by Ali Parker
We parted a minute later, both of us panting.
"Damn," he mumbled, his eyes wide and cheeks pink. "Why the hell did Deza think you needed a coach? You're a natural, Riley. You don't need me."
"Yes, I do." I took a shaky breath. "I need help learning how to separate the passion I feel on the screen from what I feel off of it."
"Bloody hell." He smiled and pressed his fingers to his lips as he watched me. "You're in love with him."
I glanced down at my hand and sighed. “I don’t know for sure, but I think so.”
“Then I’ll help save you from yourself. Let’s make you impenetrable to anyone’s charms, yes?” He chuckled.
“I would love that.” I smiled.
At least then it would be a choice.
Chapter 16
Ethan
"All right. Get in your places, people. We want to wrap this shit up in a timely manner, right?" Daniel Barns clapped his hands and turned in circles, repeating himself until everyone walked up toward the stage. He was another director for Eon, and not my favorite by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn't starring in the movie, so no need to throw a fit over it.
Seeing Riley the day before had me wanting to throw caution to the wind and drown her in lust until she yearned for me the way I yearned for her. I rolled my eyes at the internal monologue going on in my head. I sounded like Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind.
"Places. And... action."
I turned and jogged through the scene of New York City at night, the streets so real, the buildings gone. They would add those later with computer generation.
"Don't let them catch up." Tricia ran toward me and grabbed my hand as I moved in front of her and ran faster. The belts below my feet sped up and I cursed myself internally for not asking if I needed to work on my cardio before coming onto the set. All of the action parts in my own films were more strength and less cardio, which meant I could pump iron in my spare time and feel manly about it.
At the moment, I was trying hard not to keel over from the physical exertion.
"They won't. Just turn left up here and I'll turn right. Keep moving, Daniella. I'll find you, baby."
"You promise?" She pursed her lips as the camera panned in.
"Have I ever lied before?" I winked at her and turned right, running off the stage into the darkness.
"And cut. Great job. Let's move on to the bar scene on set five in fifteen minutes. Catch your breath, change your clothes and get over there. Ethan you're going to be sitting in the bar we used yesterday, having a martini, and Tricia will join you, flirting a little. She'll try and pick you up. Deny her. You know the script."
"Why do you guys do these things out of order?" I barked as I walked back out to the middle of the stage. I almost tripped over the running treadmill floor, but caught myself.
"Because of the various elements and people we need for each scene. Do not act like this is new to you and start blowing up like the diva we all know you are."
"Yep. Suck a dick to you too, Dan." I smiled and hopped off the stage like a cheerleader might. "Maybe tell someone next time they gotta be ready to run a fucking marathon for a side part too, hmmm?"
"It was three minutes of walking. From what I hear, you're more than capable of keeping up cardio for hours. What, between your fucking everything that walks and dry humping strangers on the dance floor, you should be good."
"Don't be catty because I said no to your last casting call. Jealousy doesn't look good on you, baby." I gave him some jazz hands and walked toward my dressing room. "Send me a banana, a glass of milk and a hooker please. I can make magic with ten minutes on my hands."
The laughter behind me felt good. I had a great crew for my latest film too, but we had more extras than anything. The only two side characters that would be with us when we started to film again was Marco, who played my brother on the set and freaking Vanessa, who I'd treated like a whore back in Rio. That was a comfortable discovery. Why Deza couldn't take me by the ear and point out the girls that I absolutely, positively wasn't allowed to bone when we got somewhere was beyond me. It seemed that she should suffer the same embarrassment that I did when I realized the error of my ways. The shit happened all the time, or used to. Now with Riley on the set, I wasn't nearly as bad as I used to be.
I walked into my dressing room and pulled my shirt off as Tricia stuck her head in the room.
"Hold that stripping action." She slipped in and closed the door. "What happened yesterday? With Riley? Deza was with us when you came back, remember? You didn't get to tell me the goods."
I smiled at her in the mirror as I kept my back to her. "I wasn't going to tell you, silly. I'm a guy. We don't kiss and tell."
"Did you guys kiss?" She moved around me and awarded me with a huge smile. "I think you guys would be so good for each other."
"This coming from the woman that thinks love is a hateful bitch that wants us all to suffer before we die?" I reached out and tugged on a lock of her hair. "How's your hubs? Any change?"
"No." Her eyes moved down toward the floor. "I'm not sure what to do."
"Then don't do anything yet. People move too fast and ruin things before they really think through the option. Sit down and put it on paper. Write down all the great things about your marriage and all the horrible things. Then... talk to him. Maybe you guys can work things out. You didn't get married for convenience or because you had to, right?"
"No. We fell in love."
"And that was only a year or so ago. You're still in love. Uncover what's fucking it up and change it, or decide it's not worth it and move on. You can't live in limbo."
"You're right. See you out there." She squeezed my hand and moved around me.
