by Joe Jackson
“Yes,” Triela answered, and she looked to Icavior. “We will be more cautious in the future, and when my lord begs me to not leave the island alone, I will heed his advice.”
The two chuckled, and Kari and her friends did likewise. There was clearly chemistry between the two, and Kari wondered if they might be lovers, or if they were just very familiar as leaders and defenders of their people. “Please stay the night here on our island and enjoy the hospitality of our people,” Icavior said.
The friends all looked to Erik, who nodded his assent as if it shouldn’t have even been necessary. Icavior began to lead them back to where they initially arrived, but Triela grasped Kari lightly by the arm and asked her to stay behind. Once the others left and the two were alone by the fountain, the young woman looked to the demonhunter with an expression that was a mixture of resolve and trepidation. Kari had seen it many times: it was the same expression the priests had on their faces when they told her of her terminal illness - the same one she imagined she’d had when she told Trigonh she was going to die.
“What is it?” she asked softly.
Triela sighed. “Forgive me, it is not my business, but when you touched me in Gaswell’s dungeon, my defenses were not in place due to the shackles,” she said, and Kari cocked her head. “When you touched me, I saw into your very soul, and all of your secrets poured into my mind.”
Kari was perturbed by the girl’s statement, and she folded her arms across her chest. “All of them?” she asked.
Triela nodded solemnly. “You guard your heart well, but not from a mind such as mine,” she said. “Something has jumbled your memories, I can tell. It is my assumption that having been dead is a part of this. The return from death to life is jarring, and if those who brought you back were careless in doing so, they have left you fractured and confused. Am I incorrect?”
Kari shook her head. She tried to keep her emotions in check and reminded herself it hadn’t been the girl’s intention to read her like a book. “So why are you telling me this?” she asked, trying not to sound too aggravated.
“Forgive me, it may be forward of me to suggest this, but if you wish it, I can attempt to rearrange your memories and your thoughts to clear away the confusion,” the war wizard said. “It will take only a few minutes, and if all goes as I hope, then you will be better prepared to keep the hurtful shadows of your past at bay, and the confusion that plagues you should cease.”
Kari closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. “Can you just erase those memories?”
Triela shook her head. “Attempting to do so is dangerous for more than one reason,” she said. “Not only is there the danger that I erase more than just the hurtful memories you wish gone, but there is also the possibility that you undergo an irreversible change. It is quite possible that your love for Grakin would be gone when I was finished, or that you might not even remember who he and his siblings are. Your entire personality might be changed forever. As much as it pains you – it pains me just having had a glimpse of it – your past is what has made you what you are, Karian Vanador. And what you are is one of the best people I have ever met, let alone had a glimpse of from the inside.”
Kari took a deep breath to steady herself, and the war wizard touched the side of her face lightly. Kari could feel the mental intrusion of the smaller female, but it was not one of brute force, but rather like a cat brushing up against her leg playfully. The hurt that had welled up at the young woman’s words fled at the onset of the warmth of her touch, and Kari calmed down. She was hesitant to let anyone into her past – even her mate – but there was a calmness to Triela’s presence and touch that filled the demonhunter’s heart with warmth and her mind with an unbreakable strength.
“You can help me?” Kari asked.
“I believe I can,” Triela answered, and she didn’t take her hand from its comforting place on the terra-dracon woman’s cheek. “If you wish for me to do so, I believe I can help you keep those memories at bay, so you may draw strength from them without letting them hurt you on a consistent basis or interfere with the way you feel about your mate, or your friends.”
“What do I need to do?”
“Sit down here,” the war wizard said. She led Kari to the stone fountain, where both women took seats on its edge. “Now, in your mind you will confront your past. Gird yourself in the armor of Grakin’s love for you, and arm yourself with the conviction that makes you a demonhunter. I will stand beside you and help you to contain what wounds you. It will not be easy, but together you and I will persevere – you know this. Close your eyes and open your mind to me.”
