by Jemma Forte
I hate him.
‘Well, have you asked her why she’s considering adoption so early on?’ I attempt. ‘I mean she must be feeling pretty desperate to have leaped to that stage so quickly though, by the way, I think people who adopt are to be applauded. And I don’t think using the word mong is acceptable.’
Though what I really want to say is ‘you’re a despicable pathetic excuse for a man’.
‘I can’t get no sense out of her,’ says Gary dolefully. ‘She keeps going on about doing something useful with her life when I’m like, what about being my Mrs? And she got that job, modelling them moon boots.’
‘Moon boots?’
‘Yeah, you know the sports shop on the high street? They wanna photograph Hayley, in their ski boot thingies, for the shop window.’
‘Right …’
‘I’m not sure she even loves me any more to be totally honest,’ he says, sounding outraged at the mere thought.
‘Really?’ I say faintly, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Of course truthfully I can’t understand why she ever has loved him, but she married him so she must see something in him. She’s always so scarily loyal about ‘her Gary’.
‘And I ain’t so sure I love her no more, either,’ he adds, more unexpectedly.
Suddenly my heckles are up. ‘Don’t say that, Gary,’ I say immediately. ‘I don’t want to hear it. She’s my sister and she’s had … no … she is having a really difficult time at the moment.’
‘Yeah,’ he says, shifting further towards me and looking at me strangely.
‘What?’ I say crossly. He’s annoying me now.
‘Nuffink,’ he says licking his lips and looking round the room furtively for a second in a way that makes me feel nervous.
‘What is it? What are you doing?’ I demand to know as he slides even further towards me until he’s only inches away.
‘Don’t be like that,’ he says and by now he’s really invading my personal space. He’s also staring at me in a dopey, off-putting way that’s frankly repellent.
‘Don’t be like what?’ I say primly.
‘You know, all grumpy,’ he replies in a husky voice and to my horror, he sounds a bit turned on. ‘Come on. Don’t play games with me, Marianne. I know you want it as much as I do. You’re a right little flirt, you are.’
‘What the hell are you talking about Gary?’ I yell, and at this point I leap about five foot off the sofa so eager am I to be on the other side of the room where self-consciously I stand, smoothing my skirt down as far as it will go.
‘All right, keep your knickers on,’ he placates. ‘Calm down love, I’m only having a laugh. Thought you might be up for a bit of Gary lovin’, that’s all. Nothing wrong with a bit of a kiss and a cuddle is there?’
There is so much I could say to this, so much I should say to this but, to what I know will be my eternal regret, all I manage to do is laugh, because the fact he thinks I’d be even remotely interested in kissing or cuddling him strikes me as too comical to do anything else. There’s a strong possibility of course that I’m also suffering from shock.
While I piss myself laughing, at first Gary joins in, as if he’s in on the joke and laughing with me. Eventually however, when I don’t stop, he begins to look unsure and then insulted at which point the smile drops slowly from his face.
‘Sorry,’ I manage to say eventually, at which point the humour of the situation vanishes and is replaced by sheer outrage and disgust. ‘Seriously though Gary what the hell are you thinking? You’re married to my sister in case you’d forgotten, so “Gary lovin’”,’ I say, as sarcastically as I am able while using my fingers to make mocking inverted commas in the air, ‘Is unacceptable with anyone but her. Are you unfaithful to my sister?’
‘No,’ he answers sulkily, though he doesn’t sound completely convinced and won’t look me in the eye.
I know I’m not going to get anything else out of him though so sighing hard and shaking my head in despair, I leave, wondering what on earth I’m supposed to do now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I’m not entirely sure how I make it home in one piece. I’m so distracted I can barely drive in a straight line. The second I get home I call Teresa, desperate to talk things over.
‘All right babe?’ I say when she picks up. ‘You got a minute?’
‘Yeah, yeah fire away. I’m glad you’ve called actually. I’ve got something to ask you?’
‘Oh right, what is it?’
‘I was wondering if you’d consider being my maid of honour when I get married. I mean, it won’t be for another year or so still, ‘cos we’ve got so much saving to do, but it would mean so much to us if you said yes.’
