by Mark Teppo
She dropped down to the blanket and snatched up the dagger. A jolt from her broken pinkie finger ran up her arm.
A wet sound bubbled behind her. She stood and spun, clutching the dagger before her.
The flickering firelight turned the woods into an army of dancing shadows.
She wanted to cry out to Hageatama but her voice stuck in her throat. The bubbling sound pitched up and raced in a circle around the camp. Once, twice.
Looking for something, anything to defend herself with, she spied a long stick jutting from the fire. She inched her hand toward it.
A voice whispered from the woods, "Run, girl, run."
The sound spun again until laughter bubbled behind the sleeping old man.
The voice said, "Run, young one. Maybe I will feast on the old man. Maybe that will give you time to get away." A hundred white smiles opened in the darkness like a flock of moths.
She took two steps back. She almost ran.
The old man had helped her. Would she repay his kindness by abandoning him?
She dropped to the fire and jerked out the flaming stick.
"Uriel ne depellerent." The incantation easily fell from her mouth, better than she’d ever done. She heaved the torch like a comet into the woods. As it struck, the surrounding bamboo trees lit as if infused with oil. She ran around the campfire to stand between the old man and the burning woods, holding out the dagger. A sardonic smile betrayed her. As if the tiny dagger meant anything to the Socius.
Its voice boomed from the center of the burning trees. "Why not run, girl? Your death won’t save him from me."
She wove the knife through the air. "Raguelis tueri."
A translucent bubble formed around the sleeping old man. It was the one protection spell she knew, pitifully weak.
She smiled at the demon with bravado she didn’t feel. "When you kill me, you cease to exist. I know how your conjuration works."
"Hmmm." The flames rippled.
In an instant, the flaming trees blinked out. Her ears popped again as the bubbling sound swept away. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears until the normal noises of the forest resumed.
It seemed like hours that she stood there with the pathetic dagger clutched in her hand. The Socius didn’t return.
The old man rustled behind her. "It won’t come twice in a single night."
She dropped the dagger to her side and turned. Her weak shield had already dissipated.
Hageatama stared at her. He pushed himself up with a hand on his backpack.
Ayu said, "We must part ways."
Hageatama nodded and considered her for many moments before he said, "Why would you sacrifice yourself to defend me?"
The strength went out of Ayu. She stumbled back to her side of the fire and collapsed onto her blanket.
After a moment, she said. "I’ll not lay my burdens on you. You deserve life more than I do."
The old man’s cheeks reddened, he lay silently as if unable to think of a proper response.
Ayu lay her head down on the leaves and closed her eyes. "We’ll part ways in the morning."
Hageatama said, "Perhaps," and rolled over.
They trudged silently through the wet of the Azusakawachi swamplands toward the Maibara valley. The sun shone harshly, reflecting rainbows off the misty water. Canary grass grew close and sodden to the path they forged. Neither had spoken since the night before.
Midday Hageatama broke the silence. "You have a Tomo on you, girl."
Ayu said nothing. They walked further.
"The Socius." Hageatama butchered the Latin. "The Tomo. No one escapes." He poked his walking stick at her back.
Ayu spun and slapped the stick away. "I know!" Her voice cracked. "No one knows more than I do! The Socius is woven to my soul, it won’t stop—"
Hageatama cut her off, his voice loud and gentle. "It can’t stop. It is made from your soul. It doesn’t have one of its own." He pointed a dirty nail at Ayu. "And you can’t escape."
She fought not to cry. "Then why aren’t I dead?"
She knew, knew that the Socius had showed her father exactly as he looked now. Had it visited him? Was father dead? Not knowing made the pain a thousand times worse.
Hageatama glared at the sky, as if he’d like to cut it open. "A Tomo might take years to kill you. It appears as family, it might come to you as an old friend, or lover, or both." He threw the stick into the water. "Hell, I might be the Tomo as far as you will ever know."
All the strength went out of Ayu. She sat down on the wet path and put her face in her hands. "I know, I know, I know."
