The Light in My Heart

by Jerry Rosendorn

  When I told my parents the news, they were devastated. I was the first person in my family to get a divorce; I felt shame. I never suspected my mother cared for Diana; she was always distant with her and Diana felt it. As a result, we rarely got together with them. Suddenly, at the news of my break up, my mother cried. As I saw her tears, I choked back my own. My father didn’t say a thing.

  Chapter 24

  “How did you feel when you took the check and left the restaurant?”

  It was a high point in my life because I did not cave in to Sherman and didn’t feel the need to fix something. “It felt great! Though I was scared he might start screaming and follow me out of the restaurant. The best part was I asserted myself.”

  Dr. Fox gave me a thumbs-up look and then reversed slightly to make a point. “You know, he’s right. Diana helped put you through school; she got nothing from you in return. Yet, you got your legal degree which did translate into more earning power than her degree.”

  I didn’t respond. Dr. Fox was right.

  I saw compassion on her face as she continued, “It saddens me since everyone acted with good intention thinking this union between you and Diana would work out for a lifetime of building and sharing.”

  Dr. Fox played with her glasses as she pondered her next words. Finally, she gave me a look which told me she understood my life with Diana. “On a positive note, you learned more about yourself, the commitment of time needed to be a good husband; the importance of bringing something to a relationship. And, that you can’t stray in a marriage; it will destroy the marriage because it destroys love, trust, and respect.”

  Dr. Fox paused to make her point and then continued. “Have you heard from Diana?”

  “About eight years after we separated, Diana called my law office asking to see me. She came by the next day and said, ‘I’m so proud of you. You have accomplished what you set out to do.’

  “Taking a walk to get some lunch, we talked about what we’d been doing with our lives. Diana told me she was embarrassed about the way she acted during our marriage and admitted she was immature; that her outbursts were inappropriate.

  “I told her, ‘Diana, there’s no need to apologize; I was just as immature. The problem was our marriage was doomed from the start. There was no time to develop a relationship since we spent most of our time away from each other; that was no way for our relationship to grow.’

  “The one thing I never shared with her was about my affairs; I didn’t want to hurt her unnecessarily.

  “During our lunch, she told me she had remarried, but unfortunately, that marriage failed as well. She asked me to represent her in the divorce, assuring me she and her husband had worked things out and it could be handled without a fight. I agreed to help her.

  “I was happy to see Diana. She looked the same, though a little older, but wiser. Spending that short time with her also confirmed for me it was best that we had gone our separate ways.”

  Dr. Fox nodded and said, “Jake, when you saw Diana that day, was there any stirring of your emotions? Did you miss her or feel sad about the break up?”

  “No. I almost felt like we had never been together.”

  Chapter 25

  1978

  At the time of my divorce from Diana, I shared office space with an attorney by the name of Ed who was semi-retired. He came into the office each morning and read the paper, did the crossword puzzle, then told me stories about his clients. By noon, he was off to a private club in West Hollywood to play bridge.

  Ed was kind to me. He gave me space in his office in exchange for some of my time working on cases for his clients. In addition, when he referred a contingency case to me, we shared the work and the fees.

  As part of our arrangement, I could bring in clients to build my own practice. To seal our working agreement, Ed and I shook hands operating under this arrangement for several years.

  When I left Diana, I had little money and few needs, but I had a great desire to become successful. To show his confidence in me, Ed referred me a contingency case he started working on before I was sworn in as an attorney.

  The case involved an apartment complex near Pomona. During construction, a fire had broken out damaging the buildings. This delayed the construction; setting the completion date back six months. The owners of the buildings brought a claim against their fire insurance company. Their claim was only partially paid to cover the construction costs to repair the damaged buildings, but not for the loss of rents. The owners of the complex were not satisfied; hiring Ed to bring a lawsuit against the insurance company for the loss of rents.

  Ed turned the trial over to me. I prepared the case thoroughly until I knew all the facts about the fire and the amounts of the loss as though I’d lived through it myself. Each night during the week before the trial, I practiced delivering my arguments to the jury. On the day of trial, the judge asked the insurance company attorney if they had a settlement offer to make to my clients. Their attorney said, “No,” and the trial began.

  With my stomach in knots, the jurors came into the courtroom. Once I got my first chance to address them, I composed myself clearly presenting our case. By the time I was done, each juror understood the causes for the delays and how the loss of rents was computed.

  After final arguments, the jurors filed into the deliberation room returning ninety minutes later with a unanimous verdict in favor of my clients for one hundred, twenty thousand dollars. The judgment was entered for that amount into the court record.

  Our contingency fee agreement provided we’d receive one-third of whatever we recovered. After the judgment was paid, Ed and I received forty thousand dollars to split between us. This was the first substantial money I made as an attorney.

  Two weeks after the verdict, while Ed and I were still basking in our glory, a striking woman entered the suite. Katie, our secretary, showed her into Ed’s office. I was awestruck by her beauty; she had deep blue eyes and perfectly styled light brown hair. She was magnificently dressed in earth tones that highlighted the color of her hair and her fair skin.