My own words seemed to echo in the room around me. I dropped down in the chair behind me and let my mind wander. I needed to make my own list. Why did I want to be with Riley? Truly, really want to be with her. Was it lust or infatuation? If it was, then I was done pursuing her. I couldn't turn both of our worlds upside down over something that would end after a night or two. She and I would become something worse than Clayton and I have become. The thought of our friendship souring left my heart hurting. I'd never tell him or another goddamn soul how badly I missed him, but I did.
He'd stabbed me deeply and bruised my ego, but that had been his purpose in stealing the part. He didn't even want it when they awarded it to him, but taking it from me was enough to push him to work like a mother fucker for it. Why? Why did he want to see me suffer?
It was unreasonable that his drive to destroy me in some way back then was related to nothing. There was no way he woke up one morning and hated me instead of loved me like the brothers we'd been, the friends we'd become.
"Fuck it." I got up and kicked off my shoes and my pants before changing into a three piece suit. One of the assistants rushed in as I had my pants halfway up my legs.
"Sorry, Mr. Lewis. They're ready to start filming." She was thin and short with dark hair in a tight bun and glasses that were too big for her face. She was cute. Not pretty or beautiful, but certainly cute. "Let me help with that."
"Thanks." I finished getting my slacks up and buttoned them as she worked on the buttons to my shirt. If she found me at all attractive, she did a fantastic job of hiding it.
She moved back and grabbed my jacket, helping me into it and fixing me to look perfect while I slipped my feet into the black shoes beside her. She reached up and combed my hair before smiling and patting my chest.
"Beautiful. Get out there and steal their hearts." Her genuine smile was nice. I liked her. Like I might like a little sister, or a friend of Liam's.
"What's your name?" I walked to the door and paused, glancing over my shoulder.
"I'm Margo, and you're late. Go before we're both in trouble."
I laughed and walked out of the dressing room. A few minutes later I was perched on a stool in an old timey looking bar, drinking the strongest whiskey I'd ever drank. I took another
sip and stifled a growl at the burn.
Dan, that fucker. He'd probably put the toughest shit he could find in the glass just to mess with me. I'd have to get him back for it, but when he least expected it. We were idiots like that, always trying to outdo each other. He made my job hard, and I made him look bad.
Shit... I made everyone look bad.
It was the liquor talking. Had to be.
***
We finished about twenty minutes early, and the crew wanted to go out for dinner, but I turned down the invitation. I found Deza sitting in her office with her eyes closed.
"Hey, pretty girl. I'm going to the lookout point with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. I ain't got no flowers to make the place pretty, but you'd fill in nicely instead." I wagged my eyebrows at her. "Or maybe you'd be the chocolate."
She snorted. "You're an idiot."
"You coming with me?" I pulled out my keys and let them dangle from my fingers. "I brought the convertible."
"Yeah. I'm coming. No trying to seduce me. I don't know where that dick has been over the last ten years. I ain't interested." She scrunched up her nose and got up.
"Here you go, trying to make me feel dirty for loving anal sex again." I scoffed and wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we walked toward the parking lot. "You'd love it too if you let me-"
"Hush. No being dirty. I ain't in the mood to play around with you."
I glanced down at her and kissed the side of her head. "What mood are you in? Wanna talk about how badly life sucks?"
"Not really." She wrapped her arm around the back of my waist. "I do want to tell you that I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" I pulled away from her and moved to open her side of the car up. "This is a first. What did you do? I'm usually the one fucking up."
"I judged you, and I shouldn't have." She shrugged and pushed her long black hair over her shoulder. "You're a young man and you deserve to go out to any fucking club you want and have a good time. I just want to protect you, Ethan. Sometimes I overstep my boundaries. I'm sorry."
I nodded toward the car. "Apology accepted. Get in and stop making me want to bend you over my knee and spank your fine ass."
"You're corrupt." She got in and buckled up.
"Riley thinks so too." I closed her door and walked to the other side as I let my eyes scan the cars in the lot around us. I got in and glanced over at my best friend. "Speaking of my future baby-momma... where is she?"
"At school. She's got tests this week and her performance is Friday afternoon."
"Yeah, speaking of. I wanna go." I started the car and rolled down the windows before pressing the button to have the hood retract. "You and Frank want to come with me?"
"I was going to ask you to come with us." She laughed and leaned back. "Do you really have wine and chocolate?"
"Yeah, I'm a slut, remember? I always have help." I reached in the backseat and pulled out a bag. "I'm glad you're with me. I was going to down the wine, eat all the chocolates and make love to myself. Seems like lady luck is on my side tonight."
She grabbed the chocolates and tore into them. "If we weren't like family, would you really find me attractive?"
"Is this about your big black stallion again?"
"Yeah. That obvious?" She ate three chocolates and closed her eyes as I raced toward the top of the world. The lights of the city would calm us down and let us get to the heart of the matter. Loneliness. We both were ignoring that it was a problem in our lives, but maybe working through it, we'd figure out how to solve it. That or get drunk and sticky on candy.
Both sounded fucking awesome.
Chapter 17
Riley
I wasn't sure how I felt about my lessons with Clayton a few days before. There was a part of me that wanted to be ashamed that I'd kissed him, but it was training ground, and it hadn't been him. It had been Ethan. I could pass any improv given to me if it was about love or lust or wanting. All I had to do was think about him.
