by Ariella Papa
I was determined to get up to Toys “R” Us. One thing I could not skimp on was Joseph’s gift. I had asked Paul to pick up the Yankees jersey and make it from both of us. I still wanted to get Joseph something great, but I took one look at the lines at Toys “R” Us and decided to just get him the sonic game Paul had said the boy wanted. I also picked up some slimy stuff that was at the counter, an electric drum set, Lord of the Rings action figures and a stuffed dinosaur. He was just a kid, but I wanted to have all my bases covered.
Times Square was swarming with people. There were moments where I was just standing and couldn’t move at all. Around me, everyone seemed to be pushing and giving attitude. So much for the holiday spirit. It took me forty-five minutes to get home. It was so cold and dark outside that I just wanted to crawl into my bed when I walked in the door.
Armando was at the restaurant. The holidays were his busiest season. I knew he was especially homesick during this time of year. At times, I wished I could take him with me for Christmas, but usually he spent all morning on the phone to Italy with his crying mother, and had dinner at the chef’s house.
Kelly was spending the week with her mom in Long Island. I knew she wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. It was odd to me that nobody had the perfect situation. I would have loved it if my mom was in Cyprus. My dad and I probably talked more wishing each other a merry Christmas during a long-distance call than we ever would if he lived here.
I got into bed, exhausted. I had never been a sound sleeper; it always seemed like the worst things happened when I was getting some decent shut-eye. Since starting to date Paul, I felt like I was always awake. I just couldn’t sleep. I don’t think I wanted to miss anything with him.
I thought about what Jamie had said about the engagement ring. Being almost thirty seemed to speed things up. Paul was thirty-two. I was pretty certain that, believe it or not, he was as into me as I was into him. We hadn’t said the L-word or gotten our names tattooed on each other’s butts, but I just felt secure. When he looked at me, he focused. When I said something, he listened. I hadn’t thought it could be this easy. Could he possibly be thinking of taking the next step?
Of course, it wasn’t that easy. I still had to meet Joseph. I wondered how much Paul’s feelings for me were riding on what Joseph thought.
What if he was holding back saying he loved me or really committing until I met Joseph? I had been afraid that this was some kind of test, but I hadn’t really stopped to think about what would happen if I failed. I had had the breakup scare at his apartment, but since then I hadn’t really considered that anything could get between us.
I worked myself into a frenzy thinking about it. By the time I finally fell asleep, I was completely petrified.
On Christmas Day, I transferred from the N to the F train at 4th Avenue in Park Slope. I had spent Christmas Eve at my mother’s apartment. I was heading to the Jacobses’ house for dinner. Paul was going to join us for dessert. It seemed easier to introduce him to Jamie’s family than to my own.
On the outside train platform, I checked my cell and found a message from my sister, Helen. She wanted to wish me a merry Christmas. I was touched by that and I decided to call her back while I waited for the train.
“Hello,” a crackly male voice answered.
Was this Andre? He would be my brother-in-law. It was disorienting to think I even had a brother-in-law.
“Um, I was looking for—” what was Helen’s married name? “—um, Helen Pavlopoulos—”
“Who? Oh, hold on.”
I heard the voice yell, “Mommm.” My nephew was already almost a man and I didn’t know him.
I heard Helen’s footsteps coming to the phone and Spiro whispering that he didn’t know who it was.
“Hello,” Helen answered.
“Hi, Helen. It’s Voula.”
“Hey.” She sounded so glad to hear from me.
I felt guilty. Calling her hadn’t occurred to me, but my returning her call seemed to make her so happy.
“Merry Christmas,” I said. “I can’t believe your son sounds so old.”
“I know, neither can I. It’s hard to believe I was that age once. I feel like I should know all his tricks, but he’s got me fooled. He’s a good kid though.”
“Did you have a nice Christmas?”
“Yes. We went to Andre’s parents’ house last night. They live in Sunset Park. And today the kids opened their presents. Did you go to mass last night?”
