by Annie Boone
Caleb let out a sigh and then rested his foot on the anvil where he’d been working. “I’m sure you are well aware that my wife died when my daughter was a baby.”
Mr. Randolph nodded. “Yes, I remember. Sad day, that was.”
“Yes, well, Beatrice has reached a point where she needs a woman’s influence. I’ve decided that a woman’s touch in my household would be a good thing, so I’ve decided to remarry.”
“Really? Well, good for you then, Caleb. Tell me about this woman.”
“Her name is Audrey Norris from Boston. Her husband died about a year ago and she has a daughter. I brought her here through an agency. She’s a lovely woman and her mother is here with her, as well.”
“The mail order bride agency? Is that the agency you mean?”
Caleb really didn’t want to answer all these personal questions, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. If word got back to his mother that there was gossip, she’d be angry. He’d be better off to go ahead and tell Mr. Randolph the truth so he and his nosey wife could start spreading the truth, not wild speculation.
“Yes, that’s the one,” he answered.
“So, are you planning on getting married?”
Caleb shrugged. “I don’t know yet, but that was the point of her arrival here. We’re really just getting to know each other at this point. Another important consideration for us is how our daughters get on. Right now, all is going well.”
“Good, good. So, um, are you living together in your home, Caleb?”
“No, sir, we’re not. Audrey has moved into my house with her mother and daughter. Beatrice is staying there with them, but I’ve moved to my sister’s house until we’re married.”
The man nodded in a very wise manner, satisfied at Caleb’s answers. “Well, for the good of the family, I hope that things work out fine between you people. In fact, I believe the rest of the people in town would feel the same way as well.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Well, that clears the doubt, so I suppose I’ll be on my way. Once again, I wish you and your family all the best for the future.”
The old man turned around and put on his hat. Then he walked out of the shop, twirling his stick in his hand. Caleb watched him walk out of his shop and disappear round the corner.
He let out a sigh. It seemed clear that people weren’t aware of the struggle he’d been going through. He was happy to see that he was able to hide the truth for one more day.
Chapter Nineteen
Two months had passed and anyone who was looking in from the outside would easily conclude that Caleb and Audrey were making good progress together as a couple. They were often seen on the weekends around town chatting and laughing together. Their daughters were usually close behind them.
The times they had together on family outings were indeed fun. When Caleb’s demons were quiet, they seemed to grow closer. They had a similar sense of humor and the girls kept them entertained.
However, things were not always as happy as they appeared to be. While Audrey had settled in really nicely with the Jefferson family, Caleb was the one member of the family who was in a shell. He was still struggling to accept Audrey the way she needed to be recognized.
An observer wouldn’t be able to draw this conclusion, though, for he was always jolly and lively around his new family when others could see. But that was a false façade that he put up to get everyone to believe that things were all right. For some reason, the impression that they were one happy family was more important than actually being that happy family.
The wood pile needed to be restocked. Normally, Mr. Dansby’s cousin, Slim, chopped wood and did other odd jobs around the place. Today, though, Caleb was cutting the wood. He was full of tension and needed to release some energy. Doing such physical work would help. Maybe he could get his mind off of Audrey and the state of his life.
No matter how hard he tried to fool the people of Cutter’s Creek, Audrey Norris was one person who saw through his stunt. She was intuitive enough to spot his act. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out that things were off with Caleb and ask him about it. So far, he’d been able to avoid sharing the truth with her. With a little luck it would all blow over one day.
Even though he knew that Audrey was on to him, Caleb kept up the pretense. He wasn’t ready to talk to her about his feelings. He wasn’t sure he ever would be.
The pile of split wood had already started to grow. Caleb didn’t even remember putting most of it on the stump to be split. He shook his head and kept going. And he kept thinking. This wasn’t what he wanted, but he couldn’t turn his thoughts off. The details of his situation were eating at him.
He was slowly coming to the startling realization that he was quite fond of the new woman who had entered his life. Audrey was everything that his Susannah hadn’t been. Audrey had light red hair, whereas his wife had been a brunette. Audrey had a bubbly, friendly personality with a silly side. Susannah had been a pensive and quiet person. Audrey was hands on with the running of the household and Susannah was happy to let Dansby be in charge.
Caleb and Susannah often spent hours together without a word passing between them. She liked solitude and quiet time. It had taken some getting used to, but Audrey needed no excuse to start talking. Now he enjoyed having her chatter go on all around him. He liked not having to be the one to carry the conversation.
Susannah had been tall and willowy with long legs and a lean figure. Audrey was shorter and had voluptuous curves. Caleb was attracted to Audrey and everything about her. He felt guilty about this, too. He felt like he was betraying Susannah, even though that was a completely illogical thought.
And then there was the most obvious difference between these two women. Susannah was dead and Audrey was very much alive.
