by Rose Harper
Maybe I was hearing things before. Maybe he isn’t even in there.
Gathering what little courage I have left, I push the door open. As more of the room comes to my sight, the less on edge I feel. No one. Thank fuck. I’d probably die on the inside if I had to confront Keith about drunk texting him God knows what.
Shouldering my purse once again, I make a run for it. I’m skittering across the carpet, my door almost within my grasp when a voice whispers just behind me, scaring the living daylights out of me.
“Thought you would make it past me, did you ?” he asks, his voice hinting he’s loving the hell out of my pain.
My eyes open wide as I search for any and all exit routes, his voice being too much for me.
Of course, there are none.
Turning toward him, I trying to keep my wits about myself. But it’s useless, I’m sweating as if I’ve just ran a mile on a treadmill.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I exclaim, hearing the nervousness in my voice.
Releasing a dark laugh, I meet his eyes. “Oh, I believe you do. It is the reason I hid behind the door when your compact came into view. You may want to be just a tad better at stealth if you are trying to see if I am in my office.”
I focus on something else, because let’s face it I have a date with the guillotine later to kill me from embarrassment.
“Talk right!” I fume, stomping my foot. It’s a pathetic attempt, but it’s the only thing I have left.
“I am speaking correctly, Natalie,” he chortles.
Narrowing my eyes, I pin him with a glare that can kill. “No, you’re not! Have you ever heard of contractions? It’s where you put two words together to make another one? Use it, Mr. Shaw.”
Sighing, he looks away from me, not doing well enough to hide his frustrations. “I will speak how I want to speak, and it will do you well to remember who the boss is in this particular predicament.”
I can tell that he’s still upset over last night. Hell, even I’m upset. But, that doesn’t mean anything is going to change what we are to each other. The wound? It’s still fresh, and I doubt it will be anything other than that for a long ass time. He cut me to the quick with his dismissal of my feelings. Feelings that I have been reluctant to feel ever since that fucked up mess happened with Jake. Yet, I did it so easily with Keith. I let him in, then he stomped on my heart as if it wasn’t anything at all.
“Duly noted,” I growl. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do.”
We stand there in silence, both of us wanting to say more, but clearly, neither one of us going to approach the elephant in the room. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then I’ll tell you. The fuck texts and the trip. I wish he would just get it over with now that I’ve been caught, instead of being his usually silent and brooding type.
But, the next thing he says takes me off guard. And I don’t mean—lets enjoy our dinner, oh look there’s a bunny—taking me off guard. I’m talking about cataclysmic proportions that turns you inside out and your entrails spill out all over the floor.
“You will be my date to the charity event tomorrow. Take off early to get your dress and everything you need. Oh, and do make sure you clean up nicely, if you know what I mean.” He’s tossing me that devilish smirk that makes me weak in the knees. I want to smack that right off his crap lousy face, but I’m stunned silent as he places his Black Amex card in my hands and turns away from me.
Fuck you very much, Karma! You’re a diseased, crab infested, bitch!
Chapter Five
Keith
“Have you seen my phone?” I ask Thane as I dig through my desk.
Things between him and I have been off since earlier this morning, but he showed up anyway when it came time for lunch. And I need to get a few things off my chest when it comes to us, and the little tease that’s residing in her office icing me out. Ever since she came in this morning with that ridiculous display of sleuth, I’ve been simmering in anger. How she thought she’d get past me is beside me. Not much gets past me if I make it a point to become involved. And as much as I hate it, I’m involved—whole heartedly.
“No, ass wipe. I don’t make it impertinent to keep up with your things,” he responds as despondent as I’ve ever heard him.
“A simple no would suffice, Thane.” I grind out.
Turning a glare in his direction, I see him sitting in a seat on the other side of the desk, narrowing his eyes in my direction as he rests one leg over the other. I can tell something is on his mind, but to be honest, I don’t know if I want to know what particular thing is. There’s been enough of my past that’s been drudged up to the surface, and I don’t need any more coming into the light. Yes, Thane has been my one friend for the past five years, but that doesn’t mean he needs any information that can implicate me.
