by J. L. Weil
“Me too,” I agreed. I had really missed him.
“We’ve seen more of each other the last few weeks than we have… ever,” he commented about my increase number of dreams.
Yeah we had. Why was that?
I shrugged. “Who knows how my mind works.”
He laughed and put an arm around the back of the bench, encompassing me in his nearness. “I like the way your mind works.” Grinning he inched closer. He was wearing khaki shorts and a polo tee. The air outside was comfortable and sunny. A flock of robins picked at the grass in front of us.
If I didn’t know better the golden boy was flirting with me. “That’s just sad,” I retorted, unable to believe anyone liked my mind.
He laughed. “Oh Brianna, when will you see what I see?”
I had no idea what he saw, but I didn’t think in the real world it would make a difference. “I think you need to get your eyes checked,” I suggested offhandedly.
He ignored my comment. “So have you seen the new guy?” He tried to sound nonchalant, but I could hear the underlying disapproval.
“It’s hard not to. We have a class together.” I was a little annoyed by the fact that he brought up Gavin. There was an accusation that rubbed me the wrong way – a warning, screaming caution. “Does that bother you?” I absently kicked the dust under the bench.
“I’m just curious about him.”
Oh it seemed like a whole lot more than just curiosity. Didn’t anyone ever tell him that curiosity killed the cat? “Why?” I couldn’t resist questioning him to prove it was more.
He gazed out into the park at an aging statue of a horse with a warrior on its back. “I can see the he means something to you,” he finally admitted.
How was I to respond to that when I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling? He was accurate that Gavin meant something to me, but it wasn’t any of his business. And how exactly did he know that? Because I thought about him when I was here with Lukas? My brows muddled in confusion. I couldn’t deny my feelings for Gavin and lying sounded like a bad idea. If he could tell that I cared about Gavin, then it was a good guess he could tell if lied.
“We barely know each other.” I was trying to be evasive.
“I can make you forget him,” he pledged. His emerald eyes locked with mine and he saw the stunned expression on my face. I didn’t want to forget Gavin, but that didn’t stop him from taking full advantage of my speechless shock.
He leaned towards me and pressed his mouth lightly to mine. And I let him. I didn’t pull away, I didn’t stop him – if anything I wanted it. This kiss was a chance I’d wondered about too often to let slip away.
His lips were soft, smooth and dreamy. They moved expertly over mine, drawing out each heavenly sensation and causing me to forget any doubts. The tips of his fingers moved lazily on the small of my back, gently coaxing me closer. He tasted of golden honey and sugary spice. Degree by slow degree I submerged into the kiss, letting it carry me to ecstasy. He cupped the sides of my face, his hands tender, keeping us locked together. His thumb stroked my cheek affectionately. He made my head feel like it was flying with the clouds. Floating on desire that felt endless, the kiss was perfect and sweet.
Perfect except that it lacked the punch my kiss with Gavin had, or the passionate desperation – like my last breathe depended on him. Lukas’s kiss was sweet, compassionate and wistful. I’ve been kissed twice in one evening and they were on irreconcilably planes of the spectrum. Not to mention this was a dream, but it felt just as real.
I knew that just as sure as this kiss would end, I would feel overwhelming guilt. His lips left mine lingeringly and his pure green eyes opened slowly. He kept our faces close and traced a feather soft finger over my thoroughly kissed lips.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he murmured low. “Something for you to think about,” he said, his voice like honey silk.
I didn’t need anything else to think about. The dream started to drift away slowly. I could feel myself being sucked back into my sleeping form. His emerald eyes and the sunny scent of him wafted with me.
Before I was completely tossed out a woman’s raspy voice slipped in through the journey. “Be careful what you trust. Dreams aren’t always what they seem,” she warned, her voice fading off in the distance.
When I woke up in my darkened room, the taste of his honey smooth lips lingered on mine. My body was humming and alive. I lay there the rest of the night feeling exactly what I predicted I would – guilt. The woman’s voice and her warning were long forgotten.
***
When I got to school on Monday, I was in a zombie-like state. Yawning endlessly and my eyes were heavy, like there were weights on them. The extra effort it took to keep them open proved to be too much during first period when I feel asleep on my desk.
Mrs. Schwab’s voice echoed in ears before I fully realized that she wasn’t talking in my head.
“Brianna… Brianna… would you like to join the class?”
Wiping the drool with the back of my hand, I inclined my head towards her voice. “Sorry,” I barely managed to mumble.
She eyed me with disdain. Turning her back on me, she continued her lecture. Austin caught my attention a row over and gave me a, what is up with you look. I sighed and my shoulders slumped in exhaustion.
He walked out with me after class. “Hey babygirl, you okay?”
“I haven’t a clue. Just tired I think.”
“We still on for Friday right?” he asked, reminding me of our plans.
Friday was Halloween night. Tori, Austin, Gavin, Sophie and I planned on going out. It was all Austin’s idea. I loved Halloween and was really looking forward to the scares. We were going to the Haunted Trails at Morris Landing. Sophie, Tori and I even decided to dress up. The three of us were getting together later this week to shop for our costumes. Gavin’s badass claimed he didn’t need a costume – whatever. What fun was that?
