by Meg Cabot
Rob unfolded his arms and slid his fingers into the pockets of his jeans. Dr. Phil would call this a defensive gesture, too.
“All right,” he said at last with a shrug. “You got me. I tried to get you out of my head—from the day I found out you were so much younger than me, I tried to get you out of my head. But I couldn’t. That book’s the result. I know it’s creepy and weird.”
I finally looked up. “I don’t think it’s creepy,” I said. I was trying hard not to wonder if, now that I knew Hannah had been telling the truth about the scrapbook, the other things she’d said about Rob were true, too. How he kept going on to her about “how great and brave and smart and funny” I was. Did he really say those things? Did he still think they were true, now that he’d seen me again after so much time had passed?
I was also trying not to remember what had happened the last time we’d been in this barn alone together. Admittedly, it had just been some kissing…but Rob had always been a fantastic kisser. Not that I had so much experience to measure him by. Still, I couldn’t help remembering the way my knees had always buckled at the touch of his lips to mine.
“I don’t think it’s weird, either,” I added when he didn’t say anything. “Well. Maybe a little weird. I never thought you liked me that much.”
Because that, of course, was something else that had happened in this barn. I’d told him I loved him. And he had not acted too pleased about it.
Rob shrugged again. “What was I supposed to do?” he wanted to know. “You knew I was on probation. And you were underage. And the way your mom obviously felt about me—I couldn’t risk it. It seemed better just to stay away from you until you turned eighteen.”
“But you couldn’t wait,” I said. Not bitterly. I just said it like it was a fact. Because it was.
Except to Rob, apparently.
“What do you mean, I couldn’t wait?” he demanded, taking his hands from his pockets and stepping away from the sink. “What do you think—Jesus, Jess! I totally waited. I’m still waiting.”
I blinked at him. “But…that girl—”
“Christ. Not that again.” Rob looked like he wanted to hit something. I didn’t blame him. I felt like hitting something myself. “I told you. Nancy’s a customer. She always kisses the mechanics. She was excited about—”
“—you fixing her carburetor,” I finished for him in a bored voice. Except that I wasn’t bored. I was faking the bored part. The fact was, I wanted to cry. But I wouldn’t let him see my tears. “You said that.”
“Damned right I said that. Because it was the truth. And if you’d stuck around, instead of running off, I’d have shown you—”
He broke off. He didn’t look defensive now. He looked angry. What was he so angry about?
“Shown me what?” I asked in genuine bewilderment.
“This,” Rob said. He held out his arms to indicate the renovated barn, the motorcycles waiting to be serviced. “All of this. The house, the garage…the fact that I was going to school. Jesus, Jess. Why do you think I did all this? I mean, yeah, part of it was for me. But a big part of it was to prove to your parents—your mother, at least—that I wasn’t some bum who was just after her daughter’s virginity—or worse, looking to ride on your coattails. I did it so she’d let you go out with me. So she’d realize I’m not a worthless Grit.”
Now when I blinked, it was because my eyes had filled up with tears, and I was trying to get them out of the way so I could see.
“You…” It was hard to talk, because something appeared to be clogging my throat. “You did all that…for me?”
“I was so excited when I found out you were coming back,” Rob said. “Ask anyone. I knew you had lost your powers—everyone knew that. But I never thought—hell, I thought you’d be happy about that. No more press bugging you. No more working for the government. And you were finally eighteen…I thought we were golden, at last. I had this whole thing planned. I was going to show you the shop and the house and take you to that restaurant Doug was talking about today—the one in Storey—and propose. Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous now.” He added this, I guess, because he saw how my eyes widened at the word propose. “But that’s how far gone I was. I was going to give you this—”
Digging into one of the pockets of his jeans, he pulled out a gold ring. I couldn’t see it too well from where I was standing, on account of the tears. But I thought I saw a glint of diamond.
