"Because I'm no good for you. My past is too dark for you to light up. I'll drag you down with me and a pretty girl like you deserves the whole fucking moon and I can't even give you a star" I swallow, the emotions too raw they feel like blades travelling up my throat, the taste of copper filling my mouth and reminding me how much blood has already been spilt.
"But Reid..." Luna twists in my arms her argument falling short when I cut her off.
"No. Everything, I ever have turns to dust. Everyone I've ever loved turns to ashes, literally, and I'll be dead first before I bury you"
I expect a thousand questions from her but her beautiful face twists into something so much more. I keep my eyes on hers, watching and searching for the second she realizes that I will never be the one for her. Instead she surprises the hell out of me, my gut twists with a knot that I don’t know I’ll ever be able to untangle when she smiles softly.
"You Love Me?" her sweet as sin voice is quiet against the crashing of my heart in my chest, her blonde locks flying around her too-big blue eyes.
How am I supposed to ever walk away from her?
Those pouty, full lips call my name without moving, igniting the tingling in mine as memories of
us together crash and burn behind my eyes.
I can't risk torching Luna with this, with me. She's too pure, innocent.
"Reid"
I watch her lips move, the bottom one trembling ever so slightly. The way she says my name reminds me of all the times she's pleaded it, screamed it and moaned it whilst I was balls deep inside her.
If I had my way the only place I'd ever be buried is in her, but that's not going to happen.
It's done.
Deciding this is my final chance to feel the scorching euphoria only Luna has ever ignited in my veins, I grab her at the back of her neck a little too roughly and pull her to me. My lips crash to hers that instinctively open, silly little girl, inviting the darkness into her mouth.
I allow myself a taste. A flicker of something to remember her sweetness by.
Pulling back, I clutch both sides of her face in my inked palms, feeling her cheeks flush in that way she likes to try and hide. I press my forehead to hers, inhaling her sweet, salty, floral scent and watch her eyes trying in vain to search mine.
"I don't love you little dove" I inhale, my nostrils flaring.
"I fucking adore you"
Meadows & Tornadoes
WE ARE TAUGHT FROM a young age that you were going to find the one, but what if that never happened? We tricked kids into believing our soul mate was going to come along, someone big and strong enough to help you tackle the world, someone to hold you and love you unconditionally and somehow, they’d do all that while riding a rainbow colored, magical, shitting fairy dust unicorn. But what if somehow, it ended up being the other way around? We all want someone to look after us, to be there when we’re down, but sometimes, we have to be that person for someone else. Reid was vulnerable even if he didn’t admit it. To the unsuspecting person he was as hard as nails and didn’t give a shit about anything. I knew differently. Sometimes all it took was for you to stop and actually listen. To hear the hidden meaning behind words, to silent cries for help.
“Reid” my voice is raspy from the lack of air in my lungs, his lips crashing down on mine ripping away any ounce of breath I thought I had left.
Before I can contemplate the situation, my back is pressed to the hardwood of the cabin, the ridges digging into my spine, but I don’t give a damn when I have an even harder, sexier, all-male man attached to my front, his lips attacking mine with such vigor I’m afraid that he’ll pull away.
My arms instinctively wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to me if that was even scientifically possible. With his rock-hard body against mine, his words still swirling around my brain and forcing him to the forefront of my mind every sense in my skin is heightened. Reid has no idea what he does to me, I know that. But do you think I can bring myself to stop whatever the hell this is between us? No.
The all-consuming feeling in not just my chest but my heart, my head, all the way to the tips of my toes, I feel it.
“I love you” he rasps.
“I fucking love you Luna” he grits, teeth clenched before he smashes his lips to mine again for a brutal kiss I greatly welcome. This, this is what I wanted from him. The total and utter overwhelming feeling you get in a relationship, the one where you can’t get enough of the other person, that feeling you couldn’t force.