‘Oh my god!’ I say, really delighted and touched to have been asked. ‘I’d love to. Are you sure?’
‘Yeah,’ she says vehemently. ‘Course. I know we’ve had our ups and downs and that lately we’ve let things slide but you’ve always been my best mate and I don’t want to lose touch again. Hopefully this will mean we won’t.’
‘Absolutely,’ I agree. ‘I feel the same way and I’m really chuffed. Thank you so much. I feel honoured!’
‘Pleasure,’ she says and I can practically hear her grinning. ‘Anyway, what did you want?’
‘Oh god,’ I say, brought back to earth with a bump. ‘It’s about my moron of a brother-in-law Gary, actually. He really crossed a line today. He was all gross and flirty with me and it made me wonder whether he’s ever been like that with anyone else. Given that you know everyone in Chingford and Ilford I figured you might have heard whether he’s ever been a er … naughty boy with anyone?’
‘It isn’t really for me to say,’ she replies instantly.
‘Oh, so that means yes then,’ I say, heart plummeting.
‘Look, I don’t know for sure but according to Stacey he slept with her cousin, you know Kimberley who works at the leisure centre?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’ I reply. Oh god. This was just dreadful.
‘Well anyway her, though if I had to stand up in court I wouldn’t swear on it. Having said that I have heard rumours about other girls too,’ she adds, sounding understandably uncomfortable. ‘So I don’t think he exactly keeps it in his trousers.’
‘Right,’ I say mournfully. ‘Well thanks for letting me know. Oh god, what am I going to do? Do I tell Hayley? She’ll freak.’
‘I don’t know,’ says Teresa gravely. ‘I mean, is it really such a good idea? You know what she’s like, she’ll kill you. And besides, she might know anyway and just choose to turn a blind eye.’
That hadn’t occurred to me, but I thought it was doubtful. ‘I’ll think about it,’ I say. We chat for a further ten minutes or so, mainly about what Teresa wants to do when it comes to her hen night, but while discussing the merits of Ibiza versus Benidorm my head is swimming. When we ring off I know that unfortunately it probably will be until I’ve decided what to do about Gary. I wish I didn’t know.
If I tell my sister that her husband is an untrustworthy rat it will devastate her and lead to an almighty row. Plus, let’s not forget he was up for playing around with me, his own sister-in-law for god’s sake. For the first time I even find myself wondering whether losing the baby might have been a very tragic blessing in disguise. Gary was an utter twat, but at least there wasn’t a child tying them together. At the moment.
‘Marianne,’ Mum hollers up the stairs. ‘Pete and Andy are having a bit of din dins with me and Mar. Do you want some?’
‘What is it?’
‘Tuna pasta bake.’
I haven’t eaten anything for ages, partly because I’m nauseous with worry over this Gary issue. However, as is the way with the human instinct to survive, my stomach suddenly decides it doesn’t care that much, it’s starving.
‘Down in a sec.’
‘Marianne,’ says Andy cheerfully, once I’m sat at the table, trying to force down my pasta. ‘I feel like I haven’t seen you properly in ages.’
> Why is he still here? At this rate I’ll be moving out of home before he does.
‘So, how are ya?’
‘Oh … er, all right,’ I mumble.
‘You look pale, love,’ says Mum, who’s been making a real effort ever since Ray’s speech, which I think left us all with a lot to think about. ‘You sure you’re not sickening for anything.’
‘I’m fine,’ I say, not wanting to talk. I just want to eat enough to keep me going then slip away again. Until I’ve talked to Hayley I can’t think of anything else.
Just then the doorbell goes.
‘I’ll get it,’ says Mum, springing up from her chair. ‘Ooh look at me, I’ve only gone and got pasta down my cleavage.’
‘Lucky pasta, eh?’ quips Martin immediately.
‘Ah yeah,’ agrees Andy. ‘Alli’s got a great pair of breasts on her. You’re a lucky man mate.’
Unbelievable.
Pete glares at him.
