by Robyn Carr
“You talk in your sleep,” he informed her.
“No way!”
“You murmur about peat moss, mulch, smudge pots, shears…. It’s not about me or sex or what you want me to do to you next, but about your garden.”
“Are you feeling offended? Slighted?”
“No,” he said with a smile. “Because when you’re conscious, you yell to me what you want, what you need, how you feel, what you’re going to do to me. Sweetheart, I am anything but slighted. Over and over and over again.”
Four days after their first night a bed was delivered to Jillian’s house and set up in her downstairs bedroom. Since first telling her he was going to make sure she had a bed, Colin hadn’t mentioned it again. She left Denny in charge that afternoon and headed for Fortuna to buy linens and groceries. Would he come to help christen the bed, knowing it had been delivered?
He did.
Every morning they decided where they would spend the night. Sometimes the big old Victorian; sometimes the little cabin in the woods by the creek. She loved that creek at night, with a bit of moonlight filtering through the tall trees, and at dawn, with wildlife creeping close to the cabin for a drink.
“I’ve never had so much sex in my life,” she confessed to him. “I’m surprised I can walk.”
“Funny, I’m walking better than ever,” he said.
What was very interesting to her was that she’d never felt so secure in a relationship in her life and yet she should probably feel the most vulnerable. They had entered into this liaison because they were driven physically, knowing that this was a brief space of time during which they were both planning their next lives—lives that did not include each other. He was going off to find wild animals and perhaps an edgy flying job in another country; she wasn’t likely to spend much more time in a six-bedroom Victorian when all she really needed was a little living space and a lot of gardening space. It was temporary, yet it felt so safe, so permanent.
She played her cards pretty close to her chest for a couple of weeks and concentrated on developing her gardening operation. She had irrigation installed in her portable greenhouses, bought the kind of grow lights Dan Brady recommended and then paid him to help Denny set them up. Denny picked up the generators Dan suggested as the alternative to running wiring all the way from the Victorian, and together they got them operational.
By day she gardened and Colin painted. By night they had dinner together and then lay in each other’s arms, sometimes making wild love, sometimes enjoying the comfort of togetherness.
In April sprouts popped out of the ground and appeared in her seed cups—strong sprouts. She smiled on them; she kissed them. She believed the fullness in her heart brought them out in a rush of glory and she knew, knew they would be hearty plants. When her fingers touched the soil, they were fingers that held in their memory the most powerful and beautiful physical love imaginable and she believed the seeds could tell and responded. And then, finally, on a call to her sister she said, “I’m having a love affair.”
“Are you now?” Kelly asked with a laugh. “I thought you’d sworn off men. You sure didn’t last long. Who’s the lucky guy?”
Jillian explained about Colin, about how she met him, how she responded to him as though he was made for her. She told Kelly that he planned to leave at the end of summer and that she wasn’t sure where she’d settle down—it would all depend on the harvest. It was probable she’d dismantle her greenhouses after the fall harvest and begin looking for a plot of land just right for her gardens. “If I can make my organic crops work, this might be my next job.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Kelly said. “Are you in love?”
“I don’t know. Do I have to be? I’ve never experienced anything like this before. We’re so right together it’s almost scary.”
“But it’s all over in September?” Kelly asked.
“We came into this knowing our lives were going in opposite directions, that this was a holding pattern. I’ve never felt better about things. Isn’t it funny that in every relationship I’ve ever been in, all my worry was focused on the future, on where it would go. This time I’m focused on where it is. And it’s all good.”
“But Jillian, will you change your plans? Ask him to change his? Will you tell him you love him?”
She just laughed. “All I plan right now is that I wake up each morning knowing that for the whole day I have the most wonderful man in my life and a whole bunch of seedlings who seem to be responding to my happiness. I might be crazy or just hopeful, but I swear his paintings, which were awesome to begin with, are getting even better. They’re growing, too. Seriously.”
