picture is marking her with my blade. Marring her creamy skin with red marks from toes to throat. I won’t cut her, not unless she begs me, but I know what Meadow wants.
She wants to provide me with everything I desire.
Being with her and claiming her innocence was intoxicating. The way she gave herself to me so thoroughly; I can’t wait to do it again. Repeatedly. Over and over.
Watching as she sleeps now, after the shock and exhilaration of the steel against her skin, I don’t want to get up, but I know that before we can move forward in our lives, she needs to lay the past and all its lies to rest.
Slipping from the warmth of her arms, I pull my pants on and quietly close the door behind me as I make my way down the stairs in search of King. Even knowing it’s late in the evening, I have a feeling he’ll be in the war room.
Knocking on the closed door, I wait for an answer. I don’t wish to walk in on him and Lilith for a third time. The man just might try to behead me for sure this time.
“Come in!” is bellowed, and I know he’s pissed about something.
Walking in, I see a chair in splinters by the fireplace and Dimitri against the wall with Luther’s forearm against his throat. Immediately on the defense, I’m ready for whatever they need from me.
“What the fuck is this?” I nod at D and Luth.
“Daniel isn’t doing so great. The incision in his side has become infected, and there’s worry it may be in his bloodstream,” King explains.
Lifting my chin at Dimitri, I taunt him, knowing it’s time he admits to his feelings for the younger D. “What the fuck is wrong with you, then?”
He shoots me a menacing glare in response.
“What’s the matter, D, you afraid of something?” I step closer as I bait him.
“Fuck off, Carver.” He pushes against Luther’s larger frame to no avail.
I shrug him off. “Daniel knew what he was getting into when he signed up. Knew this was likely the outcome from the start. He dies, we’ll replace him.” Fuck, even I know how callous I sound.
“Carver, that’s enough,” King snaps. But he doesn’t know, nobody knows.
“Why? The kid’s meeting his maker sooner rather than later.” We’re all fond of him, and his presence will be missed, but without Dimitri owning to their feelings, Daniel ain’t got shit to fight for.
“That’s cold, even for you,” Luther says, backing off Dimitri a fraction.
Pushing Luther off, he storms over to me, getting in my face and before he says a thing, I tell him, “You want Daniel to live, you want him to come out of this shit, you need to tell him.” He goes to open his mouth, and I stop him. “Everything, D. He needs to know fucking everything.”
His gaze, unwittingly, slides to where Luther and King are standing by the desk. “You think they fucking care? That any of us do? Nah, man, you’re wrong. Ain’t no one give two shits about that.” Relief swims in his gaze. “Who’s with Daniel now?” I soften my tone.
“Danika has been all day.” He frowns at the thought of her.
“Meadow’s friend?”
“She seems to have gotten…attached.” I bark out a harsh laugh. The fool fucking man. She might be attached, but I don’t think he realizes he is too.
“Get there. Tell him, Dimitri, every goddamned thing you didn’t before.” With a quick nod, he leaves. King and Luther look confused.
“Mouths closed. I need help.” I’m not sure which shocks them more. Learning Dimitri and Daniel are…something or me admitting to needing help.
King recovers first. “What do you need?”
“Meadow deserves closure with her folks. After turning her world upside down a year ago, it’s the least I can do.” I don’t like admitting when I’ve done wrong, but there’s nothing I won’t do for Meadow.
King glares. “I’d like to filet that son of a bitch, still.”
“Wouldn’t we all.” Even if I helped facilitate it, David did wrong by her, her mom, and mostly Lilith. The man has amends to make, and I’m going to help.
“So, what is it you need us to do?” Luther asks.
“I’m going to find Riley. I need for one of you to find her mother.” I know the father fears me most, so he’ll come.
With a serious look in his gaze, King tells me, “Whatever you need, Carve. It’d be good for all of them to talk, clear the fucking air before I do bury a goddamned body.” As I begin to leave, he asks, “She okay? Lil has been worried.”
What a loaded fucking question. “She will be. She’s still processing, man. Too much shit has happened for her to be alright yet.” With a shared look of concern, I’m gone. David Riley is my sole focus until I bring the man in. And he may not like what I’ve got to fucking say after Meadow explained his distance over the past year before she fell back asleep.
10
Meadow
Waking up alone with the sun shining brightly through the windows and birds chirping isn’t how I pictured the morning after. Not with Carver. I’m not entirely certain that I’m ready to be in this house without him yet, so I half hope he’s around somewhere.
Sitting up in bed, all the soreness of the past few days comes back with a vengeance. The sweet burn between my thighs, thankfully, overshadows everything else, and a smile forms on my lips.
Carver may think he’s the devil incarnate, and to most, I’m sure he is, but to me he’s tender. He’s a man that wants only to protect and love what’s his.
Standing up, I make my way to the bathroom in the hopes of a warm shower and freshening myself up. The room itself is quite bare, only having the necessities of a sink, toilet, and large shower stall.
