by Finn, Emilia
But I can.
So Soph and I bond over computers and software. We teach each other things. She shows me how and where she breached my firewalls, and I teach her how to go in another way. I show her how I got into her system, and in the quiet moments, I tell her the story of my youth.
Guns, drugs, women… my mom. I tell her of my early days in an alleyway, and while sitting on a grassy hill, I tell her of the nine-year-old girl I met, while we watch that very girl line up between the three men and take her shots. They’re practicing their long-range shots; Romeo, Spence, Jay, and Libby. She might be half their size, less than half their weight, but she doesn’t shy away. She’s the cop that is so straight, she spent all of her spare time in the last decade perfecting her shot.
“You’re kinda obsessed with her, huh?” Soph bumps her shoulder into mine, and chuckles when I snap out of my staring daze. She sits up taller and fixes the laptop resting in her lap. “Since you were eleven?”
“Two thirds of my damn life. But that two thirds were also spent with so much fucking anger toward anyone with the last name Bishop.”
Her breath comes out on a small laugh.
“I know that’s me. I know that’s your man. And I know that’ll eventually be you. But it was a legitimate hatred I carried. It was like ice and fire. My Bishop hate was the fire, and Libby was the ice. They spent two decades warring with each other, so now we’re here, I’m making peace with the Bishop bullshit, and now I’m trying to see Lib with these new eyes. No more anger, no more hatred. I just want to love her without the layer of hate getting between us.”
“Do you think your love for her is only a coping mechanism for the rest? Maybe, once you can move past this and find your new equilibrium, you won’t need her anymore?”
“No.” I let my eyes scour Lib’s tight body while she stands with the guys. Her legs are shoulder-width apart, her arms are braced, and when she’s ready, she lets off another round. Nobody jumps around here anymore. No one is startled by the shots, because this is what we do. Soph and I research this friend of theirs that seems to enjoy graffiti and taking potshots at Bishops, and the others shoot, or fight, or play cards. “No, I promised to love her even before Bishop killed my mom. She and I had already made our promises before everything went to shit, so I know I’m in it for the right reasons.” I allow my eyes to slide along Lib’s legs. “I guess I’ve just gotta get to know her as this new person. I’ve been so obsessed with my hatred for so long, I’m trying to learn this new me without that facet of my world. It frees up loads of space, which is great, but…” I shrug.
“But you’re struggling to find your reason for being here, if it’s not to be angry at Colum Bishop?”
I smile, look to the grass beneath us, and begin picking at the blades. “Bingo. I have my company, I have Libby. I have my hobbies, and now it would seem I have a bunch of Bishops I don’t particularly hate. It’s just taking some getting used to.”
“Ya know… you and I have a very similar story.”
“Yeah?”
She nods. “Colum Bishop killed my sister in much the same way he killed your mom. The kicker is, I met Jay and fell in love with him long before I knew Colum was the man responsible. So I fell in love and became dependent on Jay, then I find out the man responsible for ruining my damn life is the father of the man I love. Like, were we supposed to invite him over for dinner? Does he expect us to name our first child for him? How far does this family loyalty spread? Because I was damn sure I wouldn’t be sitting down to a meal with that man.
“I spent a good few hours, once we got his name, going into a complete meltdown, because I loved Ellie, she was my reason for living. But I also loved Jay, and he wasn’t dead. He was right there in front of me. So who would I choose? My dead sister, or my alive boyfriend? And what if that boyfriend begged for me to give his dad a chance?”
“Impossible.”
She chuckles. “It really was. And my meltdown was my own fault, because not once did Jay ever say he was on Colum’s side. My head was fucking me up, throwing these scenarios of Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas morning at me…” She shakes her head. “I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I was preparing to leave our relationship, because I figured he would choose family over me. But then… he didn’t. He tore that shit right out of my head and promised that he was going to take care of things for me.”
“And he did? He took care of things?”