“Of course. As if Mom would let me miss it.”
“What are you up to today?”
“I’m actually going to visit my friend’s family. Do you remember Jamie Jacobs? She went to school with me, lived in Park Slope.”
“No.”
Both my sister and I had whole aspects of our lives that hadn’t intersected.
“Well, I’m going there.”
“And Ma?”
“She was tired.” It was strange to say that to my sister. I was used to making excuses for my mom, but could Helen tell that “tired” really meant “crabby”?
“So you are going to be in Brooklyn today. I didn’t know that, but either way I was going to see if you wanted to come over to our house for dinner. Andre is a great cook.”
“Well, I am sort of already on my way to the Jacobses’. I have a bunch of presents for them.” Really it wasn’t an excuse, but it felt like one.
“Oh, okay,” Helen said.
She thought it was an excuse. I sighed. It was do-or-die time. A new year was on the way. I never made resolutions, but it seemed like it might be nice not to miss another year with my nephew and niece.
“How about dessert? Can I come over for dessert? Are you even having dessert?”
“Yes, probably around seven.”
It was perfect. If the Jacobses ate at one and then had their dessert around five, I could get a cab to Boerum Hill by seven, if she would have me.
“Well, if I can’t make dinner, how about that?”
“That would be perfect.” My sister sounded so pleased.
Then I realized I would have Paul with me. “Um, can I bring someone?”
“Yeah, who?”
She might have thought I meant our mother.
“Just a boy,” I said.
“Oh,” Helen said coquettishly.
I was smiling into the phone and I felt that she was too. As the train was coming she gave me her address.
The Jacobses brownstone in Brooklyn was as close to heaven as a house could get. I always thought how nice it must have been to grow up here and not just go over as a friend. It was right near Prospect Park and public transportation. It didn’t seem like it was in the city, yet it was still so close.
I kissed everyone hello. Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs, Mike, Raj and Jamie were all wrapped in giant lime-green awkward-shaped scarves.
“Ana and Crystal made them for us,” Jamie whispered in my ear.
“Craft Christmas,” Raj and Mike sang.
“Very nice,” I said to Ana and Crystal, even though they weren’t, really. “I didn’t know you guys were knitting.”
“It’s very therapeutic,” Crystal said, but before she could launch into a long and embarrassing story, Ana handed me a wrapped box.
“For you,” she said.
I opened it up. It was a scarf. It was ugly. It was uneven. It was my very own. I loved it. I put it on.
“Thanks, guys,” I said. I loved feeling like part of the family. I handed them the box that I had for them. It was a vase I had bought at one of the Smith Street shops. “For your new place.”
“When is the stud getting here, Voula?” Maura asked.
“Mom, I told you he’s coming for dessert.” Jamie sounded really exasperated.
“Okay, okay,” Maura said, winking at me. She leaned closer. “That baby can’t get out of her fast enough.”
Jamie’s third trimester wasn’t treating her as well as the previous one. I didn’t see how she could get any bigger. Her b
elly was a watermelon and the rest of her was trying to compensate. She seemed miserable and awkward. Thankfully, she was over her puking, but she said that no matter what position she sat or lay in, she just wasn’t comfortable.
We sat down to dinner. Crystal looked embarrassed as Mr. Jacobs said the blessing and Mike was mortified when Maura said the fake blessing “Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.”
We slurped our soup and everyone but Mike managed to spill some on their new scarves. Mrs. Jacobs had made her Christmas goose. And like nearly every year before, she said lines from How the Grinch Stole Christmas throughout dinner. I adored the tradition of coming here. Everyone was stuffing their faces except Jamie, who kept insisting that she was full because the baby was balancing between her stomach and bladder.
After dinner, the Jacobses gave me some presents. I got Christmas socks and Maura’s favorite Baci chocolates. They also bought me a book of New Yorker essays and a gift certificate to a record store. Jamie winked and said she would give me my gifts later.
