by Ella Hickson
SOPHIE stands, itching to get away – LAURA locates the cardigan and goes to hand it to SOPHIE. SOPHIE comes in to take the cardigan.
SOPHIE. Thanks.
LAURA doesn’t let go of the cardigan.
LAURA. You remember little Jenny that used to be round here all the time because she fancied Cam.
SOPHIE. Yeah.
LAURA. You remember how she’d play football with them in hot pants and sit and play computer games for hours.
SOPHIE. Yeah.
LAURA. The boys were like – ‘so what if she likes computer games and tiny shorts – what’s wrong with that.’
SOPHIE. Yeah.
LAURA. And we found it so mad that they were all totally blind to her high jinks, silly wee cow.
SOPHIE. What you getting at, Loz?
LAURA. Just she’d forgotten that boys might not speak girl – but she’s forgotten we could spot it a mile off.
Beat.
LAURA gives SOPHIE her cardigan.
SOPHIE takes the cardigan.
SOPHIE. Thank you.
LAURA. I know we only really know each other because of the boys but – you’re my friend. I consider you – my friend.
SOPHIE. You’re my friend too.
LAURA. When our dog died my mum didn’t shed a tear but went straight out and bought five goldfish and she fucking hates fish.
Beat.
SOPHIE. It’s not a reaction.
LAURA. It probably doesn’t feel like a /
SOPHIE. It’s not. It’s real.
LAURA. It probably feels like it’s /
SOPHIE. I promise you. It’s /
LAURA. It’s just that... Benny, if he knew – saw – I don’t know, what he’d do. It’s not a small thing, Sophs.
SOPHIE. It’s not a bad thing.
LAURA. Isn’t it?
Beat.
SOPHIE. The first night I knew – um – the first – he – Mack – came to my flat – we spent nearly nine hours straight just talking. I’d never done that, with anyone – before. We sat on my roof, we had two big bottles of beer and two cigarettes and we shared them both. It was really warm – and we laughed, so much. You know the kind where tears and snot and everything is coming out of your face and your stomach and your cheeks hurt from it – and you barely breathe. We sat and watched the birds in the sky all night – it never got dark – the sky stayed the most amazing colour... completely clear and this purple blue, like a really light bruise – and the birds were so black against it and squawking and he does a great seagull impression. At about three – we walked through the meadows, just the two of us – the city was so quiet, like all the shadows were left from the night but the light was already there for morning, like the two shouldn’t meet but they had and it created this other world, this amazing other place – which you can only see if you keep your eyes open for that long – a gap in the net – a slice of time that isn’t day or night but some other... and he looked at me and I felt like it might eat me whole, and I knew – I knew right then, somehow I knew – that everything in the world would seem smaller from then on.
And then we started singing – (Sings a line of ‘Ain’t got No/I Got Life’ by Nina Simone.) you know?’
LAURA nods.
We sang that and ran about until all the purple had bled out of the sky and there were postmen – and then he had to go. I went to kiss him and he said no – I had to make my choice first.
LAURA. Choice?
SOPHIE. That night was the happiest I’ve ever been.
LAURA. It was before /
SOPHIE. We were singing and singing and running and –
LAURA. Sophie?
SOPHIE. What if it’s bigger? What if it’s bigger, more important than /
LAURA. Are you out of your mind?
SOPHIE. Why can’t it be?
LAURA. Because someone died.
SOPHIE. That night – how I feel is so /
LAURA. Mack fucks anything that moves. He fucked a teenager last night, for God’s sake.
SOPHIE. No he didn’t.
LAURA. He did.
SOPHIE. He told me he didn’t.
LAURA. Oh, well, in that case.
SOPHIE. Maybe I’m different – maybe what we have is /
LAURA. Sophs.
SOPHIE. Timp fucks people all the time and he still loves you.
Pause.
LAURA takes a step away from SOPHIE.
MACK enters.
MACK goes straight over to the window, the girls remain silent.
MACK. They’ve arrested that spacky pair of Goths from Princes Street Gardens for the police van.
