by C. A. Worley
Chapter 19
Marrok appeared in the meadow. His upturned lips flattened when he saw the state of his mate.
Evelyn was fully clothed, head to toe. A cloak buttoned high on her neck. Her hair was in a severe braid when she only ever wore it down for him. Though her skin was tan, he could see the distinct feature of dark circles under her eyes.
Striding to the table where she sat, he knelt in front of her. His hands landed on her knees just above her tall black boots. His fingers pressing into the soft fabric of her riding breeches.
Evelyn wore nightgowns when they met. Small, dainty, flimsy coverings he could easily remove. She hadn’t worn daytime clothing in so long, he almost forgot what she looked like covered.
She also hadn’t ran into his arms the second he appeared, which troubled him more than the outfit she wore. His eyes searched her troubled face.
He hadn’t felt any severe distress through their connection. The only sign she might be upset came a few nights ago. The flicker of jealously and sadness he’d experienced in the middle of the night was the same one he always had whenever she dreamt of Melena.
It had rarely affected Evelyn to the point she was standoffish with him. Damnit. She must have seen something she hadn’t wanted to see. He wanted to curse Fate for inflicting such suffering onto his saatus.
“Tell me what you saw,” he urged, without any preamble for what he was asking.
Evelyn drew in a slow, purposeful inhale, gathering the air like it could fuel her courage. “I think it best if you take them from my mind. There were quite a few this week.”
Marrok lifted his hands, gently placing them on each side of her face. He could see without touching her, but touch allowed him to feel the emotions she felt in the memories.
Memories, many long forgotten, played out in his mind. Most of them were innocuous. He waited patiently for the ones he knew had hurt his mate.
He flinched when he saw Melena in her wedding gown, marching down the aisle. How had he missed her eyes upon the throne, not upon him? The hit to his psyche came hard.
The memory altered and it took him a second to realize he was seeing from inside Melena. Her cousin, Caleb, was behaving as his usual self. Detestable.
He was threatening Melena, warning her to keep some secret. It raised Marrok’s hackles despite the fact both Caleb and Melena were long dead. Caleb had been killed by Kellan for his misdeeds in helping to poison the wolf’s father.
His life ended the day before Melena took her own. She wasn’t fond of Caleb, so Marrok had never seen the timing as anything other than a sad coincidence.
Marrok had to wonder why Caleb’s mention of Melena being his only heir sounded like a threat. He’d left behind no offspring and his assets had been spread among his living family, though the bulk of it was to go to Melena. The entire exchange was baffling.
The image of Caleb’s sneer gave him pause. The bastard had been the demon member of Sephtis Kenelm. Few knew of this fact. Only Brennen and a handful of his people, Marrok included, were present when it was revealed.
Kellan had needed permission to hunt Caleb down on Sundari land. With King Edward at his back, Brennen could only grant permission or else risk the wrath of the other kingdoms. Even The Heartless King of Prajna had acquiesced, and he bowed to no one.
Melena must have known Caleb was part of the brotherhood. It was the only logical explanation for their discussion. She took her cousin’s secret with her to the grave.
He had no time to think on it before the scene changed once more. He watched Melena put away the vial of poison that would later take her life.
Old wounds reopened listening to Melena tell Bogdan about her visions. By accepting the poison, she was giving Marrok a chance to find his saatus, to have children, something he cared nothing about at the time. Had she really thought he would have ended her life in order to be with another?
Then, the worst of them, for Marrok, at least, was the night he entombed Melena’s corpse. The night he vowed to never love another, not even his mate. Evelyn had heard it all.
A warm hand wiped something damp from his cheek. Marrok blinked, Evelyn’s face coming back into focus. He pulled out of her reach, unwilling to allow her to clean up the evidence of his sorrow. She’d been subjected to more than her fair share of his heartache.
“Those last few were different. Obviously. They felt … I don’t know. Ominous?” she guessed, unable to come up with a better word.
“You probably have much you need to think on,” she continued. “Before I go, I need to ask you something. It’s completely selfish of me, but I need to ask it anyway.”
“Ask it,” he encouraged, sinking his weight onto his heels, still on his knees in front of her.
“If you’d known I was your saatus, and I was here in Gwydion, would you … would you have …” she cleared her throat, wracked with guilt for even thinking to put him in this position. It wasn’t fair of her. She bit her tongue to stop the rest from tumbling out of her impious mouth.
“Are you asking if I would have come for you?”
“Yes.”
“No. Had my wife lived, I would never have come for you.”
Evelyn shook her head, hiding the stabbing cold needles perforating her soul. “No, before she was your wife, before you made promises. If you’d known you would meet your saatus in the future?”
“No, Evelyn. I loved Melena. I doubt I could have willingly abandoned her, even knowing my mate would be waiting for me in Gwydion.”
She nodded, accepting his reply with her eyes glued to his throat. She understood. She didn’t blame him. How could he choose a stranger over his lover? Evelyn felt stupid for even bringing it up. He would have honored his affections for Melena, as he should have.
She closed her eyes, bracing for the answer to her next question. “Could you ever love me the same way you loved her?”
