by Ava Benton
“Carter, you can tell me. Maybe it’s better if you do, before we get there. Just let it out. Why is your father with Lance and the rest of them and not with you?”
“I don’t fucking know!” I roared, punching the steering wheel.
The horn blared, and Alice shrieked in surprise and probably fear.
Fury burned bright in me. “You asked. That’s my answer. I don’t know why he chose them and not us. We thought he was probably dead all this time. The Army has him listed as MIA, but we figured it meant he was gone for good. Not a word from him in all these years. What’s he been doing? Getting a fucking cult together!”
“It’s not a cult. And they needed him,” she murmured.
“I needed him! We all did! Roan and Slate, too! Their dad is dead. They could’ve used our dad in their lives. The selfish prick left us and never came back, and now he’s like a fucking Messiah or some shit.”
“I’m so sorry.” Her hand rested gently on my shoulder.
I wanted to shake her off, but knew it would be a mistake. She didn’t deserve it. And I needed all the comfort I could get. Instead of pushing her away, I leaned my head down until the side of my face touched the back of her hand.
She squeezed my shoulder.
“I’m sure he had his reasons,” she whispered. “I don’t know him, but I watched what just happened, and it’s obvious how much he loves you. If I were him, I wouldn’t be able to leave you unless I had a very good reason.”
“You mean your son,” I corrected.
“Huh?”
“You wouldn’t be able to leave your son. You said me.”
“Yes.” The word hung heavy in the air.
“I wish I knew what to do next,” I admitted. It wasn’t easy for me to admit to not having all the answers.
Just knowing how vulnerable it made me look to her drove me crazy. What did she think of me? Probably nothing good, looking as weak as I did. But if there was anyone I could open up to, it was her.
I had seen her puke behind sand dunes and watched her sleeping with her mouth hanging open. I had fingered her and made her come—and would’ve gone further if Drew hadn’t interrupted. We were more than casual strangers.
“Listen to him. Try to believe him. Try to remember all the times you wished he was around, but not out of anger. Remember all the times you went over all the things you told yourself you would say if you had the chance.” Her voice was thick with emotion by the time she finished.
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about,” I murmured, forgetting about myself for a minute.
She took a deep, shaky breath. “My parents died when I was sixteen. Car crash.”
My heart sank. “And I’m the most ungrateful dick in the world.”
“You’re not a dick,” she said gently. “And you have your reasons for being pissed at him. I would be, too, at first. You’ve suffered. Just…” Her voice cracked. “Just be nice to him. For the sake of all of us who don’t have the chance anymore and wish they were in your shoes.”
I cut the wheel to pull over to the side of the road and took her in my arms.
She pressed her cheek to mine, and it was wet with her tears.
I held her and let her hold me. and wondered if there was such a thing as fate.
Because she was just the right person at the right time.
I left Alice in her room, next door to the one Drew, and I had rented for ourselves. “It’ll be okay. Just hear him out.”
I glanced down at her, standing in the doorway.
Looking at me with wide, trusting eyes that I could easily fall into and never come up for air. She was the one in pain, the one who needed protection, but she was concerned with me. What did I do to deserve somebody like her? She could’ve been any other client, somebody I couldn’t stand, somebody I didn’t get along with.
“I’ve never considered myself a lucky man,” I said, tucking a long, wavy strand of red hair behind her ear. “I’m glad that my luck finally came through with you.”
Her face lit up.
That made my confession worth everything. God knows, it was hard as hell for me to be vulnerable.
She gave me a smile that made me want to kiss her, to do even more than kiss her. Then she said, “I’ll wait here for you.”
“Thanks.” I pressed my lips to her forehead and waited until she closed the door to go to the next room, where my brother waited.
With our father.
I couldn’t get my brain wrapped around that.
They sat on the two double beds, face-to-face. Both of them leaning in, forearms on their thighs, talking quietly. Both of them had a funny smile on their faces.
“Don’t let me interrupt,” I said with a half-hearted smile. I couldn’t manage a full smile. Not yet.
“We were wondering what was taking so long,” Drew said with a knowing look.
How could he be so damned positive? Anybody who saw him out of context would think Dad had been away on a week-long business trip.
“I had to make sure the client was secure. In case you forgot.” I shot him a look that told him to stand down, which he did.
Dad grinned from ear to ear. “I can’t believe we’re together again. I didn’t think this would ever happen.”
I grimaced. “Are you kidding? It was up to you, wasn’t it? You knew you were alive—or did you forget? You knew you had sons who counted on you. Or did you forget about us, too?”
Drew stood. “You don’t understand. Give him a chance to explain.”
“We have other things to work on right now—like the safety of those shifters currently on their way from Santa Monica to someplace safer.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Dad agreed with a nod. “I was on my way back to them when you caught up to me.”
“You should carry a cell, so your second-in-command can at least call you in case of emergency.”