I couldn’t force Reid into wanting me, let alone loving me, so the mere fact that he’d come to that conclusion by himself had my heart bursting and my ovaries fluttering.
The hands I have in his hair tighten, pulling him closer to me if that were even possible. The brief glimpse around us at the dimly lit cabin and the iridescent fireflies whizzing past us has me weak at the knees. The fluttering in my belly intensifying, how much more perfect could this be?
“I love you” he grits quietly stilling every organ in my body. Reid’s words swirl around my head like a vortex, what the fuck am I supposed to do with them?
“I love you too” I mouth against his plump, kiss-swollen lips before pulling him back to me.
“Come with me” I rasp, grabbing his hand in mine and yanking him towards the end of the decking. I grab the blanket he has on the double swing out here, wrapping it under my arm and yanking him to the side of the cabin. The meadow up here is stunning during the day, but it’s breathtaking at night time. I force us through the long grass, the wildflowers brushing at us as we stomp past them. Wildlife chirps around us, alerting us to their presence but I’m sure a tornado could be happening around us when I turn to face him and even that wouldn’t tear us apart.
I flick the blanket as flush as I can against the wild growing flowers and plants before stepping onto it lightly. The moon is bright tonight, shining down on us in a beautiful midnight glow, the backdrop of nature the perfect soundtrack.
The tips of my shoes hit his before I even think about it, I’ll blame it on the sea air mixed with that of the country air up here, it’s intoxicating, or maybe that’s just Reid. I don’t care, the feel of this man’s lips against mine is enough to cure any insecurity I thought I might have had. The only time I feel like second guessing us is when I’m alone, it’s impossible to think of being without him when I’m with him. When his body is pressed against mine, his skin brushing mine and sending gooseflesh to every part of me it possibly could. Reid takes over, his large, splayed hand at the small of my back as he lowers me to the blanket. The fireflies seem to follow us, their dim lights flying around Reid’s head for a brief second, I force my eyes to stay open, watching this beautiful moment unfold in front of me. They mix with the stars above us and suddenly the urge to let Reid watch this amazing display has me flipping us. Reid deserves beautiful. He just needs to see it, to feel it. My hands at his hips, I grab and twist until he’s beneath me, his hard body protesting until he’s on his back and glaring up at me like I have the key to all his dreams.
Maybe I do, but tonight I want to show him how beautiful life can be, if you look hard enough. No matter how much money you think you can make, it will never give you moments like this. You can’t buy a meadow and force fireflies to come out and play at the same time the full moon decides to escape from behind the confines of a cloud. The things that can’t be purchased are the most tragic, the most important. I’m sure to give him a view of the meadow around us as I trail my kisses from his taught throat, down and across his collar bone to where his T-shirt cuts off. It’s a euphoric feeling as the sea breeze from the promenade catches my back, I feel instantly alive, as if I can’t get enough of this moment. Reid apparently feels the same because his grip on me intensifies until I’m flush against him, our hands ripping and tearing at the clothes that are keeping us apart. Our skin is sweaty against each other, almost as if we were both feeling the same intense need to just touch. My heart was pounding faster than a freight train in
my rib cage, the anticipation of what was to come seeping through my veins like crack.
“Reid, I need you” I gasp as his cock hits my center, the tip sliding easily between my folds. A calm breeze washes over us, forcing my nipples into further hardened pebbles and inviting Reid silently for a taste.
“Reid!” I gasp as he takes one into his mouth, my hands going to his hair and fighting against pushing him closer onto my skin or pulling him away from the too sensitive nerves there.
My protesting falls on deaf ears as he moves lower, his lips trailing a taunting path down to my navel, his tongue swirling around the skin there, dipping and sliding in a taunting rhythm until he dives deeper, my back arching as he does. I’m only so flexible in this position much to Reid’s annoyance. The muscles in my back lock when I get to the point of no return and Reid suddenly has me on my back again. The sensitive spot between my legs is suddenly grateful for the intrusion of his skin against mine. My hands grip at his shoulders as he works my body the way he needs, the feeling ripping through me and almost sending me over the edge. Except there’s no cliff here, he is my cliff edge, if I don’t survive him then I won’t survive anything.