She shrugs. “In a way. He supported my need to not let Colum get away with his shit. He supported my need to look into Colum’s eyes and tell him he’s done. He let me set up the sting that eventually took him down, and when I sent my emails and taunted him, Jay didn’t stop me. He had no loyalty for that man.”
“I judged them,” I admit quietly. “I assumed they were all part of the same team. Like it was somehow a pure-blood thing that I couldn’t possibly understand, since I was a bastard child. I came to your offices ready to remove more Bishops–”
“But they’re not like him,” she inserts. “Our Bishops are family men. They’re all about loyalty, but not to that man that provided sperm and nothing else. So you should remember that about yourself; he provided sperm, but the rest is you. The men you three are today, is all because of you and your hard work. Don’t let that prick’s ghost make you think differently.”
I lean back and stretch my legs out ahead of me. I look relaxed, but I’m really not. “The day he was killed…”
“Colum?”
I nod. “After everything with your sister, after your meltdown, and the hunt, the taunting… how did it feel to see a bullet pass through his brain and end him?”
“It felt good.” She blows out a gusty breath as Jay lines up to take his shot. “I should have felt bad, because that was still Jay’s dad. Like, there must be some thread of love there, so my happiness at Colum being dead felt like a sin. But I couldn’t quell it. I couldn’t find it in me to feel bad. He was gone, and I got to stare into his eyes while the blood dribbled from his forehead. I’ve dreamed of it, and every time I wake up, I still can’t find the sadness.”
“And then after? Once it was all done?”
“I had to do what you’re doing now. I had to be with Jay, but without that film of hatred, without my mission of tracking down my sister’s murderers. For years, searching for them was the only reason I got out of bed each day. They were my sole purpose, so when it was gone, I felt like I’d lost something.”
I nod. “I know exactly what you mean.”
She chuckles. “I told you, you and I have very similar stories. So now, instead of that hatred, I carry love. I have the man I will spend the rest of my life with – if only he’d get the proposal right. I have brothers now. He gave me Kane, and Spence, and Eric, and Cruz. All of them. They’re my brothers. And though Ellie is gone, I have sisters, too. They don’t replace her, but they add on to the love in me. Jess, Laine, Andi, Kat. There are dozens of them, and though I came out of nowhere and don’t have the history that they do, they welcome me anyway. Now Kane has babies, and right when we think things can’t get weirder, Gunner Bishop turns up and tosses us for another loop.”
“In my defense, I had no intention of telling you who I was. That was on Lib. She was all ‘Let’s go straight through the front door and use our words’.” I laugh. “I was planning to go a much more direct, much less talky way.”
“Lucky you didn’t, huh? I don’t want a war. I want my family, so I’m glad you decided to join us rather than fight us.”
“I didn’t decide. I went to my cabin in the woods with my girl. You guys pulled us out and demanded we come along for the ride.”
She laughs. “Lucky we did, otherwise we’d have missed out on this.” She nods toward Libby when she turns to the giant Romeo and jumps to chest bump him.
He’s like a Great Dane, which would make her his kitten friend. She looks small and fragile, but the moment she speaks, you know she’s not like that at all. And bec
ause of those contradictions, the guys kind of love her. The only person here receiving any kind of hate is me.
As though she can read my mind, Soph flicks blades of grass in my direction. “Don’t worry about Jay. I promise, it pains him to hold a grudge. It’s not who he is, so this front he puts up for you, it’s just his way of pouting. He thought you had the power to tear us apart, and he takes that shit personally.”
“I didn’t have that power?”
She laughs. “Not tempting in the least. I have money. I steal plenty, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. So your offer of money was moot. With that money comes freedom to buy any apartment anywhere I want, so your offer of a penthouse at Griffin Plaza was moot. You’re cute, Theo, and you certainly have the Bishop genes that I’m attracted to, but in my eyes, you’re like the off-brand version of Jay. And why would I want off-brand when I can have the real thing?”
“Ouch.”