“That means they’re dirty,” Maura said.
Mr. Jacobs blushed and Mike shifted in his seat.
In between dinner and dessert, I told Jamie that I was going to be ducking out to go to Helen’s.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. You’re actually going to meet your niece and nephew.”
“It is a big deal, right? Is it bad to bring Paul along to this? He doesn’t know what’s in store.”
“They aren’t going to kill him, Voula. But it is big in that you guys are totally meeting each other’s families. You’re seeing what’s what. I have always said that holidays make or break relationships. You should do a story on it.”
“Maybe next year,” I said. I wanted to analyze this more, but I heard the doorbell ring and Maura rushing to let “the stud’ in. Jamie gave me a big smile and kind of punched my shoulder like I was getting into the ring. She was right. This whole thing was a big deal—his meeting the Jacobs family, and meeting my sister; me meeting Joseph tomorrow. I hadn’t slept all week. I went downstairs and saw Maura smiling, almost flirting with Paul. She turned and looked at me.
“What a guy, Voula. He brought cannoli.”
Paul winked at me. I knew then that he wasn’t going to mind coming with me to Helen’s. In fact, it would be better because he was there. It almost seemed as though everything was going to be okay.
There was Spanish music playing behind the door to my sister’s apartment. I sighed and felt Paul squeeze my hand.
“This is going to be fine,” he said.
An older woman opened the door. She said something in Spanish, and Paul answered her, calling her abuela. He knew a little Spanish from working in the city for so long, but whatever he had said made her smile. She called Helen to the door.
Helen hugged me and even hugged Paul. She brought me into her home and introduced me to Andre’s family, her family. The last time I had seen Andre, he was a kid with long hair and big pants. Now, he was a big name at the board of education. He smiled at me, a crooked little smile, and I wondered if he was remembering the last time we saw each other, on the stoop of my parents’ apartment. I don’t think he quite knew what to make of this reunion. I couldn’t blame him.
Helen handed us glasses of coquito, a spiked coconut-flavored eggnog. It was pretty tasty, and like the rest of the family, I helped myself to more when I was done. It was helping me take the edge off.
Spiro looked just like Andre, and seemed quite serious. I had no idea what to say to a studious teenage boy. Paul asked him about his Christmas presents and then Spiro invited him to play his new XBox game.
Before following him, Paul turned to me. “You gonna be okay?”
“I hope so,” I whispered.
“You will be,” he said. He kissed my cheek and left me alone with my family.
“This is Aunt Voula, Cristina,” Helen said to the little girl she was carrying.
My niece turned around and blew me a kiss. I cracked up, but when I looked at her, I saw the strong resemblance she bore to her namesake. I wondered how Helen could look at her every day without the child breaking her heart.
“Thank you for the kiss,” I said.
“You’re welcome,” Cristina said. She opened up her arms to me.
“She’s very affectionate, especially with women. She wants you to hold her.”
“Okay.” I took Cristina and she rested on my shoulder.
“She’s exhausted,” Helen said. “She didn’t get a nap today. Be careful that she doesn’t fall asleep on you.”
I danced Cristina around to the music. I danced over to where Paul and Spiro were playing some war game.
“That’s a good look for you,” he said.
“I thought you would like it.”
“Dessert” actually meant dinner. It seemed that Andre’s family ate dinner later than Jamie’s. I was full, but I couldn’t resist trying some of the pork that Andre had made. Helen told us all about her Christmas morning. Andre’s two sisters and his mother kept stealing glances at me. I would have been suspicious of me, too. Between them they had five kids, so the house was full of noise. It was a lot like our house had been.
I didn’t want to eat any more dessert because I’d eaten so much at the Jacobs house, but I wanted to be polite. After eating a couple of slices of different pies, I had a good idea what Jamie must have felt like. I was about to deliver a food baby.