The tip of his tongue brushes across my too sensitive nub, the feeling almost sending me over the edge. The softness of the blanket beneath us contrasted with the rough edges of the wildflowers by my side and the occasional cold breeze from the ocean just down the road sends my senses into overdrive. Without a second thought on either of our parts, Reid reaches up on his elbows, his hardness brushing against me roughly before he urges his sensitive head into me, the glistening crown I would usually lap at with the pre-cum dives straight to my core, stretching me to my limit and forcing me full.
“God, Reid” I gasp, my fingers digging into the skin at his shoulders. I don’t doubt that I’ll leave a good few marks on him tonight, but I don’t care. Right now, the whole town could be watching, and I didn’t care, the pleasure that Reid forces into my blood stream has me arching against the grass, even with his weight against me. My blood warms with the mere idea that he thinks of me more than one of his random fucks. I’m not just one of his hookups.
I force my eyes open against the unyielding pleasure, the view is impeccable.
Fireflies, the moon, Reid.
It’s like something Rachel would force me to watch on one of her thousands of Romcom’s. Things like this don’t happen to people like me, but I’m here, living it. Breathing it and feeling it.
“Reid” I gasp as he hits that sweet spot inside me. Reaching up on his elbows, his green eyes alight with the lights around us he watches me. Our mouths open with pleasure, our breaths mingling together as we get as close to one another as is physically possible.
“I love you” he rasps, his eyes never leaving mine as his hips work their way further into me.
“I love you” I grip him at the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me and smothering his mouth with mine. Our tongues tangle, the world disappearing around us as total pleasure rips through us and renders us hopeless romantics on a blanket in the middle of a small-town meadow.
Big Scars & Little Stars
I’D ADMITTED IT. I was falling in love with Luna. Scratch that. I was already in love with her. I was elated but terrified, thrilled to finally be feeling something other than damned pain. The guilt was there whispering in my ear, reminding me of all that I had lost and could now lose again. I was over trying to stop it. Fate had its own plan and there was fuck all something as small as me could do to stop it. In the grand scheme of things, we were just a fleck of dust in the universe. Nothing more and nothing less. What we did could impact so much, yet in the bigger picture it was just a blip. Something had suddenly come over me, maybe it was the fireflies buzzing around me and the charged salt air, but all of a sudden, I was feeling selfish. Damn the consequences and whatever followed. I’d said the words and followed through with the harshest fuck of my life and I didn’t feel an ounce of regret for doing so. Guilt? Yes. Regret? No.
The string of women I’d gone through in my attempt to get blisteringly drunk and forget everything and anyone had ever existed had never felt even a fraction as good as this did. Having Luna back in my bed was blissful. Watching her blonde locks glow as the sun rose this morning, her hair spread around her on my pillow, her naked chest rising and falling as she slumbered peacefully.
I’d been young and naïve with Aurora. Neither one of us really aware of what we were doing. Our nights together were spent with hushed whispers, stolen moments of passion and love. I’d never taken the time to appreciate what we had, what Aurora was to me. I never took moments like this to appreciate her and the things she did to me. I couldn’t compare Luna to Aurora because they were so totally and utterly different, but the ache in my chest over having not felt this towards Aurora has me second guessing myself.
We were going to be parents, it was that simple. I was bound to Aurora for the rest of my life with or without her being here. With or without our baby being here. We’d been seeing each other for a while when she came to me and told me she was pregnant. That same day was on a film reel behind my eyes at least ten times a day. The happiness on her face, the totally terrified look on mine, but ultimately, we knew deep down we’d be happy. As far as teenage romance’s go, Aurora was my childhood sweetheart and I was on the road to marrying her and having babies with her, until the ride carrying us in that direction burst into flames and crashed into an oncoming vehicle. Killing them and my future.
