As Igor and his goons rattle on about how much they hate Caesar, one thought consumes my mind.
How the hell do we nab Caesar when we almost died going after him a week ago?
Chapter Fifteen: Lance
To say everyone is pissed I proposed going after Caesar would be an understatement of epic proportions. On the ride back from Igor’s hideout I’m the victim of a relentless barrage of profanity, insults, and death threats. (Most of the death threats come from Machete and Krystal.) I try to calmly explain we’re killing two birds with one stone. Instead of taking out an innocent politician or rival casino owner, we’re going after one of the most evil crime lords in America. In the process we will win over the trust and respect of the Ruskies, giving us access to Rasputin’s whereabouts. The threats and insults continue to fly, but they do become a little less intense and vulgar. I guess everyone finally realizes I’m right.
On our way back to our crappy motel we stop at a store to grab some supplies. Boom Boom, Arrow and I are still pretty beat-up from our little romp on the roof of Igor’s casino. I grab a couple bottles of aspirin to help blunt the stabbing pain shooting all over my battered body. I’ll have to make sure I hide the bottles when we go to sleep. I don’t want Boom Boom suffering a relapse.
We also grab some gauze and bandages to wrap around our bruised backs and limbs. Dorothy makes sure to grab some bug spray for our roach-infested room. We also get some bottled water and snacks. (None of us want to risk drinking water from the sink in our room. We’ll probably get dysentery.)
By the time we get back to the motel we’re utterly exhausted. We all take quick showers, wrap our abused bodies in bandages, and get ready for bed. Boom Boom and Arrow share one of the beds, something I’m not too happy about. I get payback by sharing the other bed with Dorothy. (The look of fury on Boom Boom’s face is priceless.) Krystal sprawls out on the sofa, and Machete falls asleep in a chair.
It feels like I’ve only been asleep for a few minutes when Machete claps her hands and bellows, “Rise and shine, slackers!”
I crack open my crusty eyes and glance at the clock. It’s 7:45am. I pull the sheet back over my head. “Let us sleep in, Machete. We’re exhausted.”
Machete grabs my legs and yanks me off the bed.
“Ouch!” I holler after slamming onto the floor. “I’m up, I’m up!”
Dorothy and the others groggily sit up and rub their eyes. Krystal sniffs the air like she’s a bloodhound.
“What’s that delicious aroma? It smells like sausage! And eggs! And biscuits! And BACON!”
Krystal jumps up and exclaims, “Omigod, did you bring us bacon?!”
Machete chuckles and holds up two crinkled bags. “Yep. While you lazy bums were waking up the dead with your obnoxious snoring, I went to a fast food joint and bought some sandwiches.”
We all jump out of bed and scarf down our deliciously greasy breakfast.
“Oh God, this is soooo good,” Krystal says with a mouthful of bacon “It’s better than sex!”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Arrow says, winking at Boom Boom. “But it is pretty damn good. Thanks Mom!”
“Don’t mention it,” Machete says, wiping her greasy hands with a napkin. “Now enough with the small talk. We’ve got work to do. I’d like for us to get Caesar’s fat ass as soon as possible, preferably by tonight if we can locate him. You kids are the ones with the treasure trove of intelligence. Where do we find him?”
Boom Boom slides on her goggles and activates the holographic television function. A beam of light shoots out of her lenses and projects a transparent screen on the wall. She logs into our database and pulls up Caesar’s profile. His snarling face pops up on the wall.
“According to our most recent intel, Caesar does have a close family member in the New Las Vegas area. His cousin, Vinnie Rodriguez, is one of Igor’s biggest rivals in the casino business.”
An image of Vinnie materializes. He looks somewhat similar to Caesar, except he’s a bit thinner and younger.
“You may recall that Vinnie was on Igor’s hit list,” Boom Boom adds.
“I’ve heard of Vinnie,” Machete says, lighting up a cigar in our room. I pop open the window so we don’t gag on her smoke. “He’s a no-good scoundrel.”
“Yes, well, it’s rumored that Vinnie helps Caesar hide his dirty money, either in his well-hidden vaults or through his real estate investments.” Boom Boom pulls up shots of Vinnie’s numerous casinos, hotels, and mansions.