The old man stepped back, made himself busy pulling and breaking grass fronds.
Ayu prayed with her head down. Averte faciem tuam a . . . Even the words of her daily prayer had left her. She sat in miserable silence.
A new, tiny seed of fear formed in her mind. She said, "Why do you know so much?"
The old man’s short laugh sounded like stones rubbing against one another. "You are not unique, girl. Fear is not reserved for acolytes. The order owns most of our nation."
Ayu’s fear was replaced with a surprising feeling. "I almost feel sorry for it."
Hageatama’s head shot up. "The Tomo?"
She rubbed her chest. "It must be awful not to have a soul."
The old man stood aghast. He finally snorted. "That thing will ruin every good thing in your life." He spit. "Good riddance when it’s gone."
The words ran out of Ayu. For the third time, she wondered if she’d be able to get up again.
The wind pushed at the grass until it bent over. Ayu ran her hand over it. "I killed someone."
Hageatama grunted, dropped his handful of reeds. "Who?"
"My master."
The old man considered the youth for a good while. "Well, ‘spect he deserved it."
Ayu Sighed. Simiel perrexit. It was a simple cutting spell, pure luck that it opened her master’s neck. "Maybe. I don’t know. I thought he’d kill me."
"Either way, what’s done is done. His problems are finished now."
The sun had fallen a bit since they’d started talking. The fear that burned in her chest was becoming familiar. They hadn’t covered enough ground yet.
She shook her head. "I don’t know why I keep running. I should kill myself."
Hageatama waved his hand dismissively. "The order can bring you back from the dead. When they’re done with you, then they’ll let you move on."
Ayu looked up into the old man’s face.
He smiled, maybe for the first time since she met him. "Maybe they’ll just forget about you." His smile made the fear fall away, just a bit.
Then the fear clamped down even harder. Hope was more painful than fear, and would soon vanish.
"How do you know so much about the order?" She wiped her forehead. "I don’t know anything about you."
Hageatama pulled her to her feet. "None of your business."
She considered demanding Hageatama share something about his life. But what did it matter, what did anything?
"It’s strange to have nothing to look forward to." She wondered if she’d join her ancestors or be with the Christian God.
Neither seemed possible at the moment. "I wish I remembered the old prayers."
The words seemed to give Hageatama pause. He brushed mud off her sleeves, considered her a moment before saying, "Turn and face the water with me."
She was confused for a moment, but she did as she was told.
"Right hand over left, as if you have an egg in your hand." He demonstrated.
Seven years fell away in an instant for Ayu. The prayer came back to her. Misogi O Harai. Purification practice.
Hageatama’s voice resonated in her ears. "Harae do no O Kami."
Together, they bowed twice, clapped twice and bowed again.
After the Furitame, he took them through the Torifune. They shouted the Otakebi and Okorobi, breathed deep the Ibuki undo, and finally performed Nyusui.
; The sun was lower when they finished, but Ayu found herself at peace for the first time she could remember.
In the cloudless sky a distant chuhi crossed the sun, searching for a swallow or a rabbit.
The order taught that only the worthy moved on to paradise. Ayu smiled. "I’ll deal with heaven when I get there."
Hageatama hefted his backpack. "You have what you have." He walked on ahead.
They didn’t see the Socius again.
Except Ayu did in her dreams. She woke screaming some nights, and Hageatama shook her until she was calm. One night she dreamed that Hageatama was the Socius. In the dream, his face split, and his bones became blades that sliced into her.
She’d nearly left him that night. She didn’t speak of it the next day.
The random course across the Maibara valley, through the Tochinoki pass and over Mount Ibuki took them three weeks. Ayu’s skin darkened in the sun. Her legs grew strong.
In the foothills near Tenmayama, they stopped to make their afternoon meal. They had walked all morning, and Ayu hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep by the cook fire until the smell of rice woke her.
Hageatama sat with his back to her, barely visible from behind his great pack.