“My God, I think you’ve been hypnotized. You aren’t growing anything you can smoke, are you?”
“No, but I got a lot of my advice on local crops from a pot grower. He’s the one who tipped me on how to find the right seeds, how to irrigate and power the greenhouses. He’s a very smart man.”
“He’s the one you’re sleeping with?” Kelly gasped.
“No,” she laughed. “I mean yes, Colin is very smart, but this was a man I met in the bar, not the same one I’m sleeping with.”
“Jesus and Mary—do I have to kidnap you and get you deprogrammed?” Kelly asked sharply. “I feel like I don’t even know you!”
“Isn’t it wonderful? I loved my job at BSS, but until I got up here and stuck my fingers in the ground, I didn’t know life could be so satisfying. I haven’t thought about that rat race for weeks.”
“But Colin’s leaving you!”
Jillian became serious. “Listen, Kell—I suffered for weeks over a scoundrel, a conniving jerk who cost me so much, who trapped me and tricked me and took from me what was mine, what I’d built! I’ll take a few months with this good, solid, awesome man to six years with a loser like Kurt. Colin’s plans for Africa were made before he even met me, and my plans for the garden were already coming into focus. This is the arrangement, Kelly, this is how it will be—it was the first thing we knew about each other and is completely nonnegotiable. I’m not going to spoil something as perfect as this by trying to change him to suit me. I’m not that crazy.”
“That’s big talk, for now,” Kelly said.
“But I am big,” Jill said confidently. “I had no idea how big till I came up here and tested myself. I’m up to this—this is better than anything I’ve experienced and I’m not going to put barriers in the way. I’m going to live it and love every second of it. And right now there’s no mistaking he’s just as content as I am. And you know what else? I think it really does make your complexion better!”
Colin drove by Luke’s cabins around noon, just to check in on the family. He’d made it a point to stop by from time to time because he had declined every invitation for dinner for about three weeks. He and Jillian had other things to do every night. He found Luke, Shelby and Luke’s helper, Art, in the kitchen, having some lunch. “Sometimes I love my timing,” he said, grinning.
Shelby smiled and said, “Sit down and let me make you a sandwich. I love your timing, too.”
“What have you been doing with yourself?” Luke asked. “You’ve been pretty scarce.”
“Not much,” he said with a shrug. “Painting. Hunting things to paint—hunting with the camera.”
Just as Shelby put a sandwich in front of Colin, there was a little fussing from the upstairs bedroom and she went to look after Brett. Art finished his sandwich and headed out the door for a little fishing. That’s when Luke asked Colin if he could babysit for a few hours on Saturday night.
“Sure,” Colin said. “What do you need?”
“It’s what Shelby needs—she’s on spring break, but goes back to school Monday. She needs a date night. Pretty soon she’s going to hunker down to study for her finals and, if I know my wife, she won’t come up for air until after the tests. Before all that kicks in, I need to take her away from the river. Give her a break from the baby. Think you can handle that?”
“
We have an understanding, me and Brett,” Colin said. “I can handle it. There’s not going to be a problem.”
“We’ve never left you alone with the baby,” Luke said. “Do you know what to do?”
Colin shrugged. “Write it down for me. We’ll be fine.”
“Want to come back for dinner tonight?” Luke asked.
“Thanks, but I’ll just settle for lunch today. I’m busy.”
“You’re not kidding. We’ve barely seen you for weeks!”
Colin just smiled. “That’s a good thing. It means I’m busy. Being productive.”
“Don’t forget we’ve got Aiden’s wedding in Chico next month. Want to ride down with us?”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Colin said. “I might drive myself and take the opportunity to look around some, maybe spend a couple of days in the Bay Area. But really, it’s nice of you to offer.”
A half hour later, as Colin was getting ready to leave he stopped on the porch and looked at Luke’s Harley. “Hey, would you loan me the bike for a few hours?”
“You up to that?” Luke asked.
