“One day, he was walking in search of some stray goats. As always, his wife was behind him. He saw the goats on the other side of the river; he crossed safely, but his wife slipped and was carried away by the current. She was never seen again.
“About a year after her death, the man met another woman from a nearby village. This woman didn’t like to do work and was very demanding, but the man was lonely and he took her as his new wife.
“The new wife didn’t rise early in the morning and she didn’t work at his side. Instead, she demanded gifts and he gave them to her.
“When the man walked with his new wife, she walked at his side.
“One day, they encountered the same river. This time the man picked up his new wife and carried her safely across.
“A nearby villager saw this and inquired, ‘Why do you carry this wife across the river when the other wife always walked on her own?’
“Without any hesitation, the man replied, ‘I appreciate all that this wife does for me.’
“Jake, I feel like that first wife. She was a woman of substance who gave the villager so much and, yet, he didn’t respect her. Why? What was missing in him that he couldn’t see all that she gave to him?
“I gave everything I had to Egal. Yet, I always felt like I was walking behind him and I won’t do that again. This time I will assert myself. I want an honest man who’s kind and caring; I won’t settle for anything less.”
Sharon started to cry, I moved towards her. I leaned over to hold her and could smell the fresh sweet fragrance of her hair.
Sharon looked into my eyes. “You know, you have the same horsepower as me.”
“Do you mean my mind works as fast as yours?”
“Yes. My close friend Hannah said I need to find a man with the same horsepower. Most men can’t keep up; I move and think too quickly.”
I nodded that I understood. “I guess that’s a good business trait, but when I’m here alone with you, I’d like to drop that RPM to just above idle. I want to enjoy every minute with you. And, I have a whole new area for us to explore, namely, why do you light the candle at the end of the Sabbath?”
Sharon smiled and laughed.
Little did I know that with this question I had begun to “dig” deeper into Sharon’s soul.
Chapter 41
Sharon took a deep breath to relax before she told me why she lit a candle.
“Never believing my marriage would end in divorce, when it happened, I felt like I was caught in an emotional free fall; I fell into such a deep emotional hole, I was afraid I’d never find my way back to the top.
“You know how people say drug addicts have to hit rock bottom before they realize what a bad turn their life took? That’s similar to how I felt. I couldn’t reach down inside myself to find the bottom of my emotional hurt to be able to pull myself up and become centered again. Instead, I felt worthless and alone. I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings; I went to therapy hoping to be able to restore my sense of worth. My therapist helped me to see who I was so I could deal with Egal’s rejection. But, I needed more; I needed something else to believe in.
“I found a small reform temple in Woodland Hills. The best part of my temple experience is the Rabbi. He was more than a person who leads the prayers. He was a Rabbi in the true sense of the word; a spiritual teacher who taught classes at the temple.
“For the past four years, I attended Sabbath services at the temple and for the first three years, I took classes every Wednesday night. Here I am born Jewish, yet, I knew very little about our Jewish history or the meaning of the prayers. I felt strange at first, but each class brought me closer to being a Jew; I got in touch with my inner being; I was able to develop my relationship with God.
“Now, when I attend services or follow the rituals at home, I’m at peace and I feel connected with God. Tonight, when I lit the candle you saw me pause for a few moments facing the light with my eyes closed; I see the light illuminating my heart and soul. This ritual takes me away from my normal daily routines to focus on myself, my values, and all the good things around me.
“Jake, I’d like you to come to temple with me, even if you don’t believe in God like I do; that’s not important to me. It will help you to understand my spiritual side; if we’re going to continue to see each other and develop a relationship, is very important to me that you experience the temple with me. Without the temple in my life, I’m not Sharon.”
Her words sounded familiar. I was brought back to my relationship with Annette; what she was trying to teach me.
I recalled how I used to laugh at people who were observant; I thought their devotion interfered with their enjoyment of life. Now, I know how wrong I was. Sharon needed to know I understood.
“I also spent time with a therapist who helped me understand my past relationships,” I explained. “She kept telling me I’d know when the right woman came along; I’d want to explore her deep emotional layers. If I turn my back on your spiritual side, then I’m turning my back on you. I’d miss out on our relationship and that’s something I don’t want to happen. So Sharon, I’d like to learn more about you; I will go to temple with you.”
She smiled and gently touched my arm. “Thank you, Jake. I’m not trying to convert you; I just want to share the sermons and my thoughts about how they affect me. By coming with me, even once in a while, you will better understand what I’m talking about.”
She came closer to kiss my lips. “Now that I’ve told you about my spiritual feelings, I want to share with you my relationship with God. Jake, I feel that there is more to life than just the decisions we make. I fully recognize we make decisions affecting our lives, but there are things that occur in the universe which have no logical explanation. Think about it, what brought us back together after thirty years? I don’t have the answer, but I have a commitment to God trusting that by being a kind person my journey through life will be filled with positive energy; prepared to accept the things I cannot affect nor can I explain.
