by Lavinia Kent
He reached down and took her hand. “I do understand your feelings and I don’t wish to press you, but it’s been months. What has happened to make me believe that anything will change if I give you more time?”
She looked away, staring down at their joined hands. “I do not mean to be such trouble.”
That made him chuckle. He refused to let the morning be ruined. “I do know that, Emma, but we both knew that this would not be easy. It requires large changes on both our parts. And you were the one who said you did not wish me to join you here.”
“I know. But we both know that would not have been a good answer. It is far more sensible for me to take up the life I should have been born to than for you to give up everything.”
“But right now you feel as if you’re giving up everything?”
Her sparkling blue eyes came back to him, and he could see the unshed tears behind them. “Yes, I do. But, and it is a big but, I know I am not. Madame Rouge’s gave me a safe place and a good life, but it was always something I put on when I left my chamber and came downstairs. Emma has always been a part of me.”
“But Ruby has too.”
“Yes. I cannot deny that is true. But you have promised me I can still be Ruby, at least some of the time.”
“I would be disappointed if you were not.” He gave her his best knowing smile.
“Your mind is in the gutter, Captain Price.”
“And here I thought I was dreaming about heaven.”
—
“I am so glad you have come to see me, Emma,” Madame Noir said as Ruby was ushered through the door to her stately sitting room.
In the few days since Derek’s arrival Ruby had been torn by the debate of what to do about the house and about Derek. She could only hope that Madame Noir could give her some answers.
The townhouse was small and cozy but still suited to the duke’s mistress that Madame Noir had been. Every detail was of the highest quality and taste. The rugs were thick and colorful, each porcelain figurine and silver candlestick placed with taste and subtlety.
“Your home is beautiful,” Ruby said, continuing to look around.
Madame sat in one of the wing chairs, her back very straight, and her once-dark hair now streaked with gray.
“Have you never been here?” Madame Noir answered. “I suppose I’ve come to visit you most often since I moved to Cornwall. I always take such pleasure seeing what you’ve done with the house.” Madame Noir turned her head and the sunlight shining through the sheer drapes hit her face, revealing lines that powder could not hide—and the hint of sadness that had lingered in her eyes ever since the death of her duke.
Ruby had often wondered if her own mother would have looked that way if she hadn’t died before Scarlett.
“Now, tell me what has brought you here, Emma. While I always welcome a good visit, it is unlike you to seek me out.”
Ruby paused at the second use of her given name, of “Emma.” Although Madame had called her that since she’d been in short skirts, it hit her as odd. Had she called her Emma when she’d visited in Madame Rouge’s? Ruby could not remember. It had been so many years since anyone save her grandparents and now Derek had used the name—and Derek had a perfect understanding of when she was Emma and when she was Ruby.
“Advice” was all she said.
Madame Noir smiled. “I’ve always had plenty of that. Are you thinking of taking a more permanent lover? Is one of the girls giving you trouble? Or perhaps some patron is indulging in a hint of blackmail? They do like to see what they can get away with.” She paused. “Or is somebody requesting something that you cannot bring yourself to supply? That is always a most difficult situation.”
“I can see that the problems of running a brothel do not change much over time. But, no, it is none of those. Or not quite. I have decided to take a husband.”
“A husband in general or a particular husband?”
“Definitely a particular husband.”
“And does he know—”
“He knows everything and is more understanding than I would have ever thought a man could be, except that…he does not understand why I care so much about who I leave in charge of the house. Tell me, how did you ever decide to trust me, to let me purchase the house? I know it could not simply have been about the money; why would you ever decide that a nineteen-year-old girl could be trusted with the house you had spent so many years building?”
Madame looked her squarely in the eyes and asked, “He knows everything?”
“Yes.”
“And he still wishes to marry you?”
Was the idea really so surprising, even to Madame Noir? “Yes. Or at least he wants to marry Emma Scanton.” As she spoke the words, Ruby realized her own doubts for the first time. She knew Derek loved her. She knew he wanted to marry her. But did he truly love Madame Rouge or only sweet, innocent Emma?
“You have reconciled with your grandparents? I know your mother, my darling Tatiana, always hoped that you would. I am surprised that you did not choose to live with them.”
How had the subject so rapidly turned from the question she truly needed the answer to? “Yes. My grandfather would have liked nothing more than for me to agree to move in and leave my past completely behind once my mother died, but I could not do it. It would have meant giving up too great a piece of myself, giving up my entire past and everything that made me who I am. He was not there to help my mother and me when we needed it, and I was not ready to trust him not to fail me again. I do think he hopes I will agree to become his heir and settle near him with my husband. Now that I am going to be respectable, he is quite ready to acknowledge me—even if he will still claim I am some type of cousin, as he has these past years. He is, however, delighted with my marriage. Captain Price, my soon-to-be husband, is from a family that owns several textile mills in Rhode Island. My grandfather says it will be a wonderful match—but I am never quite sure if he is referring to my captain and me or to the two families’ businesses.”
