by JB Lynn
“A problem?” I immediately thought that something was wrong with the hospital billing. I’d done the work. I’d paid Katie’s bill.
“There’s a woman here claiming to be your niece’s aunt.”
My heart leapt and then stumbled. “Marlene?”
“No, ma’am. I believe her name starts with an A. She’s giving us a very hard time, insisting on seeing Katie, but she’s not on the list of approved visitors.”
Abilene.
I clenched my fists, ready to do battle. “I’ll take care of it. Where is she?”
“At the nurses’ station.”
I marched off in that direction.
The nurse hurried to keep up with me. “I think you should know . . . I mean, you’re a nice person, all the staff says so . . . you should know that this woman is scary.”
I smiled. “Thank you, but I think I can handle it.” I had, after all, killed two men. What could one woman do to me in a hospital corridor?
In hindsight, I realized I shouldn’t have been so cocky.
I spotted Abilene the moment I rounded the corner. If Aunt Loretta dressed like an aging sex kitten, Abilene was the hot mama cat. Clad in black leather from head to toe and dripping in gold, she should have looked ridiculous; instead the dominatrix-crossed-with-cartoon-villain look worked for her.
I could understand why the nurses were spooked. She looked like the type who’d eat her young.
“I’ve met worse,” I muttered beneath my breath.
The nurse who’d come to get me quirked an eyebrow, signaling she didn’t believe me.
She didn’t know I was a badass, professional assassin.
By default.
Deciding that my best bet was to show no fear, I marched right up to the Lady of Darkness and extended my hand. “Hello. I’m Maggie Lee. Katie’s aunt.”
She stared at my offered hand, but didn’t move to shake it.
Determined to keep things as civil as possible, I fell back on the empathy coaching I’d received at Insuring the Future. “My deepest condolences on the loss of your brother.” I felt a twinge of pride that I’d managed to sound like a freaking Hallmark card.
She shrugged. “No loss. The world’s a better place without him.”
I hadn’t liked Dirk, heck, there were times I’d despised him, but I didn’t believe in speaking ill of the dead. “He had his redeeming qualities.”
“Like what?”
I had to think about that for a second. “He could grill a steak to medium-rare perfection without a thermometer.”
“Is that why your sister married him? Because he was good with meat? She must not have been the sharpest tool in the shed.”
“Hey,” I warned, “that’s my sister you’re talking about.”
She gave me a long, calculating look. I did my best to stare back stoically, knowing that the nurses were watching our exchange like it was a tennis match.
She inclined her head slightly. I didn’t know if it was meant as an apology or if she was acknowledging I was a worthy opponent. Either way, it felt like I’d won that match.
“I’d like to see my niece,” she said.
I resisted pointing out she’d never bothered to meet Katie before. Instead I said, “Of course,” hoping I could reason with her. “This way.”
She followed me to Katie’s room and then stood at the bed, staring at the sleeping girl.
“She was able to open her eyes and focus today,” I said softly. “The doctor said that was a good sign. Maybe if you stop by earlier in the day tomorrow, she’ll be awake.”
“I won’t be here tomorrow. I just happened to have some business to attend to nearby so I figured I’d swing by and see her.”
“I was thinking,” I said carefully, hoping to reason with her, “that I’d be happy to work out a visitation schedule with you. After all, she should know both sides of her family.”
She turned her hard gaze on me. “Visitation? I want full custody. I’m going to get full custody.”
I tried to hang on to my composure. “But you’ve never even met her. Surely—”
“Surely,” she interrupted, “you don’t think you’re going to have her. Your mother is insane, your father is a criminal, you have a go-nowhere job, a crappy apartment, and you can’t keep a man.” She smiled maliciously as I winced at her attack. “I know who you are, Maggie Lee. I know your weaknesses and my lawyer will exploit them.”
Balling my hands into fists, I asked in an even voice, “Why are you doing this?”
“Didn’t Dirk tell you?”
“I’d never even heard of you before he died.”
“I want everything that’s his. I took his place in the family business, took his place in our father’s heart, and now, now that the old man is dying, I’m going to take Dirk’s brat and use it to get Dirk’s inheritance.”
“She’s not a brat. She’s certainly not an it. And you’re never going to take her.”
She laughed at me. She just threw back her head and laughed as though I was the biggest joke in the universe.
“I won’t let you—” I glanced at Katie, so small and peaceful in the big bed, and got too choked up to continue.
I spun around and left the room, not wanting to fight in front of Katie.
Abilene followed. “That’s it. Run away like the loser you are. Admit defeat. Give up.”
Turning around, I swung back and marched up to her. “I am not afraid of you! I’ll kill you if you try to take her!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
She shoved me away and I stumbled back a few steps. I would have fallen, but someone grabbed my elbow and held me up. I glanced over my shoulder and was shocked to see my savior was Vinnie. I shook free of his grasp and turned back just in time for Abilene to slap me across the face.
“Catfight!” Vinnie cried with delight.
I lunged for her, but before I could wipe the sneer off her face, someone jumped between us.
“Maggie!”