Maybe he figured out I couldn’t see it. Because the next thing I knew, he’d shoved the ring roughly into my hand. Or thrown it at me, depending on how you looked at it. Good thing I’ve always had such excellent reflexes.
“It was my grandmother’s. It’s been in my family for years,” Rob went on in the same half amused, half angry tone. “I know it’s crazy. But I thought if your parents saw how serious I was about you, and they were okay with it, we could get married after college, or something. But instead, you showed up out of the blue, and saw something you didn’t understand, and wouldn’t listen to me, no matter how hard I tried to get you to. Then you just up and left town. And I realized…”
“That you didn’t love me after all?” I finished for him in a defensive voice. Which I actually considered pretty brave of me, considering how much I felt like running from the room, crying. The fact that I even stayed was a major step for me. Or the new, nonviolent me, anyway.
The look he gave me was almost pitying.
“No,” he said in a much gentler voice. “I already told you. That you were broken. That you needed—well, nothing I could give you, anyway.”
I laid the album down on the table next to the bike Rob had been working on. I hadn’t looked at the ring.
But I hadn’t let go of it, either.
“I didn’t know what I needed,” I said softly. “Back then.”
“Do you now?” Rob asked. “Can you look me in the eye, Jess, and tell me that you finally know what you need? Or even want?”
You. Every muscle, every drop of blood in my body seemed to scream the word.
But I couldn’t say it out loud. Not yet. Because what if I said it, and it wasn’t what he wanted to hear? Because no one wants someone who’s broken.
A beat went by. And Rob’s gaze, which had been locked on mine, dropped.
“I didn’t think so,” he said.
And he turned back to the sink.
The conversation was over. It was so over.
Blinded by my tears, I still somehow made it to the door to the barn. It was only then that I turned around one last time, and said his name.
Rob didn’t look back at me. But he said, “What?” to the wall in front of him.
“What did you do, anyway,” I asked, “to get put on probation like that?”
His head ducked. “You want to know that now?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I do.”
“It was really stupid,” he said to his hands.
“Just tell me. After all this time, I think I deserve to know.”
“Trespassing,” he said, still speaking to the sink. “A bunch of guys and I thought it would be funny to climb the fence to the public pool and go for a midnight swim. The officers who showed up to arrest us didn’t think it was all that funny, though.”
I just stared at his back. It wasn’t hard not to burst out laughing, even though he was right—it was really stupid. Stupid enough, in fact, that I realized why now he had never told me. All this time, I’d thought he’d done something…well, really reckless, even dangerous.
And all he’d done was go swimming when the pool was closed.
Still, I couldn’t laugh. Because I was pretty sure he’d broken my heart. Again.
So instead I went back to the house and asked Chick if he would drive me home.
Which he did.
Eighteen
It wasn’t until I’d gotten out of Chick’s truck that I realized I was still clutching the ring. Rob’s grandmother’s ring.
And that meant I was going
to have to see him again. To give it back. Unless I took the coward’s way out, and gave it to Douglas to give back to him.
Which I had pretty much decided was what I was going to do. So it was kind of funny when, just as I was putting my foot on the front step to our porch, a bright yellow Jeep pulled up into my driveway, stopping so abruptly it nearly collided with a garbage can at the curb. I recognized a very excited Tasha Thompkins sitting behind the wheel. In the passenger seat beside her sat an equally excited Douglas.
Only not for long. No sooner had Tasha put on the brakes than Douglas was bounding out of the Jeep and towards the porch steps.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” Douglas demanded eagerly when he saw me. “You did it. You did it all!”
“Let me guess,” I said, sinking down onto the porch steps. “Mr. Whitehead dropped off his check.”
“Jess.” Douglas’s eyes were shining. Tasha, rushing up to stand beside him, didn’t look any less excited. “You don’t know what you’ve done. You don’t know—you can’t even imagine—how great this is.”
“Well,” I said mildly, “I’m kind of getting the idea. Tasha, that was the worst parking job I’ve ever seen.”