I tuck a stray strand of hair behind Luna’s ear, watching quietly as she shifts and leans her head on her hands before I force myself up. I know what I have to do if I want to keep a sane head on my shoulders for this girl. I usually either drink myself stupid until I pass out, or I go for runs long enough to make my body burn. This morning, I opted for a run, much like I did that morning and came back to her cooking breakfast. Luna was making new memories with me, ones that I was already cherishing without her even noticing.
As my feet hit the wood of the boardwalk, my chest inflating with fresh sea air, my heart beating wildly in my chest and that wasn’t from running the short distance down from the cabin. It was Luna.
The cold sea breeze washes over my bare arms, the inked skin prickling slightly before my body temperature rises again. Summer was drawing to a close and call me soppy or whatever, but it has been one of the most eventful ones in years. Eventful was putting it lightly, stressful was more appropriate. Perhaps moving to Delia was exactly what I should have done years ago. It had been weeks since I’d thought about Bancroft or the people that I’d left there. Of course, I’d thought about them, as in memories but not about the guilt of what I’d done. Or having never been to see them since we buried them. Walking around here, the boardwalk or even the little town I wasn’t at risk of bumping into Aurora’s parents. The darkness in their eyes was always enough to send me into a downward spiral. I’d taken their baby from them, but what they failed to realize was that their daughter had taken mine too, through no fault of her own.
My legs started to burn when I reached the other end of the promenade, giving Jock a quick wave as I pass, he’s up early polishing the bonnet of a car. This small-town life is growing on me, the people, the food, the air. The woman.
It isn’t Luna’s fault that my past is so fucked up, so dark and bleak but I never wanted to burden her with my shit. Luna deserved so much more than that, but right now, knowing that she’s curled up in my bed, our scent on my sheets, I want nothing more than to crawl into that space beside her. The pull I have towards her makes me run home faster than I usually do, my heart pounding and droplets of sweat running down my skin. I see Austin setting up for the day down on the sand, the boardwalk coming alive around me as everyone sets up for the day. I slow my run to a jog and make a right up a side street towards the top of the hill it winds up. White washed houses and shops, much like the one Luna’s shop is on, the tarmac quickly turns to cobblestone forcing my legs to burn harder
before I reach the restaurant at the top. The incline isn’t that great, but Delia isn’t flat either, the hilly streets vary with each turn and it’s a damned good workout I’ll tell ya’ that.
Luckily for me Delia Grill Co is open already with a few workers milling around inside and setting up for the day.
“Sorry, we’re not open yet” an older looking man carrying a box tells me as he walks past the open glass door.
“I know. I was hoping to make a reservation” I tell him, placing my hands on my hips and slowing my rapid breathing. It doesn’t escape my eye when he glances at the ink covering my arms and hands, until he finishes up on the sparrow on my shin. The judgement in his eyes should have me barreling back out the door and telling him to shove it up his ass, but I don’t. I want to treat Luna to something special, and this place is one of the best in Delia for that kinda’ thing apparently.
“When?” he deadpans, dropping the box on a nearby table and heading for the bar and picking up the diary. I smile with my small victory, booking the table for two before running back down to the promenade and home. Home where my girl is waiting for me. My new girl.
I was allowed to love Luna, it was okay.
I’d been told that by people more times than I could count but I’d never believed them. Gus, punters at the bar who knew my story. It didn’t matter who it was, I’d always smiled and shrugged it off before drowning my sorrows behind closed doors. What people didn’t know, people didn’t see, it never happened, didn’t matter even.
I always told myself it wasn’t fair that I could love again, but these past few weeks had awoken something in me that had me wanting to be risky, to take a chance with my broken parts and force myself to feel something other than hurt. That was something in itself, something I was marginally proud of. If it killed me then so be it. I’d die never regretting that I hadn’t tried with Luna.
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