“Reid Archer?”
“Yeah” I spit, “What’s going on? There’s been an accident? Everyone’s okay, though right?” I stammer, my hands starting to shake a little from the coldness setting in through my wet clothes.
“Reid” the old man in the crisp purple shirt, his sleeves rolled to the elbows and his black slacks crinkled from overwork.
“Reid, take a seat” the doctor snaps me out of my wandering mind, bringing me back to the brightly lit waiting room with the old children’s toys in the corner, the ones that people donate when they no longer need them and the old plastic chairs with what I’m betting is a century worth of chewing gum stuck underneath it.
“Your parents were involved in a car accident earlier this evening” he says taking a seat opposite me and resting his elbows on his knees.
“Are they okay?” I demand. I wonder how badly the car is damaged, Pop’ is going to be so pissed, I’m going to have to help him in the garage for months and that only means I’ll be missing out on time with Aurora and the boys.
“My old man never goes over the speed limit, he’s always the driver, I’m sure they’ll be okay. Can I see them?” I huff a little, knowing how long it takes my Pa’ to navigate the city, the old man refuses to even go a tiny bit of the limit.
“I’m sorry Reid” the doctor says, his kind, sorrow filled eyes boring into mine.
“For what?” I ask, confused.
“I’m afraid there was nothing we could do. They were on their way here with your girlfriend I understand, the driver that hit them was killed instantly too”
Killed.
Instantly.
Girlfriend.
“What?” I ask, my lips barley moving and my eyes blinking heavily.
“I’m so sorry Reid, we tried everything”
“They...all of them?” I choke. The world disappears around me, the hospital walls turn to ash around me, the floor crumbles into rubble and the night sky turns into a murky black hole that sucks me further and further into it. The air around me grows too heavy, forcing its’ way into my blood stream and into my heart that’s beating way too fast. My lungs crack, my ribs splinter and I can’t breathe with this new gaping hole ripping itself open inside me.
I don’t know what I do next, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. In all the films I’d watched with my folks over the years you were supposed to call people when things like this happened but who was I supposed to call? At some point George and Charlotte arrived at the hospital, their faces stricken, and tear soaked. I couldn’t find any words to tell my girlfriends parents that she was dead.
I still couldn’t find the right questions to ask when the police came to talk to me. As far as they could figure out Aurora had started to bleed while she was waiting at my house for me to finish at work and my parents were driving her to the hospital to get checked out. My parents had asked our neighbors to keep an eye out for me and to let me know. Aurora’s parents were too overcome with emotion to identify their daughter, and so that burden fell on my shoulders. The policewoman told me it could wait a while but the thought of my girl laying on a morgue slab for longer than necessary, had me sick with guilt.
The mix of constantly feeling like I was going throw up, the too bright lights in the hallways that lead us down to the morgue, the stench of death and false promises had my head spinning like I’d just taken a cocktail of drugs. The further I followed the back of the policewoman with her hair pulled too tightly to the top of her head, the colder I became. My clothes had long dried and stuck themselves to my skin, but my entire world had just died and left me all alone, my insides weren’t functioning, and I was doubting they ever would again.
Cliff Tops & Sugar Drops
I GRIPPED THE NOTE in my hand far too tightly, the paper turning almost transparent as the rain hits it. My legs were moving too fast, but I knew I had to run to him. To hold him. To pull him back.
Just hold on Reid. Please.
I couldn’t think of anything else as I legged it down to the beach, the rain harsh against my sensitive cheeks but I didn’t care.
“Luna!” Austin shouts form the small veranda around his shack on the sand, but again I ignore him. My feet bolt towards the end of the promenade, the cliff top coming into view ever so slowly. The typical Fall mist that rolls off the waves into Delia clouds the top of it, but it’s the scent on the wind that has me grinding to a halt.
It’s all male, spicy with a hint of sweat, blood and tears.
It’s Reid.
My heart drops, the organ falls at my feet with a heavy thud. What if I’m too late?
The second the letters from his note had been read I was out the door. His pain lacing my veins and begging me to find him, to stop him.
Somehow, I made it to the top of the cliff, my legs burning from me pushing too hard, but I didn’t care. All of my attention was trained on the very broken man in front of me. His legs shaking, shoulders slumped with the weight of the world weighing him down.
“Reid!” my voice carries over the wind and forces his eyes open as he glances over his shoulder.
“Reid! Please” I shout, getting closer to where he’s stood on the ledge.
“You deserve so much more” he says quietly, his voice cracking.
Wild blonde hair flies around my face, my eyes no doubt full of fear and sympathy moves something in his dark green ones.
“I love you” he mumbles so quietly I barley hear him, but a knowing stray tear falls down my cheek, mixing with the salty sea air and the rain.
Reid desperately needs to know that people can and do fall in love again after the death of a girlfriend, he will eventually see that, I just know it. He has to be strong enough to make it through these first few years and to admit that he’s struggling with it. What grown adult do you know who could cope with everything he has and walk around with a genuine smile on their faces? The weight of the world crashing down around him has him leaning forward, the heavy guilt pushing at his back.
