by Marni Mann
Saint.
He was the last person I thought of before I’d passed out, and his face was one of the first images that entered my head before opening my mascara-crusted eyes. With no one else here to take out Bella or buy me a large coffee, I had no choice but to get up.
I dressed in an off the shoulder sweatshirt, ripped jeans and a baseball hat that covered my puffiness and unwashed hair. Then Bella and I drove into town. With the way I looked, I hoped I wouldn’t run into the handful of people I knew in Bar Harbor.
Bella enjoyed Main Street as much as I did, getting attention from almost everyone who passed us. I liked the different flavors of latte they had available at the coffee shop. It was the only place around here that seemed to offer more than just the bland regular and decaf.
“Hi, Bella.” I heard the voice from behind me as soon as we got in line which wrapped around the whole inside of the shop, past the front door and onto the sidewalk almost reaching the street. “Awww…you’re such a sweetie. Thanks for the kiss.”
I didn’t need to turn around to know who the voice belonged to.
“Good morning, Rae.” It was far too early to try to match the cheerfulness in her tone. The pounding in my head and the churning in my stomach actually prevented it.
“Hungover?” she asked.
“Yeah…the worst I’ve felt in a long time.” I unraveled Bella’s leash a little to give her more room to roam around Rae. “Going to work?”
She nodded. “The restaurant might have the best lobster in town, but the coffee is the worst.”
Not many hours had passed since she’d dropped me off at the Coswells’, but it felt like so much had happened in that short time. Being around her brought back all the memories from last night. They wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried to shove them.
I’m not what you need, Drew. I’m stopping this before I hurt you.
How did Saint know what I needed? And why did he think he would hurt me, that I would even let it get that far? A relationship wasn’t what I wanted—not with him, not with anyone. Last night was nothing more than a man’s lips touching mine. An attractive man. A man I had something in common with.
I wondered why his face randomly popped into my mind whenever it wanted to. And why I had wished for him to be at that party last night. And why, whenever I dove into the water for my nightly swim, I hoped he would join me.
“Is everything all right, Drew?”
I turned my head and met her coffee colored eyes. “I…”
Had Saint felt something during our kiss? Something more than just being turned on?
Was he thinking about me right now like I was thinking about him?
Apparently, this thinking about him thing wasn’t going to stop.
“I hope you’re not upset about last night,” she said. “I know Brady wants to talk to you about the fight. He’s embarrassed, I’m sure, that it happened in front of you.” She lifted her hand off Bella’s head and dropped it on my shoulder. “Are you feeling okay about everything?”
I should have been concentrating on what Rae was asking, but I couldn’t. My thoughts were still on Saint. I had told him about my parents, something I never spoke about to anyone, let alone a near-stranger. And it seemed like he’d accepted my secrets, but he hadn’t given me anything in return—not the source of his pain, anything about his family or his past. Not even the reason everyone called him Saint. But I was sure Rae knew. They’d all grown up together, and what I’d learned about Bar Harbor so far, was that it held very few true secrets. If I was going to ask her, I’d have to ease my way in. I didn’t want her jumping to conclusions and telling Brady or anyone else that I was after Saint. Gossip was the last thing I needed.
“I’m feeling completely cool about everything,” I finally answered. “The fight was no big deal at all, I was just bummed that we had to leave the party.” Based on her smile, she was satisfied with what I’d said. “Can I ask you something?”
She nodded. Her unscarred cheek faced me the whole time.
“I know this is going to sound really random, but it’s something I’ve been curious about…given that I’m neighbors with his grandparents and all. Do Saint’s parents also work at the Trap House?”
The smile didn’t drop from her face. It was still there, just not as bright. What dropped were her eyes, her stare immediately fell to the ground. “No. No, they don’t work there.”
“Do they help him on the lobster boat, then?”
She shook her head.
“Then what do they do?”
She traced her foot over the pavement, using her toes to draw circles in the small collection of sand and rock. After several seconds, she finally met my eyes again. “I can’t…it’s really something you should talk to him about.”
I hadn’t even gotten half of my questions answered and Rae had already closed up. I probably wouldn’t have pressed her so much, but her complete shut-down to even discussing Saint’s family told me something wasn’t right. Had I just tripped over his darkest secret?
“No worries,” I said, making sure the confusion didn’t show on my face. “I‘ll definitely ask him.”
Her neck slanted back a few inches and her brows rose. The reaction contorted her scar, pulling at the already thin skin so the lines turned an even deeper pink. “So you guys are…friends now?”
“Well—“
“This isn’t the first time you’ve asked me about him and I didn’t think anything of it before, but…” Her mouth stayed open; nothing came out. She was scanning my eyes, reading me. “I think there’s a reason that you’re asking about him now. You like him, don’t you?” Her arms crossed over her chest and her weight shifted between her feet. She didn’t give me a chance to respond. “Drew, do you really know who you’re getting yourself involved with?”