“Finally,” Douglas said, ignoring my dig at his girlfriend’s driving skills, and sinking down onto the porch step beside me, “we can have a school in this town that both parents and kids can love. A school that doesn’t suck. The kind of school you can really have pride in.”
“Right,” Tasha said, sitting down beside Douglas, but looking up at me. “The kind of school that someone like you might even want to come back and teach in, Jess.”
I stared at them both, dumbfounded. “What? Teach? Me?”
“Sure,” Douglas said. Then, seeing my expression, he laughed. “Well, it’s not that far-fetched, Jess. Think about it. Isn’t that what you’re doing this summer, with Ruth?”
“Well,” I said. “Yeah, but—”
“I’ve always thought you were great with kids, Jess,” Tasha said. “And we’re going to need a music instructor. It would be great if it could be you.”
I stared at them both. “I’m not at Juilliard to train to be a music teacher,” I said. “I’m there to become a professional musician.”
“But is that what you want, Jess?” Tasha asked. I saw her and Douglas exchange quick glances. “To play in an orchestra? Travel around? Be a musician?”
I blinked at her. Was that what I wanted? No, actually. That wasn’t what I wanted at all. What I wanted…what I wanted…
Why did everyone keep asking me what I wanted, like I was supposed to know?
“There’s no need to tell us right now,” Douglas said, resting a hand on my shoulder. “I mean, you’d have to wait until you’ve gotten your teaching certificate before you started, anyway. But if you decide you do want to come work for us, there’ll always be a position for you, Jess. The pay won’t be stellar, but I promise it will be enough to live on. And for gas, for Blue Beauty.”
He grinned at me. I couldn’t help grinning back. His excitement was catching.
It’s ironic that Mom should have chosen that moment to pull up herself.
“Oh,” Tasha said, standing up and looking worried. “I’ve blocked the driveway.”
But Mom was already parking on the street. She didn’t even appear to notice Tasha or her Jeep. She didn’t even notice Douglas. All of her attention was focused on me.
Which was so not what I needed just then.
“Jessica,” she said, even as she was still climbing out of her car. “Just what exactly was that this morning? You swept out of here without a word of apology to poor Karen Sue. I understand you had other things to do than have brunch with her—believe me, it’s all over town, what you were up to this morning. But couldn’t you have at least said you were sorry and rescheduled for another time?”
“Mom,” Douglas said, standing up. “You are never going to believe what Jess did. She—”
“I already heard all about what your sister did,” Mom said. She’d crossed the street into our yard now and noticed the garbage can Tasha had nearly hit. She started tugging it towards the garage. “That’s just lovely, Jessica, getting yourself involved in busting up a porn ring. I understand that Wilkins boy was there, as well. Why am I not surprised?”
“Mom.” Douglas looked annoyed. “Jessica got Mr. Whitehead to donate three million dollars to—”
“I beg your pardon, Douglas,” Mom said, glaring at him. “But I am speaking to Jessica. Well?” She brushed her hands off on her slacks. “What do you have to say for yourself? Because I had to stand here and try to keep Karen Sue from crying—yes, crying—over how you treated her this morning. I understand that perhaps you had more pressing concerns, but…” Her eyes narrowed behind her sunglasses as she stared at the porch. “What’s going on with you, Jessica? You look…different.”
Maybe because right then, I was thinking about killing her.
“Ma,” Douglas said. “She—”
“Don’t call me Ma,” Mom said automatically. “Jessica, what exactly is going on here? You show up out of the blue, and the next thing I know, you’re involved in some kind of teen runaway porn scandal. You should have seen Mrs. Leskowski’s expression when she came up to me in the Kroger just now to tell me all about it. Butter wouldn’t have melted in that woman’s mouth. It’s almost like she thinks the rest of us don’t remember what Mark did—”
Suddenly Mom whipped off her sunglasses, apparently to get a better look at me. “Jessica. Did you get your powers back?”