“If it’s well known that Vinnie helps Caesar, why doesn’t the government go after him?” Dorothy asks.
“They don’t have any concrete evidence to use against him,” Boom Boom explains. “Plus, Vinnie is a smart guy. He’s donated millions of dollars to Klaxton’s presidential campaigns over the years. He also donates to a lot of local elections.”
“Let’s just say Vinnie knows who to bribe to keep the feds off his back,” I say.
“So you think Vinnie is hiding Caesar in one of his hotels?” Arrow asks.
“No, I don’t,” Boom Boom replies. “Caesar is too smart to hide in such a congested part of Alaska. I think he’s hiding… here.”
An image pops up of a nondescript cabin in the middle of the Alaskan Wilderness, over 100 miles from the bright lights of Vegas.
Boom Boom goes on to show us nighttime satellite images of the cabin, when things are a lot busier than they are during the day. Armed guards patrol the premises while semi-trucks are unloaded. I’ll bet my favorite handgun whatever is inside those trucks isn’t legal.
“You’ve definitely convinced me,” I say. “Who unloads giant pickup trucks in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night? If Vinnie is hiding his cousin anywhere, it’s gotta be there.”
“How did you find out about this cabin?” Machete asks, sounding impressed.
Boom Boom nonchalantly replies “A few months ago I hacked into a government account that had a list of real estate properties rumored to be owned by Caesar’s friends.”
Machete chuckles. “You kids are so damn clever. I love it!”
I scarf down the rest of my sandwich and say, “If you guys think that’s where Caesar’s hiding, let’s go get the bastard.”
“Not so fast, blockhead,” Arrow says smugly, like his crap don’t stink. “It would be suicide to invade that cabin in broad daylight. Let’s at least wait until the sun sets.”
I’m about to tell Arrow to go straight to Hell, but Boom Boom says, “Arrow’s right, we should wait.”
“You would agree with ‘lover-boy’,” I grumble.
“Excuse me?” Boom Boom snaps.
“Guys, don’t fight,” Dorothy pleads. “Let’s just chill out and relax until it’s time for the mission.”
Arrow should thank Dorothy. I was seconds away from busting his lip.
We spend the rest of the day hanging out in our room. It’s not because we want to, of course. We just don’t want to risk running into trouble.
We wait until it’s after 10:00 before we head out. Boom Boom, Arrow and I put our armor back on and load up on weapons. The six of us then leave the ‘Hellhole Motel’ and fly out in the middle of nowhere, where the cabin is located. We park a half mile away so no one sees us coming. Machete, Boom Boom, Arrow and I get out while Krystal and Dorothy stay in the car for backup.
“Pay attention this time, Krystal,” I say. “Things can go bad in a hurry.”
Krystal flaps her wrist. “Chill-lax, Lance. I got this.”
Dorothy leans out of the car and kisses me on the lips.
“Be careful,” she whispers.
I force a smile. “Hey, you heard Krystal. We got this.”
“Just hurry back,” she says seriously.
Machete takes off into the forest. Boom Boom, Arrow and I follow after her, making sure not to step on any branches. I bring up the rear, so I occasionally glance over my shoulder to make sure we’re not being followed. The sky is overcast, so the forest is even darker than
usual. The night vision function on my goggles makes everything look ghostly green.
We finally reach the edge of a clearing. Vinnie’s cabin is in the middle of a field. The cabin looks deceptively calm and quiet. There aren’t any semi-trucks like we saw in the satellite images, but there are about a half dozen flying cars parked in the driveway. There’s not too much security, either, just two armed guards patrolling the front entrance.
I pull out my gun. “This should be a piece of cake. All we gotta do is drop the guards and…”
Machete grips my wrist. “Don’t fire your gun, moron. You’ll wake up everyone in the cabin. I wish I had thought to bring along some silencers.”
“I’ll get em.” Arrow notches an arrow on his bow and sends it hurtling toward one of the guards. The arrow pierces the guard in the throat, sending him to the ground.
