by Autumn Avery
I blinked. I would think they would have had more progressive views on such things, more than guys always want it, but right now? Not complaining.
"Fine," the dean spit out. "Professor Lee?"
"Yay. I question you two's wisdom, Hatch and Franken."
"My vote is of course, Yay. As for some reason two people on our board have brought tin foil hats to the hearing, it falls on Professor Thomas to decide."
I was shaking. I didn't expect to even have a remote chance of escaping this.
Was I? I couldn't get a majority Nay. Was I going to find out what a tie meant?
"Thomas?"
Professor Thomas? Was actually a woman too. I bet it really confused her students. She was thinking for a time. "I think there's reasonable doubt. Nay."
Blinking, I turned back to the dean.
"Are you serious?"
"I vote my opinion, dean."
"Your opinion is..." He grumbled, and shook his head. "Fine. We kick this down the road, as this is an inconclusive case. For now, Ms. Casey remains suspended upon further investigation into the claim. We will reconvene in the New Year."
I wasn't cleared, but I wasn't fired either. I looked at Professor Hatch, mouthing a thanks toward him. I didn't expect for him to go to bat for me that hard.
Yet it was an empty victory.
I was still suspended. I was still under scrutiny, which meant I couldn't go see Trevor.
So I was left lounging around my house, watching TV. Browsing the internet. Waiting for Emma to get online so I could play that zombie game. I'd become more obsessed with it than her just because I had nothing better to do. It was a long line of desperately trying to keep my mind off of Trevor and it wasn't all that effective.
The date on my phone reminded me that today was the day that Trevor was due to take his exam. I had hoped to be there in support of him, but I was barred from the school unless I was summoned there, as I was for the administrative hearing.
I didn't want to just send a text or whatever. That seemed so emotionless.
Maybe if they didn't know I was there. After all, Professor Hatch didn't say I was instantly recognizable. Maybe if I dressed up in some really baggy clothes. Wear a hat. No one would know it's me. Yeah.
It was certainly a better use of my time than sitting around my apartment pitying myself.
26
Trevor
Trevor
* * *
It'd been such a damned hard few days. Most people apparently thought the wind-down to the Christmas break after they cleared their finals was party time, especially if they weren't going to go home for the holidays.
You'd think a vast majority of people would head home for Christmas, but nope, there were just enough to bug the shit out of me and make it harder for me to focus and study.
Dustin? Dustin was one of these people who didn't head home for the holidays. He took full advantage of the frat house being emptier than usual and was rounding up a whole lot of girls who also weren't heading home.
The day before I had to head in and take the final, I was trying to get some last minute cramming in.
It was vaguely difficult with all the moans coming from the room right next to mine.
Dustin was having one hell of a time.
He barged into my room not long after. "Dude, fucking hell, this is a trip around the world in pussy."
Putting my book down, I grunted his way. "What the hell are you talking about now?"
"You know who doesn't go home for the holidays?"
"You?"
"Besides me."
"Me if I don't finish this goddamn exam bullshit?" As much as it pained me, I didn't like that I was spending even more time away from home with my Mom. Back to being a Mama's boy, I know, but hey, it was Christmas. If I couldn't spend it with Stephanie, I should at least spend it with my family.
Or better yet, both. Fuck, Stephanie was the kind of girl I wanted to bring home to Mom. I mean, she was already stupidly fucking hot to me and everything else, but she just got even better the more I thought about it. Mom would approve the fuck out of Stephanie and me.
"Dude, international students. All these foreign hotties, no reason to go home, can't afford it, whatever, they want someone to spend the holiday with. Who's hanging around here and unattached?" He pointed at himself with both thumbs. "This guy."
"I'm sure you're learning a lot about geography, Dust."
"You need to come in here with me. I can't handle an entire world of pussy alone, man."
I hadn't really opened up to Dustin too much about Stephanie, beyond the offhanded mention here and there. I wasn't going to talk about it, especially knowing it was so taboo around campus. It wasn't that I thought Dustin would go narc on me or anything like that, just that he wasn't the sort of person who would keep his mouth shut. I imagined him never shutting up about how I was hot for teacher, or the private lessons I was getting. He wouldn't be running off to the dean to report me, but someone who randomly overheard him? They might.
"Dude, I really need to study," I began. "Partying too long and too hard is the whole reason I'm swamped with all of this nonsense in the first place. If I don't deal with this nonsense, I don't play in the New Year's game, and don't catch all the eyes, and I don't become a nationally renowned football star. So this is much more important than some mindless sex with a bunch of women with funny accents."
My tone? It had shifted to stern and accusatory. Like, I was coming off as angry.
"Okay, okay, man. I get it, you found out you're gay."
"Yes, Dustin, I'm gay now. I'll join you if you let me fuck your ass. Fuck it good. Without lube."
He blinked at me. "Dude, I haven't seen it, but from what I've heard, that would really, really hurt."
"It's a joke, man. Seriously, how are you this dense?" I had no desire for Dustin's ass.