“Yeah of course. I am so excited,” I assured.
“I know. It’s going to be a scream.”
I usually laughed at even Austin’s bad jokes. Today I couldn’t even accomplish that. “Funny,” I replied.
“See you at lunch,” he called as we broke off in different directions.
By the time third period hit, I was finishing my second cup of coffee hoping for an adrenaline boost. Gavin caught up with me as I topped of the last of my caffeine and tossed the evidence in the trash. He arched his brow lifting the silver bar in query.
“Why so glum?” he inquired.
A yawn escaped the second I opened mouth. “There is something wrong with me. I shouldn’t be so tired after the amount of caffeine I just inhaled,” I admitted.
He studied my face as we walked. “Didn’t sleep well?”
I shook my head, stifling another yawn “No that’s what’s weird. I slept all night. I shouldn’t be this tired.” Neither of us mentioned the previous night or what I had accused. I was too tired to even care at this point and was glad I couldn’t detect any weird tension.
“Maybe it’s your dreams,” he suggested. “Especially if they’re of me. I could see how that could be disrupting.”
I choked on his words. “Maybe,” I conceded thinking about the dream I had of Lukas and the kiss we shared. God if he only knew, I thought in embarrassment. Better yet I was glad he didn’t.
“They’re probably keeping you up.”
“You’re probably right,” I agreed starting to get a little uncomfortable with this topic. I didn’t want to talk about Lukas with Gavin.
Memories of my dream, I started thinking about Gavin and I. What I couldn’t figure out why Gavin had picked me from all the girls at this school. Surely I wasn’t his first choice. What was so special about me? He’d said that once to me. Maybe some of Sophie’s abrasiveness was rubbing off on me. It was the only excus
e I had for blurting out my thoughts.
“Why did you pick me?”
“What do you mean?” he replied and stopped walking.
This was going to go well. Why couldn’t I just let things be? We were in a good place after last night it seemed, why did I have to go and put tautness between us again? I thought maybe I was trying to sabotage whatever we had going on purpose. “There are hundreds of girls in this school, why did you pick me?” I repeated. A few students passing by on their way to class glanced our way.
“Why is it so hard for you to believe?” He raised his voice an octave.
He answered a question with a question – that was so nerve racking. I shrugged, feeling more exposed than I thought possible and defeated. What kind of admission had I been expecting? That he was madly in love with me and couldn’t live without me?
“It just is,” I argued.
He ran a frustrated hand through his midnight hair, the leather cuff on his wrist slide with the movement. “We have something in common,” he finally admitted.
“What?” I asked taken by surprise and even though I wasn’t expecting a declaration of love, my heart faltered a tad.
“Isn’t it enough that I am attracted to you?” He disputed evasively.
I don’t know, was it? His words affected me, giving me a river of thrilled sensation. I stared at his eyes, waiting to see some form of deceit. They were clear, blue and honest. The bell sounded through the hall announcing the beginning of third period. For now it would have to be enough because we were both late for class and I was too exhausted to continue.
I don’t know how I made it through the whole day. But as soon as last period ended I went home and slept like the dead – dreamless.
Chapter 12
THE NEXT DAY AFTER SCHOOL Gavin came over to study for the upcoming chemistry group test we had the following day. By group test, I meant Gavin and me. While I planned on studying, Gavin was another matter entirely. Honestly I would have preferred to study without him sitting across the bed from me; he was a distraction from even the simplest thoughts, let alone a chapter of science that didn’t make a lick of sense. But he had asked me and I had yet to refuse him anything.
I had the textbook open and a spiral with bare minimal notes spread out around us on the bed. Biting the end of my pencil, I flipped through our study guide Mr. Burke had given us. It outlined the points in the chapter that we would be tested on.
“Are we really going to study?” he asked complaining.
“Yes,” I replied exasperated. “I have to pass this class. So do you.”
He grumbled beside me, doodling on the notebook.
I yanked it out from underneath his pen. “Hey,” he protested. “I wasn’t finished with that.”
“Chemistry remember… we are supposed to be studying.”
“You are a slave driver,” he stated, fumbling with his pen cap.
“You are a slacker,” I contradicted.
“Ouch, can’t we take a break?” He was bordering on whining and I felt like I was babysitting a two year old.
I laughed. “We just started. Here look up question ten in the text.” Hoping that giving something to do would get him involved. I peered at him over the top of our study guide. He was flipping through the pages of our textbook looking so handsome. It was hard to believe that he was here in my room with me. When I imagined dated, I never pictured someone like him – dark, edgy, or with so many pierces. But now that there was a chance that maybe we could date, I didn’t want any other boy at my school. He ruined all other prospects for me.
Yesterday’s tizzy in the hall was forgotten. We couldn’t seem to stay upset with each other and easily forgave our snags – snags that seemed to be me mostly my issue.
Biting the end of my eraser he looked up and caught me staring at him. Of course my cheeks stained pink, he smirked and I quickly went back to our study guide. Now my concentration was all out of whack.
