by B. B. Hamel
Vince grinned at me. “See? Come on.”
“Vince,” I said, but he had already turned and started to walk away.
Annoyed, I went after him. I didn’t want to get treated like a jerk again, like he had treated me earlier that morning. He looked a little bit better, though I wished he didn’t have that shirt on. I definitely preferred him bare-chested and laughing at me. His dirty grins and his body drove me wild.
“What do you want?” I asked him.
“Just to talk.”
“You didn’t seem like you wanted to talk earlier.”
“Yeah, well,” he said, “I’d had a long night and you woke me up.”
“Fine,” I said. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Come on,” he said. “We’ll get to that.”
I bit my lip but kept following him, not sure where he was taking me. I wanted to stay pissed at him for earlier, but there was just something so magnetic about him. And besides, I wanted to be on good terms with him, if at least because he was Alexei’s father.
But more than that, I wanted to be on good terms with him because he made me feel so good. I couldn’t explain it, but every cocky grin drove me absolutely wild. He should have been everything I despised, just another arrogant, mafia asshole, but he wasn’t. He sent thrills down my spine every time I was around him, made my head dizzy, my whole body buzzing with need for him.
As we walked, I began to recognize some things, and he finally stopped in front of a door. He swiped his key and we walked inside.
It was the greenhouse room from the other day, the one with the statue of Condita Barone. It was the same humid atmosphere, the same plants all over. We had come in through a different entrance, but I recognized it as soon as we were in there.
He led me to the central part of the room, where the statue was, and sat down on a small bench. I stayed standing in front of him.
“Why are we here?” I asked.
“No cameras,” he said. “Nobody is watching or listening.”
“Are they really always watching?”
“Yeah, they’re always watching you. Can you blame them?”
That annoyed me. “Yeah, I can. You’re the father of my son. You’d think they’d back off now that the test came back.”
He shrugged. “You’re still the daughter of our enemy.”
“Fine. Is that all you brought me here for, just to make me feel guilty?”
He shook his head and stretched his arm along the back of the bench. “You don’t need to feel guilty.”
“Hard not to when people are dying because of me.”
He barked a laugh. “Remember what Arturo said? None of this is for you or because of you.”
“Still. It’s happening because of me.”
“Yeah. But it would have happened regardless of you. We’ve been on the edge of war with the Russians for a long time.”
I nodded once. “Fine. Okay. It’s not my fault.”
“Good.” He stared at me, and the memory of his mouth against my clit came rushing back. I glanced at the tree where he’d gotten me off and quickly looked back at him, trying to pretend like I wasn’t thinking about it.
But I didn’t think he noticed.
“I did bring you here for a reason,” he said. “I want to talk about Alex.”
“Okay. What do you want to say?”
“Look.” He cleared his throat. “I’m not exactly the fathering type, you know?”
“Okay,” I said, feeling nothing but dread. “I know that.”
“I don’t know what I can give this kid, you know?”
“I’m not asking anything from you, Vince,” I said. “Just protection until this all blows over.”
“Yeah, okay.” He looked pained, and I wanted to leave. “I’m just saying, I don’t know if I’ll be alive tomorrow, let alone able to raise a kid.”
“I understand that.”
“I love my life fast and hard, princess, but don’t think I’m just passing this off.”
“I don’t expect you to be around to change diapers, Vince,” I said quickly. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I’m going to provide for him and you,” he said. “I’ll give you money every month or something at least.”
“I don’t need your money,” I said, harsher than I had intended. “I can take care of myself.”
“For the kid then,” he said. “Save it for college or something.”
“If that’s what you want to do with your money, I won’t stop you,” I said. “But I don’t expect or need anything from you. This is already enough.”
I meant every word I said to him. I really didn’t expect him to drop everything and become a father overnight. I knew what kind of man he was and how he lived his life, and I knew that Alexei didn’t fit into his plans.
But hearing him say it hurt. It felt like he was rejecting me, and worse, he was rejecting his own son. It felt like he wanted to toss me aside and use his money to somehow make himself feel better.
And as much as I wanted to storm away, I still needed him. The way he looked at me with that pained expression only made me want to kiss him that much more. It was so messed up, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew Vince wasn’t a bad man, that deep down inside him he was a decent guy, or at least the sort of man that protected the people he cared about. But it still hurt to be rejected, and I wanted to storm out of there.
I wasn’t going to do that, though. I wasn’t going to give him more reasons to want to abandon Alexei. Even if he didn’t want anything to do with me, I needed to be on good terms with him for Alexei’s sake.
I crossed my arms and waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t.
“Is that it?” I asked, finally breaking the silence.
“Yeah, guess so.”
“Do what you want, Vince. I’m not forcing anything on you.”
“Sure.”
I gave him a look and then turned and quickly walked away. I pushed open the door and left as fast as I could, hoping he mistook my fast exit for anger and not for hurt.