He stopped the intense chopping and sat down. He was breathing heavily and hadn’t realized he’d worked up such a sweat. He put his elbows on his knees and bowed his head. The whole situation seemed hopeless. There were no easy solutions as far as he could tell. He knew he had an obligation to Beatrice and he welcomed all that came with being her father. It seemed that the option he’d chosen didn’t seem to be working for everyone. Beatrice was happy, but he was a mess.
Every time the feeling of attraction to Audrey surfaced, he would ignore it. He would always tell himself that there was no way he could love another woman. How could he allow someone else in when he had already loved—truly loved—another woman before? The only answer he had for that was that he couldn’t love someone else.
Caleb Jefferson’s life was riddled with guilt and it was ruining his life. He couldn’t move forward and it wasn’t possible to go back in time. He was a tormented man, even though he thought he was the only one who knew. He simply didn’t know how to let go of the past and accept the good things in his present.
He was about to get started chopping again, when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Audrey with a basket in her hand.
“Caleb, you’re working so hard! You must be hungry and thirsty. I put a basket together for you. Some muffins and a jug of water might hit the spot about now,” she said. She was smiling at him and he could see that she was trying to be good to him. He could see her big heart in so many things and that made it even harder for him.
This was a chance for him to accept her. Accept this new life. But he couldn’t. So he put on his mask of fake happiness even though he knew she could see through it.
“Thank you,” he said with a wry smile. “I didn’t realize I was hungry till I smelled these muffins. Mrs. Dansby is a master with left over fruit, isn’t she?”
Audrey’s smile faded. “Yes, she is.”
Caleb watched as she walked back toward the house. Her shoulders were slumped and she looked sad before she turned away. He was sorry to see her walk away. She deserved better than she was getting from him. While he’d never offered her love, they had discussed a shared hope of developing a friendship. He was failing her.
<
br /> He picked up the ax and started chopping wood again.
Chapter Twenty
As the days went by and Audrey found Caleb gradually retreating further into his shell. She hadn’t thought it was possible for him to become more remote. She knew that time was up on the waiting game and she would have to figure this man out.
It was still not clear to her why he had become even more withdrawn. It had seemingly happened overnight. Nothing had changed that she was aware of so his change took her by surprise.
He had seemed to be enthusiastic and revealing about himself to start with, but now she wondered if she’d imagined it. Even if he’d been faking it all along, she could feel that something else had happened to widen the gap between them. Audrey knew that she had to get down to the root of the problem or things would continue to get worse.
She recalled her discussions with Janine and came to believe that all this was somehow related to Susannah. The information she had was all given to her by other people—never by Caleb.
She decided to confront him on the matter today. There may be consequences to this decision, but she believed that no matter what happened she had to do this. It was an issue that was keeping them all from blending their families.
Quickly, before she lost her nerve, she said a prayer. Dear Lord, give me the words to say to him. Give me the strength to listen to what he says. Give him the courage to tell the truth. Amen.
Caleb was in the sitting room, reading the newspaper. Kathleen had taken Daisy and Beatrice to Sophia’s for the afternoon. The two grandmothers had become close allies and strong friends.
Caleb and Audrey were alone in the house. It was the perfect time to talk to him.
“This is my opportunity,” she told herself, and slipped out of the kitchen and into the sitting room. She boldly sat down beside Caleb on the settee. He sensed her presence and looked up from his paper.
“You want something?” he asked.
“If you don’t mind, um…I would like to ask you a question,” she said.
“All right. What do you need?” he asked and put down his paper.
Audrey shifted in her seat a little. She knew he could see her nervousness, but she couldn’t control it. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“You look a little uncomfortable. Is anything the matter?” he asked.
“Umm…well, yes. There’s something on my mind. I’ve noticed that you haven’t actually answered any of my questions about Susannah. I’d like to learn more about her. Since we’re here together, I thought maybe now would be a good time to talk,” she finally managed to say.
His jaw tightened a little, but there was no further change in his expression. He spoke in a very calm manner. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, everything I know about her has come from others. I’d like to hear from you what happened. I’ve wondered why you never told me anything about her. So please. Tell me what happened.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Why are you so interested in what had happened to my wife all of a sudden?”
She smiled, realizing that she had touched a nerve and he was trying to deflect again. “It’s actually not all of a sudden, Caleb. I’ve asked you before, but you pretend like you didn’t hear me. I wonder why the whole thing is such a secret.”
Caleb let out a deep sigh and looked at her with annoyance. Then he started speaking slowly. “My wife was out with Beatrice one day and they stopped by the river. She must have slipped into the water. It appears that Beatrice fell asleep while her mother drowned. That’s all I can say. I was at the shop at that time and a man came to give me the news.”
Audrey thought for some time. “So it was ruled an accident? No chance that a crime was committed against her?”
He looked at her with an expression of shock and disgust. “Are you trying to suggest that my wife was murdered?” he shot back. “That’s the most deplorable comment I have ever heard made against Susannah. She was an angel and no one would have dared to harm her! For Heaven’s sake, how could you think she was the kind of woman who would attract a murderer!”