“When I pray to God, I don’t ask him for things. He isn’t there like Santa Claus to bring me gifts when I’ve been good. God is there to help me find myself. What I want from God is peace of mind and the tools to deal with the issues of my life. By leaning to relax, to be aware, to be kind, and to focus on the positive aspects of my life; God has given me the gifts of stability, dignity, and security.
“I want to put you at ease about one more thing. I’m not a fanatic about God or my temple. My experiences have taught me about living life in moderation and enjoying what I have. Instead of putting value on material things, I put value on a person’s good character. Instead of chasing money as though it were the air I breathe, I pursue meditation to ease me through the stressors of life.
“Now that I’ve brought you a little more into my world, you still owe me more information about you. But, before you share your life story, come into the kitchen with me. I want to see your handsome face while I finish preparing dinner.”
In the kitchen, Sharon moved gracefully from one work station to the next. I found myself mesmerized by the artful way she prepared the meal. I became joyful at the way she cut the carrots into precise pieces ready for our salad. Was I in love or had I consumed too much wine?
Once the preparation was completed, we sat down to a delicious meal of Greek salad followed by chicken kabob, rice, and asparagus. Our dinner conversation went from the spiritual to my past relationships.
After dinner, I offered to clear the table and wash dishes.
“Stop,” Sharon commanded. “I don’t want to lose a second with you, leave the dishes. Let’s go into the living room to talk. I’ll do them after you leave.”
“Sharon, it’s the least I can do. The food was incredible; I want to help you clean up. Remember, I wanted to cook for you.”
She laughed. “Just sit with me; we have so little tim
e together. I don’t want to waste it on dirty dishes.”
We talked a little longer as we enjoyed the ice cream. At her request, I told her some more about the conference in Palm Desert; she said she would think about it. The mere fact she was considering it filled me with joy.
I told her I would be leaving Wednesday for four days in Las Vegas. “This is a semi-annual trip I take with a few friends,” I explained. “We go to the Sports Book in one of the hotels to watch sports all day. Every year I can’t wait to go and spend time with my friends and then I can’t wait to get home. I’ll have my cell phone with me; we can talk while I’m there.”
Looking at my watch, I saw it was time to think about leaving. When I turned to say good-bye, she looked at me with her beautiful eyes and said, “I had a wonderful time. It was important to talk about my feelings. And Jake, thank you for sharing.”
“Sharon, thank you. Dinner was delicious. It was great being with you.”
I kissed her lightly on the lips and left.
Chapter 42
The following Monday morning, Sharon called to tell me she was sending me a text message. I knew about text messaging, but I had never sent or received one. Within seconds, I received my first message, “Thinking of you.”
On Wednesday, I left for Las Vegas with my friends Al and Jim. We’ve been taking this trip together twice a year for over fifteen years; once for March Madness and, again, during football season in late October. We’d watch as many games as possible; laying a ten dollar bet on each game.
We checked into our hotel Wednesday night with the first games starting Thursday morning at nine. The plan was to watch the games from Thursday until noon on Saturday.
The camaraderie is what makes these trips so great. We analyze the games together, bet together, and scream together. On the last night of the trip, we have dinner at a great steak house.
On the second day of the trip, during a two-hour break between games, I went back to my room to catch up on some lost sleep. Just as I was starting to doze off, Sharon called my cell phone; she wanted to tell me about her day at work and that something “odd” happened.
A man, who was a friend of one of her associates, came to Sharon’s office. Apparently, after the associate told him all about Sharon, he wanted to meet her.
Sharon described him as nice looking, but self-absorbed. He told her about his “leach ex-girlfriend” and that he was now searching for the right woman. He implied he was willing to give her a chance.
As I was listening to her describe the “odd” encounter, I wondered why she was telling me this. Here I was in Las Vegas with my friends and she was telling me about some other man, when she knew I cared about her.
It didn’t make sense to me: Was there another reason she was telling me this? Maybe she wanted to go out with him and needed to bounce it off someone first. Was I that someone—the most convenient person she could talk to?
Sharon continued on for about ten minutes and then said, “I really appreciate you listening to me. I feel close to you; you’re the only one I would tell this story to. You need to know it’s not that I want to go out with him, I just want you to know everything in my life.”
With relief in my voice, I said, “Thank you. I was a little concerned where all of this was going, but now that I understand why you are telling me this, I’m so happy you shared it with me.”
When we got off the phone, her words were ringing in my ear; she wanted me to know everything in her life. She wanted to share and be honest with me. Then, I remembered Dr. Fox.
On the Monday after I got back from Las Vegas, I told Sharon I wanted to see her on Saturday. “Are you free for dinner Saturday night?”
“I can’t,” she said. “I have family commitments during the evenings this weekend. However, I’m free on Saturday morning. Come over at nine for breakfast.”