SOPHIE. Really?
MACK. According to Timp according to Twitter.
LAURA. Bound to be bullshit.
MACK turns back into the room.
MACK. Anyone want a beer?
LAURA. No.
LAURA exits.
MACK. What’s wrong with her?
Beat.
SOPHIE stands and stares at MACK – she begins to sing ‘Ain’t Got No/I Got Life’ by Nina Simone quietly into the silence of the room.
In the distance we can hear drums beating – the muffled sound of loudspeakers. SOPHIE continues to sing.
Stop it.
SOPHIE continues to sing.
Stop it.
SOPHIE continues to sing.
Stop it!
Beat.
SOPHIE. Do you; have you ever actually felt any – guilt? Because it’s come as a bit of a surprise that um, that – you, one, I don’t, can’t actually feel it. Like I can’t get my body to do it, on its own, it’s not something I can generate somehow, like, I – I find myself having to actually summon it, trying to encourage myself, to summon it and even then I can’t do it, really, I can’t feel it. I thought it might be shock at first and then – grief or but I think I might not feel it. I can’t. I don’t. All I can feel is total joy, total – peace. I look at you and I sometimes actually make myself think of him, I force him into my head and I don’t feel guilty. What does that mean? What kind of person does that make me? (Pause.) Hm? Sometimes I think it’s because – what we have is love, meant to be. (Laughs.) That we love each other, yes, Mack, that is what I sometimes think. Is that ridiculous? And sometimes I even think that that love is so important that it is bigger, or equal to – what he did. That they are just two feelings, one is love and the other is despair and both just have an action. And that those actions are different but that somehow they are equal – does that make me a monster? I sat at his funeral looking at his parents and Benny but all I could think of, all I could feel – was you.
But then I look at you and I wonder if it’s actually there. I wonder if I added up the amount of minutes, hours, fucking days I have spent thinking about you, the amount of fucking longing I have done – if I added that up and weighed it against anything you have ever actually said... and – (Pause.)
But then you do the smallest thing you make me a cup of tea when I don’t ask, or you touch my hand really lightly in a room full of people and I think no, Sophie, don’t laugh – don’t laugh because it’s real and it’s so much more real because it’s unsaid and unspoken and un – un – un – it’s so much more real because I can’t touch it, because we can’t say it and I can’t see it, it’s so much more real because I don’t know if it’s there.
Pause. MACK doesn’t say anything.
Please say something. (Pause.) Please. Please tell me if...
She trails off unable to try any harder.
MACK stands, MACK stares at her.
MACK does not, MACK cannot speak.
A foghorn sounds loudly outside the window – the drum beats rise – the people are marching.
Scene Three
MACK and SOPHIE stand, as before.
The drum beat rises.
BENNY charges in – excited, breathless.
BENNY. They’ve fucking arrested that pink-haired fairy and the lanky fuck that sit by the bandstand.
For the van.
MACK and SOPHIE look at him.
There’s no way it was them. No way – I’ve seen her spend fifteen minutes trying to get into a bag of crisps. There was no one but cops round those vans.
MACK. Alright, Poirot.
BENNY. It wasn’t them.
MACK. So what if it wasn’t?
BENNY. Two people just got arrested for something they didn’t do.
SOPHIE stands by the window looking out.
MACK. Big deal.
BENNY. Something we know they didn’t do.
MACK gets himself a beer and ignores BENNY.
It’s wrong.
SOPHIE. There are lights coming down Lothian Road – torches.
BENNY. I’m going out there.
MACK (lifting his beer above his head as if it’s a sword). By the power of Grayskull! (Simulates fireworks and explosion akin to He-Man’s transformation.) I am the power!
BENNY joins SOPHIE by the window.
BENNY. Listen... you can hear drums.
TIMP charges into the kitchen wielding a mop or something similar.
TIMP. For the honour of Grayskull!
MACK (in backing-track whispers). She-ra, She-ra!
TIMP. I am She-Raaaaaa!
MACK. I am the power!
TIMP. What needs saving?