“Where did you leave it?” he asks, his monotone voice grating on my nerves.
“I had it with me down in the gym earlier, I think, and I could have sworn I brought it up here with me when I left,” I explain, tearing through my desk again.
“You didn’t bring a cell phone up here with you, Keith. I watched you walk out the door and come straight up here. The only thing you had was a water bottle and a towel.”
Shit!
“Fuck,” I groan. “I can’t let someone find that phone, Thane. It will put Ms. Bennett and myself in hot fucking water. For me it will be a written warning, but for her, they will fire her!”
“If you wouldn’t sext, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
He rolls his eyes as he snaps to his feet, digging for his phone. Or, should I say, a phone, because the one he pulls out isn’t his, not by a long shot. This is one sleek, made of mostly some type of black coated metal. I’d bet with everything I have that it’s waterproof, explosion proof—pretty much end of the world proof. With a few buttons pushed, his chilled emerald eyes glare at me as he puts it to his ear.
“Yes, this is Alpha-zero-zero-seven-six-nine,” he says completely fucking my world right up.
What the hell is he talking about? Alpha? Did he just reference James Bond and a sexual position in the same sentence? Who the fuck is this guy?
“Yes, I need you to mask text messages between these two numbers. 718-556-7239 and 718-556-8968. No,” he replies, his eyes never once leaving mine. “I do not want them deleted; just masked until you receive another phone call from me, is that clear? Now get it done,” he finishes in a clipped tone.
I’m still staring at him like he’s grown a second head during that conversation. When he repockets his phone, straightening the front of his black Armani suit and finishes by resituating his cuffs, I’m still not able to look away. It’s like I’m physically incapable of speech, and that’s never happened to me before. I’ve always been able to say what’s on my mind, when it’s on my mind to say it. But damn. I have no clue where to begin. There’s so many things this entire ordeal that intrigue me.
Who the fuck took over Thane’s body? Who the hell was that on the phone? And what the fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck have I gotten myself into by being his friend?
“Are you finished thought fucking me, Keith?” he asks, seeing right through me.
“I have no words.” I say, putting my fingers next to my mouth and then arching my hand away while spreading my fingers out. “Seriously, blah.”
Thane chuckles, but the hilarity doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Very proper of you, I must say. But, it doesn’t escape the fact I just saved your ass, and now I want payment in return.”
“Payment?”
Letting out a belt of laughter at my nervousness, his head marginally falls back on his shoulders as he gives a fleeting glance toward the ceiling before settling his eyes on me once more. I guess the devil really does wear Armani.
“Yes, payment. I did something for you, now you’re going to fess up to what that shit was about this morning. So, buck up, buttercup, because you’re about to sing l
ike a canary.”
At this point in time, I’m fighting to keep my expression stoic. Because, it doesn’t matter what I thought in the past about this man. Thane Daniels is now at the top of my list of people never to piss off. Ever. If he can accomplish so much with a mere phone call, I wonder what he can do if he bat’s his eyelashes at you. Hell, he can probably decapitate a person with a fucking sneeze.
“You know, I’ll never admit this to anyone else… but, this James Bondish shit you have going on—it’s a little intimidating to say the least,” I fumble with my words, because for the first time in my life I fear taking my eyes off a man.
Rounding the desk, I call out to Natalie. “I am going to lunch! I will be back in an hour! I am leaving with Thane Daniels!” I make it a point to tell her how long I’m going to be gone and who I’m going with. At this point in time, something about Thane just oozes not to trust him. I mean, he’s never done anything to me since I’ve known him, but that doesn’t mean he never will. It could possibly mean he hasn’t found the right time to drop the ax on my neck.