The other guard doesn’t even have time to shout for help. Another poisoned dart slams into his chest. The guards twitch for a few seconds before their bodies grow still.
“Nice shot,” Boom Boom says.
“Let’s move,” Machete growls, exploding out of the brush. Boom Boom, dingleberry, and I follow after her, keeping an eye out for hidden danger. We make our way across the clearing without any problems. Machete and Arrow check the pulses of the guards to make sure they’re dead. We then scramble to the front entrance.
Just as we step onto the front porch, another guard emerges from the back.
“Hey, what are you—ugh!”
I sock the guard in his mouth. Boom Boom follows up with a savage kick to his head. He collapses to the ground, unconscious.
Machete turns the handle on the front door. I’m shocked when it opens.
“Don’t they use locks?” I whisper.
“Who needs locks when you have armed guards,” Boom Boom says.
We sneak inside the cabin, swinging our weapons back and forth. Four gangbangers are asleep on recliners in the living room. We rush over to the snoozing gangbangers and slap on sleeper-holds. The gangbangers open their eyes and kick their feet, but our arms are wrapped tightly around their necks. We release our holds when they finally stop squirming
Machete points toward the stairs leading to the second floor. We all nod and follow her up.
As we ascend the stairs, I marvel at our luck. This should have been one of our most difficult missions, but it’s actually been insanely easy. Vinnie and Caesar must have really thought no one would uncover their hideout, because the security here is pathetic.
But then another disturbing thought enters my mind. Maybe Caesar isn’t here. That would totally suck.
We reach the top of the stairs and make our way down the hallway. All the doors are shut. Machete and Arrow take the right side of the hall while Firecracker and I take the left. I open the first door and peek inside. All I see is some skinny dude and a hot chick lying in bed, snoring up a storm. Machete and Arrow must not have found anything, either, because they shut their door and tip-toe to the next one.
A girl in a night gown suddenly emerges from a room at the end of the hall.
Before any of us can take her down, she screams, “Vinnie! Caesar! We’ve got intruders!”
“At least now we know we’re in the right place,” I grumble.
All the doors fly open and the hallway becomes illuminated with orange flashes.
“Run for it!” Machete screams, leaping down the stairs.
Arrow and I grab Boom Boom’s arms and pull her down to the first floor. A hail of bullets narrowly whiz over our heads. Machete jumps behind one of the recliners while Boom Boom and I hop behind a sofa. Arrow slips behind a bookcase.
Several of the gangbangers barge down the stairs, firing their guns indiscriminately. Boom Boom and I poke our heads out over the top of the sofa and fire off several shots, hitting two of the gangbangers in the chest. Arrow and Machete take out the remaining gangsters. The staircase becomes slippery with blood.
Over the roar of gunfire I hear another distinctive noise… the sound of a revving turbo engine.
“Caesar’s getting away!” I shout, racing toward the door.
Boom Boom and Arrow dash after me. Machete tosses a grenade up the stairs before jumping out with us. A split-second later a thunderous explosion blows out all the cabin windows. I glance over my shoulder to find a ladder leaning against the side of the cabin. Two nameless goons are standing on the roof, about to climb down. Machete and Arrow take them out with a bombardment of arrows and bullets.
I twirl back around and sprint toward the flying cars parked at the end of the driveway. One of the cars, an open-air convertible, is already hovering off the ground. Vinnie is in the driver’s seat while Caesar and Maxwell are in the back.
“The gig is up, Caesar!” I shout.
Caesar spins around. His face is fiery red and contorted in a mask of rage.
“You damn teenage bounty hunters! Why won’t you die??”
Caesar aims a gun at my head and fires off several shots. I duck behind a nearby car. When I pop my head up a few seconds later, Caesar and his entourage are already speeding toward the horizon.
Arrow runs over to me and says, “Way to go, bonehead, you let them get away.”
I shove Arrow in the chest. “I didn’t see you doing much, douchebag.”
Arrow shoves me back. “You must really want an arrow in your right eye socket.”
We’re about to come to blows when Boom Boom hurries over and smacks both of us upside the back of our heads.
“You morons can kill each other later. Right now we’ve got a job to do.”