“Also true, but a risk. I can’t have my location traced.”
I rolled my eyes at the self-important tone of voice. He really did drink his own Kool-Aid. “What’s so important about you, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Carter…” Drew warned.
Dad—I wanted to think of him as Jordan—held up a hand to stop him.
“It’s all right, son.” He looked up at me. “Carter, I understand you’re disgusted with me right now, and I would feel the same way if I were you. I wouldn’t want to speak to me. All I need is for you to hear me out.”
“All right—as long as it doesn’t take too long.” I didn’t look at my brother.
I didn’t have to—the weight of his glare was heavy enough.
“I’m sure you want to get back to your client.” And to Dad’s credit, he didn’t smile or wink. “I’ll give you the Cliff’s Notes Version. On our last mission, your uncle and I had a private mission of our own. We wanted to know if there were others like us out there. I mean, two participants does not a study make. We figured that there had to be others, and we wanted to find them. Were they like us? How did they survive? Were they able to have children? I mean, I’ll never forget how terrifying it was to find out your mother was pregnant. I know your uncle felt the same way. Would they survive? Would you? And how would our children turn out? Like us? Fully human? I guess we needed to know that we weren’t the only ones going through it.”
I thought of Roan, and how scared he was for Hope.
“We found one of the labs where tests were conducted back when the study took place and located dozens of files which the scientists had tried to delete. Idiots had no idea what they were doing. And what we found was… illuminating. Some of the subjects never made it through the tests, and some committed suicide within the first year or two of the program’s completion. I won’t pretend I didn’t consider that myself once or twice, but I had your mother in my life by then.”
His voice softened, as did his expression.
“But you know, there was no way we were ever going to get away with it.
I should’ve known better. We were younger. Naïve. We thought we could help the rest of our makeshift family if they knew they weren’t alone. And we did it for you boys, too.”
“Us?” I asked, a little skeptical.
“Yes. We wanted you to know you weren’t alone.”
No, we were only alone without our fathers. No big deal. I bit back that thought and went with, “What happened to you two?”
“Your uncle died when our handlers found out what we were doing and attempted to kill us both. They pinned us the hotel room we were staying in and attacked. He covered me while I shifted and jumped from a fourth-floor window with a computer drive in my teeth.”
“You’re not serious,” I blurted out. It sounded like something from a movie.
“I couldn’t be more serious. That’s where I got this.” He touched a finger to his cheek. “I slashed my cheek open on a bit of rusted fence and the infection spread. It never healed properly because of that.”
“Why couldn’t you come home?” It made sense on the surface, but I needed to hear it from him.
“They knew what we found. They’ve been after me ever since. Every minute I spent with you was a minute I was risking your life. I never wanted things to be this way. Please, believe me. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”
I clenched my teeth hard enough to hurt and remembered what Alice said in the car. Almost anybody whose parents had died would consider me lucky. They would’ve done anything to be in my shoes just now, with the chance to reconnect with a parent they hadn’t seen in years.
“I believe you.” The relief on his face made it worthwhile. There wasn’t time to be sentimental, though. “That’s how you found all of them. That’s how you got them together.”
Relief turned to regret. “Sometimes I wish I hadn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because once it was clear what we had stolen, it was clear what we were planning to do: making the others aware of each other. It was a natural assumption that we would band together, and banding together was dangerous. What if we decided to attack or get revenge somehow? All I did was paint a target on their backs. They’re my responsibility. I can’t get them killed.”
“Jesus Christ, Dad.” I leaned against the wall.
“I know. It’s all fubar, and it’s all my fault.”
“You wanted to do the right thing,” Drew offered.
I guessed he had already heard the story and was hearing it again. And Drew was right, and I hated him for being right. I hated that he was so willing to be open-hearted when I took so much longer to come around.
The worst part of all was how I didn’t want to admit that I was wrong. It stuck in my craw.
Instead of that, I said, “I’m glad you’re all right. It’s good to know. I’m going to go next door to check on Alice, and I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Roan and Slate can tell us where to meet up with them.”
He didn’t try to stop me. “All right. Thank you for listening.”
I looked at Drew. There were only two double beds in the room. “You two stay in here. I’ll go next door.”
“Have a good night,” my brother murmured as I left.
“Fuck off,” I muttered back as I closed the door.
I wanted to hate Dad for leaving us for so long, but I couldn’t. Not when I knew he did it to keep me and Drew safe.
She was waiting for me in bed and pulled back the covers without saying a word.
She was the comfort I needed.
I slid out of my jeans and took off my tee before sliding between the sheets next to her warm, soft, inviting body and told myself to forget everything but her for a little while.
12
Alice
He needed me. Something about the thought of him needing me was even more satisfying than the idea of what was about to happen.
I reminded myself that he was part animal. I was letting an animal into my bed and letting him hold me close to his warm, firm, unforgiving body.