“You’re not studying,” he playfully scolded.
I kicked him light from across the bed. He grabbed ahold of my leg before I had the chance to escape his reach.
“Hey,” I screeched.
“Just remember you started it.” He pulled me by the leg towards him. I was laughing and squealing at the same time. As soon as he had me in his grasps, he picked me up effortlessly and tossed me to the other end of the bed on a pile of pillows. My laughter peeled out over the silence of the empty house, so much for studying.
Sometime later I looked over at the clock on my nightstand. My stomach rumbled in response as I thought about dinner. My aunt wasn’t due home for a few more hours and it was my turn to make dinner. Even with her gone most of the time, she insisted on trying to make sure I had a balanced diet and was well taken care of. I know how much it grated on her that I was alone some much. On her nights, she usually had something in the fridge ready to be cooked or a cold pasta salad.
Tonight the menu was Italian.
“I’m starving.” My stomach protested with my admission. “Do you want to stay for dinner? I’m making lasagna.” I didn’t really want to eat alone and there was always so much, no matter how many nights I ate leftovers.
“You’re cooking?” he asked and scrunched his nose.
I tossed my pencil good-naturedly at him. “I’m a good cook, I’ll have you know.”
He caught the pencil mid-air before it had a chance to hit its target and smirked at me. “Sure, under one condition,” he countered.
“What?” I replied narrowing my eyes cautiously.
“You let me help.”
“Deal. Let’s go before I pass out from hunger,” I said grinning and climbed off my bed, the litter of notes forgotten.
We walked into the kitchen and I preheated the oven. Going to the pantry I started to pull out what I needed, pasta sauce, noodles and spices.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked behind me seated at the island in the middle of our kitchen.
“You can make the salad,” I instructed, setting down the stuff from the pantry I went to the fridge. Pulling out the hamburger and vegetables I placed them on the counter. I handed him a knife from the butcher block. “Can you handle this?”
He lifted his brow. “You haven’t seen anything.”
I went back to the stove, put the hamburger in a pan and set a pot of water to boil. Turning on the burner, I began breaking apart the ground beef and browning it. Looking over my shoulder I checked to see how he was doing chopping the salad.
“You did not just cut up all the vegetables,” I declared mystified by the impossible. There was no way in the time that I turned my back he could have made an entire salad.
“I told you not to doubt me,” he said grinning, so sure of himself.
“What are you a chef? You’re practically failing chemistry, yet you can create a salad in under a minute. What gives?”
“Talent. Do you need help over there?”
“Yeah, boil the noodles smarty pants.”
We worked together in a seamless rhythm. It was like harmony and completely domestic. There was something so homely about having him in the kitchen with me. Maybe it was from growing up without a male figure or maybe it was that he was so familiar with cooking, either way it was nice to not be alone. Cooking for two was not only boring and lonely but lacked the sense of family I missed out on. With the lasagna baking in the oven, we sat at the table, kicked back with the radio on low.
“Where did you move from?” I asked wondering lately where he came from.
“We lived just outside of Chicago, till my dad got the job offer in Jacksonville.”
I was surprised. I didn’t know how many job opportunities there were for a historian. Let alone exactly what a historian did.
“What was it like there?”
“Busy. Windy. Cold.” He grinned.
I rolled my eyes. Those were all things I already knew about Chicago. “Do you miss your old friends?” I asked, secretly wondering if he also had an ex-girlfriend there as well.
He slouched back in his seat and smiled. His whole face relaxed “Yes, sometimes I do. Chicago was where I was born. It was really hard to leave. My friends understood me in ways people here won’t be able to.” His smile drooped and he looked a little lost in the past.
My heart went out to him, I couldn’t even think about leaving Holly Ridge. Starting over somewhere foreign, making new friends, for the socially awkward like me that sounded disastrous. But there was no denying how glad I was that he was here with me instead of in Chicago were we would have never met.
The buzzer sounded on the oven pulling us each from our own thoughts. Dinner was done. Getting up I dished out our plates and brought them to the table. It was so strange having a guy over for dinner – just the two of us. If I wasn’t careful this was something that I could get use to and want more of – time alone with him.
“What makes the people so different here?” I had to ask. And did that include me?
He shrugged, forking a heap of lasagna into his mouth. “Culture I guess, except you. I felt a connection with you the first day we meet. I remember thinking, finally someone who will get me.”
I bit into my garlic bread and thought about the first time I saw him. Maybe I judged him to harshly that day for skipping out on class. I never really thought about what he was going through being the new kid. Or what he had to leave behind. My heart beat a little faster at his admission of the connection we both felt.
“Is that why you ditched on your first day?” I blew off on a bite of steaming lasagna before putting into my mouth.
“Partly,” he admitted. “Mostly I was pissed at my parents, but running into you that day changed my mind about small towns. It’s one of the reasons my mom was so happy we met, helping her angry son make the new town slightly more bearable. You wouldn’t have recognized me had you seen me before that day. I was rebelling every way possible. I don’t think my mom could’ve thanked you enough. She absolutely adores you,” he said polishing off his plate in record time.