“What are you talking about?”
He took a step toward her, and her finger twitched against the trigger.
“Come even an inch closer, and I’ll end this conversation.” She meant it, and her hard tone told him so.
He studied her. “You just might…I’ll let you say good-bye to him.”
His eyes, momentarily red, rolled back and Griffin’s body collapsed. His face contorted and a violent seizure slapped his jerking body against the floor. Bloody saliva dripped from his mouth from the cut on his tongue made by his clamping jaw. Her instinct was to rush to help him, but she never moved.
She waited, unsure whether the seizure would kill him. If it didn’t, she wondered who she would be facing when he woke and wondered how Griffin had ended up with multiple personalities. Was he an innocent victim whose personality had fractured from some terrible childhood trauma? And what about his eyes?
The seizure ended, and his labored breathing slowly returned to normal. Soft groans became unintelligible words and finally mumbled phrases. She waited for what felt like hours for him to regain his senses.
When he did, he sat up. “What happened? What did he do to you?” he asked, his voice catching.
“You don’t remember?”
He shook his head. “I never do,” he whispered. “I wake up in strange places. Sometimes there’s blood, and I never know if the person it came from is alive or dead.” Tears filled his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“What did happen? Where did he come from?”
He winced and held his head. “I have such a headache.”
“Answer me, Griffin.”
He looked up at her beseechingly. He seemed young and a little fragile, and it made her heart contract painfully. He wanted her to let him off easy as she often did when something upset him, but this time she couldn’t.
“Tell me,” she demanded.
“I never knew I would meet a muse. Never knew I’d get the help I needed to take my music to the next level. I was desperate. You know how it is for people like me. We’re obsessed. We’d do anything. We can’t help it. And who knows if I’d ever have met you if my music hadn’t started to take off. You noticed me because the music became great.”
She cocked her head. What was he saying? That he—no, it wasn’t possible. “What did you do?”
He sighed. “The tattoo artist in San Francisco was a witch. We were using Ecstasy together one night. I was trying to reach a different consciousness, to find a source of inspiration that would help me write that one hit song I needed to launch my career. While we were lying there, I was running on about how desperate I was to become one of the greats, and she said she knew a ritual to get me what I wanted. I remember I said, ‘I’ll do anything.’”
Tears streamed down his face, and he sucked in a breath. “The next night, we summoned a demon. It was bloody and painful, but he played music that was so hard and so sweet, it felt worth losing my soul for. He told me I’d become a legend and that he wouldn’t necessarily take my soul. He’d give me the option of buying it back from him. When it was over, my head exploded with creativity. It was fucking great,” he said, crying.
“I didn’t hear from him for a couple of years. I started to wonder if it’d even been real. But then he started to come to me in dreams. He wanted me to perform rituals.” He shuddered. “At first I did. I didn’t want to kill animals, but that’s done all the time, isn’t it? If we’re not vegetarians, animals are slaughtered for us. What’s the difference, right?” He shrugged. “Then you and I met and got involved. And having you as my muse…I could feel the difference. The purity of the way I could create with you. I wanted to be done with the demon. I wanted to make one big sacrifice to buy my soul back. But the thing he wanted would’ve ruined everything.”
“What did he want?” she whispered.
“You.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “They all want you. The ventala. The demons. Other fucking musicians. Everyone always wants me to deliver you to them. Like I’m nothing. Like I don’t matter.” He licked his lips. “Maybe I don’t. But I said no. I told the demon to fuck off. Ditto to the ventala and everyone else. That’s where I draw the goddamned line. But he wouldn’t let it drop. The blackouts I’ve had since I was a teenager got worse, and I started to think I was doing things…or my body was.” He clenched his fists.
“It turns out the demon, that motherfucker, was recruiting. He was making offers to the people around me, setting up his network. He’s got Troy. That sick asshole was trying to cover up something to do with young girls and the demon helped him do it, saved him somehow. Troy let things slip when he thought he was talking to the demon. That’s how I found out that I’m not alone in this body. It’s been a nightmare ever since.
“There’s a female ventala, a real bitch, who’s raised demons. I thought she might know a way I could cut him out of my life. Do some ritual to banish him. I’ve tried to get information, but she’s cagey and I could never trust her with the truth. She’d use it as leverage. Besides if it came down to him or me, she’d probably choose him. I think he’s been screwing her.”
Griffin leaned his back against the coffee table. “I do love you, Cerise. I love you more than anything, more than the fame and a lot more than myself. Sometimes I think I should kill myself. He’s been talking to Hayden. Now he’s hurt you. I’m so fucking sorry.” He swallowed. “And I can’t take this,” he said, his voice catching. “He owns my soul and he’s got a way of smashing it into nothing, so he can use my body. I can’t stop him. There’s nothing I can do. I wish—I wish you’d use that gun on me.”