“I don’t care, Mr. Shaw. I’m not your ball and chain, remember?” she says with a bit of fire in her voice that has me inwardly wincing.
Shaking my head, I debate on whether trying to talk this out with her or just leaving. I know there’s a lot of things we haven’t gotten to discuss, but I just don’t know when the right time will be to bring all of that up. Is anytime a good time? Her distancing herself from me, hurts. It feels like a hot poker being pressed to the organ beating in my chest. But, for the love of fuck, nothing will be able to change.
I. Cannot. Love. Her.
Love is a weakness no one can afford.
You may say I have a defect, or that I’m just a scared little bitch boy who’s afraid to take risks. Well, I assure you I’m not. I’m not scared to take risks with most things in life. In other words, as long as it doesn’t involve giving my heart to another, I’m good. Now that is something I refuse to budge on. I refuse to give whatever’s left of it to Natalie. She will use me just like that bitch, Jennifer, did. She’ll be all buddy-buddy with me, then she will make me fall in love with her. Once I get settled in, thinking my life can get no better, she will show her true side. And just thinking about Natalie’s deceiving me already has me on the verge of exploding.
I know for a fact, if I take that next step, I won’t be able to get over Natalie. I feel things with her I’ve never felt before. She makes me feel refreshed, not like the stuffy business suit I portray daily. Natalie Bennett actually sees me for me, and she wants me anyway. If only her and I were introduced sooner. Maybe I would have been able to give this thing between her and I a proper chance. But fuck if I can’t let go of the past. It’s like it’s a taunting drifter in the shadows, only rearing its ugly head when I start getting comfortable; when I begin to reciprocate the feelings that have been lost to me for most of my life. It wants to wreck everything good in my life.
“She really hates you, doesn’t she?” he inquires.
“You have no idea, Thane. At this point, I think she would rather deep fry my balls than fondle them.”
Sighing, I gesture for Thane to exit the door before me. I don’t miss the snide smirk he tosses my way, but can’t bring myself to care. It feels like I’m already going in a thousand different directions. It’s as if he knows shit’s getting to me, and he’s loving every fucking second of it. And he would be true in thinking that. Everything is getting to me, and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. It’s like a noose being tightened around your neck. You can feel your lungs burn from the restriction of oxygen, but you cannot stop yourself from gasping for each tiny breath.
Chapter Six
Natalie
As I leave work early, I let myself hone in on the sights and sounds surrounding me while all my troubles just drift away. In this environment, I’m merely another pedestrian trying to get where she’s going, before she has to be there. I’m not special to anyone. No one takes a second look in my direction. I can finally breathe, and blend in with the crowd around me. That’s what I’ve always loved about New York City. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, out here, on the street, you’re just another nobody.
Cracking a brief smile, I get lost in the multitude of blaring horns, cursing people, and birds chirping in the air. It all has me breathing just a tad easier, as if I’m centering myself before this next leg of my day. It’s enthralling to know what could be missed if you don’t allow yourself a few seconds of reprieve to soak it all in. To feel the sun shine on your face, warming you beneath your clothing. To feel the wind whip your hair across your cheek as if it’s a lover placing chaste kisses along your cheek and jawline. To see the buildings lit up at night as people continue to work their life away. It’s amazing, and I can’t believe, after all this time, that I can finally enjoy it without worry of where I’ll be tomorrow.
Ever since I tried sneaking into the office this morning, I’ve been tip-toeing around as if I’m walking on egg shells. Nothing between Keith and myself are the same since we got back late last night. I can feel the distance separating us, and it causes a pang to hit my chest. It feels like my heart is squeezing inside my chest, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I made the ultimate mistake that I warned myself about. I fell in love with a man that can’t possibly love me in return. And, I don’t know why. He refuses to open up to me, tell me the things I desperately want to hear. Placate my heart with even an iota of feeling. I hate it. I hate feeling so insignificant as he makes me feel, but I can’t help it. I still love the bastard. Because for the first time in my life, I didn’t expect anything, but in turn, received everything. He gave me a reason to let go and flourish under his watchful eye. It’s humbling, but at the same time, so very damning.