“Why do I love you?” he grits, the words laced with poison stab directly into my chest.
“I hate everything about you” he spits, averting his eyes at anything but me. The pain I feel with his words should be enough to make me walk away, but what kind of person would that make me?
“I don’t believe you” I grit, my teeth clenched in hurt and anger.
I try my hardest not to let my fear come out in my words, that would only make him feel worse and that’s not what I need with his toes curling the edge of a cliff. I need him safe, in my arms where he belongs.
“This isn’t goodbye Reid. We’ve been through too much for it to be the end” My voice cracks with unshed tears, forcing the damned look of death to appear on my man’s face. The color drains from his usually flushed skin, the pink I’ve grown accustomed to seeing disappears.
“I’m sorry little dove” he mouths, the words failing him as he tiptoes closer to the edge. It was never supposed to be like this. Ever. It was never in any fairy tale that the prince be so totally and utterly broken that he would feel the pull towards darkness more than he felt the pull from me. His princess.
Would I give up? Fuck no. I’d just have to pull harder. I close my eyes briefly and inhale, gathering the strength I need to help Reid win this battle, only when I open them my worst fear comes to life before me.
“Reid!” my voice cracks on a scream as I watch his body lean forwards, his weight carrying him like a feather over the edge.
I run towards it, stopping briefly to watch his beautiful body like a twig in the wind. It doesn’t take me a minute before I shrug off my coat and toss my converses on the grass ledge.
What? Did you think I’d let him do this alone?
Reid has been alone for majority of his life, it’s time like these we all need someone. If he was dying then so was I, if he survived then...I’d try to do the same.
It wasn’t a second later and I was freefalling after him, jumping off a cliff to gr
ab hold of my man, to hold him whilst he hurt. To save him from himself.
The ice-cold wind was nothing in comparison to the blades of water as I sliced through the waves, the water like bricks against my bones. My chest constricts as I struggle against the cold, the pain like no other but I force myself still, knowing it will get me to the surface quicker than thrashing about. A wave crashes over my head and I know my best bet is to surface and see if he’s around me. My heart is in my throat as I breach the surface, the loud bangs of waves against the rocks almost deafening, the salt water spray burning my eyes that refuse to close in the off chance I’d miss him.
“Reid!” I scream, swimming to keep my body above water. When another wave rushes towards me I dive into the water again, avoiding the swell and going with the current. Out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of something dark. Twisting my head that way I see Reid, floating in the water weightlessly. Dark hair swims around him, with arms outstretched he looks almost peaceful. I don’t waste another second before I’m barreling towards him. Another wave passes above us, Reid snaps his head up towards me, his eyes wide open with fear and agony. Blinking once he gives me all the sign I need to wrap my fingers around his jacket and yank him upwards.
I don’t know where I get the strength to pull him up to the surface, but I do. Struggling against the current and autumn waves I pull him towards the beach, aching and panting.
My body is weak from the swim but also from being weighed down by my wet clothes, but nothing could stop me right now. Nothing.
Reid has gotten this far, he can push himself to live for me. For us.
I pull his body as far up the pebbled beach as I can, his skin turning a light grey-blue. I don’t know how long he was in the water, but the scared look in his beautiful eyes is long gone when he collapses against the shore with little to no breath in him.
Ripping his jacket from his chest I check for a pulse against his neck with my two fingers, my own heartbeat sky-rocketing as I pray silently to feel something.
“LUNA!” A scream comes from above me, but I ignore it, concentrating instead on getting breath into Reid. I start with turning his head to the side, relieved when water trickles from his lips. Once I’m satisfied that he’s not got any more water to get up I tilt his chin back to center and start pushing my breath into him. Four sharp blasts and I check for any sign from him. I continue, ignoring the yells from above me. The second time around his chest rises, giving me a glimmer of hope. I’m not losing him. Not now. Not ever.
“Luna!” I hear Austin’s voice call from behind me.
“Call 9-1-1!” I manage between breaths, my lips connecting with Reid’s for the third round. Almost immediately he starts to cough and splutter, I help him sit up to get the last of the water out of his lungs, shivering as I do from the icy cold wind.
“Ambulance!” I hear Austin yell down the phone.
“I’m here baby, it’s okay” I rub at Reid’s soaked back, his coughing easing a little.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” Austin hisses as he comes to his haunches beside me.
“Not now Austin” I give him the death glare and wrap my arms around Reid, hoping somehow to get some body heat into him.
“Here” Austin shrugs off his hoodie and drapes it over my shoulders but I quickly remove it and wrap it around Reid.
“It’s okay Reid. You’re okay” I whisper into his ear, his wet hair dripping onto my face. I don’t know how long I keep my arms around him, listening to his shallow breathing and the crashing waves, but eventually the sound of screeching sirens breaks my trance and I can only stand helpless as they strap Reid to a board and carry him to the ambulance.