“Yeah, Ma—I can handle it,” he said with a laugh. “I’d like to take it up some of those mountain trails. I’ll bring it back in a couple of hours.”
“It’s a heavy bike, Colin, and if you’re still kind of—”
“I’m good,” he said. He put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I won’t hurt the bike or myself. I promise.”
“I’m not that worried about the bike, man.”
“Aw,” Colin said with mischievous grin. “That’s sweet.” Then he laughed. “It’ll be okay, Luke. I’ll bring it back before dinner.”
“I guess so,” Luke said with a shrug, digging into his pocket for the key.
“Here are the keys to the Jeep, in case you have to move it or use it or something. I’ll see you later.” And Colin was on the Harley and driving away before Luke could change his mind.
Shelby came onto the porch carrying Brett just in time to see Colin headed down the drive. “Where’s he going?”
Luke turned and looked at her, a frown wrinkling his brow. “You notice anything different about Colin?”
“Like?” she asked.
“Like he’s all mellow and actually nice?”
“I’ve always thought Colin was nice.”
“But to me?” Luke asked. “He’s really smoothed over. You don’t suppose he’s taking drugs again, do you?”
“Luke, you have no reason to ask that, just because the two of you can finally get along for a half hour. Besides, if Colin wanted drugs I doubt he’d hang around you. He’d go someplace none of his brothers could find him.”
“I guess,” Luke relented. “It’s just… I’m not used to… Ah hell, maybe he’s just starting to feel a lot better. I’m not used to him being calm, nice and agreeable. He said he’d babysit Saturday night.”
“Good. See if you can just focus on me for a while,” she said, patting his cheek and giving him a smile.
He smiled back. “I can do that, yeah. In fact, I don’t have to wait for date night to do that. Does Brett have any more naps scheduled today?”
Colin drove to the Victorian and went around to the back where he found both Jillian and Denny working in the garden. She got to her feet when she heard the motorcycle coming toward them. When Colin pulled off his helmet and revealed himself, she laughed and walked toward him, wiping her hands on her jeans.
“What in the world is this?” she asked.
“My brother’s Harley. Come for a ride with me.”
“I’m working. I’m planting.”
“You work seven days a week. Tell Denny he’s on his own for a while. Come for a ride with your boyfriend.”
“Have you upgraded yourself to boyfriend?”
Colin winked at her. “I’ll tell him you’re going for a ride with your sex slave…”
“Okay, you aren’t allowed to talk to anyone about us,” she said. “I think you like to make trouble. I can’t, Colin. I’m all dirty.”
“I like you dirty.” He grinned evilly. Seductively. “Come on. Really, come on.”
She sighed. “I have to wash my hands, my face, brush my teeth….”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to get all prissy—you’re going to get bugs in your teeth anyway. Hurry up—I have to return it before Mother Luke starts to worry and sends out a search party.”
“Let me talk to Denny.”
Jill went back to see Denny and, to his credit, he had gone right back to work and didn’t stand to stare. “I’m going for a ride with Colin, Denny. I might be back before you’re done for the day…I might not. But you know what to do here, right?”
He looked up at her over his shoulder. “Transplant the starters according to your chart and mark them.”
“Exactly. Thanks.”
Then he smiled and asked, “So now is it official?”
She smiled right before she said, “Shh. Still casual.”
Such a lie! There was nothing casual about it, but that was her business. She ran into the house, washed up quickly, tossed off her muddy jeans and shirt, grabbed some clean clothes and was out the door so fast it would be obvious to anyone she was dying to get on that bike with him. It must certainly have been obvious to him—he was smiling. He handed her a helmet; she pulled it on and mounted the bike.
Ah God, she thought as they roared down the driveway and up highway 36. This is almost as good as sex, hanging on to him, laying her head on his back and smelling him, having this monstrous machine vibrating underneath her.