She laughed. "Old man, find us some meat."
Hageatama was silent.
She got up to see if he was asleep as well.
She was a few steps away when he said, "We’ll part ways soon."
For a moment, she thought she’d misheard him. Ice ran down her belly. She swallowed.
Over the weeks, she’d told herself again and again that they’d part eventually. It was the only way to ensure Hageatama’s safety.
But they’d traveled so long together—she’d grown used to Hageatama’s company. She’d told herself that if he chose to go, she’d accept the choice with dignity.
Still, she ran through embarrassing feelings of betrayal and guilt and confusion. She started to speak a number of times, but she didn’t know what she wanted to say.
Hageatama answered the unasked question. "It’s just time, I suppose." His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "You’d be better off without me."
She finally found her voice. "That’s not true!"
He stood. "I’ll snare us a rabbit," and with that he walked off.
Feelings came in a whirl, and she couldn’t pin any single one down. Her heart pinched. The reality of her aloneness settled like a fog, so much worse than the many weeks before.
Dignity be damned. She ran around the boulder Hageatama had just circled. She had her hands out with her palms up. "There’s no need to be hasty . . ."
Hageatama lay face down in the sand.
His body looked tiny, overshadowed by the Socius, a floating mass of black thorns and spikes.
The darkness split into an enormous sharp grin. "Run, girl!"
"Hageatama!" Ayu’s mind raced through the few offensive spells she knew.
The Socius quivered. A rational part of her brain told her to run, that Hageatama was already dead. The bolder might delay the Socius enough for her to get away.
A tiny voice in the back of her head whispered, what if Hageatama is the Socius? This is the perfect trap.
"Simiel perrexit." The cutting spell burned in her fingers, but she’d need to be close to use it.
"Simiel interitus!" Power drew in to her, and she leaped at the Socius.
Three spikes shot out and pierced her shoulder, wrist and leg. She screamed in agony and the unfinished spell dissipated into the air around her.
Deus praeter mei. The only thought to break though the pain was to hope it would be quick. She knew that it wouldn’t.
"The old one is already dead." The Socius chuckled, making the spikes vibrate inside Ayu.
Through the haze of her suffering, Ayu saw Hageatama’s still form beneath her.
"What have you lost, girl?" The Socius lifted Ayu up to its mouth. The spikes twisted in her and she shuddered.
"What have you lost, a protector?" The horrible mouth exuded decay. "A confidant?"
Even through the pain, Ayu could hear confusion in the Socius’s voice. It expected an answer.
She shook her head.
The three spikes flicked out of her, and she dropped painfully to the sand. Hageatama lay a foot away from her face.
"Or were you just lonely?" Contempt burned in the Socius’s words.
Ayu screamed, "No!" With the last of her strength, she pushed herself up and threw herself over Hageatama. Blood ran from her shoulder onto the old man’s face. She collapsed against him and cried into Hageatama’s shirt, waiting for death to rain down.
She didn’t know how long she cried. But when death didn’t come, she lifted her head. Hageatama lay still on the ground. The quivering mass of thorns still hovered above her, as if it still waited for her answer.
"Enough play for now. You will see me again." And it was gone.
Ayu’s vision darkened. She collapsed again onto Hageatama’s chest. She held the old man, squeezed Hageatama as hard as she was able.
At first she heard nothing, but then she found the minute heartbeat, slow and deep in Hageatama’s chest.
She nearly lost Hageatama because the spells wouldn’t stay in her head anymore.
She stabilized him with a weak Mederi huic Raphael and managed an approximation of Raphael carnem meam on herself before she passed out from blood loss.
The first night she’d just barely been able to drag herself to their supplies. She wrapped her wounds and kept Hageatama warm through the night with her body.
Hageatama didn’t awake the next morning, but Ayu had enough strength to gather a pitiful few edible plants and some water from a nearby stream. She dripped liquid into Hageatama’s mouth with a piece of cloth.
This went on until the fifth day, when Hageatama finally woke. Ayu cried and screamed.