“Fine, what can I bring?”
“Thank you, but I have everything. I just want you.”
It was a slow week for me; I couldn’t wait to see Sharon. Finally, Saturday arrived and I got up at seven-thirty. Following my usual morning routines, I dressed into my best tan khakis and a yellow Polo shirt.
Since I couldn’t show up empty-handed, my first stop was a bakery in Encino where I purchased a loaf of fresh out-of-the-oven sourdough bread. When I got to Sharon’s, I was lucky to find nearby street parking.
Walking through the outside gate toward her unit, my heart was racing. I had to stop and take a deep breath before I could steady myself to knock.
Sharon invited me into the living room where a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice waited for me on the coffee table. I walked into her kitchen and deposited the bread. When I returned to the living room, instead of taking the juice, I moved towards Sharon to kiss her. Her lips were full, soft, and inviting. As my arms went around her, I could feel Sharon was calm; her horsepower was idling. She looked into my eyes and said, “I’m getting attached to you. When you were away, I missed you.”
“Sharon, I love being with you.”
Sharon’s look told me she was lost in her thoughts. “Right now, my brain tells me to resist our relationship. But, ‘the light in my heart’ is telling me something different. My heart wants me to give you a chance. Am I ready?”
“Sharon, I won’t let you down.”
She responded with a soft kiss on my lips.
I smiled to ease the tension within me. “Sharon,” I said as my smile became wider. “Though my body is aching for you, my brain has all of my systems in check; I don’t want to scare you away. I know it’s too soon for you, but when you’re comfortable, I’ll cherish your signal that you’re ready for me.”
Then, I started laughing, “And honey, I don’t want to miss that signal.”
She laughed too and responded, “You won’t.”
We shared a long and fulfilling kiss, then she added, “You know, I invited you for breakfast. I want to make sure you’re well fed; that you eat healthy when you’re with me. As much as I enjoy these kisses, they’re not nutritious.”
“Sharon,” I laughed, “if we keep kissing maybe I can lose a few pounds.”
She took my hand and led me to the kitchen where she made me the most wonderful omelet with two cheeses, tomatoes, olives, and pickles. To complement the omelet, she served the fresh sourdough bread with fresh peach jam. The coffee was her special latte.
As we lingered over breakfast, I shared the disappointments experienced in my marriage to Diana and my inability to understand what Annette was trying to teach me. Sharon listened and thanked me. She offered some observations; which I acknowledged. It was interesting how her comments mirrored those of Dr. Fox. Afterwards, I told her about my last session with Dr. Fox; how she had helped me.
Our conversation turned to movies as we discovered our shared love of classic films. Soon, we were cuddled together on the couch watching Sharon’s copy of “Casablanca.” When the movie was over, Sharon had tears in her eyes.
“How could she leave him and get on that plane?” she sobbed. “It makes me sad thinking she had to give up the man she loved.”
“Sharon, it’s like your feelings about God. Deep down inside, both of them knew there were greater forces preventing them from being together. I love the characters in this movie and the ending is perfect. If Ilsa stayed with Rick, the audience would have lost respect for them. But, she did the honorable thing by getting on the plane with Victor Laszlo.”
Sharon wiped her eyes and blew her nose before she spoke, “I agree. Thankfully, for us the super forces seem to be keeping us together.”
By late afternoon, she needed to start preparing food for the evening’s family gathering. I knew it was time for me to go, though I wanted to stay.
Chapter 43
April 1998
Our relationship was now in full bloom. Sharon and I spent every weekend toge
ther as well as once or twice during the week. As our relationship grew, we became more comfortable and relaxed being with each other; our conversations became more personal and open.
In April, I met Sharon at her temple in Woodland Hills for Saturday morning services. The temple sanctuary was quite modest with seats for three hundred congregants.
The service began with the Cantor playing his guitar and singing Israeli folk songs. The mood among the congregants was nothing short of joyful; all the seats in the sanctuary were filled with everyone singing, clapping, and swaying to the music.
The Rabbi read a selection of prayers, following each one with an explanation of its meaning. On this first visit to the temple, I was fortunate enough to see a bar mitzvah boy read a portion from the Torah as he stood on the bema surrounded by several generations of family who were filled with joy as he entered Jewish manhood.
When the Torah reading concluded, it was returned to the ark. As the Rabbi moved to the center of the bema to give his sermon, calm settled over the synagogue. Everyone in the congregation was alert and ready to receive his thoughts.
“We’re a society emphasizing youth and new things. Look closely at the advertisements in our newspapers, magazines, and television. Beautiful, young models are being used to sell their products. Along with youth, advertisers emphasize the importance of new. Whether it’s the new season of television shows or the newest soft drink; Madison Avenue wants us to use their newest products. If we follow this logic, ‘old is passé, new is in.’
The Light in My Heart Page 18