Not a lot of talking goes on while riding a motorcycle and Colin hadn’t explained if he had a destination in mind. He just drove, then got off the Highway onto a narrow side road that wound up into the hills. They passed by the occasional isolated cabin, but they were getting too high for crops, too remote for livestock. The road wound around and around the mountain, the views were awesome, the drop-off’s harrowing, the dirt road beneath the tires was kicking up a lot of dust. And she loved it.
She was oblivious to the time, but when she looked at her watch she realized they hadn’t been gone that long—about thirty minutes. Colin stopped the Harley on a grassy plateau with a beautiful view, propped it up on its stand and got off. He pulled off his helmet and reached for her hand to help her off.
She pulled her helmet off. “This is beautiful! How often have you been up here?”
“Never,” he said. “I thought we’d end up in the woods, but this road looked interesting. I haven’t been on a bike in years.”
“You managed it like you ride every day.”
“I was at Luke’s today. I saw that bike and thought—perfect. I’ve been wanting to get you alone….”
“You have me alone every night, Colin,” she said with a laugh.
“To talk,” he explained.
Her mouth dropped open. She looked a little stricken. “Are you dumping me?” she asked. “I’m not even quite used to you!”
“No, baby.” He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him. “I’m going to give you a chance to dump me.”
“But why would I—”
“That’s what we’re going to talk about.”
He couldn’t resist; he gave her a deep, penetrating kiss, holding her body up against his for a long, sensual moment. When he released her mouth and her body, all he could say was, “Ahhhh…God, I think I’m addicted to you!”
A little weak in the knees, which was usual for her when he did things like that, she said, “Shew, are you a wanted felon or something?”
He sat on the soft grass and pulled her down with him. They sat cross-legged, facing each other. “Close,” he said as he moved to take both her hands in his. “You know I had a bad accident, a crash.” She nodded and waited, wide-eyed. “I probably should’ve died in it but, thanks to my boys, I made it through. They pulled me out. I was pretty roughed up.”
“You were critical,” she inserted.
“Some
one told you?” he asked, surprised.
“Lucky guess,” she said with a shrug.
“Yeah,” he affirmed. “Lots of broken bones, burns, et cetera. I don’t mean to make excuses, but I was in a lot of pain. I got addicted to OxyContin. When the doc cut me off, I tried to buy it illegally and ended up getting arrested. I got lucky and went to treatment—probably thanks to my brother, Aiden, who came to help. All my brothers came to help me at one time or another—I was a real load. I think I’ve been a load for about forty years—a lot of cocky attitude and defensive behavior. Anyway, I spent months in treatment, first for the injuries, then for the addiction, then for depression. That’s really why the Army is done with me, but at least they retired me. No civilian operation would hire me with all that on my résumé—at least that’s my assumption. Baby, when I came to these mountains I was half-alive. There are a lot of tire tracks across my body.”
“Do you think I’d hold all that against you?” she asked him.
“Nah, I know you wouldn’t. There’s something about you, something so unique and beautiful, something I’ve never had in my life before. But you need to know some truths—that half of what happened to make me who I am right now was just an accident, but half was me angry that I wasn’t going to get that life back. Some of that Oxy ride and depression, that was me mourning my life, the life I lost. Jilly, I loved who I was before the accident. I loved flying that chopper—it takes some talent to keep the greasy side down, to maneuver it into tight spots, to keep it out of the line of fire. The scarier it was, the better I liked it. I was good at it. It gave me such a rush, I can’t even explain….”
She just smiled at him and gently raked her nails through his beard. He pressed her hand against his cheek.
“When I wasn’t in the helicopter, I did other things for that rush, that charge. I played amateur rugby—just amateur, but no less rough. I liked a little hockey when we could get a few guys together. I drove too fast, I dived off cliffs, para sailed, skied, scuba dived. Anything that would duplicate that excitement. My brothers all think I’m reckless. They always called me the wild man or crazy man. I didn’t feel reckless or crazy—I think I just like putting it all on the line. I liked the challenge.”