She sat in the chair, resting the gun on her lap, and cried.
He stood and took a step toward her, but she shook her head.
“Don’t come near me.”
He covered his mouth with his fist and shook his head. The anguish in his eyes devastated her. She wiped the tears away with her left hand while the right held tight to the gun.
“You know I love you,” he said.
“I loved you, too,” she whispered. “But you got involved with me knowing your life was infected with a demon.”
“If I could get rid of it?”
“I’d still never be able to trust you again.”
“No, Cer, c’mon! You have to have a little faith. If I thought we were over, I couldn’t—listen, there isn’t anything we can’t do together. You know that!”
“What I know is that you didn’t warn me. You knew he was using your body and you let me get drunk and come here alone with you. He used your body to rape me.”
“I never thought he’d hurt you! You’re important to him. I never thought he’d do anything like what happened tonight. You have to believe that!”
“Do I? Do I really?” she spat. “He’s a demon. Are you really surprised he does evil things?” She glared at him. “I think you knew something like this could happen and probably would. But you were selfish. You wanted your music and me and the life you sold your soul for. Now you expect me to say that everything will be okay if you can get someone to exorcise him from your body? How can you ask that of me after what you did?” She shook her head. “It’ll never be okay, Griffin. And as long as he can take control of your body, you’re a danger to everyone you know. You should be locked up.”
“Do you want me to kill myself, Cerise? Is that what you want? Because I think you’re saying that you’re not just gonna leave me, you’re going to ruin my life. If I couldn’t play music—”
“That’s what you’re worried about?” she roared. “Your career? Aren’t you afraid of what else he’ll do using your body?”
He held out a hand. “No, because now you know. You can watch me. And I’ll do anything you say. See a priest. Another witch. Anything to get rid of him! Just help me.”
“What if there’s no way to get rid of him? What if while you’re trying to find a way, he hurts me even worse or hurts Hayden or Jersey? Look at the thing
s he was putting in that duffel bag. It looks like stuff that would belong in a serial killer’s bag. He could already be killing people.”
“No. He wouldn’t risk me getting accused of murder and having my body arrested. Murder’s petty to him. He’s planning something big. And as long as we can keep him from doing that, we’ve got time to get rid of him.”
“There’s no ‘we’ in all this, Griffin. I don’t want to be anywhere near him.” She shook her head for emphasis. “You should turn yourself in to the police and confess to what he did to me. If you’re in jail, he won’t be able to do the same kind of damage. You can try whatever you want while you’re in custody. Read the Bible, pray, see a minister or a priest. Try everything.”
“Are you kidding me? Get locked up? I paid for this life with my soul. Please don’t ask me to give it up. I can’t do that. It’s not fair. I’ll find a way to keep him from hurting people.”
“Go,” she said flatly.
“Leave? Now?”
“Right now.”
“No, I’m not going. Not until you swear you won’t go to the police and accuse me of something. Not until you say you’ll think about this and try to help me figure a way out of it. You love me. You can’t just give up on me because I made one mistake when I was twenty years old. Think about the times we’ve had, how happy we’ve been.”
“Get. Out.”
His eyes narrowed and his face hardened. “Listen, this isn’t just my problem. He’s been with you. He’s marked you. He’ll use that connection against you, and you’re the key to whatever he’s got planned. Something that’ll create hell on earth.”
She raised the gun. “If you don’t leave, I’ll help you get rid of him once and for all.”
He shook his head. “So you’re just going to abandon me? I wouldn’t have done that to you. I would’ve stayed with you no matter what. I was going to marry you.”
“You can’t give yourself to me, Griffin. You already gave yourself to a demon.”
“Are you going to the police?”
“You should do it yourself.”
“And if I don’t?”
She bit the inside of her cheek, staring at the face of the man she loved. Losing him would tear her heart out, but she didn’t let her voice quaver when she said, “Then yes, I’ll do it for you.”
“Shoot me. If you want to destroy me so much, just get it over with.”
She winced, knowing that she probably should, but she just couldn’t. Not when he sat there quietly, staring at her with begging eyes. She shook her head. “Just leave. Haven’t you put me through enough tonight?”
His eyes rolled back and his body shuddered, then red eyes stared out at her. The demon clapped his hands. “Well played. I’m sorry we won’t have more time together, Cerise.”
He darted forward and slammed a hand against her wrist as she pulled the trigger. The shot went wide, and the gun flew from her grip. They rolled on the floor, over and over, until the back of her head hit the wall.
He’ll kill me.
Through a haze, she grabbed Griffin’s hair and slammed his head on the floor. The red eyes blazed, and his hands closed on her throat.
She knocked her head into his and brought her arms up between his and forced them apart. When he lost his grip on her, she sucked in a breath and continued to batter him.