‘Look who’s here, everyone,’ says Mum coming back into the room with a big delighted grin on her face. ‘It’s only our Hayls and Gaz. You should have said you were coming. You could have had your tea with us.’
I’m so taken aback I drop my fork, which clatters onto my plate. Shit. I can’t face him, but I don’t have any choice of course, and all too fast he’s standing there, one thick arm draped around my sister.
‘All right?’ he greets everyone, before giving me a weird sidelong look, which I translate as a desperate plea not to say anything about him coming on to me.
‘Hiya guys,’ says Andy. ‘Pull up a seat mate,’ he suggests, as if it’s his house.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t create a scene in front of everyone but neither can I bear to be in the same room as Gary, so I push my food away. ‘Thanks for that Mum. It was lovely.’
‘You not eating any more lovey?’ she says.
‘Here I’ll help you out with that,’ says Andy, reaching out a chubby hand for my plate. From nowhere I’m filled with the urge to stab it with a fork. Apart from anything else I’d be interested to see if he whizzed around the room like a balloon that had been blown up and then let go.
‘Well, that’s charming that is,’ says Hayley cattily. ‘We arrive and you bugger off. Aren’t you even going to ask me how my modelling casting was?’
Given that her casting is totally fictitious I don’t dignify this with a response. Instead I leave Mum cooing excitedly at the mention of the word casting, push past her and thunder up the stairs as fast as possible to my room where I grab my keys and phone, race back down and leave the house.
While I’m pacing the streets trying to figure out what to do, Dad rings.
‘All right,’ he says.
‘Hey Dad,’ I reply, striding into the local park. It’s a beautiful summer’s evening, which doesn’t match my turbulent mood at all. There’s a delicious breeze and the expanse of green before me is bathed in clear, golden light.
‘Everything OK? You spoken to Matthew recently?’
‘Er, yeah,’ I say, wanting to get him off the phone. My mind is consumed with how to tell Hayley what’s happened in the kindest way because I’ve more or less decided that I have no choice but to tell her. ‘He rang the other day. Not sure why really.’
‘Reckon I could take a guess,’ says Dad.
‘What do you mean?’ I say, jumping on this loaded statement.
‘Well, you know, I think he might have taken a bit of a shine to you, that’s all. Once I told him old “chunky but funky” weren’t your boyfriend he was well pleased.’ He chuckles for a second. ‘It was probably my fault he thought you were attached in the first place, because ages ago when Matthew asked me who Andy was, I just said he was your fella from Thailand. Anyway, I tell you what, you could do a lot worse than Matthew.’
‘Are you trying to set me up?’ I say, sinking onto a bench and turning my face up to the warm sun, which has an instantly calming effect.
‘Would it be the worst thing in the world if I was?’
‘It would be the most embarrassing,’ I say. ‘And besides, there’s no way anything could happen between Matthew and a member of your family. It would be unethical.’
‘That’s what he said.’
‘You’ve talked about it?’ I screech, wondering precisely how much Dad has been trying to match-make. Poor Matthew. How excruciating for him, and for me.
‘Like I said the other day, Marianne. I see things. I may be ill but I ain’t blind and that boy likes you,’ says Dad, and despite everything that’s going on, I can’t help it, I feel my heart lift with hope and go for a little joyful tap dance around my ribcage.
‘Well, it’s impossible anyway,’ I say, staring down at my flip-flops.
‘Maybe not. After all, he won’t be looking after me for ever will he? At some point, in the probably not too distant future, my care will be fully handed over to the palliative team, at which point Matthew will sign me off as one of his patients so …’
‘Don’t say that Dad,’ I protest, knowing full well that once he’s fully signed over by his oncologist to palliative, it will mark the beginning of the end. He’ll be officially dying. ‘You are nowhere near ready for that yet,’ I say firmly. ‘You’re doing great.’
‘Mm,’ Dad muttered. ‘I don’t know Marianne. I’m not feeling that great truth be known. I’ve been feeling quite … well, I ain’t been feeling so good lately.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ I say, tears rolling down my face. A lady walking her dog gives me a strange look as she walks past, but I don’t care who sees me.