“I can believe that. If he hadn’t been so concerned about the business and how her reputation would affect him, he would have forgiven your mother at some point, I suspect. I know she longed to spend time with her own mother again.”
Did she? Ruby had never known that—although she’d certainly seen the longing looks her mother gave when Ruby left to visit her grandparents. “I imagine you are right. My grandfather has very little patience for embarrassment.”
“And what of your captain?”
Ruby found laughter rising to her lips. “I cannot imagine anything embarrassing Derek. He’s been at sea so many years that—well, perhaps if one were to comment on his kindness or tell him how dear he is. He sees himself as far tougher than that.”
It was Madame’s turn to laugh. “Yes, men can be like that. You can tell them the most horrible things and they have no reaction, but if you catch them cuddling a kitten, their ears burn red.”
“Exactly, although it was not until I understood that kinder side of him that I knew I was willing to give up everything for him.”
“And are you?”
“Am I?”
“Are you ready to give up everything for him? You asked how I knew that I could trust you with the house. I know you thought I was avoiding the question, but really I needed a moment to consider my answer, which is twofold. First, you must know deep in your heart that you are ready to leave. I think that I was the opposite of you. It was when my duke died that I realized I had nothing without him. Being Madame Noir made it possible for me to have him, to have a life that included him. For some reason, his wife objected to him keeping me as a mistress but had no issue with him visiting a brothel on a regular basis. I don’t know if she ever realized that I was there or not. Once that was no longer the case, I lost my joy in running the house. I still cared for my girls and for some of my patrons, but it was not the same. I needed something more.”
“And have you found it?” Ruby had never considered this aspect of the e
quation.
“I am not always sure, but I think, yes, I have. It is not the life I had imagined, but I have achieved a certain peace that I never expected. But my case is quite different from yours. I had my great love and lost him. You have just found yours.”
Ruby was not at all sure she had ever envisioned Derek as her great love, but she supposed that it was true enough. She had certainly never felt this way about another, not even that first girlish love that she had thought would lead to marriage, the love that had, in fact, changed her life forever. But then, loving Derek was also going to change her life forever. “But you are happy? You do not miss the house?”
“I did not say that. When I ran Madame Noir’s, my life was always busy. There is a strange comfort in always having something to do. But that also means there is always something to worry about. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to worry about nothing more than whether I wish lamb or fish for dinner—or whether the rosebushes have taken blight.”
“I cannot even imagine. How does one fall asleep if not by counting all the things that must be accomplished the next day?”
“If your captain, your Derek, is anything like the man I imagine, then I am sure that he is more than capable of helping you get to sleep.”
A hot flush of color washed up Ruby’s cheeks. Was she actually blushing? She was becoming rather prone to it, and over such an innocuous comment. “And what is the second part of your answer?” she asked, trying to shift the conversation.
Madame blinked. “Ahh, the second part is why I sold to you. And the answer is very simple. It felt right. Once I let it be known I wanted to retire, many expressed interest; several made offers higher than yours, but when you came to me I just knew. I knew you would run the house in your own fashion but that you would do nothing I would find objectionable. I knew you would care for my girls and understand that each one was an individual, had her own reasons for being there. You might not have seemed the obvious choice, but I knew that you had seen how one bad decision could change a life forever.”
Ruby was not sure if that helped her or not. “But how did you know that I could manage the place? I might have grown up in a world where sex was not taboo, but it was not as if the details were discussed every day. I had never heard of half the things my patrons wished to participate in.”
“I had not either when I chose to open the house, but I knew that you were not one to judge. I knew that you were ready to learn and that, between Simms and Cook and the girls themselves, you were surrounded by teachers. I was actually far more concerned about whether you could handle the financial aspects of the business.”
“That was the easy part. I’d helped my grandfather with his books for years. I understand how to buy and sell for a profit.”
“And that is certainly a skill needed in running such a house.”
“I suppose it is, although I never looked at it in quite that fashion.”
“I cannot say that I was not nervous about leaving the house in your hands, but I trusted that you would recover from any mistake and that you would never betray the basic principles I chose to run it with.”
“That was a lot of trust. I don’t think I had that much confidence in myself. I was convinced I would fail.”
“And yet you kept trying.”
“Did I have a choice?”
“There is always a choice.”
Ruby supposed that was true. There had definitely been moments in the beginning when she would happily have run back to her grandparents—but something had refused to let her quit. “Unfortunately, I am not sure if this helps me or not. For every offer I have received, I have had a reason to not agree. Something is always not right.”
“Then you need to wait until it is right. That is what I did.”
“But I don’t have time to wait.”
“And why don’t you? I think perhaps that is what you must examine. What is making you feel so rushed?”
“That is easy. Derek. He needs to return home soon.”
“Why?”
“Because the seas will only get worse, and he cannot afford to let his ship sit in port once it is loaded.”
“That makes sense and yet it is not the whole story. Could his ship sail without him? Could you not stay here until he returns? There is always more than one choice.”