She snickers. “I just mean in my eyes. Just like Jay is the off-brand version for Jess. We have the Bishop we want, so your offer for sex, implied or otherwise, wasn’t tempting. I had my very own Bishop right there and already in love with me. Why give that up?”
She’s not looking for a verbal answer, so all I do is watch Libby.
“The only temptation you provided that day we met was your brain. Theo Griffin surely had the brain of someone I wanted to know. So…” She waves her hand toward me. “That’s exactly what I got. You’re here, we’re pals, I’ve been picking your brain for weeks, and I still get to go to bed with my Bishop. It worked out kinda perfect, really.”
“Sounds very tidy… and manipulated.”
She laughs. “I’m always the smartest person in the room. It’s a curse, really. Oh, look.” She turns her laptop and shows me a map with a moving dot. “Our dude is moving.”
“He’s coming closer.”
“Yeah, and we still have no clue who he is. You’re using your smart brain, right?”
“I really don’t know who. Annaliese is my employee with the highest clearance. But I trust her. I really do. She’s good at what she does, and she’s loyal. Olly is my friend, and has been for a long time. My legal team is good at what they do, and they’re paid well. Not only that, but they don’t even know my connection to Bishop. I wasn’t lazy, Soph. I kept my worlds separate.”
“So maybe it’s not one of your people,” she ponders. “Dude could have literally sat in your lobby and done those searches. He could have sat in the bathrooms in a stall and did his work, and you have so many people walking through that place on the daily, we would have no way of knowing who’s who. Our guy has more than the average person’s computer skills, but not like yours, and not like mine.”
I frown at the implication in her words. “Why did you say it like that?” I sit up and meet her eyes. “Not like yours, and not like mine. Why not just say ‘not like ours’?”
“Because our skill levels are different.” She grins. “I’m way smarter than you, so I deserve my own sentence.”
I push her shoulder so hard that she squeaks and falls to the side, and because her laughter draws the eyes of the guys standing with Lib, I earn a brand-new scowl from Jay.
He’s so fucking angry at me, and it’s purely on the back of hitting on his girl. She’s the only thing that matters to him. Not his life, not his work, not even my plans to eliminate his brother. The rest is important to him, but nothing means as much as she does, and my failed attempt at luring her away has set us up for a lifetime of distrust and hatred.
When he’s spending time with Spence and doesn’t realize I’m near enough to hear, I get a glimpse of Jay’s complete opposite side. He’s silly and funny. He’s the group jokester. Which means he’s been wearing this mask of fury purely for me.
But this isn’t something a guy can apologize for. I couldn’t say it, and he wouldn’t listen anyway. This is a chasm that just won’t be leapt. I picked the wrong target, and now her man – my brother – won’t forgive.
“Don’t show your fear,” Soph reseats the laptop on her legs. “I still choose him. I will always choose him. Soon, he’ll be able to see that.”
“You gonna say yes to one of his proposals soon?”
She laughs. “You’ve heard him?”
I nod. “He’s asked you three separate times in the last couple weeks. You keep saying no. That’s not helping my case, ya know.”
“Oh,” she waves me away. “My denials have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. He needs to ask me without an audience, without a big production, and without showing off. He needs to humble himself, and when the time is right, he needs to ask properly, quietly, and without being a douchebag. I want to marry a man, not a child.”
“You’re mean.” Rolling to my hands and knees before she hits me, I pop up to my feet and walk toward the wall of dudes and my sweet cop standing in the middle.
I walk past Spence and his army ranger clone. Ironically, Jay and Lib tend to hover near each other whenever she’s part of the guys group. She doesn’t have a problem with Spence or Romeo, but maybe she’s drawn to Bishops in general. The way Soph can be my friend, maybe Lib does the same with Jay. And the fact she can do that with him, but he won’t give me a second of his time, annoys me beyond words.
Fuck him.
“Lib.” I reach out and take her hand. Pulling her through the group and taking her under my arm, I turn and wait for her to holster her gun. “Walk with me?”