I laughed a little louder than I needed to. If Rae really knew me, she’d know it was a nervous laugh and that I hadn’t found her words the least bit funny. “I was just curious, that’s all. I definitely don’t like—“
“You seem like a great girl,” she said, interrupting me. “That’s why I feel the need to warn you…” Her hands slid back into her pockets and concern started to fill her face. “He’ll charm the hell out of you, fuck you and leave you the same night. The next day, he’ll do the same thing to a different girl. Is that what you want? To be fucked and disposed of? I don’t know you very well, but I think you deserve better than that.”
She was right—I did. But something didn’t make sense. If what she said was true, then why had he pushed me away last night? He had the opportunity to take things even further, and I probably wouldn’t have stopped him. Was it because he might have to see me again, unlike the tourists who left town the next day?
“Thanks for the warning,” I said. She didn’t need to know my feelings, even though I had no idea what they were. “I have no interest in these Maine boys, so you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be heading back to Florida soon, anyway.”
“Sorry to hear you won’t be sticking around.”
Her smile seemed so genuine…but could I believe her? I wanted to think she was sincerely trying to be my friend. And maybe her warning was what I needed to finally get Saint out of my head. If I really was leaving Maine once the house was complete, then why the hell did any of this even matter?
She glanced down at her watch. “Looks like I’ll be drinking the shitty coffee today.” She took several steps back. “Hope you feel better, Drew.” Then she turned and was around the corner before I even had a chance to say good-bye.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“THIS PLACE IS SO FUCKED UP, GIA,” I said as soon as she’d answered the phone. It was late, and I knew I’d probably woken her, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even bother to lower my voice, though I knew it could be echoing across the water. Saint’s grandparents were my only neighbors, and I doubted they were awake. As for Saint, he was most likely off somewhere fucking a tourist like Rae had descri
bed earlier today.
“Don’t make me ask a million questions, Roo. Just start spilling, okay?” Her voice sounded groggy. I had definitely woken her up.
“He kissed me…really kissed me.” I took a sip of my beer from the six-pack I had picked up when I’d gone back into town. I didn’t need to tell Gianna who he was. She already knew. She knew… everything. “Then he stopped and pulled away, and said a bunch of shit that made no sense before he told me to go to bed. Can you believe that?”
“How drunk were you?”
Shit.
“Somewhat drunk,” I answered.
“And how drunk was he?”
Shit again.
“Not at all.
She let out a loud exhale. “Wouldn’t that be the sign of a good guy? You know, someone who doesn’t take advantage of the crazy drunk girl who comes onto him out of nowhere? Who, if he’s actually interested in her, spaces it out so he doesn’t take it all in one night?”
Those were the signs of a good guy. But Saint wasn’t spacing anything out, he had flat-out pushed me away. Then he told me he wasn’t right for me. So to catch Gianna up on last night’s events, I gave her every detail, right through the conversation I’d had with Rae this morning.
“I honestly don’t get it,” I said. “Things feel so intense and powerful when we’re together. He feels it too…he has to. I…I know he does.”
“Drew, you’re forgetting something pretty major here.”
“What’s that?” I rolled the glass bottle between my hands, watching the liquid slosh inside. I tried to remember the last time I’d drunk alone. I couldn’t—because I never had.
“You’re not staying in Maine.”
I knew that. I had told myself that exact same thing earlier. But for some reason, it didn’t seem to matter. I didn’t know why because I was moving back to Florida. My feelings just felt more important at the moment, and he was messing with them…or causing them.
Or maybe both.
“What about the Rae part?” I asked. “Do you think she’s trying to be a friend? Or does she have a—“
“Are you just going to ignore my Maine comment?”
I took a long drink of the beer and swallowed the icy liquid in stages. It was starting to warm my body, despite how freezing it was outside. I was in my usual spot on the back lawn. I sat here so much, my butt was starting to form a divot in the grass. “Yup. Totally ignoring it. We’re moving on to Rae and why she would say that to me.”
“I don’t think it’s Rae who you really want to talk about. I think it’s Saint.” She paused, probably waiting for a confirmation. She didn’t need one; she was right. “I honestly think your attraction freaked him out a little…just like it did to you.” She cleared her throat. “If I know anything about you, Drew, it’s that you have a hard time admitting what you want, even to yourself. But when you finally make the decision, you back it up wholeheartedly. You say you’re not staying in Maine, but suddenly you have some compelling reasons to. So…are you ready to admit what you really want?”
I placed the empty bottle in one of the slots of the cardboard holder and grabbed my fourth beer, twisting off the cap. “I want my parents back,” I whispered. Bella stopped snoring and her eyes opened and she inched forward, resting her chin on my thigh. I brushed my fingers through her thick fur, watching the loose pieces lift and blow into the breeze.
“Roo…”
I washed down the air I’d inhaled with an extra large gulp of beer. “When his hands were on me, Gia, I don’t know…it’s just been a long time since I’ve felt that way.” I actually wasn’t sure if I’d ever experienced those feelings before. “I didn’t want him to stop.”
“And who could blame you for that?”
I laughed a little.
“Have you told him this?”
“I haven’t had a chance to tell him anything. I thought he’d go swimming tonight, but he hasn’t come home yet.”
