by Ivy Layne
I stopped, scrambling, searching for the words. Everything going through my head sounded pathetic.
Summer shifted her weight from one foot to the other, dropping her hands to her sides as she realized I was at a loss.
I was failing her.
She was about to give up.
She lifted her hands and wiped away the moisture from beneath her eyes, sucking in a restorative breath. "It's okay, Evers. It's over. You don't have to explain. You don't owe me anything."
"That's bullshit. I have to explain because I've never told you the truth. I started out lying to you, and I kept lying. I don't want to lie anymore."
"Then tell me," she said quietly. "For once, tell me the truth."
I stared down at her, the words stuck in my throat.
I love you.
I want you.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
No sound came out. Finally done with my bumbling, Summer pushed past me and stalked toward the door, her wobbly ankle slowing her down.
"Wait," I shouted. "Wait."
"I'm done waiting, Evers."
"I love you," I burst out. "I'm in love with you and I'm scared to death. That's the truth. That's what I didn't want to tell you."
Summer turned to face me, her eyes wide with disbelief. "You do not love me," she said.
"I do. I do love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I knew that first night at the wedding. With you, everything was different, and I had no fucking clue what to do about it."
"At the wedding? Axel and Emma's wedding? After the wedding, you disappeared, and I didn't see you again for a year," she said.
"I know. And I spent that year trying to convince myself that I was wrong. Deluded. That you weren't different. That I’d had too much to drink and was overcome by the wedding and all that shit. Then your file hit my desk and I was so fucking relieved, Summer. Relieved to have an excuse to see you again. I walked into that party and—"
I stared at her face, remembering that feeling in my chest the first time I saw Summer after a year apart.
Sheer, undiluted joy.
How could I have convinced myself it was only sex? Just being in the same room with her again had set my entire world to rights.
I was a fucking moron.
I tried to explain. "I walked in, and there you were. A shot to the heart. I never knew what that meant until I saw you again. The whole year apart I was bullshitting myself. Then you were there, and I knew."
Summer lifted her hands helplessly and dropped them to her sides. "Evers, I don't get it. If you knew you felt this way, why didn't you—I don't know—ask me out to dinner? Spend the night? Invite me to your place? Why didn't we date like normal people? Instead, you snuck in and out of my place like I was your dirty little secret, and I let you because—"
She fell silent abruptly. I wanted to chase down what she'd been about to say. Why? Why had she let me? Cynthia was spot on, Summer was not the kind of girl who let a man bounce in and out of her bed.
It wasn't time to pin her down. Not until I was done baring my soul.
"I don't know how to explain it,” I said honestly. "It's just that I was always the one my dad said was like him. A ladies’ man. A player. I loved my dad, but he could be a bastard. And he was a shitty husband. He cheated on my mom all the time. He'd say right in front of her that marriage was a trap. Love was a lie. That the only thing to do was fuck and run."
"He sounds like a real prize," Summer said.
I let out a wry laugh. "Yeah, that's my dad. I have no idea why my mom stayed. She deserved so much better. I think, in the beginning, she loved him, and she thought if she could stick with him, eventually, he'd settle down. I watched her fade away, start drinking earlier and earlier. She fell apart day by day. Year by year."
"Evers, none of that is your fault," Summer said, still looking a little confused.
"I know it's not my fault," I said, "but I wasn't going to do that to a woman I cared about. Promise her forever and then fuck her over. I wouldn't. My father meant to be faithful when he married my mom. He intended to be a good husband. He just… it wasn't in him. And I always thought, what if that were me? What if I made promises to a good woman and then I realized I couldn't keep them? I didn't want to be that man."
"So you didn't make promises to anyone," Summer said.
"No. I didn't. And for a long time, that worked. Until you. I met you and I wanted to make promises. I wanted something that would last. Something real. I was terrified I'd fuck it up. Turn you into my mom. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing the light in your eyes fade. I couldn't do it.
"I tried to keep things light. To put you in a box and keep you there, where there wasn't room for promises of love and forever. Where it was just moments of time together. I thought that could be enough."
I ran out of words.
Summer folded her arms across her chest again, but this time she stood straighter, her chin lifted, her eyes level on mine.
"Okay, so if that's all true, tell me, honestly, how many other women did you sleep with the year that we were, you know—"
“None," I said immediately.
She raised an eyebrow. "Evers, we never made any promises to each other. Just tell me the truth. I know it's not any of my business, but I want you to tell me."
"None," I insisted. "I haven't so much as kissed another woman, touched another woman since I saw you at that party over a year ago." I thought about Cynthia in the bar. "Okay, correction, I guess I kissed Cynthia ten minutes ago. But that's it."
An unsettling thought occurred to me. I found myself asking, "Did you? If you did, it's not my business, but—"
"No. No one else. Not since a while before that party, if you want to know the truth."
She sounded a little embarrassed, but all I felt was relief.
"You went that whole year only seeing me every few weeks and you never went looking for another woman?" Summer asked, slowly.
"No, I'm telling you—"
"I believe you, Evers. But think about what you're saying. You're worried you're going to cheat. You're worried you'll be your father, but we weren't even together, and you were faithful. Don't tell me you didn't have the opportunity. Opportunity practically jumps in your lap."