That’s why I’m afraid of what Keith will say when he spies the messages I sent him, or if he just decides to talk about what happened in Santa Barbara. To be honest, neither of those options are too appealing at the moment. Since all the messages were erased from my phone, I have no clue what all I did send him. But, if Angela’s actions this morning were any consolation, it was horrible.
I just want to disappear; get away from it all. I don’t want to have to worry about anything other than myself and my needs. Instead, I’m stuck here, doing everything that Keith tells me to do, all while he acts nonchalant over what transpired. It’s as if nothing has happened between us. Like the connection that was there, isn’t there anymore. To say that hurt is cutting it short. It freaking kills me to see nothing broke through his shield, but in one simple touch—one simple taste—he’s completely shattered mine. It’s unfair, and pisses me off worse than anything. I just wish I was stronger when it came to him. That I can push the thought of what could have been from my mind.
Now, he expects me to go dress shopping for the damn Gala tomorrow night. It wouldn’t bother me as much if him and I were together. I’d be exhilarated that he wanted me on his arm. However, that’s not the case I find myself in now. No, he just tossed his card on my desk, told me to pick out everything I need, and to meet him at the Gala tomorrow night. There was no emotion in his eyes. No secret, ‘I love you’ being construed to me through his body language. Hell, his eyes barely met mine before he walked out of my office and went back to work. In some ways, it makes me feel like I’m nothing more than a common whore he can pay off. And I don’t like that feeling at all.
Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and release a cleansing breath while focusing on all the sounds around me. I need to level myself out before I attend to my ‘duties’ as he so lovely put it, because if not, then I’m afraid I’ll turn into a blubbering pile of nothingness on the dressing room floor. And I know I’m not that person. I’m unbelievable stronger than that. I’m steadfast, with my sights set on one thing and one thing only—my future. I’m just tired of the men that surround me treating me as if I’m this piece of meat that doesn’t have a heart and emotions.
; Slowly opening my eyes, I bring my head back to rights and lazily glance across the street. Unease instance rises to the surface from seemingly nowhere. I stay silent, and as still as a statue. A man with medium length chestnut brown hair tied into a ponytail at the crown of his head, the sides neatly shaved, wearing what I can only peg as an expensive jet black suit with a red tie, is staring straight at me from across the street.
Gripping my purse strap tighter on my shoulder, I cock my head to the side to make sure I’m seeing right, and that he’s looking at me and not the building, because shit like that can get awkward if misconstrued. But the more I stand here, staring, the more I come to terms that this unknown man is, in fact, gazing at me like he’s been deprived of water in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
Something about him feels so familiar, though. It’s as if I’ve known him my whole life. But, at the same time I can’t place his face. It’s as if I’ve seen him before, and just never catalogued him to memory. But, I do know this, that man exudes nothing but trouble. You can clearly see it in his stature that nothing he’s about to do is going to be pleasant, and with that thought alone, shivers rake through my entire body.
After a moment, he mirrors my action, his malevolent smirk growing wider. I don’t know who this guy is, but he gives me the absolute creeps. His black, soulless eyes have nothing on Keith’s, because this man, his are even more bleak in comparison. It’s like they’re void of any emotion whatsoever. He doesn’t even have a flicker of humanity that, even the most corrupt, seem to have.
I stand silently, gawking, as I continue to grow more unsettled with the interaction between the both of us. It’s not that he’s touching me, because he’s clearly standing across the street and I’m out of arm’s reach. It’s the mere fact, I can feel his eyes trail across every bit of my body. Just that feeling alone has nausea swirling in my stomach and my legs threatening to give out right here on the sidewalk. It’s disturbing to feel like he’s undressing me with his eyes, while his body speaks a completely different language.