“Fucking useless mortal body,” he snarled.
She slammed the heel of her hand into his chin and he fell back. They scrambled toward the gun, and she reached it first. He sprinted across the room as she fired.
He flung the front door open, and she chased him outside. Something wet and foul splashed on her face. Snow mixed with something. The world spun.
She stumbled back, trying to wipe the poison off.
The demon swaggered to the edge of the porch. She tried to aim, but her eyes wouldn’t focus. She had to escape. She fell back into the house.
Lock the door!
She saw Griffin’s body jerk and fall to its knees.
“Not now, boy. I swear I’ll kill you,” he growled.
Cerise dragged herself up and wobbled to the door. She caught the edge and swung it. When she crashed to her knees, she heard him say, “I’ll be back for you, Cerise. And you won’t see us coming.”
She slammed the door shut and fumbled to turn the dead bolt. Then the world tilted and she slumped on the floor, fighting to stay awake.
No! Keep the gun! Stay awake. He’s coming back.
Blind terror made her feel sick, but she couldn’t sit up, and within moments everything began to fade. The pain of what Griffin had done. The details of the attack.
Had it really happened? The world felt hazy, like she’d been half asleep. Had it been a nightmare?
No.
Yes?
Emotions receded and with them her sense of herself. Dampened like a wet cloth had been draped over her, her life and her magic were muted, but the terrible pain was fading, too.
It was just a bad dream.
Rocked from the memory world, Cerise looked around. Sitting in Lysander’s living room, everything came into sharp focus. She felt as if a veil had been lifted. Her power surged, lightning streaking along her nerves.
She also felt all the pain and revulsion she’d suppressed. She’d been in love with someone who’d bowed to a demon.
I didn’t want to face it. When Reziel rolled my mind back, I was willing to let go of the truth to spare myself. I wanted so much to believe that Griffin had loved me the way I needed to be loved. I wanted to keep feeling how I’d felt when I was with him. Reziel exploited my pride, my desperation to be that girl—muse to a rock star, the great love of his life. I was used and abused. And then I forgot.
She swallowed. A muse is no match for a demon in disguise.
She looked up at the ceiling.
Forgive me. I protected my ego instead of protecting a divine gift. Let me recognize my enemy in whatever form he takes and I promise not to make that mistake again. Ever.
As though her soul was made of guitar strings, she felt heaven strike a chord.
Chapter 28
“Did you take a play from your lover’s playbook? The silence, that’s Merrick’s thing,” Hayden said, nodding for Alissa to climb into the helicopter.
“You’ll know soon enough what Merrick’s thing is,” she said.
“Think he’ll rescue you?” he asked, smirking as he shoved her inside with the gun pressed precariously to her ribs.
“He will, if I haven’t escaped myself before then.”
He laughed. “Want to try your magic on me again? It worked so well for you the first twenty times you tried it.”
“What have you done to yourself, Hayden? To not feel the pull of muse magic, you must have cut yourself off from humanity.”
“Well, I crowned Jersey and shot your father and your bodyguard. Don’t you think that would be enough?”
“No. Even murderers have some traces of humanity left.”
“I must be in a class by myself,” he sneered. “Why aren’t you sobbing?”
“I’m in a class by myself, too,” she said coolly, though inside she felt ill.
“Not even going to mourn your father and bodyguard?”
“They’re not going to die.”
When Alissa had bent over her dad, his wound hadn’t looked severe, though it had been hard to tell in those brief seconds. But Ox had been shot several times. At least he’d been breathing. She hoped he’d heard her voice when she whispered to him. Just the thought of the attack made her stomach knot. He’d been a loyal friend to Merrick and so protective of her and her dad ever since they’d come to the Varden. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She wouldn’t cry. Not yet. And never in front of the man who’d shot them.
“They’re not going to die? Why not?”
“Because I told them not to. Their humanity’s intact. My magic works on them.” She stared daggers at him. “They’ll be found in time.”
“I d
oubt it, but it makes no difference to me either way.”
“What do you care about?”
His eyes narrowed. “Go back to being silent,” he hissed.
“Why? What don’t you want me to know?”
He raised his hand. She didn’t flinch. When he actually did strike her, she deflected the blow fairly well, but it still knocked her back onto the metal floor.
“If you’re smart, you’ll shut up when I tell you to.”
“If you’re smart, you’ll let me go before you end up like the last man who tried to kidnap me. I decapitated him.”
He smiled. “You’re an icy bitch. I almost hate to kill you.”
“The feeling’s not mutual.”
They lapsed into silence for a few moments, then he said, “Merrick’s Lysander’s best friend. How did that happen? The ventala are beneath an angel’s notice unless they attack one. Is that how they met? Merrick managed to kill a demon, and Lysander befriended him?”
All That Falls Page 30