I wasn't going to deny that. I'd had plenty of opportunities to be with other women.
Summer was right. I'd never thought of it that way. I hadn't made her promises. She hadn't been my girlfriend, and still, I stayed true to her.
Because she was it for me. I didn't want anyone else. I never would.
Her eyes on my face, she waited, watching as I processed this revelation.
"So, Evers, the real question is, what do you want to do now?"
"I think that's really up to you," I hedged, my insides unsteady as if my entire world had shifted on its axis.
"I want to know what you want," she said, her chin set, eyes impossible to read.
She wasn't going to make this easy for me. I was very aware that she'd accepted my declaration of love but hadn't returned it.
Time to put my cards on the table and see how the hand played out. I closed my eyes for a second and let myself fall into fantasy.
What did I want? Really, truly, in the deepest part of my heart, what did I want?
Images unfolded in my mind, and suddenly, it was so very easy.
Opening my eyes, I looked down at Summer and stepped closer, reaching out to take her hand.
"I want you to be mine," I said. "Not here and there. Not for secret moments of time. For always. I want to wake up with you in the morning and go to bed with you at night. I want to argue with you and laugh with you. Cook dinner with you and dance with you. I want everything. And I want it with you."
If I expected her to soften, to fall in my arms, her tears turning into tears of joy as she swore her eternal love for me… If I'd expected that, I would have been sorely disappointed.
She studied me before
she said, “What about marriage? Kids? Is that part of what you want?"
I’d always thought it wasn't. The example my parents set hadn't left me overwhelmed by the joys of married life. Still, I didn't have to think. I already knew my answer.
"Eventually, with you? Yes. Definitely marriage. I've always liked the idea of kids. Someday." Something occurred to me and I asked quickly, “Do you want kids?"
"I do. Someday. With the right man."
"And what about me? Is there any chance that could be me?" I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this nervous.
Summer wasn't mean-spirited. I didn't think she'd set me up to crush my heart under her heel. I'd hurt her, but Summer wasn't the kind of person who needed revenge. I hoped.
"I think you'd be a great dad," she said. Still not a declaration of love, but it was something.
"I know I'd give it everything I have," I said, tugging her closer. "But that's not really the question, is it? The real question is do you think I could be a great husband?"
"Are you proposing?" Summer asked, and for the first time since this conversation began her eyes were bright with a twinkle of mischief. From any other woman, at any other time, that question would have sent me racing for the door, a cloud of dust in my wake.
Not with this woman. Not now.
"No," I said, pulling her into my arms and lowering my head to rest my lips against her ear. "Not this time. Not right now. When I ask, you'll know it's a proposal."
Summer turned her head so my lips pressed her cheek, her arms wrapping my neck, her body melting into mine. "So, you're going to ask?"
"Eventually. Are you going to say yes?" My lips brushed her chin, the lemon and flowers scent of her hair like coming home.
A laugh bubbling in her throat, she said, “Maybe. I have to think about it."
I dropped my lips to that spot just below her jaw that always made her shiver and sucked the tender skin there. "You’re evil, you know that?"
"You deserve it," she breathed as I took another bite.
I did deserve it. And I didn't care. I could take whatever Summer dished out. I’d take it happily if it meant she was mine.
"I love you," I murmured into her neck. "I love you, and I'm not going to fuck this up again.”
Summer leaned back and looked me straight in the eyes. "No, you're not. Neither of us will."
It was as close to a declaration as she was going to get. I’d take it. Glad I'd locked the door, I kissed her.
Chapter Seventeen
Evers
I kissed Summer with everything pent up inside me. Love and lust and adoration. I kissed her for the months we'd spent apart, for everything I hadn't given her. Everything I’d denied myself.
My mouth claimed hers, and she claimed me back, kissing me with a hunger I'd missed more than anything. I couldn't get enough. It had been too long, too much time apart, exquisitely aware that she hated me. Afraid I'd never touch her again.
Now she was here, in my arms, and I was lightheaded with relief. If I'd had any idea how good it would feel to tell Summer I loved her, I would have done it a long fucking time ago.
Finally, I wasn’t hiding what I felt. Wasn’t trying to protect myself. Now it was just Summer and me, and she knew everything.
She knew everything, and she was kissing me like she'd never let me go.
I slid my hands down her back to close over her ass, lifting her into my arms. Her skirt hiked up, and she wrapped her arms and legs around me, holding on as I carried her to the wide, deep sofa across the room.
The rest of the world fell away. There was no Cynthia. No staff. No fathers. No intruders. No attempted break-ins. No angry husbands. There was just Summer and me.
"I missed you," Summer said into my mouth, her fingers busy on the buttons of my shirt. I slid my hand beneath her back, searching for the zipper of her dress, finally finding it on the side and pulling it all the way down to the swell of her hip.
I sat up enough to yank off my shirt. Summer shimmied out of the bodice of her dress, the bright pink linen fabric sliding down to reveal her breasts encased in lace of the same pink.
Fuck me.