It took a moment for me to recognize the woman who’d thrown herself in front of me. At that moment, enraged, I wanted to take her head off too.
“Move,” I growled.
“Maggie, don’t do this,” Stacy Kiernan, the social worker who’d first handled Katie’s case, pleaded as she held up her hands in a defensive position.
“What do you care? You don’t even work here anymore.”
“You’re right,” Stacy said. “But I care what happens to you. I’m your friend. I need you not to do this.”
“Yes, Maggie,” Abilene taunted. “Listen to your friend. Give up.”
Stacy Kiernan, kind and caring social worker, the woman who’d burst into tears about the state of her career and love life when she’d been trying to tell me that the hospital was going to give Katie the boot, the woman who was as sweet and cuddly as a Labrador retriever puppy, turned on Abilene. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Tim Burton’s version of the Wicked Witch? Get lost, freak.”
Abilene’s mouth dropped open.
Vinnie chuckled.
The nurses, who’d been mean to Stacy when she’d been employed by the hospital, actually clapped and cheered.
And I backed up a little, realizing that indulging in this scene had been a mistake. If the fight escalated, the cops would be called, and that was the last thing I needed.
So I backed off and let security escort Abilene away.
“What are you doing here, Stacy?” I asked, once the witch was gone.
“I was having coffee with a former coworker. I came up here hoping I might run into you.”
“I’m glad you did.” I hung my head, ashamed of my outburst. “Thank you for preventing me from doing something even stupider. Speaking of which, do you have plans for tomorrow night?”
Chapter Twenty-One
AFTER I LEFT the hospital, I stopped for a take-out burger and headed home. I brought DeeDee a burger too. There was no reason Patrick should be the only one to spoil her.
; After we’d both eaten, and God had whipped my butt as we played along with Jeopardy, I took her for a long walk.
When we returned home, we were greeted with, “Yooohooo, is that you, Maggie?”
The voice came from my kitchen, but it wasn’t God’s.
DeeDee growled. She was turning into quite the watchdog.
“Who else would it be, Aunt Loretta? You’re sitting at my table.”
The dog and I went into the kitchen. Loretta sat there, leafing through my mail.
“She just walked right in.” God flicked his tail in annoyance.
“What are you doing here?” I asked my aunt.
“You who?” DeeDee asked, walking up and sniffing her.
“She stinks,” God warned broodingly.
Instead of answering me, Loretta made a fuss over the mutt. “What a beautiful girl you are.” As much as Aunt Susan hates dogs, Loretta loves them. Which might explain her penchant for picking bad men.
“She had a key.” God glared at me accusingly.
I nodded. I’d given all my aunts, Theresa, and Alice the keys to my place when I’d moved in. Considering how often some of them dropped in, I’d often wished I hadn’t. I’d asked Aunt Leslie for hers back after she passed out on my doorstep, which had been the event that had heralded her starting with Narcotics Anonymous.
“Why are you here?” I asked Aunt Loretta again.
“What’s your lovely doggie’s name?” she asked, petting DeeDee’s head.
The dog was lapping up the attention.
“DeeDee. Is everything okay?”
Loretta nodded. “Everything’s fine.” She smiled and batted her false eyelashes at me.
“So what are you doing here?”
“Do I need a reason to visit with my niece?”
I eyed her suspiciously. “You know, don’t you?”
“Know what, dear?” Her innocent act wasn’t convincing.
“That the bachelorette party is tomorrow night. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You’re trying to wrangle an invitation.”
“I—” she began.
“I know you did a lot for the shower, but this isn’t my call. I can ask Alice if you can come, but I can’t guarantee it.”
“I don’t want to go.”
I sank into a chair. “You don’t?” I’d never heard of her passing up the opportunity to ogle nearly naked men.
“No. I’m happy with my man.”
“You are?” I’d never heard her say she was happy with a man before. She said she was in love, but never happy. Maybe Templeton really was The One for her? “So why are you here?”
“Susan told me about the custody case.”
I closed my eyes at the thought of the upcoming battle with leather-clad Abilene.
Loretta sucked in an audible breath. “Did something happen? Is Katie okay?”
Opening my eyes, I smiled weakly. “She opened her eyes, squeezed my hand, and was able to focus today.”
Loretta clapped her delight.
“Woohoo!” God shouted.
His high-pitched squeak startled Loretta. “Is that Katie’s pet?”
“Yes.”
“He’s cute.”
I smiled widely. “He certainly is.”
“I’m not cute!” God boomed.
“Quiet!” DeeDee barked.
Loretta chuckled. “Quite the noisy household we’re going to have.”
I stared at DeeDee sadly, not wanting to voice my doubt that she’d be joining us. I said, “I know it’ll be an adjustment, an inconvenience—”
“Hush, child,” Loretta admonished. She slid a small, ornate wooden box toward me. “I thought this might help.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Open it.”
I did and found myself staring at a diamond ring.
“It’s my engagement ring from Kevin,” Loretta said.
“You kept his ring when you were married to the man for less than a year?”
“I kept them all, but your father pawned the rest before he was sent to prison. That’s the only one I have left, besides this one.” She fluttered her fingers under my nose.