Audrey realized that she had just crossed another line and wanted to put things back in place. But Caleb wasn’t interested in giving her a chance to speak as he rambled on. “Do you have any idea what my wife was like? Do you? She was the most kind-hearted woman to ever walk the earth and you’ll hear that from any person in town. Susannah never had any enemies, she only had friends. But what do you city folks understand of friendship, huh? I can tell you for certain that my wife had an accident. She wasn’t murdered!”
Then he brought his face close to hers. “And I don’t want to hear you making any more ridiculous remarks such as this ever again!”
He rose and stalked out of the room. She could hear his heavy footsteps all the way out to the back porch. She didn’t have the energy to get up and see where he went. She could only assume that he went out to the stables. That seemed to be a place where he could unwind if he was feeling out of sorts which seemed to be often lately.
Audrey sat stone-faced in her place, a little shaken by the manner in which Caleb had just reacted. She hadn’t expected him to get so angry. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked if he was sure it was an accident. She had no intention of making the woman out to be someone who would have enemies.
She wouldn’t let this set her back. She was simply trying to find out information that could help her strengthen this family. She wouldn’t back down from that, and she wouldn’t let an ill-tempered Caleb Jefferson scare her away from getting the truth. Truth that could bring them together.
Another misunderstanding had just taken place between them. There had been too many to count, but this one was the most explosive one so far. Hopefully, when Caleb showed back up, they’d have a chance to talk again and straighten this quarrel out.
Chapter Twenty-one
In a perfect world, Caleb would have figured out how to deal with his guilt. He would see the truth that he’d not been to blame for Susannah’s death and accept that as fact. In time, his grief would lessen and he would be truly happy again. But this wasn’t a perfect world. Not by a long shot.
The fact that Audrey had chosen to confront him about the details and his avoidance of the facts only made things worse. His poor state of mind didn’t allow him to see that she was trying to find her way to him. She wasn’t being nosey. She wasn’t butting in. She was trying to be a good friend.
The day he’d chopped wood, Audrey had waited for him to come in when he finished. He stayed outside all day long. As far as she knew, the muffins she took him were all he had to eat that day since he didn’t show up for supper.
That had been the first time he’d been absent for an evening meal. Beatrice and Daisy had asked where he was and been satisfied when Audrey told them he was busy working. They giggled through supper just like they normally did, so she didn’t think they were affected by his absence. At least not yet.
It was Sunday morning and Audrey was reading over the lesson she’d be teaching to the ten- and eleven-year-old Bible class in just about two hours. As she read over the passage in the Bible again, a theory started to take root in her mind.
The lesson was about Zacchaeus. The vile tax collector had done terrible things, but there was forgiveness even for him. He confessed and accepted the forgiveness that was offered. The punishment he’d put on himself cleared his conscience. He moved forward as a new man.
While Caleb wasn’t the loathsome character that Zacchaeus had been, she started to believe he probably saw himself that way. Was he heaping punishment on himself because of Susannah’s death? Was misery the atonement he felt he deserved?
Was it possible that he felt guilty for her death? What was the source of his guilt, though? If this was more than a lengthy grieving period, she might be in for more of a rough ride than she’d expected.
She’d have to give this more thought. If he was unwilling to allow happiness into his life, it would l
ikely take more than a nudge from her to help him get through it.
About to finish reading the notes she’d taken for her time with the children, she heard the back door open and then slam. It was probably Caleb. She was suddenly nervous. She realized that she cared about him and wanted to help but was poorly equipped at the moment. On top of all that, she was annoyed with him. Not a good combination. And why did he feel the need to slam the door and wake up the rest of the household who was still sleeping?
He entered the kitchen and came to an abrupt stop when he saw her sitting at the table. “Oh, Audrey. I didn’t know you’d be up.”
“Well, if I hadn’t been already awake, the slam of the door would have certainly done the trick,” she said.
He raised an eyebrow and walked to the countertop where a plate of bread was sliced. He took a piece and spread jam on it without another word.
“Could I fix you some eggs? We have ham, too,” she said. Maybe if she changed her tone of voice and became more helpful she could soften him up a bit. He seemed to be more out of sorts this morning than usual.
“No, I’ll have this and then I’m going down to the shop. I have some work to finish up there for tomorrow morning.”
“The shop? It’s Sunday, Caleb.”
“I’m aware of what day it is.”
“Aren’t you going to attend church at the chapel with us? You’ve been going to services lately. I thought you’d made that change a permanent one.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. For today, though, I’ll not be sitting in the pew next to you.”
“Well, Caleb—,” she started. He interrupted her before she could protest further.
“Well, nothing. I just don’t feel like going today,” he said, and headed toward the back door.
She sat there for a moment, stunned. This needed to get resolved. She couldn’t live like this. She also cared deeply for this man, though she wasn’t sure why with the downward spiral of bad behavior.