Ruby considered this. The Dawn’s Light had sailed without Derek in the past. His family expected him back, but if he put off his return until the next trip, would that be so bad? And what if she did tell him to sail without her? He would not be pleased. He most definitely would not be pleased, and yet she knew that he would forgive her—and that ultimately he would understand. Or would he? He had been so accepting of everything about her, but somehow the sale of Madame Rouge’s was beginning to feel like a test. If she truly loved him she would sell quickly. It was not the truth, but it was how she felt. “I know, but I sense that selling Madame Rouge’s is actually the right choice. I believe I could manage it if I had another month. But circumstance does not grant me a month. If I do not do it now, then I will be left waiting for many months at least, and that I do not want.”
“Then you must make your choice, and the only advice I can give you is to trust your instincts. From everything I have seen, they have served you well so far and there is no reason to think they will fail you now.”
Chapter 9
“The man you sent came today,” Jasmine said as Ruby entered her sister’s chamber. It was strange how over the last several days she’d come to think of it as Jasmine’s room and the great bedchamber she shared with Derek as her own.
“The man?” Ruby answered, her mind still on her conversation with Madame Noir.
“About the jewels.”
“Oh.” Ruby turned to look at her directly. “And what did he say?”
“It was mostly disappointing, but not quite.”
“Tell me.”
Jasmine gestured to a low table and Ruby saw the glitter of jewels. “He said that all of the pieces together were worth about a thousand pounds, perhaps a little more, perhaps a little less. Only…” Her voice trailed off.
“Only?”
Jasmine squared her shoulders as if coming to a sudden decision. “Only my grandmother’s diamonds are worth far more. He said I might be able to trade them for a small estate or, with the right buyer, even a small kingdom. But I never meant to sell them. I always thought they were something I would pass down to my baby”—her gaze dropped to her belly—“if it is a girl.”
Ruby thought of her own sapphire drops. She’d never intended to pass them down, but somehow she’d never truly considered selling them either. “A thousand pounds is a lot of money.”
“But not to live on for the rest of my life with my child.” Jasmine turned and walked to stare out at the busy street. “I do know that there are plenty of people who could survive on that, but we both know that I am not one. I do not require luxury, I can certainly survive on far less than I had in my father’s house, but I cannot see myself in a single room, always worried about heat and food and if there is enough money to send for the physician if needed. And what of my child? What kind of life can I provide if I can barely keep myself?”
Ruby didn’t know what to say. Jasmine’s words were true. A thousand pounds might provide what Jasmine needed for a decade if she was very, very careful, but beyond that…Although perhaps in that time she would find a husband, someone to help carry her burdens.
Jasmine looked back over her shoulder, her smile bitter. “You don’t need to answer. I do understand my situation. I had just hoped it was different.”
“You can sell the diamonds. I know it is not what you want, but your daughter will not need diamonds if she is worried about food. And it is far easier to sell them now than later, when you are more likely to be taken advantage of in your great need.”
Jasmine exhaled, and Ruby could see her body curve forward as every bit of air was forced from her lungs. Both her hands came to rest upo
n the swollen belly. “I know, and I will do anything for my child, but there is another consideration: The diamonds will not be easy to sell. They are very recognizable. The jeweler knew what they were even though he had never seen them. It was difficult to convince him they were mine to sell.” Jasmine walked to the table with the jewels and slid a sparkling mass from a velvet roll.
Ruby lost her breath. She’d never seen the like. A thick strand of single diamonds formed a chain to go about the neck, with more strands hanging down like the teeth of a comb. At the end of each strand hung a larger diamond. And the one in the center—Ruby wasn’t sure that words could possibly describe such a stone. It was at least the size of her thumbnail, and while it sparkled and shone like the rest of the stones, mostly it was deep. Ruby felt as if she looked into a crystal-clear pool without a bottom. She swallowed, fighting the urge to walk over and touch it. “And they are? Yours to sell, that is? Father will not come after them and try to claim them?”
“Who knows what Father will do? But, yes, they are mine. They have passed from mother to daughter for generations and from family to family upon marriage. My grandmother had only sons, and so they came to me. Scarlett would have a hard time saying that they were not mine. My grandmother was very clear before her death that they were my legacy.” She put the diamonds back in their wrap and walked to the window again.
“Well, that is good. As you say, Scarlett may try to come after them—and he does have power behind him, but he will have to find you first. It is good that the jeweler is very discreet. He knows that if rumors start he will have far fewer patrons. Many a lord has wished to hock some family piece of value without letting others know the state of his pockets. He is almost as good as a papist priest at keeping secrets. Although…” Ruby’s brain was racing, trying to capture the full thought.
“What?”
“Perhaps you should go to Father—or at least send a messenger.”
“Why would I ever want to do that?”
“When I left—or, rather, when he sent me away—he gave me ten thousand pounds to never contact him again. He wanted to be sure that no scandal returned. I would think he would pay at least as much to—”