LAURA wanders in after TIMP. She sits herself silently up on the side, almost unnoticed.
BENNY. They arrested those Goths for the police van – they never did it.
TIMP. For the honour of Grayskull!
BENNY. I’m going out there.
TIMP. What? You can’t.
BENNY. Why not?
TIMP. For the honour of Grayskull!
SOPHIE. There are drums – can you hear drums.
MACK. It’s just the Kilted Celts down by the museum.
BENNY. It’s nearly midnight – what they doing up at this time eh?
CAM enters.
CAM. What’s going on?
SOPHIE. There’s torches and drums.
CAM. No way – it’s the Cavalcade? I fucking love the Cavalcade.
BENNY. It’s the middle of the fucking night – no it’s not the Cavalcade, you dumb fuck.
TIMP. We could have the Cavalcade in here!
BENNY. It’s people – they’re marching.
CAM. Can we?
TIMP. Course.
LAURA. Timp?
TIMP. Now – first things first – what’s a fucking cavalcade?
CAM. Oh.
BENNY. They’re marching with all their rubbish – look! Fucking look! They’re getting rid.
LAURA. Timp?
TIMP. Yeah, babe?
LAURA. Will you come home with me please.
TIMP. You poorly?
LAURA. No.
Beat. TIMP looks at LAURA, he knows something is wrong.
BENNY. There’s hundreds and hundreds look – they’re all carrying all their crap – they’re carrying it, look, all those bin bags – looks like a massive shiny black beetle – looks beautiful.
TIMP. Sounds like it’s all just about to kick off – why would we leave?
LAURA. I want to go home, Timp.
TIMP. Come on, babe.
LAURA (stares TIMP dead in the eyes). I know.
TIMP freezes.
BENNY. You coming? All of this – together, if we carry enough each – we can get clear of it – get tidy. You all coming?
Pause.
BENNY looks at the room, they don’t move – they’re fucked.
Yeah?
TIMP. Mate – I would – I just – Laura’s feeling poorly and –
LAURA. No I’m not.
TIMP. We’re having a nice time, aren’t we?
BENNY. Mack?
TIMP. By the power of Greyskull!
MACK. I am the power.
Beat.
BENNY. My dad talks about back in the eighties – spent fucking months on the picket lines and the things they did, the fucking bile they used to shoot at the scabs for not being with them. You know? Really fucking get at them, try and pull them apart – cos they reckoned by just letting it go on – you were as bad as joining the other side.
TIMP. You’ve done it again, haven’t you?
BENNY. What?
TIMP. Benny, how many times – eh? We’ve talked about it – haven’t we?
BENNY. What?
TIMP. You’ve been watching Billy Elliot again – haven’t you?
BENNY. Fuck off.
TIMP. You know what it does to you.
Laughter.
BENNY. We should be out there.
TIMP. ‘I don’t want a childhood – I want to be ballet dancer!’
BENNY. Can’t you hear the drums?
TIMP starts drumming on the table.
You’ll let everyone out there risk their arses on your behalf and you’re happy to just sit back and watch it happen? Cam? You a coward ’n’ all?
CAM. No.
LAURA. Timp – I want to go home.
TIMP picks up LAURA and starts to ballet-dance with her.
Put me down.
TIMP. Cheer up.
MACK. Choosing in here is just as much of a choice as choosing out there. ‘Choose life – choose a beer – choose a fucking knees-up.’
BENNY. Amazing how in here doesn’t take any fucking balls though?
MACK. You reckon?
SOPHIE. Calm down.
BENNY. Why? Why? I don’t want to calm – I don’t want to sit, I don’t want to fucking drink or snort or fucking – I want to move.
TIMP. ‘I want to dance.’
BENNY. I don’t want to live like this.
MACK. Go on then! Get out – go and do it! Go and join the fucking masses.
BENNY. Don’t you think that looks amazing. All them people – moving – not shouting or screaming – just marching – look – with all those bags, that many people deciding one decision at one time and them all saying it – really quietly – doesn’t that – make your fucking, doesn’t that make your heart beat a bit faster? Sophs – make your heart beat faster?