She hurt too much to dance, but she laughed as she fed him water from a cup.
His first words came out cracked and dry. "Don’t be happy. That’s what it wants. It’s just a setup to knock you down again."
She dribbled some more water in his mouth. "I can’t help it."
He shook his head. "I think you may be in love with me, young one."
She spilled water on his chin. "I . . ."She wiped it off with her sleeve. "I don’t think I can love you that way."
His face tightened. "I was joking, girl."
When the old man could walk again, Ayu made him promise not to leave. She swore to look after him. Hageatama waved dismissively, but didn’t argue.
It took them almost a year to travel all the way northeast to the Jyoshin-etsu Mountains. Each village they came upon put them further from news of the order. Each time they stopped, the longer they stayed.
On the day of her nineteenth birthday, in the small village of Ojiya, Ayu looked out into the ocean and then up to the brilliant white peak of Jyoshin-etsu. "It’s time to set roots."
Hageatama followed her gaze. He frowned. "And the Socius?"
Ayu shrugged. "I can barely remember it." They hadn’t seen the Socius since they’d healed from its attack so long ago. "Running, not running—what’s the difference?"
Hageatama frowned at the red enameled bridge that headed the path into Ojiya. "Don’t want people to get hurt."
Ayu pointed past the far edge of the buildings, next to a copse of trees. "We’ll live there. If the Socius comes for me, I’ll lead it into the woods, and all will be done with."
Hageatama looked to argue, but Ayu dropped her backpack into the dirt. She smiled. The dusty pack was nearly as large as Hageatama’s. "And then you may have my things."
Hageatama’s face froze, and then he shook with laughter. He swung his own backpack in a circle, taking in the coast over the western hills, and the Jyoshin-etsu Mountains, surrounding the town on three sides. The buildings were old, bamboo and maple, washed by the sun.
"It’s as good a village as any." He sat on a stone with an air of sadness, as i
f all the weariness of the road had just caught up with him.
They slept in a stable. The people of Ojiya treated them with careful kindness. The quiet Shinto folk had never had a direct interaction with the Christians, and it had been many years since they’d heard news. An unaffiliated magic-worker wasn’t unheard of this far north, and after two weeks, Ayu was allowed to work the small magics she still remembered in the izakaya for sake and food.
Hageatama worked sawing planks from logs outside the stable. Every day they ate their bartered lunch together behind the izakaya.
The sun was hot, and Ayu had to shield her eyes to get a good look at the old man. "Hageatama, why do you always keep your pack nearby? I thought we agreed to settle."
Hageatama glanced back over his shoulder at the pack. "For now. Never know."
"I’ve traveled enough." Ayu spoke with more bravado than she felt. "It’s time to settle down."
Ichirou, who owned the izakaya, came out to shout to his daughter, "Mitsue! Get two bags of rice."
Ayu watched Mitsue’s blue and black gofuku ripple as she ran across the main road. The girl was to be married to one of the stable hands the following week.
Ayu lowered her eyes, but not before she caught the flash of sadness in Hageatama’s.
When she looked at him again, the sadness had disappeared. He considered her, looking hard into her eyes. "I think you would have a wife."
Ayu blushed and shook her head. "The sun has fried your brain, old man." She went back to staring at the ground.
When the silence grew impossibly long, she said, "We’ll always be together, you and I. But I need other kinds of companionship too. A woman needs women friends, after all."
When she dared to look up to him, he was wiping an eye. "Damn dust."
Hageatama’s face suddenly broke into a mad grin and he spoke all in a rush, "A proper life you’ll have, absolutely! Friends, a house!" He lowered his voice to a whisper, "Perhaps a wife." He winked.
He jumped to his feet and grabbed his backpack with two hands, leaving Ayu confused in his wake. When she caught up to him, he stood in the center of the red enameled bridge outside of town.
"The girl says we stay, we stay!" He lifted the backpack high above his head.
Ayu yelled, "What are you doing?"