by Rose Harper
“Why do you think I keep things the way they are with women? It’s not for my health, that’s for sure. I do that so I don’t have to explain myself. It gets much harder when things need to be clarified. I’ve not had to answer to anyone in close to twenty years.”
“You wouldn’t have to answer to me,” I whisper, hope fueling my words.
I know he feels like I’m some warden or something, which clearly, I am not. I don’t expect to be the woman that has her man tell her what he’s doing every second of the day. I’m my own person, just like they are their own person. If I don’t expect if from myself, then I don’t expect it from them. Simple. That’s how it works in my world. It just hurts me to know that’s not how he’s been treated; that he’s more than likely had to answer to more people than I can ever possibly count.
Sighing, he breaks eye contact and sits back in his chair. I can see that this conversation is about to finish up because he’s closing himself off once more. Instead of taking my advice and trusting those around him that deserve it, he’s withdrawing into himself again. I can see defeat written all over his face, and it makes me angry to see it there. Luca deserves everything that he’s worked so hard for, and then some. He may be crabby when you first meet him, but, once you get to know him anyone can see he’s a big teddy bear wrapped in a muscular package.
“It’s not always that simple. I’m much older than you are, and I’m tired of having to fight a nonwinning battle. Things can never be between us. You need to find someone closer to your age; someone like Thane. I’m nearly thirty-two years old, sweetheart. I’m too old for someone like you. Someone so full of life and promise. Where your life is just beginning, mine is nearing its end.”
It hurts to hear him say those words, yet another emotion breaches the surface—anger. How can he sit there and think he’s nearing his end; that he doesn’t have a right to pursue the things he desires most—and I hope to God he wants the same things as me. I thought all this time that he just didn’t want to go there with me; that I wasn’t good enough to be someone special to him. But, the fact of the matter is, he’s just scared to commit to someone after being done wrong in the past. Every person has the right to be happy, no matter what they did in the past. No, your slate may not be wiped clean. But, that doesn’t mean you don’t matter any less than the next person.
“You’re turning thirty-two, not fucking fifty,” I scold.
Jerking myself to my full height, I ignore the ache in my calves from being hunkered down for so long. The only thing I can focus on is the unadulterated rage that’s simmering beneath the surface. No person should have to live like this, and this is how he sees himself on a daily basis. It’s just no acceptable to me.
“Every person has decisions to make, and the only thing they don’t get a say in the matter is when the Good lord has spoken and it’s time for you to go home. I, for one, agree with that. So, no, if you want something you need to stand up and take it,” I fume, crossing my arms over my chest. “I will not stand idly by and watch as you let opportunity after opportunity pass you by to live your life, that’s just unacceptable, and quite frankly, it’s not how I was raised.”
“And what opportunity do you think I have that I’m passing up on, Ms. Bennett?” he quips.
Placing one hand on the edge of his desk, and another on the arm rest of his chair, I lean down so my face is barely a breath away. “Me. You’re to set in the ways you’ve come accustomed to, that you don’t even see when a good thing is right in front of you,” I say forcefully. “You have me right in front of you. Now, you have the ball in your court. It’s up to you to make the next move.”
Without another word, I lean forward and place a chaste kiss on my jaw. Turning away from him, I walk over to my purse, scrounge through it until I find my wallet, and pull out his card. Setting it down on the top of his desk, I make eye contact with him, pleading with my eyes for him to see I’m here for him and not his money or anything else he can offer me. I want him, and nothing else matters to me as long as I have that.
Yes, there may be obstacles that we have to face. And, yes, we may not have known each other that long. But, when I fall, I fall hard. It’s just up to him whether he’s going to take the step with me, or if I’m going to be alone in my endeavor. I’m tired of waiting to let him know how I feel. I’m tired of trying to get him to see through the lines. I’m no fool by any means, and I know that love clearly does not come over night. But, no person in the history of the world can fake a connection like the two of us have. I was with Jake for a long ass time and I didn’t even feel half of what I feel for Luca.
To me, Luca is it. It’s going to take the end of the world for that to change, and even then, I’d follow him anywhere.
Chapter Eleven
Keith
(Luca)
The woman that walked from my office earlier today is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. She doesn’t care that I lied about myself. She doesn’t care about my age. Hell, she doesn’t even care that I have money. That point was made very clear when she slapped my card down on my desk and walked out without turning to look at me. I know it hurt her beyond all compare when I said we couldn’t be together, but that’s the things, the longer I think about it, the more confused I become. Why can’t we be together? This entire time, the whole reason I couldn’t be with her in the sense that she wants is because of Jennifer. But, after knowing Natalie as long as I have—just a little over a month—I can tell she’s nothing like the viper that filled me with her poison.
She understands me. She doesn’t flounce around here, expecting me to pick up what she’s throwing down. She’s comfortable in her own skin, without the added use of all the enhancements that Jennifer had. Hell-fuck-fire, the only time she can’t keep her hands off me is when we’re intimate. Any other time, it’s strictly professional. Of course, I can still see the fire burning in her eyes when she’s near me. But, other than that, she never gives me a second look when we’re in the office and I haven’t initiated some type of contact first.