I keep my hand wrapped tightly around his as the paramedic works around him. His eyes close but I keep my eyes on his chest, watching it slowly rise and fall, easing my fear of losing him a little.
“Here you go” the older paramedic with the shiny bald head wraps a foil blanket around my shoulders.
“Thanks”
“Are you hurt, do you want me to look you over?”
“No, I’m fine” I shake my head, my wet hair clinging to my cheek.
There’s a flurry of activity once we reach the hospital, several doctors help the paramedic get Reid out of the ambulance and into the emergency room. I follow blindly behind, keeping my eyes on Reid as they wheel him further down the corridor.
“I’m sorry” A hand in my face stops my feet on the spot.
“You’ll have to wait out here” the young nurse smiles softly at me but I can’t return it.
“Luna, come on” Austin grabs my shoulders gently and guides me to a chair, the swinging doors of the emergency room closing softly behind my man. I don’t even know how Austin got here, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing right now.
“Hey!” Rachel’s voice comes from down the corridor as she runs towards us.
“Are you okay?” she asks panicked, kneeling on the floor in front of me.
“I brought you some clothes” she holds up the tote bag she was swinging when she ran in and I gratefully take it from her.
“You were in that water too?” A soft voice from the doorway of the waiting room has us all snapping our heads up. A young nurse in scrubs smiles softly down at me, her eyes full of sympathy.
“I want to check you over. I’m not happy letting you go without at least a once over” her smile drops.
“I’m fine, really” I shake my head.
“Luna, go and get checked out. You know the water damage can come on hours later” Austin squeezes my arm and proves me wrong. He’s right, I do know the dangers of the water, and I’d be telling anyone else to do the same thing.
“Reid needs me here”
“We’ll come and find you if we hear anything” Rach gets to her feet, making a clear path to the nurse for me.
“Okay. Thank you” I get to my feet, the water from my clothes dripping onto the floor. The shock of what just happened kicks in and I find myself walking on numb limbs down the corridor, away from the something that has become so precious to me I don’t know how I’d function without it.
Cliff tops and Sugar Drops.
I loved you
I lost you.
I crave you and I hate you.
My sunrise I miss you,
Every day is bleak without your shining light.
How am I supposed to live when all I have left is time?
My sweet little sugar drop,
How else do I feel closer to you aside from climbing to the top?
This grey city seems blacker without you,
My sweet little sugar drop, I’ll meet you at the cliff top.
I loved you.
I lost you.
I crave you, I’m coming to get you.
My sweet little sugar drop, I’ll meet you at the cliff top.
Reid. A
Memories & Enemies
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING baby?” Aurora’s sweet voice swirls around me as the gravity forces me downwards.
“I miss you so much” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut and waiting for the bone shattering pain of finally, fucking finally hitting my end goal.
“Open your eyes Reid” Aurora demands, that teenage attitude of hers springing back into my mind and the way she’d used it to get her way with me all the god damned time making me smile. The air whooshing past me is black like her hair, the strands continuously strangling me up until suddenly her beautiful face comes into view. Pale with pink cheeks she smiles brightly, gazing at the bundle of blankets in her arms. The all white softness contrasts against her inky black hair that I used to love so much, and I’m stunned senseless.
“Baby, we’re okay” she whispers, her hand reaching out and stroking my cheek.
“How...”
“It doesn’t matter how. We’re here with you. Always Reid” her smiles softens her eyes filled with sadness.
“But why are you sad?” I ask confused.
“B
ecause it’s so hard watching you do this to yourself Reid. You deserve her. I want you to be happy baby” her dark eyes twinkle and I know it’s her signature move to melt me. God how I’ve missed her.
“Be Happy Reid” she smiles once more, her thumb brushing against my cheek one last time before she returns to cradling the baby safely asleep in her arms.
The ice-cold water hits me, shocking me into breathing but water fills my lungs instead of air and I know I’m too late. The waves are like concrete against my bones, shattering me into a million tiny pieces.
I’m too late to go back, to listen to what Aurora has been telling me this whole time. To apologize to Luna for being so self-centered and not listening to her either. The two women who I’d grown to love had only ever tried to help me and I’d been so self-absorbed I hadn’t noticed it.
In the moments when all there was, was total and utter darkness all I could feel was the gaping hole in my chest. It was the second time in my mere existence that I’d felt that hollow. As if all of my skin had been torn open and my insides ripped out. But this time it was different, it was almost as if it was me on the other end of it. Shaking my head from side to side, I can’t get the image of Aurora on that cold slab out of my head, only this time as the doctor pulls back the sheet from her face...its Luna. Beautiful blonde hair matted from the sea and her freckles a dull grey color in comparison to her usual tanned glow.
It killed me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do this again.
Reid.
REID.
Please open your eyes
Scrunching my eyebrows down, I feel the tension in my face and try to relax it but it’s no use. Is this life’s cruel way of fucking with me? Even after I die I get to hear Luna’s voice? Will I get to see Aurora and our baby now too? Is that the kind of torture whatever god is out there has planned for me?
Delia Bay Page 22