I didn’t want him to see the pain on my face. I had never expected him to instantly want to be a part of Alexei’s life, but there was still some small part of me that had thought he would want to be anyway.
I had to be more realistic and remember what kind of man Vince was. He was a killer, a mobster, a hard man.
I couldn’t expect him to go from a badass mafia crew leader to a baby’s daddy in a single day.
22
Vince
I hadn’t expected the look on her face.
Maybe she’d been trying to hide it, but she did a pretty shit job. I had seen the anguish and pain on her face clear as day as soon as I began talking.
I hadn’t expected that. She knew what I was and what I did, and I was already risking a lot to keep her safe. She couldn’t have expected to show up on my doorstep with some fucking baby and expect me to drop everything to become its father.
Most of all, I hadn’t expected how I’d react when I saw her in pain. I figured it would be uncomfortable, maybe a little awkward. I’d never told a chick I didn’t want to be her fucking baby daddy, castrated and pathetic, changing diapers all fucking day. But I really hadn’t expected feeling so shitty about the whole thing, and I’d instantly regretted saying it.
But she left before I had a chance to take it back. That shit was already out there anyway. It was hanging in the air, and there was no going back from that.
Fucking hell. I was trying to run a war while trying to figure out if I wanted to be a father or not. All the while, the mother of my kid was so fucking delicious that I felt like I wanted to throw her down and strip her clothes off every single time I was anywhere near her. That made it pretty difficult to keep my damn distance.
I gave her a minute before I left the plant room. Out in the hall, my phone began to buzz. It was a text from Lucas telling me to meet him in Arturo’s office in ten minutes.
I s
ighed to myself, shaking my head. What the fuck did Arturo want now? He was probably going to give me shit for killing those Russians, though I didn’t feel bad about it one bit. It was self-defense, and, plus, we were in a fucking war. I was going to be killing a lot more Russians before this thing was over.
I wandered the halls to kill a few minutes before finally ending up outside Arturo’s door. I knocked once.
“Come,” he said.
I pushed the door open. Lucas was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk, and Arturo gestured for me to sit.
“Good to see you, Vincent,” Arturo said. “I’m glad those Russian fucks didn’t get to you.”
“I’m not easy to kill, sir,” I said.
“Very good.” He looked at Lucas. “Tell him the good news.”
“We have your money,” he said.
“Good. Bao will be pleased.”
“As much as we care about his opinion,” Arturo said, “make sure the weapons are worth it. There is a lot of money in this.”
I nodded. “Everything will be good to go.”
Lucas stood up. “We’ll take care of it.”
I stood. “Thank you, sir.”
“Just keep up the good work. Kill some more of those fucks.”
I grinned. “I will.”
We turned and quickly left. Lucas shook his head, laughing. “I haven’t seen the old man worked up like that in a long time.”
“I thought he was going to be pissed about the dead bodies.”
“Pissed?” Lucas laughed again, shaking his head. “He’s fucking excited.”
“Guess he didn’t get to where he is by being afraid of violence.”
“Guess not.” We walked back through the hall, heading toward my office. “Money should be down with Rafa now. Arturo wants the guns here as soon as possible.”
“Got it. We’ll make the drop tomorrow.”
“Good. And hey, stop going into my mom’s fucking garden.”
I laughed. “How do you know?”
“Security tells me. I don’t know what you’re doing in there, but cut it out. I’m sure it’s not something that honors my mother’s memory.”
“Come on, Lucas,” I said, grinning, “I’m just leaving flowers at her feet.”
“Right. Probably in there fucking that Russian girl of yours.”
I smirked. “I wish. She’s been tough lately.”
“Why? Pissed you don’t want to play daddy?”
“Yeah, actually,” I said.
Lucas laughed at me. “Shit. You’re kidding. You actually told her that?”
“What? I was trying to be honest.”
We stopped outside my office door, and Lucas looked totally mystified. “You dumb fuck,” he said. “How long have you known? A day or two?”
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“So you don’t know what you fucking want right now. Give it some time before you piss the girl off.”
“Guess so.”
“Being a father isn’t all that hard. Just be better than your dad.”
“Never had one.”
“Bar isn’t high then.” Lucas nodded and then turned and walked away.
That bastard. So damn smug. But he did have a point. I had only just found out about the kid. Maybe I’d change my mind. And I definitely didn’t want Kaley to sulk around all the damn time.
I pushed open the door and saw Rafa sitting at the table, a bag opened in front of him.
“Rafa?” I asked.
“Boss,” he said, “look.” He held the bag up and showed me the cash inside it.
I laughed. “Yeah. The mob comes through again.”
“Should we go visit our Chinese friend?”
“I think we should.”
I got out my phone and made a few calls.
* * *
An hour later, we were back in Chinatown.
Normally, I’d meet with Bao with only a few guys, maybe even just Rafa, but after last night, I wasn’t taking any chances. We were three cars deep again, each car filled with thugs armed to the teeth.