BENNY bends down close to SOPHIE.
SOPHIE. My heart?
BENNY. Yeah.
Beat.
SOPHIE. He’s right – we can – move it all. If you guys go downstairs and check the street and then – a few of you in the stairwell and then – a couple of us – stay up here and –
LAURA. Couple?
SOPHIE. Whoever. Look after the flat –
LAURA. Which couple?
SOPHIE. We can pass it down to you.
CAM. I’ll go down.
TIMP. On who?
CAM. I’ll help you, Benny.
LAURA. Which two, Sophs?
BENNY. We all have to go; together.
SOPHIE. I can stay here with /
BENNY. All of us.
SOPHIE. We’re having a nice time, aren’t we?
MACK. You should go if you want to go. Go with Benny.
SOPHIE. Fuck you.
MACK turns immediately on BENNY to disguise SOPHIE’s reaction.
CAM. Whoa.
MACK. Why? Why together?
TIMP. Calm – down, Sophs – come here. Have a beer.
TIMP hands SOPHIE a beer.
BENNY. Because I can’t carry it all on me own.
SOPHIE puts some music on.
Sophs?
SOPHIE. I’m too high not to dance, I need to dance.
LAURA. Timp – I’m leaving.
TIMP. No you’re fucking not.
MACK. Let’s have some shots – eh? Line ’em up, Timp – let’s get involved.
SOPHIE. Involved? All of a sudden you want to be involved?
LAURA. I’m leaving.
TIMP. No you’re not.
BENNY. I got caught smoking weed in sixth form. It were just one joint but the headmaster wanted to make an example of me right? I was up for expulsion. I wouldn’t have sat my A-levels I wou
ld have fucking flunked – but – but do you know what my brother did? Sophie?
SOPHIE stops and looks at him a minute.
TIMP. Tequila – it makes you happy! Loz? See. Cam – get away from that window.
CAM. It looks amazing.
MACK. Cam! Come here.
BENNY. He convinced the entire year group to confess to having also smoked a joint that day. There was a queue – fucking fifty people long outside the headmaster’s office. What was he going to do – expel us all? We got an hour’s detention each; that’s all. Everyone – one hour’s detention or I get expelled.
TIMP. Tequila?
BENNY. No.
TIMP. Sophs – get the lemons, hurry hurry.
SOPHIE rushes to get lemons from the fridge.
MACK. Lick ’em.
BENNY. Can’t you see what I’m saying? It matters that there are numbers – it means we protect each other if we do it together – you see that?
Everyone licks the back of their hands.
MACK. Shake ’em.
MACK pours salt all over the backs of people’s hands.
BENNY. Us sitting in here makes it more dangerous for them out there. Together we might get a little bruise – apart – we let one person fall completely.
Small beat.
MACK. Shoot ’em.
They all knock their shots back.
BENNY grabs SOPHIE.
BENNY. Don’t you fucking care?
MACK turns – savage and steps in the way.
MACK. Let go.
BENNY. What does it matter to you? Every man for himself isn’t it?
MACK. Let go of her.
BENNY. Why? She can take responsibility for herself, can’t she?
Pause.
MACK steps back – shrugs and walks away.
SOPHIE lunges at BENNY and goes to kiss him – BENNY flinches backwards and lets her go.
What you doing?
SOPHIE laughs, BENNY laughs nervously.
MACK (snaps). Will you stop guilt-tripping everyone into helping you carrying your shit. You want to go and join your little gang out there – fucking go, Benny – but stop bleating. Because we’re having a nice time – okay?
Beat.
CAM. I’ll come with you – let’s go. Let’s do it.
TIMP. Oop – Bambi’s got a hard-on.
MACK. He’s making a fool of you, Cam.
BENNY. Come on – let’s go.
MACK. Cam – there’s no point.
SOPHIE. Let them go, right? If they’ve got the balls to fight for something they want – I say let them exercise their balls.
BENNY. Cam – go and check the stairwell, see how much we can get down and I’ll start collecting it up.