“Sure.” As soon as she clips her gun into place, she wraps her arms around my hips and snuggles against my ribs. “Hey, Soph.” She smiles as we pass the ballerina still sitting in the grass.
“We have plans at seven.” Soph’s eyes meet mine. “Meet us at the hotel.”
“Okay.”
27
Libby
Like Sands Through an Hourglass
“Hey, X.” I stand at the doorway to our hotel room and lean against the frame. The door is open, the nice breeze filtering through as Gunner stands in the doorway two rooms up – Soph and Jay’s room – and talks about our next plans. “Sorry, I’m here.”
“Where are you, Lib? You never take any time off, ever. You don’t even take a dump while on shift. You hold it in until you clock out. But then this.” It’s like I can see him throw his hands in the air. “You get a concussion, and suddenly you take two months off work.”
“I know, X. I’m sorry. I know I’ve put you guys in a bind.”
“No, it’s not so bad. We have enough manpower, but you make me worry.” His voice lowers. “You’re okay, right? It’s against the law for me to ask if you’re at a rehab facility, but if you slipped or something, I promise, no judgment.”
“I didn’t slip! Jesus, X.” I calm my voice when Romeo pokes his head past Gunner and lifts a brow at me. “I didn’t slip. I’m strong. I’m as strong as always, I promise.”
“You know I just wanna make sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.” I lean against the doorframe until the bones between my shoulder blades click, then with a grunt, I slide down and plop to my butt. “Yes, I know. I’m okay, I promise. I’m just taking time off. Everything is okay there, right?”
“Yeah, we’re fine. I pulled Oz onto the same schedule as me. I feel like we’re a stronger team–”
“You missed him.”
He laughs. “I missed him so much. I need bro time with my best friend. Lord knows why, considering we fight more than anything else. But whatever. I missed him, pulled him onto my shift, and we’ve partnered some of the others together. Everyone is fine, and everything is covered. Your buddy Drake comes down every now and then if we need a little extra on weekends.”
“Drake.” His name alone makes me smile. “I miss him.”
“Ya know, I think he’s single, Lib. You and he could be cute together.”
“Ew, don’t do that, X. Don’t become matchmaker. You’re my chief, not my mother.”
He chuckles and sits back in an office chair until
the hinges groan in protest. I’ve spent so much time with that man, in that station, that I know the very chair he’s sitting on, where he’s sitting, behind what desk, and exactly which hinges are groaning. I miss the guys too. Even if, like Oz, we fight more often than not, I still miss them. They were the family I needed when I had no others.
I’m not sure what Gunner and I are going to do, because I can’t leave my guys, and he can’t leave his. We’re going to find ourselves at an impossible crossroads soon, and it terrifies me to think of how it’s going to end.
“Sorry, Lib,” X continues, unaware of where my thoughts have run. “It was a lapse in judgment. When are you coming back?”
“I dunno. Am I out of a job when I do?”
“Nah. I’m brand loyal, and you’ve already earned your stripes. You have more than a decade in leave accumulated, so you’re still good. Your apartment is fine, too. I dropped by last night and checked in.”
“Aww, thank you. How are the babies?”
“Can you believe Jessie is a mom?” I hear the wonder in his voice. Alex Turner might not be Jess’ biological brother, but they grew up together all the same. She and her sister are regarded as everyone’s little sisters, and now one of them has already lapped Alex in the baby department. “It blows my mind when I go over and see her.”
“But they’re good?”
“Yeah, they’re great. She’s finding her rhythm, and Kane is taking care of her every need when he’s not working.”
I arch my neck and glance down the breezeway to find Gunner’s back and Romeo’s shoulder poking out of the door. “He working a lot?”
“Eh. Regular hours. He’s taking care of what needs to be taken care of, but he’s not working more than he has to. He’s with Jess as much as he can, and when he can’t be home, she brings them to us. To the station, to Checkmate, to the gym. She’s in and out when she’s feeling up to it, so we get to love on them while she takes a minute to rest. One is a little bigger than the other, but they’re both still smaller than my girl ever was.”