Oh, brother.
“I gotta go,” I said, getting up. Because suddenly, I had a burning need to take my bike out for a little spin.
“Wait,” Mom said. “Jessica. Did you? You did, didn’t you? Oh, Jessica.”
“Come on, Mom.” Douglas looked annoyed. “Get with the program. You want to know the really good news? She got Randy Whitehead to donate three million—”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Jessica?” Mom, ignoring Douglas, asked me. “Does Dr. Krantz know?”
My eyes widened. “God. I hope not.”
“Well, Jessica. You have to tell him. I mean, there are still people out there that I’m sure they’d like to—”
“Mom!” I stared at her. I couldn’t believe this. I really couldn’t. I was so distracted that I found myself slipping Rob’s grandmother’s ring on and off my left middle finger. Then I figured I’d better leave it on, so I wouldn’t lose it. I had to give it back to him, after all.
“You can’t have it both ways,” I said, coming down off the porch steps and heading for Blue Beauty. “You can’t have a daughter who’s normal, like Karen Sue Hankey, and a daughter with psychic powers, like me. You have to decide. You have to decide which one you want.”
Because that’s what my Juilliard scholarship, I knew, represented to my mom—that I was normal. Which is what she’d always wanted—a normal daughter, like Karen Sue Hankey. Not one who wouldn’t put on a dress, loved motorcycles, and could find missing people in her sleep.
Well, she’d gotten her wish. For the entirety of this past year, I’d been the normal daughter Mom had always wanted.
But no more. No more normal for me.
Was she going to be able to deal with that?
Was I?
“Jessica,” Mom said, stepping in front of me, effectively blocking my path to the garage. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Just that maybe if you had ever supported me in anything I ever did—besides going to Juilliard—I might have turned out more the way you wanted me to.”
Mom’s eyebrows went up. WAY up.
“What are you talking about?” she demanded. “You know your father and I have always supported you, in everything you’ve ever done—”
“Not about Rob, you didn’t,” I said.
Mom looked shocked. “Is that what this is about? That boy? I can’t believe you’re even giving him a second’s thought, after the way he tr
eated you—”
“He treated me that way because of you, Mom. Because of your stupid statutory-rape speech. You totally scared him off—”
“I’m glad I did,” Mom said indignantly. “Jessica, I know you’ve always had self-esteem issues, but believe me, you can do a lot better than a common grease monkey with a criminal record.”
“For swimming after hours at a public pool, Ma,” I said. “That’s what Rob was on probation for. For trespassing.”
Behind me, I heard Douglas burst out laughing. “For real?” he wanted to know. “That’s why he got busted?”
I whirled around to face him. “It’s not funny!” I shrieked. Although, of course, ordinarily I probably would have found it hilarious. All that wondering, all that worrying, for years, and over what? A midnight swim.
I swung back around to face Mom. But before I could get a word out, she was saying, “If he really loved you, Jessica, he’d have waited for you. The fact that he did run away, just because of my little speech…well, that shows you something about him, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” I said tensely. “It shows me that he loved me enough to respect my parents’ wishes. And do you have any idea what he did while he was waiting for me to turn eighteen, Ma?”
“I’ve told you before,” she said irritably. “Don’t call me Ma.”
“He bought his own business,” I went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “And his own house. He’s probably earning more than a hundred thousand a year, fixing up motorcycles for rich Baby Boomers, and he’s going to college at the same time. What do you think about that, Ma?”
“I think,” Mom said, her mouth flattening to a straight line, “that you’re forgetting one very important thing.”
“What?”
“That you saw him kissing another girl. You’ve never seen Skip kissing another girl, have you?”
I stepped around her and headed to my bike.
“Well?” Mom wanted to know. “Have you? No. You haven’t, have you?”
“Only because no other girl would let Skip kiss her,” Douglas pointed out, causing Tasha to start laughing so hard, she had to slap a hand over her mouth to stifle it.