But then, Andre’s sister Joanne started dancing with her daughter and everyone paired up. I had no idea how to dance to this Spanish music, but I watched my sister and Andre dance. They moved together purposefully. He spun her away from him and then spun her back smoothly.
“I don’t know where she got her sense of rhythm,” I announced. “But that gene skipped me.”
The rest of the room laughed, even Andre’s mother, and I felt that the ice had been broken a little. Paul seized the moment and pulled me up from the table to dance with everyone in the small kitchen. I didn’t fight him; the coquito had loosened my inhibitions. I sucked and he wasn’t all that good, but we laughed along with everyone else.
It was close to midnight when we left. Cristina was sleeping, but all the other kids were still up. Andre’s sister Marisa started bringing out more food and I said I really had to go. The dancing had reduced me from bursting at the seams to just plain stuffed.
Helen gave me a big hug when I left. She kissed Paul goodbye.
“Maybe Joanne can baby-sit one of these nights and we could go on a double date.”
“That would be nice,” Paul said.
“I’ll call you next week,” I said. “Merry Christmas.”
We walked over to Court Street and Paul showed me all the Christmas lights in the neighborhood. It was freezing cold, but the walk was helping me digest.
“It’s nice that you can walk to your sister’s from my place. Maybe you’ll see her more. What’s the problem between you guys anyway? You never talk about her. Or your other sister.”
I had told him that Cristina died, but that’s about it.
“I know. I will, I just don’t want to, tonight. I want to enjoy this.”
He nodded.
“Thank you for being such a good sport. It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, but I’m glad it’s over.”
“Yeah,” Paul said. “Now you just have to meet Joseph.”
He smiled and squeezed my hand in that way he had, but I knew I wasn’t going to sleep that night.
Someone was pulling my eyelid open. I couldn’t have been asleep long. The last time I had looked at the clock it was almost six a.m. Was Paul trying to get some nooky? I couldn’t possibly look very hot right now. I let my eye focus on the someone pulling it open. That someone was a mini version of Paul.
“Hello, Joseph,” I said.
“Hello, doodoo head.”
Okay.
“Excuse me,” I said in my most rational (yet still friendly) voice. “I don’t think that’s nice.”
“Joe, Joey,” Paul yelled, rushing into his room. He looked at me and the little sewer-mouth sitting on top of my legs. “I told you not to come in here.” He looked at me. “I’m sorry. I told him to wait in the living room. I got a bit of a late start and I needed to take a shower.”
“That’s okay,” I said. Joseph began to bounce on my legs causing the bed to shake.
“I see you met Voula, Joe.”
Joseph kind of grunted and sucked on his Star Wars figure. Perhaps he was confused that my name wasn’t doodoo head. I didn’t think I should rat him out.
Paul smiled apologetically. “Sorry.”
“No problem,” I said. Joseph was bouncing a little harder now. “What time is it?”
“It’s almost noon. I was sleeping when Angela got here.”
“Mom?” Joseph asked, pausing for a moment.
“Yes, your mom,” Paul said.
Joseph started up again.
“Joey, I don’t think Voula wants you to be jumping like that.”
“It’s no problem,” I lied. I tried shifting my legs. “Maybe we could just…there. That’s great.”
Joseph decided that he was tired of merely jumping on the bed and decided to add a little more complexity to his routine by jumping from the bed to the chair. Paul got him midway through the third jump.
“Joey, enough,” he said.
Please don’t let Joey get in trouble when I’m here, I prayed. If he did, I was prepared to be the good cop. Joseph scrambled off the bed and started running around the apartment. He was making chimp noises and kept adding lines of a Beyonce song. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been happening to me. Had Paul thought about ADD? How was it possible to have this much energy so early in the morning? Okay, it was almost noon.
“Is this normal?” I asked, getting out of bed.
“Sure, he’s a kid. He’ll calm down in a little bit,” Paul said. He smiled at me nervously.