I wonder if Stephanie would be into trying that sort of thing? I mean, with lube. Lots of lube. Sexy kinky thing like her would probably end up liking it. It's something I'm definitely going to run by her at some point.
That was my problem. It was so damn easy for my mind to go off and think about Stephanie. The littlest thing reminded me of her. A random scent, a random glimpse, she was infesting my brain and the only cure for my addiction was more Stephanie.
"I get it, dude. Yeah, I'll let ya be," Dustin finally relented in dragging me into his orgy.
The opportunity to study in relative silence was there now, and I would take it. I only heard the slightest random moan here and there. I didn't need the world. I didn't want the world. I just wanted Stephanie.
My head was hurting. Throbbing, even. It was like I had the world's worst hangover and I hadn't even touched a drop of alcohol. I didn't have too much to drink, rather, I had way too much to think.
By God, though, I was done. I had finished all of these exams. The make-up exam. The final exam. All of it. Fuck, and I had a relatively good feeling about my performance there too.
I emerged from the study hall, my headache slowly yet surely fading. I wondered if I should have gotten aspirin or just get some food to try to dull the pain.
The halls of the campus were mostly quiet. Most had gone home for break already. Really, it almost felt eerie, but I could cope. I was now free to go home. Like, all the way home. I lived in a suburb outside of Aaronsville, so it was just a longish drive to go visit Mom.
I would have headed straight for my car, but there was a so-called mysterious figure hanging around outside the study hall.
This figure, in its attempts to be gender-less and indistinguishable, was wearing a trench coat entirely too long for them. Underneath were a pair of jeans, and a really baggy plain heather sweatshirt. Finally, there was a gigantic pair of sunglasses, like they wanted to fully obscure themselves.
I approached the person, ready to expose their suspicious nature. They hadn't yet figured out I was there yet, their face, despite looking so suspicious, being buried in their phone.
"Hi there, Stephanie."
She dropped the phone, and stumbled back in shock.
"That's no way to treat your phone." Being the chivalrous gentlemen I was, I picked it up for her, and handed it back.
"How – how did you know it was me?"
"How could I not? I mean, I see those shapely legs, all those curves. God, and that ass, even your coat can't hide it."
I could only see her cheeks and mouth on her face, but they had turned beet red and a sly little grin.
"What are you doing here? Haven't they barred you from campus?"
"Well, yeah, that's why I have this whole getup. Hopefully they're not as good as identifying me by my ass."
"You have to know someone's ass pretty well to do that. I think I'm in an elite class."
"That you are." She shiftily looked around, deathly afraid of someone catching on to our conversation. "How – how'd your exams go?"
"Even after all this you're still concerned about my educational performance?"
"Well, yeah. It's mostly because it's you, and only slightly, minorly, because I'm your teacher."
"Aw, how sweet." I shook my head goofily. "I got a good feeling about it. That feeling when you aced the fuck out of all of it, but didn't set any records or anything. Like, a solid B-plus or A-minus. You know, good, but not overconfident."
"That's a good thing to aim for."
I looked around the hallway. Looking for any hint whatsoever that someone could be watching from afar. Did aspiring paparazzi go home for Christmas break?
I wasn't going to allow the luxury of giving them another scoop, but she was there. Right there. Arm’s reach.
Confident as I could be in our isolation, I pulled her close, tight. God, I missed her in my arms so fucking much. Feeling her warmth against me, the softness. Having her ass so firmly in my hands.
I was fighting myself not to strip off her ridiculous outfit. Take her right here in the middle of the hallway. While I knew we were alone at that moment, there was faculty in the room I just left, and knowing how fucking loud Stephanie was, we wouldn't be alone for long with it.
Compromises had to be made.
So I kissed her. Those luscious lips of hers against my own. Fuck, I could feel my cock straining against my pants all too suddenly.
Our tongues intertwining. My hands going down her back, wishing I could feel the bare thing instead of this stupid coat. Her arms wrapped around me, those soft beauties on her chest pressed against my own.
Fuck, I picked her up. I pushed her against the wall. The kissing became more and more rampant. My hand was going down to her pants, finding that button.
Her lips broke away from mine to speak to me, even if only for a moment. "Trevor, no, we can't. Not now."
Somehow, though, someway, due to some legendary amount of restraint, I stopped. I knew she was right. My baser instincts were a hell of a thing to control, though.
Instead of sweeping her up and fucking her right there, all I had were my words. "Babe, I'm going to make this all right. I'm going to get back on that field, I'm going to make you mine. I'm going to have you again, and again, and no one is going to say we can't. You're fucking mine, Stephanie. Nothing, not a damn fucking thing, is going to change that."
Nothing was going to stop me. She deserved the best, and she was going to get it.
27
Stephanie
Stephanie
* * *
"Is something bothering you, sweetie?"
An older version of myself sat down beside me, that same warm smile I always had.
Snow was covering everything. Cheesy Christmas music was playing through the house because for some reason my Dad liked the stuff. There was ham. Potatoes. There were countless relatives, some of which I avoided because I didn’t know who they were.