What the hell am I going to do? I won’t consider myself a man if I admitted this out loud, but, I love being with her. Yes, it still makes me uncomfortable to admit it. But, Natalie is the reason I come to work every day and I retire at the end of the day by myself. She’s in my head like glue, fusing herself on every part of my body. She makes me laugh so hard I almost cry. She makes the past, that follows me around daily, seemingly disappear. Would it be so bad if I did give her a chance; if I gave us a chance? Yes, there’s still the fact that she’s been with my brother, but can I really hold that against her? She didn’t know at the time, and neither did I. And more so, can I even call him a brother? He’s a stranger to me; someone I haven’t saw since they were about six years old.
When that thought comes to mind, I start rolling it all over in my mind. If Natalie is twenty-two, then that would make my brother just twenty. He doesn’t look like the common twenty-year-old, but you would think Natalie would have known he’s four years younger than her. Unless, of course, he never told her.
I know she will probably get the wrong idea over my call, but I have to talk to her about this. I don’t know why, but I feel a need to label their relationship as unjustified. I don’t know if it’s because I want her all to myself, or if it’s the fact that it will make me feel better knowing that both of us lied to her about something from our past. Either way, I can’t stop my fingers from dialing her number, nor answering when her sultry voice flits through the line.
“Hello, Luca.”
I almost groan in ecstasy from the sound of my true name falling from her lips. “Yes, Natalie. I have something I need to ask you, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want too. But, I would really love it if you did.”
I’m rambling I know, but this is important. I don’t know why, but I just need the information that she has.
“Yes, what is it?” she asks, and I can hear the confusion lining her words.
“He was twenty-two, why?” she asks in return.
Of course, I should have known better than to expect him to tell her the truth. But, at least now, I don’t have to feel so shitty for lying to her as well concerning my identity. I may have more in my closet than my younger brother ever could. But, I can’t help things that have happened in my past if I’ve tried to change the outcome of the future. I shouldn’t feel shitty in the first place, because I’ve only known her for a short period of time. But, case in point, I do. I feel like the worst person alive.
“How long ago did you all start your relationship?” I ask, more than likely throwing up another red flag in her book.
“He was the reason I moved here in the first place. It nearly gutted me when he left my little town when he turned eighteen. I was eighteen, too, but I was still under my parent’s lock and key. We’d been dating for close to three years by then. But when he came back for me, I didn’t ask question, even though it had been nearly two years since I saw him, because I thought he truly loved me. That night we packed my things, and I didn’t look back. I came to live with him here in New York.”
They been dating for three years by the time he ‘turned’ eighteen. He’s two years younger than Natalie! How the hell could she possibly think he was eighteen, when in fact, he was only sixteen. Traveling all the way from Kansas City, if her personal file is correct in human resources. How the hell did he even get out there in the first place? If Cash took him in he should have been here with him, learning the ropes if he current job, being Cash’s lackey, means anything.
“Okay, so you are both the same age, and dated for three years, correct?” I ask, needing the clarification.
“Yes. Um, Luca, what’s all of this about?” I can hear the reluctance in her voice to answer any more of my question, but I can’t have that. I need her to be open with me as I’m trying to do her if there’s going to be any type of shot between us.
“I just needed to clarify a few things.” I stop, sighing loudly. “Natalie. How do you feel about him now?”
I can tell my question takes her off guard, because I hear a harsh intake of breath across the line. But, what I didn’t realize is that it was more from anger than anything else.
“I can’t stand the ground he walks on,” she says, fire fueling her hatred. “You remember that day in the lobby when he showed up and you two had a pissing contest?”
“Yes, I do.” I recall the situation, and kick myself in the ass for not seeing the resemblance between us sooner and taking action against him.
“Well, I kept wishing you’d knock him out. Just lay his little ass all over the floor,” she admits without hesitation. “He’s been a creeper in my shadows ever since we broke up, and I never want to see him again. I was barely here a month before I caught him and Angelia in bed together.”
So, that’s why their relationship ended. My brother is a no good, down and dirty cheater. I want nothing more than to throttle his ass. I may not be any better than him in the sense of women, but I do know when not to play with their hearts. I don’t make them believe there’s something there when there isn’t. Why would he play with perfection? Because that’s the way I see Natalie. She’s perfect in every way.
Instead of stating that fact, I ask, “How long has it been since you’ve been with him?”
“Two years this August, why?”
It’s been two years since her and Jake were together? If it’s been that long, then why is he still gunning for her? It just doesn’t make any sense why he wouldn’t just leave it all alone. No man would try to get to her as much as he is, if something else wasn’t in play. Yes, they dated for almost three years, but if he truly loved her, he wouldn’t have left her for two years. Then, it dawns on me. He wasn’t anywhere near legal when he left Kansas City and came to New York. He was only sixteen. And if he had taken her across state lines, then someone could have pressed charges against her for taking a minor across state lines, and Cash is just that sick to do something like that.