Kari closed her eyes and soon felt a tingle in her mind as Triela established contact. She didn’t physically touch the terra-dracon woman, but in Kari’s mind the war wizard’s presence manifested again as a cat brushing playfully against her leg. Then it was a more intimate touch, like Grakin’s lips tracing up her back. Kari started to shift uncomfortably, but Triela’s voice whispered into her mind. “Be at peace,” she said. “I am wading through the most pleasant of your memories before we face what burns at your core.”
Kari relaxed and the sensation of Grakin’s kisses faded, and then she felt hands upon her shoulders shortly before the demonhunter found herself in Triela’s embrace. She was shocked for a moment, and her eyes popped open, but when they did so she realized she stood not in the kirelas-rir village, but on a broad plain of sand that stretched from horizon to horizon. It appeared to be the Khalarin Desert of Terrassia, but there were no landmarks, no vegetation, nothing whatsoever to suggest that she was seeing a real place. Within moments the unforgiving heat began to seep through her skin, the glaring sun burned her with its intense stare, and her hair whipped violently to the side in a driving, sand-filled wind.
And then Triela was beside her. The kirelas-rir woman looked around for a few moments before speaking. “This is the place of discomfort without escape that your memories bring you to when you are not prepared to deal with them,” the young woman said, her voice raised to counter the scorching wind that blew past them mercilessly. Though she had to speak over the screaming wind, Triela showed no other effects from the environment, as though she was immune to its grip. “Here we will trap them: that they may sit in this place of torment alone and the sound of their desperation will lend you strength in times of crisis.”
From the sands before them a pair of gravestones arose: the same ones Kari had seen in the graveyard in Flora. Kari bit her lip and steeled herself in the face of the trial. Despite the fact that they did not touch, she could feel Triela’s comforting hand on her shoulder. Carved into the marble faces of the tombstones were the names of Kari’s parents, and a rage welled in her breast: hatred for her father, but an even deeper hatred for her mother. She closed her eyes and tried to get her emotions under control, but she felt her eyes pried open by the will of the kirelas-rir woman.
“Do not push down your hatred,” Triela whispered into Kari’s mind. “It is not your emotion you must suppress, but the memory itself. Laugh, Karian! You live, and they are unable to touch you, unable to hurt you unless you let them. And you will not let them hurt you ever again, for they are trapped in this endless desert of torment, while you walk in the love of a god and your mate!”
Kari suddenly found herself in a dark corner of an attic: a helpless little girl curled up in a ball while the sounds of two angry voices fought below. Triela was not with her physically, but still she felt the strength of the kirelas-rir war wizard’s presence. Soon the voice of her mother carried up the ladder to where she hid, the same way it always had when the woman had come, seeking to lend some false comfort well after the fact. Never had she stopped her husband from abusing their daughter, and in the deep recesses of Kari’s heart, that hurt even more than all the abuse her father had piled on her. Kari started to close her eyes, but even as she did, her features hardened into a scowl, and she became acutely aware of the fact that she wore an adult body and – more pointedly – her swords
. For the briefest instant, she thought perhaps it would quell her rage if she killed the ghostly memories of her parents.
Then a voice echoed in her thoughts: not her mother’s, or her father’s, or even Triela’s. What she heard was the voice of Suler Tumureldi, her one time master and lover:
I will never let anyone harm you, Kari, his ethereal voice said softly. Your greatest enemy lies within: you allow others to harm you because you fool yourself into believing you somehow deserve it. You are a beautiful and loving woman, and you deserve nothing but the best. But you must be willing to accept it, and accept yourself – as you have accepted me.
Tears rolled from Kari’s eyes as she closed them. “He always knew,” she whispered to herself, but the voice of her kirelas-rir friend answered.