  With my jaw dropping, I walked over to Katie. “Who is that?”

  “Her name’s Annette. She’s here to see Ed about a business contract.”

  When I heard the name, I melted; she had the same name as the girl in the party dress from the third grade.

  I waited in my office while they met; pacing and watching the clock. As soon as Ed’s door opened and she left, I calmed myself and casually approached Ed.

  “Who is that woman?” I inquired coyly.

  Ed was looking over some papers as he spoke to me. “She was referred to me by a developer friend of mine. She’s going into the wholesale computer business and wants me to look over a contract. If I was a few years younger, I’d want to get to know her better.”

  “Does she have another appointment to see you?”

  Ed looked at his calendar. “Next Tuesday,” he said. “By then I need to give her some answers on this contract. Would you like to take a look at it? In fact, please look it over. I’m leaving for the club. I’ll be back tomorrow; we can go over it then.”

  Ed gave me the contract and his notes including Annette’s address and phone number. She lived in Encino south of Ventura Boulevard.

  After Ed left, I read the contract, then decided to call Annette. After four rings, she answered and I was paralyzed by the sound of her English accent. She spoke the language like Perelman plays the violin.

  I introduced myself; talking to her under the guise of learning about her business deal and contract, yet, all the while, hoping to learn about her.

  “Ed felt it important for me to review your contract. After looking at it, I thought it would be helpful to get some more information from you.”

  “I appreciate the speed in which you’re handling my matter,” she responded. “This is an important transacti
on for me. I have decided to represent a new computer company selling their latest personal computers. I asked Ed to review the contract making sure it covers my understanding of my responsibilities to them and their requirement to compensate me.”

  As she and I spoke about the deal, I found myself being caught up with the charm of her voice and the easy way she spoke. Her English was so proper. Suddenly, a thought slipped into my mind: If a woman spoke this properly, does that mean she is a prude?

  After she explained her understanding of the deal, it was time to end our phone call; not wanting to push my luck with her thinking this was just an excuse to call her.

  “Well, I believe you’ve given me enough information to help me understand the terms of your contract. Now, I’ll make sure all of the provisions are in order. I’ll discuss my research with Ed tomorrow and we’ll be ready to speak with you when you return to the office next Tuesday.”

  “Thank you for your help. Tah.”

  I wondered what “Tah” meant, but it didn’t matter, I was beaming. She spoke like an angel and I couldn’t wait to see her again.

  The next day, when Ed came into the office, I approached him even before he could open the paper. “Ed, I looked over Annette’s contract yesterday and everything looks in order. I’d like to sit in when you meet with her next Tuesday. I’d like to learn by watching you.”

  Ed nodded his head, opened his paper, and found the crossword puzzle.

  Tuesday came and Annette arrived at eleven o’clock to meet with Ed. As she entered the office, I introduced myself telling her it was a pleasure to speak with her last week. I showed her into Ed’s office and helped her into one of the two chairs across the desk from him. Once she was comfortably seated, I took a seat in the other chair.

  Ed watched my every move looking at me in a way I interpreted to mean, “What the hell are you doing?”

  Once he broke his stare, Ed proceeded to go over the contract and answered all of her concerns. At the end of the meeting, he told her the contract provisions were fair to both her and to the company she’d be representing. He then pointed out another consideration.

  “Annette, your ability to collect your compensation will depend upon the viability of the company. I’m concerned since you told me this is a new company. If they’re not well-capitalized or if there are delays in their ability to collect receivables, you may not be paid on time or even paid at all. You’ll have to be the best judge of those concerns, unless you want me to do an asset check on them. Or, you may want to insist the owner of the company individually guaranty the payments to you.”

  “That’s good advice. I’ll ask him to be the guaranty, but I doubt he will do so. I think he’s honorable; I’ll have to trust him for a while. I’m willing to take that risk.”

  Annette thanked Ed and me. She rose and asked Ed, “How much do I owe you for your fine services? I am prepared to pay you today.”

  Ed smiled and responded, “We’ll send you a bill.”

  She smiled and proceeded out of his office.

  Sensing it might be the last time I’d get to speak with her, I followed her out of the office to the elevators. As the elevator opened, I motioned her in and then entered. On the ride down, I filled the time with small talk.

  She smiled, giving the impression she was not put off by my chatter. When we reached the ground floor, I let her exit first. As she proceeded toward to the parking garage attendant, I stopped her. My stomach felt like it was still in the elevator; my insides were still moving.

  “Annette, would you have lunch with me?”

  Without a moment’s hesitation, she responded, “Oh, that would be lovely, but I can’t today. I have many errands to run.”

  I could not let her get away without another attempt.

  “What about any day this week or even next week?”

  She looked at me smiling slightly.

  “I’ll be home tomorrow reviewing some paperwork and the specs for the PC models. Would you like to come by at noon? I’ll order some sandwiches from the deli.”

  Would I? I needed to be cool so I steadied myself and took a deep breath.

  “That would be fine, I’ll be there,” I said, pleasantly, as a huge roar of triumph reverberated inside of me.