It's then a clawing feeling starts clenching my gut. There is one thing that will make Cash act. Money. Most men in his game become money hungry and they try to find a way to get more of it, either legal or illegal.
“Natalie, is your family wealthy?” I ask, hoping like hell it’s not the case.
“Um, yes. Why?” she replies.
That’s the reason. But, still something isn’t adding up. Out of all the places for a person to look for money, why would he look in Kansas? There’s Las Vegas, San Diego; too many places that hold people with higher checkbooks. So, why her family?
I try to think about her name, and what semblance it has, but nothing comes. In the two years I worked for him, no one ever said the name ‘Bennett’ around us. It further confuses me, because unless there was a personal connection, then Cash wouldn’t bother with someone from where Natalie came from.
“Can I ask your father’s name?” I ask, knowing it may not do a bit of good.
“Nash Bennett,” she says, the name instantly putting me on edge.
Could it be? This is too much of a coincidence. I sit there and think for a moment, a sickening feeling churning in my stomach. If there was a Cash or a Nash, which is what I thought Cash’s name was, then… no, that’s just too simple of a connection. Too simple, but one I cannot pass up.
“Hey, can you email me a picture of your father, please.” I release, and I can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right.
“Um, sure.”
I hang up without a second thought. Pacing the length of my apartment, I await a picture. Most would think this is ignorant, but I can tell you now, it’s not. There’s too many coincidences for this to be by chance. I just hope it isn’t what I think it is. Because, if that’s the case, then I’m more screwed than what I ever thought.
The moment I hear my email ding with a new message, I quickly swipe through my phone, feeling my heart beat like a drum in my chest as I locate and open the attachment. The moment I do, the sickness hits me full force. Sickly cold sweat breaks out over my skin, and my knees feeling weak. It takes everything in me not to upchuck by what I see glaring back at me. It may be a smile to anyone that didn’t know this motherfucker, but to me, I know he’s nothing but pure malice and devilish intent. No fucking wonder Jakes wants to be with Natalie so bad. He wants to rule it all.
There is no Nash, because the man staring back at me is the bane of my fucking existence! Natalie’s father is fucking Cash! He may be wearing contacts, have shorter and lighter hair, but that’s definitely him. I knew all his ‘unscheduled’ trips when I was working for him were too shady. But, be it me never to know he had an entire family hiding away. And, the fact I fucked his damn daughter without realizing it, no wonder the asshole found me. She led him right to me. All this time she thought she left her family back in Kansas, but in reality, he’s been watching over her from the shadows.
Fuck!
Calling Natalie back, I war with myself internally if I should explain who he is or not. I don’t want to hurt her even more. I don’t know if I should tell her all about Cash and his exploits, because he’s her damn father, or let it slide and take care of it on my own, telling her the news of her ex-boyfriend and his lying ways. What the hell am I going to do? One time or another, she’s going to want to go home, to visit her family. If something happens with us, then I will be led right into the lion’s den, because I will be willingly walking toward Cash.
The moment she answers, her voice full of skepticism and I get my answer. I can’t tell her about her dad, at least, not yet anyway. So, I pick up the conversation with my brother, hoping she will forget all about needing to send a picture of her father to me.
“Natalie, I have to tell you something. You may not like it, but you need to know,” I say, truly hating this next part. “Jake isn’t you
r age, sugar. Jake is only twenty, he was sixteen when he left you and eighteen when he came back to retrieve you.”
A gasp meets my ears. “No. That can’t be right.” Her words come out muffled on a sob, clearly her heart breaking from being betrayed, yet again, by whom she thought she loved.
Cringing, I feel a pang smack me right in the chest. “Yes, that’s the truth. Jake lied to you the entire time about his age. I’m sorry, love.”
Leaning back in my seat, I’m surprised something like that flew out of my mouth of its own accord. But, the longer silence distends across the line, the more I think about what I’m feeling inside. I don’t have the clawing need to run away, even though I should with her father being Cash. If anything, I want to gather her into my arms and make all the pain go away. Natalie deserves nothing but the best, and it may hurt one or both of us in the end, I have to learn how to open up and trust once more. Natalie is nothing like Jennifer and I need to get that through my head.
When the silence become uncomfortable, I ask, “Natalie?”
“Yes,” her voice is wobbly as she replies.
I gather all my courage, forcing back anything except acceptance in us being together. I may have reservations about her and Jake being together, and her father being who he is, but I can’t let that stop me from something I know now I desperately want.
“Can we … uh,” I’m already making a mess of this, so I just force out the rest of it. “Can we try? I may mess up—a lot. But, can we?”
“I would really like that.” For the first time, I actually hear a smile in her voice. I never knew just by hearing that sound, I would feel so free from the shackles that’s plagued me for most of me life.
Chapter Twelve
Natalie
Slowly opening my eyes, I wonder why I woke up from my slumber. I was having a delightful dream, in the throes of passion, about my man. And yes, I’m so excited I can finally call him that. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I thought for sure after what Jake did to me that I would never be able to let my guard down again.