“Yes, just as Grakin knows and has chosen to stay by your side,” Triela said softly, her words caressing Kari’s shoulder as surely as her hand would have. “What was done to you was not your fault, and you have no reason to accept it or force down the hatred it has bred in your soul. You hate the demons because they hurt people without cause, Kari; on the same token, you should hate those who have hurt you this way without cause. This is no minor offense that is forgivable, and you should not let it tear you apart. You owe forgiveness to no one.”
“I hate them,” Kari said, crying softly. “But they made me who I am.”
“No!” came Triela’s voice more forcefully. “You made yourself what you are despite them taking away all that you had, all that you were! You have built yourself up from nothing, and become a woman loved and admired, even by the gods themselves! Even by a demon…”
Kari’s eyes snapped back open and she found herself once again on the broad plain of sand. The tears that streaked her face evaporated in moments and she stared down at the tombstones. They served as a reminder that her parents were dead, but also of what they had done to her. An image of Trigonh appeared in her thoughts, and soon he stood beside her and Triela with a soft smile on his lupine features, though he said nothing. Kari met his icy-blue gaze and recalled all the things he had said to her over their all-too-brief time together, and she was poignantly reminded of how much he had changed on account of her. And then Grakin stood beside them, and then Suler Tumureldi, and then even the legendary Saint Bakhor. Kari nearly chuckled through her pain at the reaction of the kirelas-rir girl, who recognized the shakna-rir priestess.
A warmth spread through Kari’s entire body. “I am a good woman,” she said quietly, and all of those standing with her nodded their agreement. She looked down at the tombstones once more, but the anger had drained from her completely. While she could not summon the strength – or the desire – to forgive, she found herself filled with the conviction to bury them and never let them resurface. “And you…you can go to hell.”
Kari felt an incredible release in her mind, and the gravestones before her sank back into the sands. The images of her friends softly faded. The screaming wind died down and left a serenity that pervaded the scene before her, and the temperature cooled and the sands began to be replaced by rolling, grassy plains. Kari took a couple of steps forward, treading over the place where the gravestones had been, but she felt nothing to suggest they were still there, and no pain welled up in her heart when she thought of them. Kari took a deep breath and let it out in a calming sigh, and then she looked to the kirelas-rir woman.
“Is that all?” she asked.
Triela shook her head in disbelief. “Is that all?” she repeated. “You are much stronger than you realize, Karian. Not many could have done such a thing; most would have crumbled at the very sight of what you faced. I have helped you trap the hurt of this memory here, but it was your strength of will that allowed me to do so.”
“Are you done, then?” the terra-dracon woman asked.
“No, though the worst of it is over,” Triela answered. “Now I will sort through your memories to alleviate your confusion.”
Kari found herself in the kirelas-rir village once more, but she closed her eyes as she felt Triela begin to comb through her mind. It was an odd experience that left a tingling in her brain that was like an itch she could not scratch. It lasted only a few minutes, though, and then Triela withdrew from her mind and Kari felt herself more solidly within her body. When she opened her eyes, she could see that Triela was smiling.
“Now what?” Kari asked.
Triela waved off the question. “It is done,” she said. “You should no longer be plagued by the side effects of your unexpected return from death.”
Kari let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and she took one of Triela’s hands in her own. “How can I ever repay you?” Kari asked.
The war wizard’s face scrunched up in confusion. “You saved my life,” she said. “I will be forever indebted to you. This was the least I could do for you in thanks.”
Kari hugged her, and after a few minutes the two went to join the rest of the Silver Blades for a meal. The day was quiet and peaceful, and Triela gave the group a short tour of the village and the nearby forest. They slept beneath the stars that night, and at dawn the next day, Triela used her magic to transport them across the island to a point near the city of Talvor. From there, Kari led them into the rainforest, and headed to the czarikk village for one final visit.