“Your voice sounds different when you talk about him. You know, you didn’t even sound this way when—“
“Don’t say his name,” I said, stopping her before she mentioned The Ex. There was no reason to dirty this moment with something as disgusting as him. “I’m telling you, it’s this place, it’s fucking with me. I’d completely sworn off relationships after graduation, and now I can’t stop thinking about him…more than I’ve ever thought about another guy before. And I’m staying at my grandparents’ house. And I’m drinking beer. Alone!” It was a disturbing admission to make. “Gianna, what the hell happened to me?”
She sighed. “You had the world knocked out from under you.”
I sighed back. “Yeah. I did.”
“And you need to find your footing again.”
“I know.”
I heard something behind me. Bella lifted her chin from my leg and her ears perked up as we both turned around. It sounded like the rustling of leaves or something slithering through the grass. Woods surrounded the front of the property, with trees on both sides. It could have been any type of animal that lived in the forest…at least, that’s what I told myself. Just in case it was something even scarier, I got to my feet, grabbed the beer, and headed inside.
“I don’t think Maine is your biggest problem, to be honest,” she said. “I think it’s something else. Possibly a few things, even.”
When I reached the kitchen, I closed my eyes and rubbed the skin between my brows. I felt a headache coming on. I actually wasn’t sure if I was even over my hangover yet. “Unfortunately, I think you might be right.”
Of course she was right.
I just wasn’t ready to admit it fully yet, to her or to me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
RAE HAD TOLD ME THAT BRADY WOULD WANT to talk about the fight. So I wasn’t surprised when someone knocked on the bathroom door a few minutes after I’d heard a truck pull in and Bella’s welcoming bark. Both he and Shane had a key; they didn’t always drive together. And Shane didn’t seem like the type who would bother someone in the bathroom.
But Brady did.
“When you have a second, will you meet me out back?” he called.
I’d gotten out of the shower just a few minutes earlier and was standing at the sink when I pulled the door open. He looked surprised to see me only wearing a towel. At least the towel provided more covering than the bikini he’d seen me in.
“No need,” I said. “Just come on in.”
I could see him trying not to let his eyes wander. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” he asked.
“I’m sure.”
Bella walked in, too, squatting in front of him as he sat down on the closed toilet seat. “I didn’t realize you weren’t dressed.”
“What did you think I was doing in the bathroom?” I pulled the straightener through a chunk of hair. “You don’t have to answer that.”
He sighed loudly. “Look,” he said eventually, “I’m really sorry about Saturday night.” He rubbed his palms over his jeans. “I didn’t want you to see that, or even be involved with it. Shit with Gabe has been brewing for a while…how he treated you just put me over the edge.”
“He was getting a bit too touchy-feely for me.” I adjusted my towel and started working on the shorter strands that framed my face. “Thanks for putting a stop to it.”
If Saint hadn’t been on my mind, I probably wouldn’t have let Hat Boy come anywhere near me. His body had reminded me of Saint’s and that was definitely due to all the beer and weed. I’d had way too much of both.
“I’m glad Rae got you out in time.” I felt his eyes on me even though he was rubbing Bella’s ears and letting her lick his face. “Things got pretty nasty after you left.”
Something on his hand caught my attention. I turned a bit so I could see it better in the mirror. It was a bandage, looped between each finger and completely covering his knuckles.
I winced. “How bad is it?”
“It’s nothing. I’m more worried about you.”
> I wasn’t sure why he and Rae were making such a big deal about this. I’d seen plenty of fights in high school and college. I’d even stepped in to break up a few when some of my girlfriends had gotten into brawls. But I was too petite to really be tough.
“There’s no need to worry. I promise. Really, I’m fine.” I put down my straightener and pushed off the counter to face him. The inside of his nostrils were bitter red and the whites of his eyes were a little pinkish. His allergies seemed to be getting worse, and he looked tired. His expression told me something was off, beyond his concern for my well-being. “Is this all you wanted to talk to me about?”
His mouth fell open as he stood from the toilet. In the small space, we were only a few inches apart. His breathing increased, and the air he exhaled hit the top of my shoulders. “Pretty much, and to apologize for my behavior. I’ll…I’ll see you out there.” He left Bella in the bathroom with me and closed the door behind him.
I turned back to the sink and grabbed another chunk to straighten. Before I reached the ends of my hair, I stopped, set the straightener on the counter, and dropped my towel. Reaching for the clothes that I had folded into a pile on the floor, I got dressed. I didn’t know if my half-naked body had caused Brady to act so strange, or if it was something about the fight…or maybe Rae had told him I’d been inquiring about Saint and that had bothered him. Maybe it was all of that. But something was definitely weird about our conversation. So just in case he wanted to talk about it more, I thought I should be fully clothed.
***
I’d only been in Maine for two weeks, but the weather had already changed so much. It wasn’t cold only at night; those temperatures were drifting into the day now, too. Even so, it didn’t stop me from hanging outside. I just made sure to wear layers. I had dressed in a long sleeve T-shirt and a sweater before I left the bathroom. Once I got out back, I topped off the outfit with a fleece that Brady had lent me. It seemed thick enough to keep out the chill.