Walking to the parking lot from my last class for the day, I realized something. Jace and I would never be anything but really good friends. He needed to know that. As much as I hated to let him go for fear that things wouldn't work out in my own life and I'd really be left alone for the first time ever, I had to do the right thing.
He deserved to be set free.
"Oh my God! It's Riley Phillips. Riley! Riley!" A group of people jogged toward me, all of their eyes wide and the smiles on their faces too big to be fake.
"Hi." I turned to fully face them and stood in awe as they shoved various pieces of paper toward me.
"Can you autograph my notebook? Just put to Jill McVey. You can put anything else you want of course, but just make sure you put your name and my name." She squealed as I took the books and wrote her a quick note. I turned in a circle, taking all of their notebooks one at a time and signing them.
"What's it like to be around Ethan Lewis? Is he a total ass? I swear you read all sorts of crazy stuff about him. So... what's he really like?" A cute cheerleader type bounced on her feet in front of me.
"He's a great guy. He's genuine, talented and smart." I smiled at her.
"What about all the drama we see about him on the news or on the Internet? Is that stuff really true?" someone else asked in the back of the group.
"It's some spin on things for sure, but people don't understand what it feels like not to get to really live your life without everyone watching you through a microscopic lens. It's hard." I signed the last one and thanked them before walking slowly to my car.
My own words danced around me. Ethan's life was hard. I'd tried to explain to Deza at the diner the weekend before, and where I figured she got it, she still couldn't help but play the overprotective sister role that she played with him. He meant the world to her, and I didn't think it had nearly as much to do with him being her meal ticket as people might think. Something special existed between them. Is that the relationship I needed to have with him too? Maybe.
I stopped by my beat-up, piece of shit car and stood there for a few seconds, thinking through how much my life had changed, and yet not much had changed at all. Where I should have rushed out and bought a new car, mine was still running. There was no need to throw money at things just because. As quickly as I'd discovered some small semblance of wealth, it could be gone too. Nothing was permanent.
I drove toward the studio with jazz music playing on my radio and the wind blowing my short hair all over the place. Visions of foreign countries with beautiful landscapes played through my mind. Each one I found myself soaking in the sun or memorizing the beauty just before a new scene in a film started.
Would I really get to visit a bunch of places like the ones on TV? Would I have Ethan beside me? I sure as hell wanted to.
By the time I got to the studio, my heart was racing, my mind spinning at the possibilities of what life could offer if I continued to follow the path I was on. Something nagged at me that I'd rather have ignored but couldn't.
All of those events seemed surreal, but lacked emotion when I thought about experiencing them alone. Nothing was fun without someone to share it with, right? Was friendship enough?
I walked numbly through the studio toward the conference rooms, ignoring the scene that was being played out to my left. I was lost in my own head, filtering bits and pieces of sound and smell as I pushed the door open.
Clayton glanced up, his shirt and slacks black, making him look like a villain of sorts. "Hi there."
"Hi." I put my stuff on the table beside him and let out a soft sigh. "I'm not sure I'll be much fun today. I can't stop thinking about the most ridiculous things. Big things. Like life and death. Love and hate. Black and white."
I closed my eyes as he moved up behind me. "That's what life is all about, Riley. That you're willing and wanting to experience such simple and yet deep things at your age is brilliant. You're going to enjoy the riches that living a life like ours can provide, but for now... tuck it away."
> His mouth was just beside my ear, his breath warm and words demanding, but soft.
I nodded. "I will."
"I know you will." He moved around me and ran his hands down my arms. "We're going to move into working on various scenes from the movie you're actually working on next week, but for now, let's work on raw emotion."
The idea of being emotional scared me, and yet I knew from my studies and acting each chance that I got that emotions were the colors by which we painted a picture on the big screen.
"Everything from our tone to our expression to the positioning of our bodies. All of it portrays something. The point is to ensure that it works together to tell the exact story we want it to. There are times that you will have something going on in your personal life that leaves you feeling far too broken to be used on stage, but it's those times that we fuel our resolve with our pain or our ecstasy. Do you understand?"
I glanced up into his warm gaze and nodded. He was like a big brother, a father or maybe even a lover that I'd had in a past life. It was odd how comfortable I felt in front of him. Maybe that was his gift, or perhaps he was acting the whole time we were together. Either way, I liked it.
"Yes. My mother died in an accident last week. The sorrow of having to bury her next to my brother is too much to think about. I have no one left in the world but my best friends, Charlotte and Jace. And it's funny, but having friends doesn't seem to be enough." I blinked back tears as Clayton's brow drew in tightly.
"Are you speaking truth, or working yourself into a darkness for the purposes of our afternoon together?"
"Truth." I let my eyes move across his face as my heart quivered in my chest. "I don't know how to use that pain to fuel me. I've trapped it somewhere to keep myself safe. Safe from breaking down. Safe from promising myself to a man that couldn't ever be what I want him to be. Safe from begging for the touch of another man who could have all of me if he even tried a little."