*~*~*~*
For much of the day and into the night Kari marched the friends unerringly southwest. After camping for a night in the humid depths of the jungle, they continued onward the next day. Kari amazed her friends as she guided them through the heavy forest almost without regard to any sort of landmarks; only a few small streams gave her any indication of where they were. It mattered little, though: after only a couple of hours on the second day, the group encountered a czarikk patrol. The lizardmen were shocked to find so large a group moving through their lands at first, but thanks to the gift she received from Sakkrass, Kari was able to speak clearly with them. They remembered her and Erik, and Kari explained that the others were their friends. Sonja expressed surprise that Kari knew how to speak the sibilant language of the lizard people, and the others echoed her sentiments. Erik tried to explain what had happened on their previous visit, but ultimately he just said they’d see for themselves soon enough.
They were waved onward, and just as it began to grow dark they crossed the breastwork that marked the outer boundary of the village. The guards let them through, and Kari led her friends into the heart of the czarikk settlement, where she bid them sit near the central fire pit and wait for the shaman or chieftain to come greet them. The appearance of such a large group drew a lot of attention, but the czarikk were shy and didn’t approach despite Kari’s presence. Her friends marveled at the czarikk village, simple but large, and it was clear Triela had a healthy respect for the lizard people already.
“Do you know the czarikk?” Kari asked the war wizard.
Triela nodded. “There is a village of them that share our island,” she said. “They are fishers and gatherers, and they trade with my people from time to time. We find them to be quiet and agreeable neighbors.”
Kari smiled, and after only a few minutes Savarras came out to see what had caused such a commotion. He smiled and approached the group, and he bowed before Kari. She greeted him in his tongue as she returned the gesture. While the others watched, Kari introduced them by name to the shaman, and he nodded as she motioned toward each of her friends. Soon he was speaking rapidly to her in his flowing dialect, and Kari chuckled.
“This is Savarras,” she said, gesturing toward the shaman, and he bowed his head toward the group. “He says that Erik and I are friends of the tribe, and that all of you are welcome as our friends. Oshasis, the chief, will be out to join us at dinnertime.”
The friends began to relax, and Kari asked Grakin for the urn with Makauric’s ashes. Savarras watched with interest as she took the container and approached, and his expression was questioning. “Our brys friend fell after we left your village,” she explained in
the czarikk tongue. “He seemed to enjoy our time here, so I have come to ask if you would let me lay his ashes around your sacred fire pit.”
The shaman regarded her for a moment before he brought his hands together before his chest and tapped his clawed fingers together. “You will need to ask Oshasis for his permission, but I believe he will agree to it,” he said. “The demon aided you in aiding us, and was named a friend to our family; I see no cause for our chief to deny your request.”
“Thank you,” she said, touching his face tenderly. He seemed surprised by it at first, but then he smiled and returned to the chieftain’s tent.
“What did you ask him?” Erik inquired once Savarras had left.
“I asked if I could lay Makauric’s ashes around the fire pit,” Kari answered. She took a deep breath through her nose. “He liked it here; I think he’d want to be laid to rest here.”
Erik regarded her for a few moments, and at last opened his arms to hug her. Kari embraced him and he held tight to her for a minute. When Erik drew away he met Kari’s gaze evenly. “You are a good woman, Kari,” he said, and then he turned to his brother. “You’re a lucky man, Grakin.”
“That I am,” the priest agreed.
“What is this?” Triela asked, gesturing toward the urn.
Kari sighed, trying to keep her heart light. “Before we came to rescue you and remove Gaswell, we hunted down the sylinth, like I told you,” she said. “A brys helped us not only find our way through this rainforest, but also to survive while we recovered from the fight with the sylinth. He was killed by the guards at the gates to Raugro, who saw red skin and just shot him.”
The war wizard’s eyes were intense as she considered Kari’s words and tone. “And he became a friend to you?” she stated as much as asked.
Kari shrugged, unsure if Triela expected an explanation. “I wasn’t expecting it to happen.”
“Neither was he, I am certain,” Triela said, and a smile came to her pretty face. “I think it says much about the kind of person you are to have been able to befriend one of the very creatures you were trained to hunt.”