I'd missed her breasts almost as much as I'd missed Summer herself. Full and round, her curves highlighted by the tan line left from her bathing suit, the hidden skin of her breasts a creamy white that turned abruptly to a deep tan, her nipples rosy and begging for my mouth.
She shoved the dress down over her hips, a matching pink lace thong coming into view one inch at a time.
I pushed off the couch and fumbled with my belt, shedding my clothes at warp speed. When I was naked, I grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled, stripping it down her long legs before tossing it on the floor next to my own things.
She was gorgeous. Perfect. I stretched out on top of her, her soft curves molding to my body. The roundness of her full breasts, the curve of her belly, the velvet-soft skin of her inner thigh brushing mine as she raised her legs and hooked them around my hips, my cock trapped between us, rubbing the lace of her thong.
Bliss.
Summer, mostly naked in my arms, the heat of her pussy pressed to my cock. So close. I wanted it to last forever, and I needed to be inside her. Right fucking now.
I didn't have a condom.
"Fuck."
Summer nuzzled my ear with her nose, nibbling the lobe before saying, “That's the idea."
"I don't have a condom," I said.
Summer pressed a line of kisses to my jaw, ending at my mouth. She sucked my lower lip between hers, pulling, nibbling before dropping her head back.
“When was the last time you were tested? I had a physical a few months ago, right before we—"
She didn't need to finish the sentence. Right before she'd caught me with her file in my bag and thrown me out of her place. Out of her life.
"I had one done right before you threw me out. I was going to show you the test, see if we could talk about ditching the condoms."
Summer’s body shook with laughter.
"What? What’s so fucking funny?"
“Do you have any idea what I would have done if you'd showed me that test? That's not something you do with a random hookup. That's girlfriend stuff. Relationship stuff."
"You weren’t a random hookup," I growled into her hair. No matter what she thought, she'd never been a random hookup.
"I know that now," she said, still laughing. "I didn't know that then."
“You would have said no.” She would have been right to say no if she thought she was a random hookup, but the idea left me deflated.
"I would have been very confused."
"And what about now? Are you confused now?"
"No. I'm not. And I have an IUD."
She wasn't confused, and she had an IUD.
I was about to ask if that meant what I thought it meant when she reached between us and pulled her thong to the side, taking the length of my cock in her hand and guiding me exactly where she wanted me.
That was answer enough. Her knees pressed to my sides, feet hooked around my legs, she pulled me closer, the head of my cock sinking inside her heat one inch at a time.
Heaven. As I pushed inside, Summer’s giggles fell away. This was no joke. This was coming home. I filled her to the hilt and stopped, wanting to stay exactly where I was forever. For always.
My mouth pressed to the side of her head, I whispered, "I missed you so much. So much."
It had been a long dry spell since Summer had kicked me out. My body wanted this first time to be hard and fast. Wanted to fuck her with everything I had until we both exploded, releasing all the built-up lust we'd been storing since we'd been apart.
She was bruised from the night before. We had time for rough and fast and hard later. There was something to be said for slow and long. I drew my hips back until the head of my cock slipped from her pussy.
She moaned in aggravation, her ocean-blue eyes flashing to mine with a glare. I moved my hips in a circle, the hea
d of my cock rubbing her slick, swollen clit. Her legs tightened on my hips, her hips rocking, trying to draw me back inside.
"You want it?” I murmured, letting my lips slide against the sensitive skin right below her jaw, loving the way she shivered against me.
I'd never appreciated this until Summer. I knew her body. Her pleasure. I knew how to tease her until she was wild. How to give her exactly what she wanted. After a life of one-night stands and meaningless hookups, ruling Summer’s body made me feel like a king.
"You know I do," she said, squirming beneath me. "Stop teasing and fuck me already."
I sucked her skin and took a bite from her neck, loving the way she gasped out a laughing moan. I played my mouth over every spot I knew would leave her ticklish but drowning in lust.
We'd always laughed a lot during sex. Not just because I loved the way her pussy tightened on my cock when she laughed. One night, I'd pinned her beneath me and tickled her until her laughter alone had me on the edge of orgasm. So good. Amazing. But we’d always laughed because, with Summer, even sex was new. Fun. An adventure we dove into together. Fuck, I’d missed this.
“You’re bruised. I don’t want to hurt you,” I admitted.
"I don't care about that. You’re driving me nuts. Just fuck me already. I feel like I've been waiting forever."
So did I. I stopped sliding my cock against her clit and filled her. "Lift your knees. Open for me and I’ll give you what you want.”
Summer’s fingers tightened on mine, her eyes hot. She was flexible and strong, and as her knees pulled back, her hips tilted up, and I sank deeper inside her.
"Now," she demanded. I wasn't going to tell her no. I began to move, fucking her in long, deep thrusts, her tight pussy sucking at my cock, trying to keep me inside.
In this position, her arms above her head, knees wide, she could barely move. She didn't need to. I sped up, fucking her harder, eyes locked to hers, her pupils dilated, focus blurred, her breath coming in quick gasps.
Yes. This was my girl. Right where I wanted her.
Teetering on the edge of orgasm, her hot, slick cunt about to explode around my cock. I needed to feel it. Needed it more than air. More than life. I needed to give her this after so long.