And when his long fingers hooked into claws as he ran them over my back, I imagined his real claws raking over my skin, and it didn’t scare me.
I didn’t push him away. I melted against him, instead, and my body responded—nipples tightening, back arching, and a deep, wet heat building in my core.
“Yes…” I whispered just before his mouth closed over mine and we were back where we left off hours earlier, only this time I could indulge myself in feeling his firm, rippling muscles under my hands.
He was so beautiful and perfect, and he was all mine just then. I kept reminding myself that he was all mine, and he wanted me, and I could let myself stop worrying or thinking or feeling anything but sweet, burning pleasure.
It raced through me in little tongues of fire, lighting me up from the inside while Carter’s tongue slid down in my mouth.
I tilted my head back and sighed, eyes closing, and the groan from deep in his throat made my core tighten deliciously.
His mouth moved lower, to my chest, his tongue licking and swirling.
I arched my back to pressed my body closer to him, whimpering as he closed over one of my aching nipples.
“You’re so beautiful,” he panted as he lapped at them, making me smile and squirm and writhe.
I had never felt anything like it before. Not just pleasure, though the pleasure was overwhelming. It was knowing the perfect, beautiful man on top of me was moving with me, groaning and grunting because of the taste of my body and the sound of the pleasure he stirred up in me.
My pleasure turned him on. It made the animal just underneath the surface growl and pant. I wanted his animal side, and that surprised me.
His hands slid over my hips before his fingers dug into my flesh.
I parted my thighs, and he growled louder than ever. I looked down and watched as he ran the sides of his face along the insides of my thighs, letting his lips touch my most intimate places, and the primal nature of it made me growl the way he did. There was no pretense or posturing.
He didn’t ask me if I loved it when he tongued my wet, quivering cleft. He didn’t need the ego boost. Besides, the way my hips rose up from the bed in response to his mouth was enough. He was there to pleasure me and to take pleasure in me. That was enough.
His breath came in short, hard bursts as he went on and on, licking and tasting and digging his fingers into my thighs harder, harder, grunting with my grunts, holding me down when I threatened to buck him off and when I came, going stiff all over, he waited until I finished before running his tongue over the insides of my thighs.
He was barely holding his other side back, nipping at my sensitive skin and growling, breathing hard and heavy. I looked down and he looked up at me—and his eyes took my breath away. They seemed to glow in the otherwise dark room.
My heart raced faster than ever. I spread my legs wider.
“I can’t promise I’ll be able to take it slow,” he grunted. He didn’t even sound like himself.
The hair on the back of my neck stood straight up.
I wasn’t afraid. “I don’t want you to take it slow,” I whispered.
He crawled up the length of my body—God, he was gorgeous—and settled over me.
I felt the soft sheets under my back and the firm heat of him on top of me, between my legs and under my hands. I felt his enormous hardness parting my lips and pressing against my entrance.
Our eyes locked just before our bodies did and something passed between us, I didn’t know what. Something wordless and instinctual. Something deep and basic and primal.
And then he pushed forward and I bit down on my lower lip to hold back the soul-shattering cry that threatened to fill the room.
It was so right—so, so right and good and perfect.
He moved over me, inside me, not making love but taking what he wanted while he gave me so much more.
Tears filled my eyes as he pumped in and out, tears of wonder and knowing something so much bigger than me was happening.
I tightened my grip on every part of him I could, dragging my nails across his shoulders and back, squeezing him with my thighs like a vice.
He rewarded me with a flurry of deep, sharp thrusts that made me dig my teeth into his shoulder as he filled me completely, over and over.
“Yes… yes…” I grunted, meeting his kiss, thrusting my tongue against his in time with his thrusts into my body. It was so sweet, so hot, so right. We both moved faster, breathed faster, harder, our sweat-slick skin making our bodies slide against each other as the tension grew and grew and I knew I was going to explode again. And when I did, he did, and we both froze in one delicious moment before collapsing together.
My heart swelled and I smiled as I stroked the back of his head while he rested against me.
How many things were even better in real life than in the imagination?
That sure was.
“Are you okay?” he whispered against my neck.
“Sure. Better than,” I whispered back with a smile.
He pushed himself up just enough to look down at me. “You were crying. I can still taste your tears on your skin.”
I wished he couldn’t. “It wasn’t because I was hurting. Believe me. I just… I never thought something like that would happen to me.”
“Sex?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No. I’ve done it before,” I snickered, but felt uncomfortable discussing anyone before him.
“What, then?”
I wouldn’t have admitted it if we were in any other situation. But there, still sweating, still breathing hard and coming down from the strongest orgasm of my life, I said, “I didn’t think it would happen to me with somebody like you. I don’t mean a shifter. I mean… you.”
He rolled off, onto his back, and pulled me into his arms. “Why not?”
“Come on. I’m not… typical. I’m too tall, my hair’s too red, I have freckles and I talk too loud and men don’t like that.”