I couldn’t remember if she’d shown me her ring from Templeton before. “Very nice.”
“I want you to use it to pay for the lawyer you’re using.”
“I can’t.” Flipping the box closed, I pushed it back toward her.
“I insist.”
“I like this woman,” God piped up.
“Squeaky thing, isn’t he?” Loretta asked.
“He never shuts up,” I told her.
Loretta patted the box. “Pawn it. Sell it. Just do whatever you need to in order to keep our Katie where she belongs.”
“I am.” I fingered the poison-filled pendant hanging from my neck.
Standing, she pressed a kiss to my cheek, not one of her customary air kisses, but one that would leave lipstick on my skin. “And try to have some fun at that bachelorette party.”
She teetered out on her stilettos. DeeDee walked her to the door.
I sat at the table, staring at the box.
“That’s wonderful news about Katie,” God said.
“It is.”
“But?”
I told him about what had happened with Abilene.
“You could poison her,” the lizard suggested mildly when I was done telling my tale.
“I thought of that.”
“But you’ve got motive to kill her, which means you’d probably get caught.”
I nodded. “It might be worth it though, to save Katie from whatever kind of life that woman has planned for her.”
“Don’t do anything rash, Maggie.”
“It’s not like I have a lot to lose.”
“Give it some time.”
“I don’t have time. If I’m caught doing the Garcia job, I won’t be able to stop her.”
He raised his right hand and pledged, “If you are unable, I will stop her.”
I snorted. “You?”
“Too me,” DeeDee panted.
“With the help of the beast, yes, I pledge to never allow Katie to fall into Abilene’s evil clutches.”
I believed him.
There are times when the bed beside my mom’s in the loony bin doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.
THE NEXT NIGHT I was late getting to the bachelorette party. For once, it wasn’t my fault. I was ready to leave on time, but when I went out, I discovered that I had a flat tire.
I’m as modern as the next woman, but I also know when to admit my limitations. Operating a jack and changing a tire are on my personal list of Do Not Attempt Unless You Wish to Court Injury or Death items.
So I called the auto club, waited twice as long as they said it would take, and rolled into the strip club parking lot almost an hour late.
Despite the crowd, the overzealous smoke machine, and music that could make a deaf man go mad, I had no trouble finding my group. Armani was busy spanking a dancer, clad in little more than his cowboy hat and boots, with her good hand, and the rest of the table was egging her on raucously.
I considered going back to my car, but before I could, I felt a tug on my sleeve.
I looked up to see Alice glaring daggers at me. “Hi!” I said with as much faux enthusiasm as I could muster.
Grabbing my arm, she dragged me into the bathroom. My eardrums were grateful for the break.
“Where were you?” she screamed, like one of those freaky bridezilla chicks God is fond of watching on TV.
“I—”
“You’re the worst maid of honor ever,” she ranted.
The other two restroom occupants, who had been touching up their makeup in the mirror, stopped what they were doing to watch the show.
“I—” I tried to defend myself.
“You weren’t there for the cake tasting. Or the photographer. Or the florist.” She ticked the items off on her fingers for emphasis.
“I didn’t even know about them.”
>
“You didn’t want to know about them.”
“You really do suck,” one of the women commented.
Alice, thrilled to have the support of the Greek chorus, turned toward them. “I know, right?”
“I had a flat tire!” I blurted out.
“Every time?” the other woman scoffed.
“Tonight. I had a flat tire tonight, which was why I’m late. I called you. I texted.”
“What about the other times?” the first woman asked. “The cake, the pictures, the flowers? What kind of maid of honor lets the bride down for those things.”
“The kind that’s got a lot of shit going on,” I screamed, so loudly it hurt my throat.
Alice’s supporters backed off.
“The kind that’s wearing the world’s ugliest fish-colored dress that’s ever been seen without a word of complaint. The kind that goes to invite your mother to your wedding. That’s the kind of maid of honor I am and if you don’t like it, just bestow the title on Zeke, or Priscilla the Preppy Princess. I saw her out there, whooping it up.”
“You’re getting married, Alice?” a soft, familiar voice answered.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I turned around and saw that someone else had entered the restroom. Even though I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years, I recognized Dana Velicky immediately, not because of her pudgy nose and square jaw, but because she looked so much like her brother, Frank. Frank, who’d broken down the door of my apartment and tried to drag Alice out by her hair. I’d broken my only vase over his head.
Dana tossed a frown at me, but couldn’t maintain eye contact. She blamed me for sending her brother to prison, but was too afraid of me to say so. Instead she focused on Alice. “You’re getting married?”
“Yes!” Alice walked over and waved her engagement ring under Dana’s nose.
“I don’t think—” I started.
“Oh just shut up, Maggie,” Alice said.
“When’s the big day?” Dana asked.
“Next Sunday.”
“I really don’t—”
Alice silenced me with a glare.
I’d been going to tell her that I didn’t think that it was wise to share the details of her upcoming nuptials with the sister of the guy who’d beaten her within an inch of her life, but she obviously didn’t want to hear what I thought. After all, I was the worst maid of honor ever.