The bench inside the shower holds my attention, and I make my way to it before brushing my hair and teeth or even looking at myself in the mirror. I can only imagine the bruised mess I likely am.
The warm spray of water as it cascades from the showerhead, slowly at first, eases some of the strain in my muscles. I sit on the bench savoring the heat encapsulating me. Gathering the strength to wash my tousled hair takes all the energy I have, and before I can rinse the suds free, I have to sit down again.
A noise sounds outside the cloud of steam surrounding me and fear dredges its way through my body again.
“Meadow?” A soft voice calls.
“Mom?” I sag with relief and confusion.
Through the steam, I see two bodies emerge as one opens the stall door. Her horrified gasp can’t be masked. “What have they done to you, baby?” Anger quickly takes the place of her worry.
“Careful,” I hear Lilith say from behind her.
“Look at her!” Mom cries out.
“I’m fine, Mom. This is nothing.” I try to downplay it.
“He said he cared for you.” Now I’m confused.
“Who?”
“That man, the one who came to the house to get me.” That doesn’t make any more sense.
“Carver didn’t do this, Mom.” I have to wipe the soap from my eyes.
“He didn’t?” She sounds relieved.
“Why don’t
you go sit down, Mrs. Riley, and I’ll help Meadow finish up in here.” Mom nods and leaves the room as Lil steps into the shower with her clothes on. “You should have waited for someone to help you.”
“Why is she here?” I ignore the reprimand.
“Carver wants you to be able to have a future without the pain of the past. He asked for her to be brought here,” she explains while helping me rinse my hair.
I can’t imagine how Lilith must feel. Having a woman in her house that has what she and her own mother didn’t.
Gripping her forearms, I stop her movements. “I’m sorry, Lilith.”
Her head tilts. “For what?”
“Me.” I wave my hand towards the door. “Her. This. Us. Everything.” I’ve been so incredibly selfish, and Lilith has been nothing but kind to me since the first time we met.
She smiles sweetly. “I’ve come to realize a few things, Meadow.” I don’t say anything as she speaks. “Being abandoned was probably the best thing to happen to me. Mostly because I wouldn’t have King if I hadn’t been. My life wasn’t great before he found me, but it’s been wonderful ever since. The man loves me more than life.”
“I’m incredibly happy you found that. You deserve it.”
“Thank you. I’ve also realized another thing. You, your mom, this isn’t your fault. What I did when I sent David back to you, it wasn’t right. I was angry and only wanted him to suffer my pain.”
“I understand.” And I do for the most part.
“I believe that you do. But for the past year, the three of you have suffered tremendously because of my choice. I can never forgive David. He’ll never be accepted into my life, as much as you or even he may want it. It’s not something I can do. Not right now. But you and your mom, Meadow, I want you both in my life. I’m sure your mother hates me, and I don’t blame her, but I owe her an apology.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” I whisper as the water is shut off, and Lil steps out to hand me a towel. I watch her reach under the sink for a couple of robes, and as she strips her wet clothes, I notice movement. “Does it hurt when the baby kicks like that?”
A grin full of love and life appears on her face. “Sometimes. But I enjoy it way too much to feel the pain.” Her words hold only wonder.
Forgetting the past for just a second, I feel the sisterly bond I’ve always dreamed of as I hug her. “I can’t wait for his arrival, Lilith.”
Her arms wrap around me tightly. “Thank you. We’re both quite excited.” We spend a moment relishing in the joy of new life before she pulls away. “Let’s get things with your mom squared away, so we can figure out how to get this boy out sooner rather than later because Ariel and Catalina are expecting, too. And Talia, that poor girl is doing everything in her power to.”
“I would really like that.” I smile.
Rejuvenated, I’m eager to begin moving forward. To lay the past to rest and help my mother find her own sense of peace. I’m not sure how I’ll feel about David again. The trust is gone and so is any respect I had.
Carver
The easiest way to find a man when he’s broken is to visit his old haunts. Since David’s weren’t more than a decade past, I knew I’d have to be crafty. Thankfully, technology makes finding people much simpler than it did when the man was a junkie. After speaking to a few neighbors, I found out where he worked, and from there, his new favorite watering hole. A local dive bar known for drug dealing, hookers, and shady shit.
With Castiel at my side, we enter the shit hole bar with run down signs and garbage littering the front walk. The smell of desperation is pungent in the air as we enter the dimly lit room. Almost immediately, everything quiets as its occupants take notice of who we are. Everyone watches, waiting for who we’re here for before any of them continue with their drinking and snorting.
Cas taps on the bar as my eyes roam the room looking for David. “Can I help you?” The bartender has a healthy dose of fear in his stance. It’s good for him. Knowing where he falls on the food chain.
“Looking for a man,” Cas says, pulling up a picture on his phone. “Name is David Riley. Comes here often we hear.” The guy doesn’t even need to see his picture, just points in the direction of a dark hallway with doors lining both sides.