Then there was Mom. Calmly throwing her arm over my shoulder, massaging me, reminding me of the terrible thing I was wearing.
I was wearing a gaudy sweater she knitted for me. She deliberately made it awful, catching on that kids nowadays think they're kinda ugly as hell. Orange with blue, yellow against purple, she made it deliberately clash as much as possible, while staying on theme with random snowmen and Christmas trees.
My Mom was really cool.
Which is why I hated lying to her.
The next few weeks after my incognito visit to Trevor? Totally rough. Like, hellish even.
I had gone home to visit my parents. Usually, that wouldn't be hellish. I really did love my parents, and what's more, I liked them. There was a distinction there. I saw all too many cases of people who loved their parents, held them dear, but the last thing they ever wanted to do was spend time with them.
"No, no, everything's fine, Mom." Despite all of that goodwill I had toward them, I was faking a smile. I was lying to them.
Really, I was surprised at how fine with lying I was becoming which after everything I've been through, was another outlier for me. I was the honest one, because I didn't need to lie. I wasn't out all night in high school, making them worried I was in drug-fueled parties where I would make them worry that I wouldn't come home, and if I did, it would be actively overdosing on some sort of drug and pregnant.
"You don't look fine. You look greener than your sweater."
"I don't think you used any green on this sweater, Mom."
"Doesn't mean you don't look green."
"I don't know, maybe I ate some bad Chinese food." A half-truth. I dined on some borderline sesame chicken. Apparently I also didn't get paid when I was suspended, so I was stretching the money I did have. That sesame chicken was the last thing I had before reverting to my college diet of ramen and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
It wasn't the best diet really, and maybe the shock of living off Mom's cooking over the summer and fall and reverting back to it knocked my system loopy, so I was a bit queasy. It likely had a whole lot to do with the general stress of life at the moment too, I supposed.
Mom, though, knew there was more. "Okay, maybe I meant you looked a bit blue."
"Blue and green aren't the same colors, Mom."
"Stephanie Margaret Casey, stop being pedantic. You know better than to dance around the questions."
I didn't want to talk about. What did I say to her? 'Oh hey, I met a guy. He's my student. I'm fucking my student, Mom.'
"A boy? It's about a boy, isn't it?"
"Um, uh, Mom," My fake grin became wider. 'Yes, this student is a boy. Who I got suspended because there are now explicit photos of me on the internet of me fucking him.'
"You can talk to me about boys, sweetie. Don't treat me like I'm completely oblivious to you being a woman."
"Mooom," I said, as groan-worthy as I could. I didn't even tell her about Ryan. 'My career is over because of him, and yet I still am madly in love with the guy.'
"Did he dump you? He dumped you, didn’t he? It's totally heartbreak."
"No, no, it's not like that, he didn't."
"So it is a boy." She grinned, happy about her cunning.
"Mom, please."
"It's hurting you to be away from him, isn't it? He's away at Christmas. How sad."
"Um... I guess."
"Um... I guess? So he didn't dump you, and he's not with you now? Are you stalking someone, Stephanie?"
"What the hell, Mom?"
"If you're interested in a boy, just tell him, don't follow him around like you're a crazy person. Boys really like when a girl takes the initiative. It's how I met your father, you know."
"It's not that. Yes, there is someone," I admitted. "No, I'm not stalking him or anything like that. He's well aware of me. Too well aware. He has feelings for me too, I know this."
"Then what's the problem?"
"There are sometimes people you really shouldn't be with, you know. Like, you know it's totally and completely wrong."
Mom took her time, as I knew she was deep in thought. "Are you having an affair with your married boss?"
"Then what's the problem, sweetie?"
This is why I didn't want to talk about it. There was no way to tell her without it coming off as skeevy on my end. "I just... don't know. It's not right, okay?"
"Then break it off..."
"It's not that either. I have feelings for him. I desire him. I want him. I can't shake him, and I think about him all the time. That's the textbook definition of the L-word if I ever heard one."
"I don't like sounding like a broken record, but what's the problem, sweetie?"
Grunts. "Mom... you know how you told me there's some things you can't really give advice for, and that I'll have to figure out on my own?"
"Yes. Experience is a hell of a thing."
"This is one of those things."
I didn't need to say anymore. She pulled me close, that motherly hug, and for a brief moment, I thought everything would be okay.
"You'll make it through. You'll find love. You'll get married. Then you'll give me lots of grandchildren that I can spoil so I don't have to deal with consequences of spoiling them, and I dump that on you, just like my own mother did to me."
"Mom, you make it seem so alluring." I remembered going to my grandmother’s all too often. I remember getting way too many cookies. I remember Mom and Grandma having a private conversation before we drove off, and that when I got home, I ran up some walls. Grandparents, eh?
Still, even with her comfort, I didn't really know how to feel. It was more the uncertainty. I wanted Trevor. I wanted more of him. Yet, I also wanted my career. I think I wanted the former more, but I still wasn't remotely sure I could have it.
Why did I come back home? Why did I want to teach in my home college?
Because of her. The woman holding me so tightly. If I didn't, I would have never met Trevor either.