  She gave me her address which I had already extracted from Ed’s notes. We said good-bye.

  I floated back to the office knowing I was going to have lunch with the most beautiful woman I’d ever met. Annette was definitely a ten; she was the type of woman who got stared at wherever she went.

  I stopped at the local flower shop, picked up a bouquet of red roses; I continued on to her house. As I got out of the car and walked up the driveway to her front door; my heart skipped a beat, butterflies invaded my stomach, and my hands shook. I held the flowers in one hand trying to steady the other to knock on the door. When I couldn’t steady my free hand, I hit the door with the hand holding the flowers. When she answered, the sight of her took my breath away.

  Annette sensed my uneasiness inviting me into her home; a single level ranch-style house with a large picture window framing her backyard. She led me into the kitchen, where we sat at an antique kitchen table covered by a spread of cold cuts, rye bread, mustard, dill pickles, and sodas. I sat transfixed as Annette made us sandwiches.

  I started to relax as she told me the story of her life. She was born in Auckland, New Zealand where she lived for the first twenty years. When her parents divorced, she came to the United States with her father. She described her mother as a “very unpleasant woman.” She had to get away from her and her ticket out of New Zealand was her father. Once here, her father met a woman named Gloria; they got married and had a son named David. Her stepbrother worked in the film industry as an assistant director.

  Annette told me her memories of the beautiful countryside of New Zealand and how they were marred by the presence of the Japanese ships in the harbor near her home.

  Up until the last thing she said, I smiled at every word.

  Then, I shook my head to think about her comment and inquired, “What was so special about Japanese ships in the harbor?” I asked, confused.

  “It was World War II,” she said looking at me as though I should have known.

  “World War II?” I said stunned. “Annette, my mother told me never to ask a woman her age, but how could you remember the Japanese ships in the harbor? You weren’t born yet, were you?”

  “I was born in 1935.”

  It was the early part of 1978. I was twenty-seven and Annette was forty-two; a fact that took me by surprise.

  “Annette, not that forty-two is old, but you look around my age. What is your secret?”

  “Lots of good exercise and sex.”

  Was that my cue? Although I was pretty naïve, that seemed to be an invitation; I guess she wasn’t a prude.

  I quietly gulped, thinking what to do next, then I deferred into more conversation.

  “Annette,” I asked sheepishly, “tell me more about you.”

  “I’m divorced. My ex-husband is a doctor who lives a few blocks away. We have two wonderful sons, he sees them every other weekend and one night during the school week. The boys are twelve and ten; we have a great relationship.”

  “Annette,” I said with more confidence, “I have a confession to make. When I saw you come into Ed’s office for the first time, I thought I’d just seen an angel. After you left, I offered to look over your contract. Ed was okay with that; he always wants me to broaden my horizon as a young lawyer, but I really wanted to talk to you. I was so happy when we spoke on the phone; I couldn’t wait until you came back to see Ed again. When our meeting on Tuesday was over, I followed you out; I didn’t want to let you slip away. Then, magic occurred when you invited me here to have lunch with you. I want you to know, I’m so happy to be here.”

  She stood up and kissed me
lightly on the lips. “Those are such sweet words. You’re kind and you have this wonderful quality about you; I don’t find that in most men.”

  I was immediately consumed with the feeling I wanted this woman in the worst way. I reached toward her and she moved gracefully into my arms. We had a long kiss followed by a warm and tender French kiss. After my French kiss several years ago with Terry Jane, I thought it wasn’t a particularly healthy thing to do. Now, I was prepared to have any disease if I could be with Annette.

  Once our lips parted, Annette took my hand and led me across the house to her bedroom. She had a king-size bed on a brass frame with six pillows and a beautiful earth-tone bed cover. A large window afforded a view across the yard ending in a landscaped hillside rising to the property above.

  As we entered the room, we resumed kissing and then quickly found ourselves lying naked on the bed with my hands roaming her body. I touched her neck and then her breasts. She sighed. She was a beautiful spirit lying next to me. As my hands traveled further, my touch elicited a deep moan such as I had never heard before; exciting me to heights I’d never imagined.

  After our lovemaking was over, I rolled onto my back; I couldn’t believe I just made love to this beautiful woman who was so in touch with her body and her pleasures. Suddenly, I realized we had made love in front of the open window.

  “Annette, I hope my mother wasn’t watching.”

  She started laughing and couldn’t stop. She hugged me as she tried to control herself.

  Chapter 26

  “Are you making this up?”

  “No, Dr. Fox. This happened.”

  “I am very intrigued. Do you see what you’re doing to me? I feel like a voyeur. I want to know more.”

  “I will tell you the rest of the story.”

  “Let me compose myself. Okay. Please continue.”

  Chapter 27

  1978-1980

  Within a few weeks of our lunch, Annette and I drove up to Cambria, a small town along the central coast of California just north of San Luis Obispo. Cambria is noted for pristine beaches, nearby vineyards, good restaurants, and its close proximity to Hearst Castle in San Simeon. I found a nice inn on Moonstone Beach reserving a room with a fireplace and a view of the ocean.