“What’s his vice?” I ask. Curious if he’s returned to his old habits.
“Whiskey and beer.”
“What’s back there?” Cas asks.
“Nothing he should be touching.”
Drugs.
“He shows up here again, I want a call.” I place a card with my cell on it, knowing damn well he’ll use it.
As we leave the main room, Cas pulls his beloved Glock from his back while I pull Mercy out. Without knocking, we enter the third door on the right. The only one with a light on.
Sitting in a chair across the room is David. A whiskey in one hand, and an eight ball in the other. A look in his eyes says he’s ready for the end. The whore between his legs says he’s planning on going out in style.
“You don’t want to do that,” Cas commands as we both enter the room, leaving the door open.
“Get the hell out of here!” I snap at the whore. She catches a glimpse of my blade and scatters like her crabs are on fire. “They won’t forgive you if you do this,” I tell him. Little does he know if he does anything other than toss the coke, I won’t let Meadow near him again.
“What’s it matter? I’ve lost everything.” His words are slurred.
“Not quite,” Cas informs him. We got confirmation that Luther found the mother at home, and she’s at the estate with the girls now. There’s been crying, laughing, and forgiveness all fucking morning. This fool has no idea how much he’s going to lose if he keeps this shit up.
“Lilith wants to ruin me.” Don’t blame her. “Meadow looks at me like I’m a monster.” Not quite. “And Alice won’t speak to me.” Again, don’t blame her.
“Lilith cares nothing for you. I can’t say you’ll ever gain her forgiveness, but you can sure as hell believe that the way to finding it from her is by giving her sister the chance to move forward.” I don’t sugar coat this shit. “Meadow wants an explanation. She wants to be able to forgive you so she can have a fucking life.”
“How would you know that?” he moans, wobbling to his feet, trying to get in my face.
I grab the collar of his jacket and snap his head back, so he looks me in the eye. “I know because she warms my bed at night. I know because it’s the whispered pain-filled hope she shares with me. I know because she’s my motherfucking woman, and it’s my job to know and not bitch out like you have.”
“You bastard!” David growls. Rolling my eyes, I toss him to the ground before he can swing his fist towards my face.
Landing with a thud, I give the man a moment to gather his pride—or what’s left of it—before I grab the back of his coat and drag him out. Stumbling, he knocks chairs over as we make our way to the front of the bar.
Cas wraps his knuckles on the bar again. “This man comes back, make that call. I promise you don’t want my friend back in here.” Heads around the room bounce up and down as we leave.
I toss Riley in the trunk of Cas’s car, not interested in listening to his bitching as we drive home. I’ll have to fight not to kill him with the first dropped tear from Meadow as it is.
11
Meadow
With darkness closing in, I worry Carver won’t be back anytime soon. Luther and Atticus took everyone to see Daniel in the hospital, give Dimitri a reprieve from his worried guard post. Leaving Lilith, Mom, and I here alone with King to watch over us.
After having expressed her regret over how she compelled things to happen, Lilith was able to gain forgiveness from my mother. Something I believe they both needed. I think they’ve even bonded in a way.
When my mother learned of the things that had happened over the past several weeks, her tears were hard to stem. She felt horrible, and while I didn’t want to tell her when it happened, I
’m glad she knows now. I believe it’s going to help her get her life back on track.
Dad—David—is the one obstacle none of us have been able to find a solution for. Not until he gets here will we find peace. He has answers to question we all have, and only he can supply them.
I think I’ve come to terms with him no longer being in my life. I can’t forgive him for what he’s done to Lilith even if she has moved past it. Even if she finds it in herself to forgive him, I can’t.
“Back the fuck off, already!” I hear Carver bark from the direction of the front door. Rushing out of King’s office, I follow the sounds of dogs growling.
“Carver?” I call when I see him with David’s jacket in his grip.
His head whips up at the sound of my voice, and a fierce glare settles over his face. Dropping David to land on the floor, he pushes his way through the four dogs snapping around him and comes over to me. His gaze searches my body up and down until he reaches me. Immediately, his arms encircle my back, and he’s pulling me into his body and burying his face in my neck.
“Things need to fucking change,” he grunts as my nails rake through his hair. I love the feeling of his warm breath against my cold skin.
“What do you mean?”
“You and I. I need my fucking mark on you. I look at you, and all I want to do is toss you over my fucking shoulder and slam into you until your screaming my name.” I don’t see anything wrong with that.
“Young man!” Mom gasps. Carver ignores her.
“I just fucking know every other bastard on the face of the motherfucking planet is thinking the same fucking thing.” He pulls away, using one hand to cup my neck and cheek. “They don’t fucking know you’re mine. That you’re the property of Carver fucking Rivers.”
“They would if she had your name.” Behind Carver, Lilith grins from ear to ear in King’s arms.
Carver’s eyes light up. “They sure as fuck would.” I’ve never seen him grin with delight. Anger, hatred, amused deprivation, yes. But never genuine happiness.