Her breath froze, suspended in her lungs.
Marrok wiped the corners of his mouth, trying to think the best way to answer, to explain to Evelyn without hurting her. How could loving two different women ever be the same?
“I don’t know.”
Evelyn shot up out of the chair and moved to the other side of the table. Marrok rose, calmly approaching her like he would a wild animal.
“Don’t,” she pleaded.
“Let me finish, then, before you run from me. It’s not the same. What you and I have? It cannot be compared to what I had with Melena.”
Evelyn lifted her hands to keep him away, her eyes glassy. She didn’t want to hear anymore.
“I’m not saying this right. With Melena, I chose to court her. I chose to love her. I’m sorry you had to witness it, but she was a choice I made, one that made me very happy at the time.” Then later destroyed him.
“And I was never your choice,” she whispered.
“No, a saatus is not a choice. With you it has been far different. It was an instant connection, my soul wanted you immediately. Protecting you was instinct. Bonding to you was instinct. Once I accepted that I could keep you, everything just sort of fell into place. With you, it’s been effortless.”
“So, you want me because it’s easy for you to be with me? Because of the bond?”
Marrok ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “I’m still not explaining myself very well.”
“No, you’re not.”
His lips twitched. Even in her sadness, his mate never lost her edge.
He should tell her what he felt for Melena couldn’t come close to what he felt for Evelyn. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not without feeling like he had somehow soiled the love he’d felt for his wife.
“I don’t know how to articulate this—”
“I love you,” she blurted.
Marrok didn’t move a muscle. His tongue felt thick and his heart pounded furiously in his chest. His instant erection jerked to full attention, as though it was trying to punch its way out of his pants.
> “Can you say the same to me?”
Marrok balked, caught off guard by her courageous proclamation. Though, it shouldn’t have been a surprise. He already knew she loved him. He felt it every time they touched, felt it in the way she looked at him when he moved inside her body.
It was a precious, precious gift he did not deserve, not when he wasn’t able to easily say it in return. He could feel Evelyn’s severe disappointment with his hesitation.
The words were a reminder of what he could lose, what he had once lost. Marrok had told Melena he loved her. He’d handed his heart over on a silver platter and his wife had ripped it to shreds the second she uncorked that vial.
He’d told his parents he loved them and Brennen murdered them. Marrok never wanted to give another being such power over him, almost fearing if he said it aloud something terrible would happen. Loving Evelyn, then losing her, would surely end his existence.
Evelyn cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It was a fair question.”
“Was it?” she snapped, her tone woven with the regret currently burning holes throughout her insides.
“I pounced the second you finished seeing my dreams. I’m ashamed I’m struggling with this, Marrok. I know the saatus bond is the driving force for demons to mate. I just thought—I hoped—eventually, you would feel the same way I do.”
“Who says I won’t?” Or that he didn’t? It shouldn’t be so difficult to convey what he felt for her.
Love didn’t quite cover the gnawing obsession that never seemed to lesson in the slightest. She was becoming the center of his universe. Why couldn’t he voice it?
Evelyn was a part of him in a way no other female ever could be, she lived inside his very soul. He was glad it was her, that she was his saatus. If he could have picked the traits of the female destined for him, she would come out looking and acting just like Evelyn.
Though young, she was clever beyond her years. She was interesting and good-humored. She made him laugh more than he ever had. He craved her body, her touch, her undivided attention to the point he worried it wasn’t normal.
Marrok ignored her need for personal space and pulled her into his arms. She allowed it and he hugged her tight.
“Evelyn, what I feel—”
“Please don’t. I know you have a lot to sort out with what you saw. Just hold me for a little while, okay?”
He rested his chin upon her head. “Okay.”
Marrok swayed gently with Evelyn pressed tightly against him. He didn’t want her to wake still feeling as she did now. “Tomorrow is Kellan and Nora’s binding ceremony. We only have a little longer before I arrive in Gwydion.”
“I know.”
“Will you meet me tomorrow night?” he asked hopefully.
Once a week was as often as they ever met now. Evelyn needed to clear her head, which was impossible to do while in Marrok’s presence.
“I need a little time, Marrok. We can meet next week, as planned.”
“You mean you need some space. From me.”
“Yes,” she admitted. “Moreover, I think you need to think on this set of memories. Something was going on with Melena. Maybe Fate is trying to tell you to figure it out.”
Maybe if he did, he could move beyond his past, and, thus, so would she. Evelyn knew how hard it was to accept that Melena forfeited her life to give Marrok this chance with Evelyn. Evelyn would not throw away such a sacrifice. She would work to kill the guilt eating away at her soul.
She didn’t dare bring up the fact Melena had seen him with an auburn-haired child, with Evelyn’s child. She batted away the image. It was too much for her heart to handle tonight. She knew he cared for her even if he couldn’t say the words she wanted to hear. For now, it would have to be enough. She could worry about the future later.
“As always, you are the wiser of the two of us, moj draga.”
Evelyn almost smiled. “Can we stay a little longer, like this?”
“Of course. I’ll hold you the entire night if it is your wish.”
Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut, willing back the tears surfacing with his bittersweet offer.
* * *
“This is it? Everything?”
“Yes, Sire. Melena came to you with very few belongings.”
Marrok took stock of the single trunk Favin had pulled out of storage for him. Melena’s entire life pared down to nothing more than a few pieces of jewelry, some books, and several paintings she’d done on small canvases.
She’d inherited land from Caleb. Dying within a day of her cousin, she’d never been able to claim it. Marrok told her father to keep it for himself.
“It might help if you tell me what you’re looking for, Marrok.”
The king rubbed his eyes. “I’m not exactly sure, Favin.”
Liar, his inner demon taunted. He was looking for any clue as to why Evelyn had been privy to Melena’s life outside of Marrok. The demon went along with it in order to please its mate, not because it had any interest in Marrok’s former wife.
“Alright,” his Second said, settling into the chair across from Marrok. “Let’s start with why you want to dig up ghosts from the past. Is it because you ride to Gwydion soon? Are you seeking closure?”
“No.”
Marrok stood and went to the table in the corner. He poured two glasses of whiskey and returned to his desk.
Favin eyed the glass Marrok had all but slammed down onto the dark wood. “Should I be concerned?”
Marrok ignored the question. “I need you to pull a memory from my mind. Evelyn’s dreams have altered. She dreamt of Melena last week.”
“I thought she’d been dreaming of her for a while.”
“This was different. Evelyn dreamt it from Melena’s perspective. I wasn’t in it.”
Favin cocked his head. “I didn’t even know that was possible.”
“It shouldn’t be. Pull the memory.”
Marrok shoved the recollection of Melena and Caleb’s interaction into the forefront of his mind, then the one of her with Bogdan. He didn’t invite Favin to touch him. They didn’t need to share emotions for this.
Once the scenes played out, Favin reached for the whiskey and took a drink. “You want to know if she knew about Caleb.”
“Yes.”
“Does it matter?”
“To me? No. I seek to discover why these are the memories in Evelyn’s dreams. Melena’s knowledge of her cousin means nothing. Additionally, I already knew of her visions and why she believed she was doing me a favor by ending her life. The question is, why does anyone need to see these two memories? I can guess about Caleb threatening her not to tell anyone he was Sephtis Kenelm. It’s irrelevant.”
“I think you need to look more closely at the night she was given the poison.”
“Why?”
“Because Bogdan said he wanted what she would give him. I don’t think he was referring to money.”
“What would a stone trader want from Melena?”
Bogdan was renowned in Imperium. His knowledge was vast and he was in high demand. He traded with every faction, especially with the elementals, and worked hard to build his wealth. Coin should have motivated him greatly.
“What, indeed. Of the three in those dreams, he’s the only one still alive. Why don’t you ask him?”
“Send for him. I want him here by the week’s end.”
“You’ll be on your way to Gwydion by then.”
“Then hold him here until I return.”
“As you wish,” Favin replied, then left the study.
Marrok poured the rest of his friend’s whiskey into his own glass. Taking it in sips, he stared at Melena’s belongings, replaying Evelyn’s dreams.
It had only been one day and he missed his little mate. He scratched at the skin over his heart, downing the rest of the alcohol to numb the ache.
Chapter 20
Four days after the solstice …
“If y
ou keep dressing like a male, I’m going to start thinking you don’t want me to touch you.”
Evelyn turned to the reverberating voice behind her. She’d felt Marrok arrive. Sneaking up on her now seemed to be an impossibility.
She walked into his awaiting arms, offering her cheek for him to nuzzle. The sparks of static that had yet to die down tickled her skin where it met his.
“You don’t like my riding breeches?”
“I like them fine. If you were going riding. When we’re together, I like you in your silky night things. Or out of them.”
Her face flushed and her belly tightened with need. Unfortunately, they had things to discuss, and little time to do so.
“I am going riding. I’ll be woken any minute.”
His smile died. “It’s the middle of the night, Evelyn.”
“I’m aware. Sit,” she stepped back and motioned to the chairs at the table. “This has to be fast. We don’t have much time.”
Marrok’s eyes narrowed. His mate’s voice was off, almost hoarse. Her eyes were rimmed red.
“I think I’ll stand and you’ll tell me immediately what has happened.”
“Fine. An attempt was made on Nora’s life, during her welcoming banquet at Castle Burghard. She was—she was poisoned,” she hiccupped, wrestling with the impulse to breakdown. She’d cried enough earlier in the day.
He reached to comfort her and she stepped to the side, waving him off. His hands clenched, but he gave her the space she seemed to need.
“We received word as soon as Kellan could get it to us. She is alive, though I don’t know much more than that. Father says we’re leaving tonight, he fears Eden and I aren’t safe.”
Ideas flew through Marrok, considering any immediate steps he needed to take. Evelyn’s mother had been murdered by members of Sephtis Kenelm. They’d poisoned her. News of a similar attempt on Edward’s youngest child carried echoes of that past event.
Though the brotherhood had been wiped out, Edward was right to worry. If it were Marrok, he’d hide his children away from everyone. Even from a powerful king who wanted to court one of them.