‘Marianne, I need you to accept what’s happening.’
‘I can’t,’ I reply hoarsely.
‘Look, these last few months have been magic. Getting to know you and Hayley has been the best thing to ever happen to me so … we’re lucky really.’
I do not feel lucky. Not in any way, shape or form.
‘You should have come earlier,’ I cry, saying out loud what I’ve been thinking for ages. ‘You should have come to find me before.’
‘I know,’ he agrees sadly. ‘I know and we should talk about that before I go.’
‘Don’t talk like that,’ I say. ‘It’s only June. You’ve got ages left.’
Dad sighs heavily. ‘It don’t work like that Marianne. When they say six months, they’re just preparing you for the end, not making any guarantees. It don’t mean you’ve got exactly six months from now. I’m doing well to be here really. With some poor buggers they say six months but they end up lasting only a few weeks.’
‘Please Dad, please. I can’t do this right now. Just promise me you’ll hang in there a bit longer will you?’ I say tearfully.
‘OK,’ he says simply, though without much conviction.
‘Thank you,’ I reply, and numb with misery I hang up.
When I get back to the house, an hour later, after much soul-searching, everyone’s out and the house is quiet. I decide to get the inevitable over and done with and to phone Hayley. No matter what kind of a mood she’s in, I’m going to ask whether we can meet up so that I can tell her gently what kind of a philandering bastard she’s living with. She deserves to know and she deserves better. It’ll be awful and no doubt she’ll be shocked, angry and want to strangle the messenger but I don’t have any other choice. Only once I’ve dealt with this horrendous task will I allow myself to examine further what my dad said earlier about himself, about Matthew, about everything. I simply can’t put Hayley off any longer though. She’s my sister and if the tables were turned I’d want to know.
As it turns out however, I don’t have to wait even a second more for as I push open my bedroom door I get my second heart attack of the day.
‘You gave me a shock,’ I gasp.
Equally surprised, Hayley spins round, a half-guilty expression on her face.
She quickly rearranges it into a frown. ‘What are you doing sneaking around like that?’
‘Er, excuse me,’ I splutter. ‘I’m not sn
eaking anywhere. More to the point, why are you in my room?’
Hayley shrugs and as she does so, her long blonde hair falls prettily over one shoulder. She tucks it behind her ear. ‘I can’t believe you’re still living here, with Mum, in your old bedroom,’ she says, managing to make it sound as pathetic as it probably is.
‘Yes, but what are you doing here?’ I insist, trying to stay calm. If the roles were reversed she’d be screaming blue murder at me.
‘You had the hump and I wondered why. Gary said I should ask you.’
A wave of nausea washes over me. Right, there can be no more pussyfooting around. What kind of a sick game was Gary playing anyway?
‘Hayley,’ I begin, as calmly as possible, when in truth I’m terrified of the words I’m about to say. The words that will change Hayley’s life for ever and hurt her irrevocably. The words that will undoubtedly destroy her marriage.
‘Hayley, I don’t know what he’s said but I have to tell you something.’
‘Fine, although I still think it’s a bit mean you haven’t even asked how my casting went,’ she interrupts, for no reason I can figure out other than she feels like being catty. She can never resist an opportunity to have a go at me.
‘It’s like you’re jealous or something.’
‘But you weren’t even at a casting,’ I say, flabbergasted by her attitude. ‘But even if you were, then to be honest with you, I’ve got more important things on my mind as it happens. But since you’ve gone there, don’t lie to me Hayley. You don’t need to. I know you weren’t at an audition, and I know you had a row with Gary, which is the real reason you weren’t there. I know because I went round to see you. I did get your text, only by then Gary had already told me that you two had had a row.’
‘And what gives you the right to go gossiping behind my back with my husband?’ she snarls spitefully.
I can’t take any more of her nastiness. ‘Please don’t be like this with me,’ I say, getting tearful. ‘Don’t be so bitchy all the time. Something’s happened and I’ve been so upset about it I can barely bring myself to even tell you but I have to because if the shoe were on the other foot I would want to know.’