We pulled up out front of Bao’s dry cleaning place, though this time he expected me. I climbed out with Rafa on my heels, the other guys spreading out in front of the building.
We went inside, and the same woman looked up at us, almost bored.
“He expecting you,” she said. “In back.”
I nodded and we walked past her. The racks of clothes stretched back and the place smelled like a closet full of chemicals. Rafa was close on my heels, carrying two bags full of cash.
Toward the back there was an open door and some stairs that led up. I glanced back at Rafa and had a bad feeling about this. If we were walking into an ambush, this was the perfect place to spring it on us.
“Bao?” I called out.
“Up here,” he said. “Come on.”
“Boss,” Rafa warned, “I don’t like this. Why not meet out front?”
“Shit,” I said. “Come on. Let’s go.”
I took a step and began to walk up the stairs.
Part of me was sure we were walking into a trap. I didn’t know why the Chinese would want to work with the Russians, especially when we had so much money wrapped up in our deal already, but crazier shit had happened.
Finally, we reached the top of the stairs. I paused and almost laughed at what I saw.
Bao was sitting in the middle of the room holding a baby. He smiled as Rafa and I walked into the little room.
“Sorry about this,” he said. “I’m babysitting.”
“Are you joking?” I asked him.
“I joke not,” he said. “My son’s daughter, Jane. He gave her an American name, of course, just to annoy me to no end.”
I laughed. “She’s adorable.”
“Well yes, of course. She’s my flesh.” He bounced her a little bit on his knee and made some cooing noises.
“We have your money,” I said.
“Good. Then you can have your guns.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow. We’ll drop them right at your compound.”
I frowned at that. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
He waved me off. “It’s fine. This money guarantees no problems. And you can check the truck before it enters the property. Hell, we’ll drop it at the gate and leave.”
“Fine,” I said.
“Put it over there,” he said, pointing at a chair. I nodded at Rafa and he placed the bags down.
“How do you do that?” I asked Bao.
“Do what?”
“Take care of her, doing what you do.”
He cocked his head at me. “You mean, how do I take care of a child while I am in the Chinese mob?”
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“It’s easy,” he said. “Just because my job is violence and pain doesn’t mean my whole life must be.”
I frowned at him and wanted to ask more, but I was intensely aware of Rafa waiting near the stairs. I paused for another second and then turned to leave.
“Vincent,” Bao said, “one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“This war with the Russians. I was instructed to tell you that we will not be taking sides.”
I nodded. “Fine.”
“But between us? Make this war fast. My organization is not interested in needless bloodshed.”
“I couldn’t agree more, Bao.”
I turned and left, Rafa heading down the stairs ahead of me.
Once we were down and back through the shop, Rafa looked back at me. “What was that about up there?” he asked.
“What?”
“The kid stuff.”
I shook my head. “None of your fucking business.”
“This is about your new son,” he said. “You having some problems?”
“Rafa, you keep pushing and I’ll break your fucking teeth.”
He grinned. “Okay, boss.”
We got back into the cars and the crew rolled out, heading
toward the compound.
23
Kaley
I couldn’t stop thinking about Vince all that night.
I didn’t want to. I wanted to forget about him, accept his offer of money and just move on with my life. As soon as the war ended, I kept telling myself, I’d get off the compound and move away. I’d forget about Vince.
But I still couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was everywhere, in everything I did. Every time I looked at Alexei, I saw Vince. I heard the words he said to me back in that garden.
Expectations never failed to let us down, because expectations never mirrored reality. Our expectations were always filtered through our own distorted sense of self, our own distorted sense of the world, and our own distorted beliefs. And still it was always painful when our expectations were shattered and destroyed.
The cart came with my breakfast and I feed Alexei while watching TV. For a few minutes, I forgot that I was a single mother in the middle of a gang war, disowned by her family but also hunted by them at the same time. Instead, I pretended like I was sitting in a five-star hotel.
After ten minutes of that fantasy, there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I called out, assuming it was Sonya.
I needed to stop assuming. Vince stepped inside, smirking at me. “Morning, mommy,” he said.
I made a face. “Oh god, no. Don’t.”
He laughed. “Okay, fine. Princess.”
“Better, but not much.”
“How’s it going?”
I shrugged. “Fine. What do you need?”
“Listen for a second.” He walked over and sat across from me, his muscles stretching and flexing as he sat. He wore a tight black T-shirt and jeans that fit him just right.
“Okay,” I said, confused.
“I saw something yesterday, and it made me want to try something.”
“Look, Vince, I’m not sure I’m into the weird stuff.”
He laughed. “Please, princess. If I wanted to fuck you, I’d fuck you any damn way I pleased.”
I blushed. “What do you want then?”
He held out his arms and looked at Alexei. “Can I?”
I paused, surprised. “Uh, sure.”
I stood up and walked Alexei over, placing him down in Vince’s arms.