Boom Boom presses the side of her goggles and barks, “Krystal, get your ass over here, NOW!”
I’m stunned when Krystal lowers out of the sky about two seconds later. And I’m terrified to find Dorothy clutching her trusty bazooka.
“I thought we got rid of that thing,” I say, pointing at Dorothy’s weapon of mass destruction.
“Nope, I put it back in the trunk after Dresden,” Dorothy says. “I got it back out in case we need it.”
By now Machete has joined us. We all scramble into the car and float into the sky.
“That was fast, Krystal,” I say. “Usually you take your sweet time when we call for help.”
“Actually I was already on my way when Boom Boom called. We heard gunfire and figured you all were in some serious doo-doo.”
Bullets nick the back of our car as three bloodied gangbangers stagger out of the burning cabin. Boom Boom, Arrow and I fire at the goons, sending them scattering.
Krystal’s about to take off when Machete shouts, “Give me the bazooka!”
“Uh, okay,” Dorothy says, hesitantly handing it over.
“Mom, what are you doing?” Arrow asks nervously.
Machete doesn’t tell Arrow what she’s doing, she shows him. She aims the bazooka at the cars in the driveway and pulls the trigger. A missile whizzes out of the cannon and detonates all the cars in a massive explosion. A red-hot ball of flame shoots up into the sky, right in front of our faces. The heat scorches my face, and the fire is so intense I have to close my eyes and look away.
I involuntarily jerk backwards and bang my head against my seat. I crack open my eyes to find the trees whizzing past us. I glance behind me and the fireball is rapidly retreating into the horizon.
“I sure as hell wasn’t waiting for that fireball to melt my mascara,” Krystal grunts as she slams on the accelerator. The forest speeds by even faster than before.
“We wasted too much time!” Boom Boom says. “We don’t have any trackers on Caesar. He could be anywhere by now.”
“Or he could be right in front of us.” Krystal points to a small object off in the distance. I zoom in with my goggles and sure enough, Caesar pops into view.
Machete shakes her head. “The idiots would fly in a straight line. Don’t they know anything about losing a trail? You make a bunch of sharp turns!”
“Not everyone is as smart as you, Mom,” Arrow say
s.
Krystal zooms right up to Vinnie and bangs against his back bumper. Maxwell spins around and shouts, “Not you damn kids again!”
Caesar whips out a machine gun. “Eat lead, maggots! I’ll cash in on my own bounty!”
Caesar unleashes a hail of bullets. We all crouch to the floor as Krystal takes us into a nosedive. Caesar’s assault gives them some space, but they’re still well within our line of sight.
“Everyone okay?” I ask, peeking over the top of the front seat.
Boom Boom raises her head and says, “He nicked my armor, but other than that I’m fine.”
Machete pops up with her still smoking bazooka.
“That’s it, I’ve had enough of that fat tub of lard. Let’s end this.”
Machete hoists her bazooka over her right shoulder and takes aim at Caesar’s car. Another grenade shoots out of the barrel and spirals straight toward Caesar’s car. It clips the back and detonates, engulfing the car in flames. The car drops like a comet and crashes into a meadow, exploding on impact.
“Bulls-eye,” Machete cackles.
Krystal lands about 100 feet from the flaming wreckage.
We climb out of the car and rush over to the crash site. I hop over a flaming tire and skid to a halt. The flames are so intense I have to step back. Vinnie is still slumped over in the front seat, his lifeless body already blackened from the flames. Caesar and Maxwell, however, are nowhere to be found. They must not have been wearing seatbelts.
I trudge further into the meadow. A body is lying next to some bushes. It’s too little to be Caesar. It must be Maxwell. I don’t bother checking on him. The massive puddle of blood leaking out beneath him is enough to tell me he’s not alive.
Dorothy runs over and gasps. I wrap my arms around her slender waist and gently press her face into my chest. She doesn’t need to see this.
Machete barges over and laughs. “Hoo-boy, what a mess! So where’s fat-ass?”
Boom Boom points to a cluster of trees at the edge of the meadow. “He’s over there!”
Highway To Armageddon Page 29